It's Complicated

So here I am. Just me. Just at school. Prince Charming and I may or may not be in a romantic relationship, but who's to judge? Other people have taken breaks and got back together, right? So it can happen to me too right?

Please say I'm right.

I don't want to be wrong.

I can't be wrong.

Not now.

We still talk. We're still friends. There is still a chance. I'm just tired of the ups and the downs and the not knowing what's going to happen next. I did that all summer and when I came to school I thought that was all behind me. I guess it's not.

I'm waiting. Patiently. Biding my time.

It's just annoying to see other couples walk care free on campus and look so happy, and be so in love and here I am, in this mess of a relationship, that I want to fix but can't do it by myself.

You know what I love?

Cuddling.

Yeah, I love that. I love being wrapped up in his arms. I also love holding hands. And walking next to him, holding his hand, looking at things and talking to people.

There is so much that I miss. I miss being able to see him whenever I wanted and not feel like I was intruding. I miss watching movies nestled against his slightly hairy chest (which I love). I miss lots of things, that for now, are gone.

I keep wondering if I should just give up. But I don't want to. I keep wondering if finding someone else would be a better option. But then I can't think of anyone that I would rather be with.

I keep thinking about how great Prince Charming fits in with my family, and how much they all love him, and I know that's something he's scared of losing. He likes my family. Sometimes he feels like we treat him better than his own family does.

And that may or may not be true. I know his family loves him, they just don't show love and affection the same way that my family does. They aren't a close knit family, and my family is. I call my mommy just to hear her voice sometimes, and he only calls his mother when absolutely necessary.

How can two people that are so wrapped up in each other's lives "take a break"? I can't go from being in a romantic relationship to being just friends in the blink of an eye. I need some time to recover. I need some time to think about whether or not I actually do want to be just friends. It's difficult right away, because there is this daily reminder of something I want so bad it hurts and can't have at the moment.

How do you deal with that? I mean, good gravy!

This "break" we are taking, this "time off", this "need of space" is not my idea, I'll have you know. I don't think we need it. I think I am fine. I think he is fine. I think we could be fine, but he over thinks things. He puts too much pressure on himself.

And this is what I think about daily.

He's worried about "how do you know you'll marry me?" when he shouldn't be worried about marriage at all. I think going to his brother's wedding scared him a little even if he won't admit it. I think it got him thinking about the future and about being happy and I think he started putting unnecessary pressure on our relationship.

But the good thing is, we are talking. We are communicating. We are emailing. We are working towards becoming 'together' again. Whether or not it happens remains to be seen. But as far as I'm concerned, I'm not single. I'm just in a very complicated relationship with someone who needs to clear his mind and get his stuff together so he can go back to being my wonderful boyfriend who loves me very much.

And I feel like school doesn't help the situation at all. I wish it was still summer vacation. But only the kind of summer vacation where I didn't have work everyday.

Happy Sunday

It's been a long day, you know. I've been fully functioning since 7:30 this morning and I just don't honestly know how any sane person does that day after day. I absolutely love sleep and waking up well rested, you know, somewhere around noon.

Except today was Sunday so we piled into the car and raced ourselves to church. I love church. I do. Really. But today I was excited for going out to eat after church. We never go out to eat after church anymore. Partially because it's so darn spendy, and well really, how do you come up with that kind of cash every week to treat 7 people, possibly more, to brunch on Sundays after church?

We're not millionaires, unfortunately. And it's just too bad that money doesn't grow on trees because really, let's face it, that would solve a lot of problems.

Anyway, after our horrid waitress conned us out of more money than we wanted to spend by conveniently forgetting to tell us that some things cost more money in addition to the money you're paying for the meal, like side dishes and extra large drinks that totaled fifteen more dollars than necessary, I left the restaurant in a despicable mood, in desperate need of something fluffy and happy to come my way, and Prince Charming kept reminding me "Happy Sunday" at least three times before I pulled in our drive way. 

Well, we puttered around the house doing extravagant things like laundry and yard work. Princey and I left for a time to see one of his friends who lives down the road and across the street from me. We ended up in serious want of chocolate cake, the lot of us did. And Jack being the awesome chef that he is offered to bake us a veritable dessert delight.

He pulled a package out of the Betty Crocker box and mixed in the ingredients, but we all thought it looked downright soupy and perhaps he had added too much oil? I mean really, the batter just dripped off the fork and it wasn't at all that creamy thick brown chocolate goodness that even the least skilled cake bakers know it is supposed to look like.

Chalking it up to a measuring mishap, Jack poured out the thin consistency and retried with another packet of powdery wonderment, this time measuring extra careful so that we wouldn't end up with the former result. But the second packet turned out the same as the first, and we wondered if perhaps this was a different kind of cake mix. Maybe it was just a really runny liquid batter instead of a creamy luscious batter?

No matter. We placed it in the oven believing with our heart of hearts that it would turn out tasty and delicious the way that all good cakes are supposed to be. While the cake batter was placed in the oven to change forms and become moist and spongy, it was time to start on the frosting portion.

Jack pulled out one of the remaining packets. "Cake Mix" was written on the side. He pulled out the other knowing for sure this one would be the frosting packet, but no, it too read "Cake Mix." Oh the horror! He pulled the empty packet out of the trash can, the one he had used to make the 'cake batter' that was now baking in the oven, and it read "Frosting." Can you imagine?

We had added oil, water and eggs to the frosting mix! Wonder of all wonders that it wasn't thick and creamy! We all felt very bright and perhaps also worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize for our amazing display of outrageous intelligence. Jack pulled the frosting "batter" out of the oven before it has started to solidify and then mixed together the right batter.

Unfortunately, we had wasted both packets of frosting mix and were forced to make it from scratch. But the cake was melt in your mouth chocolaty and savory delicious.

I came home to DP sleeping on the couch and TheMechanic watching the end of one of the Star Wars movies. It's now 1:30 am and I need to go rest my brain parts and eye sockets so tomorrow I wake up ready to tackle the day that is feasting on BBQ at Grandma and Grandpa's for Memorial Day.

Just Love Me

tell me your secrets
hug me
tell me what you're scared of


tell me what your hopes are
sing me a song
play with my hair
write me a love note

surprise me at work
take care of me
tell me a story
go on a walk with me

offer to drive somewhere
love me
talk to me
listen to me

draw me a picture
call me just to say hello
do something crazy
let go of what's holding you back

take a dive
into the cold rushing water of life
and let the current carry you away. 
do what you want to do
but include me

make me feel wanted
or don't
it's up to you. 
i've lost friends

pay attention to my needs
be my shoulder to cry on
i'll be yours. 
care about me. 

rub my shoulders
rub my feet
be curious
when i'm angry just hold me

let me confide in you
be there when things go wrong
when i'm frustrated
help me out

just love me.

Monday Madness

Mondays make me want to puke. I hate them. They are awful. If I could find out a way to successfully off Mondays without making Tuesday the new Suckday I totally would. 

I woke up this morning and by the gut feeling I received of 'I-just-want-to-stay-in-bed-all-day' I could just tell that it was not going to be my favorite of all favorite days either. But I examined myself in the mirror before I left for class and was impressed with what I saw. 

Because I'm narcissistic and I know it.

Anyway, I was all hippity hoppity down the stairs with my portfolio and pink backpack in tow, and then I looked outside, sighed, and pulled my hood over my head. So much for my straightened hair and shoes that matched my belt. Welcome soaked pant legs and disgruntled wavy strands of stringy fine hair. 

I was starving because I'm all sorts of cool and don't eat breakfast in morning. My half thought out plan was that of heading to the coffee shop in the Commons, but the line was like DisneyLand the day after Christmas and I thought "No way in heck am I waiting here."

So I jetted myself all the way over to the Admin building where I work because I know that the lines are never near as long and the coffee is way better. I ordered a croissant that I promptly stuffed in my face and slurped down my 24 oz iced white chocolate blackberry mocha with four shots so that I would wake up. 

I was late to class by a few minutes, but no one noticed. We listened to some presentations (I have to give one on Wednesday!) and then we drew.

I produced these:

They're not so bad, eh? I actually like the last one. His face pleases me. And it reaffirmed my love of drawing fabric with charcoal. I got it all over myself again though. So this time I was black and white and red all over, not unlike that bad joke that either ends with the punch line of a zebra with a rash or a newspaper. Whatever, I'm still awesome.

Design Processing II is a class I would love to just ditch, except that I need to go because I can't risk the absences and if I don't go then I would never do the work because I hate it so much that having homework is just not an option unless absolutely necessary. 

We are painting. I loathe painting. I mean, it would be fun if I wasn't out to recreate something exactly to every minute detail like we're doing here:

The one on the left is my painted version of the one on the right. One of the hardest, most time consuming things I've done in my life. I'm pretty sure I could have baked three cakes in the time it's taken me to mix every color just so. And they don't even all match! It drives me crazy. Absolutely bonkers. And I'm most of the way there on a good day, so it just pushes me farther over the edge. 

Besides that, the stools in that class make your poor little butt cheeks so sore. Every so often you have to stand up and stretch your back from being hunched over while trying to nonchalantly massage your buttocks because they've decided to fall asleep and refuse to wake up. 

It makes for some pretty good times. I had to work to keep from falling asleep. 

I left class at 5:20 so I could come home and eat dinner. I got in line to get a pretzel and an Italian sausage because it just sounded so delicious and Prince Charming was working, so my pretzel would be handed to me with love. 

Bob's keeps their silverware in these round black cylinders next to the food stations for easy grabability and convenience. I was in dire need of a fork and a knife, so while I attempted to balance my tray full of food on one hand and grab the important utensils with the other, an impatient young lad came up behind me. He seemed to be in all sorts of a hurry, as if maybe he was on fire or something was on fire or flooding and he desperately needed to grab a fork to help pry open a container housing an extinguisher or maybe the book with all the answers to life's big questions in it and his timer was running dangerously low. 

I'm not exactly sure. 

But whatever the reason behind his maddened speed, he knocked my tray out of my hand and before I could successfully utilize my mad agility skills yo the tray had fallen on the ground food side down of course, because landing food side up would have been too much to ask entirely.

Mustard and liquid cheese splash on the floor. The boy just huffed and kind of rolled his eyes. He looked conflicted, like maybe he should help me out, but then he remembered the fire or flood or time emergency and darted off. 

Snarky remarks flowed in my head, but who was I going to say them to? Then I just looked around with that all too familiar deer in the headlights look on my face as I knelt down to pick up the fallen food. Managers stopped and told me not to worry about it. They were super nice, and saw what happened so they didn't speak to me with blame filled voices which I greatly appreciated. 

I hopped back in line and was redistributed my allotment of dietary sustenance. Prince Charming was confused why I was back in front of him, so I had to quickly explain myself. I took the wasted food to the trash can and proceeded to nom my deliciously tasty Italian sausage dipped in mustard.

I do love mustard. It's yummy.

The rest of my night has been filled with homework like this:

And I'm working on my presentation for Wednesday on the artist Chuck Close. His stuff is pretty awesome, and when I learned that he can still paint after becoming a quadriplegic his awesome factor went through the roof. It's dangling somewhere around the outer atmosphere. It would be higher, but I have to present him to my class, which I will hate doing.

I think it's time for bed now. Tomorrow better be awesome or I might just cry.

Put One Foot In Front Of The Other

Today I want to be different than I was yesterday.

I'm still in bed, btw. I haven't even bothered to brush my hair or teeth and I'm not even wearing the slightest trace amounts of makeup. I know you totally wanted to know that, didn't you?

But today I am driving north. Not to Alaska, although I do like that song by Johnny Horton. I just actually like Johnny Horton. He's a cool dude. But no, I am just going home for what I believe is the third weekend in a row for me. That's weird because I never go home this much.

My reason for going home this weekend was because of something going on with my church and my old high school small group. I got an email yesterday that now I don't even need to worry about it. So my hopes were raised over diddly squat. Don't you love when that happens? But I'll be fine. I promise.

I have my man friend Prince-y who is so good to me. He'll help me through. Remember when I was feeling like this and I was so angry and ridiculous and maybe or maybe not slightly hormonal and crazy? Prince wouldn't leave me because he didn't want me to be alone. I'm not sure exactly why, but maybe he was afraid I would do something stupid like jump off a roof just to see if I could use my arms as wings or something of that ridiculous nature. Which I would never do. Maybe.

Anyway, I want today to be full of awesome. I know Belle is angry with me for pointing out some huge things in her life that she doesn't see eye to eye with me on, but I want to take all of my good and faithful readers advice and start to leave her a little behind. We'll see how it goes.

You know, we've been friends for so long and we're still at the same school and have some of the same friends that it will be super weird to not go to her Halloween parties or rob banks with her anymore. But such as life goes on, I've had to do the same thing with Ariel.

When I heard about so many people not remaining friends with their besties from HS I thought it was because you all moved on with your life and simply lost touch with each other. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that it would be because you actually grew apart and could hardly stand to be friends any longer. That never crossed my little naive mind. I want to live in a blissful world where everyone gets along and they all go to picnics and ride unicorns over rainbows while eating bagel and cream cheese. I love bagels and cream cheese.

Especially the cheese bagels. They smell so good while they are in the toaster!

But how hard is it to move on from friends? To pick up the pieces of a shattered relationship and move forward with your own life? I imagine it's somewhat like breaking up with a boyfriend, only a little more painful because you spent the night at their house and shared deep down secrets and hoped for the future. Planned that your kids would grow up together. You'd each have boys. Two, maybe three of them. And your families would live next door to each other and everything would be hunky dory.

Maybe you do that with boyfriends too, but it's a little different because you always know that maybe, just maybe you won't end up with them forever. But best friends are supposed to stick around. They're not supposed to let you down. What happened to my shoulder to cry on when everything seemed to just suck? She up and changed her mind, she did.

I'm a firm believer in the 'everything happens for a reason' outlook on life. So you know, this happened and it's not so good, but something good will stem from it. God is working in my life, and looking back it's really evident some of His handiwork. Maybe looking back through this I'll see His hand as well. But for now it's just one giant leap of faith that He's going to direct me where I need to go and give what I need. He's never let me down before - ever. So why start now? I mean really.

So today I'm going home which is where I wanted to be when this was happening. I wanted my mommy to love me and hold me and tell me that everything would be okay. And then she would inevitably make me a cookie (read chocolate chip) ooey and gooey and straight out of the oven with a cold glass of 2% because I don't drink that white water crap you all consider to be *cough*milk*cough.* 

And tomorrow I'm going skiing with my ever loving Daddy and I will leave all of my friend vs. ex friend worries off of the mountain. Hopefully I will get to tease my brothers mercilessly because they deserve it and I can bug the heck out of my sister because I haven't done that in a while.

Maybe I'll take my dog for a walk. She's a fatso of a large pup and never gets enough exercise. But I still love her, lard butt and all. And maybe I'll take some sweet pictures with my new camera because one can never have enough pictures. 

If I'm feeling ambitious I may try to figure out the meaning of life and then let you all in on that dirty little secret, but don't push me. I may be feeling lazy instead and just want to lay on the couch and rake in loads of TV until my brain rots and slushes out my ears. 

But for now I'm waiting for Prince to get back from class because we have errands to run. So I should maybe go put on some decent clothes and brush my hair. You know, so I can look presentable or whatever nonsense that is. Maybe I'll even put on mascara. I know he loves when I wear that stuff. I look right purdy I do. And don't you forget it!

Is It Just Me?

Or does it feel like every blogger and their dog is doing a post about 'ask me anything and I will answer you'? 

Not that it's a bad thing of course. I find it kinda amusing. It's mildly entertaining to read people's answers to questions like "What's a good name for a dog?" or "What's your opinion on the deflation of balloons in a European school district?" 

Those are good questions, right? 

It prompts me to wonder what people would ask me, given the chance. I like to answer questions. I like to fill out surveys. You know, I'm narcissistic enough. But I still don't think I'm going to come out and ask you all to leave questions in your comments. (Leave me questions. I will love you.) (No really, don't do it.) (No, actually you should.) (Not.)

But besides my sudden fascination with or without answering random questions, I got two of some of the worst types of news I could get at this stage of my life. 

First and probably worst, I am going to college to get a degree in art education so that I can teach students in grades K through 12. I've known since January that I'm going to have to petition to get into the college of ed because I dinked around my freshman year and got a bad GPA. Now I have to bring my GPA up (but hello people, I made the Dean's List last semester - that's a huge step in the right direction. I worked my butt off for that.) I'm also currently retaking Comm 101 to replace my D in that class and then next semester I was planning on retaking a core math class because I got a D in 143 because it was a class made of the devil. But Zelda told me today that like four different people told her she shouldn't even bother applying until next semester because they apparently won't even conditionally admit those students who are missing more than one criteria. 

She's only missing two. 

I'm missing three. 

Suck. 

Fail. 

For crying out loud can't a girl catch a break ANYWHERE?? But I was told to petition anyway and that they lady I talked to thought I had a pretty good chance at getting admitted. So I'm going to go ahead as planned and see what I can make of the current situation. 

And if they don't let me into the college of ed, then I'm just going to look for a different school that will take me. The university tells you that they're for you and they want to work with you, but then things like this happen and it's like, really? Really? You're going to build up my hopes and then bring in a fiery Godzilla death creature to stomp it all to the ground and then pick up some of the random pieces to use for a chew toy? Not cool. Not cool at all. 

Hopefully everything will work out in my favor. But right now it's all hanging in limbo until the petition meeting in April when I will hopefully know whether or not I've been admitted conditionally. 

My second sucky news of the day is about my job. I work on campus in a little shop in our Admin building and I. Love. It. Seriously. I don't want to work anywhere else. 

But I was just informed today that the new lady who is going to become the new owner of our shop, is not only going to be the new owner, but she is replacing the current workers with her daughters. Seriously lady? You're going to put college students and one really awesome lead worker out of business because you and your daughters want to run our coffee shop when you ALREADY HAVE YOUR OWN SHOP???? What's wrong with you!? 

I love my job. I'm a good and faithful worker. I'm a fast and efficient barista. But there's no guarantee that campus dining will keep me as a barista. We're losing a few coffee shops because of remodeling that Sodexo is doing around campus, so Heaven help me to at least keep my job let alone let me like my job. 

I may not even get a job next semester. The Big Man told us he's working on finding us new job placements on campus so that we can still be employed. But who knows where he'll put us? I'm scared. I love my job and now some snooty lady (I met her, she's snooty) is going to steal my job out from underneath me. Why are they taking valuable jobs away from students? Poor college students need their jobs you crazy lady with your coffee shop already in store. Why do you need my job as well? 

I don't understand it. I don't. I doubt she's even thinking about the students who would like to have those jobs. She's got her own agenda. I can't control her. Although I have to admit - if I could pull a Jedi mind trick and change her ways of thinking so drastically that the entire world is a better place I totally would do it. 

Ugh. 

On the bright side, I'm working tomorrow and it should be crazy busy. Me and the Fiery Red Head always so much fun that it's just gonna be a complete blast. I'm going to go into work tomorrow and have so many shots of coffee it'll be like nothing in the world ever was or will be bad. We're relying on God to take care of our jobs and my schooling and my sanity. Which may or may not be on the edge of disappearing permanently.

So I'm gonna change my mind a little bit and egotistically require all of you to ask me at least one random question to lighten my mood. Two would be great. Three if you're ambitious. Or none if you just feel like leaving me a comment but asking questions is too overrated for you. I get that. I totally do. 

I hope all of your weekends are super duper dandy and awesome. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to go rot my brain with more blogs followed by some Calvin and Hobbes and maybe a short nap or two.

Expect the Worst, Hope for the Best

I hate the phone. Mostly I think because when someone is calling me, I get this death feeling that I'm in trouble and my mind starts going at about 100 miles an hour of all the things I've done since I last spoke to whoever is calling me to try and figure out what they are going to get on my case about.

And 99% of the time, I'm not in trouble.

Yeah, figure that one out.

I also hate being criticized or reprimanded. I seriously can't stand it. Even some friendly 'hey, just to let you know's break me. I don't know why. I seriously don't. But I do know that I hate being yelled at or sternly talked to. I hate when people tell me 'I don't like that.'

But I pretend to put on the tough exterior. I put on my brave face and I wait until I'm in the shower by myself before I let the floodgates open.

And to top it all off, I generally assume things are worse than they really are. Like when my dad called me today to talk to me about a comment I left on a facebook status. He didn't want to hurt my feelings, but he wanted to talk to me about it. He made it sound like people were offended by my remark.

I was worried.

I wanted to avoid the kingdom that is facebook until I felt like I was ready to face the music. I promptly went to the shower and let it all out. My eyes were still red when I donned my sweatpants and sweatshirt. I made it as far as the hallways before I saw Prince coming toward my room to find out where I was.

I stopped walking.

He instantly knew I wasn't okay and spent the next half hour trying to figure out what was wrong. I just talked to my dad on the phone, I just told Zelda about it, and I didn't really feel like talking about it some more.

I felt like I'd let people down. I felt judged and hated and I didn't even want to read other people's replies to my comment because I didn't want to see what I felt was inevitable to find. So I just laid in Prince's arms while he talked about something I don't remember.

And when he left to go shower so we could go to Bob's in our PJs together, I got on my computer. Unfortunately my homepage is facebook. Temptation begged me to read the other comments. I was sure people were angry with me. I was certain my aunt was probably mad at me.

But I thought "they are family! they know me! they know that I don't want to offend them! this is ridiculous!"

I clicked the link, and with guilty eyes I read the other comments below mine. I held my breath.

And guess what? No one hated me. No one was angry. They took it in a light hearted way, just like I'd intended. The point of my comment was that my aunt had typed xian instead of christian and I had to re-read the word to figure out what she meant.

I ended up learning something too. My oma said that X is the Greek symbol that means Christ. (But that still doesn't mean I'm okay with people saying 'merry xmas' because I still think that's a cop out to avoid offending people that are probably going to be offended by Christmas anyway whether or not you wish them a merry one.)

Also it was reinforced to me that I always go into things expecting the absolute worst, and then I didn't get the absolute worst. I actually didn't feel like they hated me at all.

So why do I let myself get all worked up in the first place? Why do I let my imagination get the better of me? I still have no idea.

No. Idea.

Are We Done Yet?

So I'm two projects down and one to go. And I'm not feeling like myself this week. In fact, I feel like I can't hardly do anything right. I'm really glad I made it through my education presentation, and I just turned in my art 121 sketchbook that I've been cramming to finish since Monday.

But Prince and I haven't been getting along very well this week. I think it's all the stress of school work. And I don't feel good. And my wisdom teeth have decided that now would be the perfect time to cause me all sorts of pain.

It hurts to chew. It hurts to talk. It hurts to do nothing. I even took some pain meds, but those only help so much.

I keep finding myself in this mood where I feel like I've just done something against the rules and some authority figure has given me a good talking to. Sometimes I feel like that person is Prince, even though it's not.

And I just want to cry.

Probably because it relieves stress.

I want this semester to be over.

I want to go home. I want to not argue with my boyfriend. I want to feel like I don't constantly have some sort of homework that is looming over my head waiting for me to finish. I'm tired of listening to Prince's Sour Roommate cuss at his video games through the wall and I'm tired of hearing the multiple residents of this hall blare their music so loud I can't think.

I think I just need to go to sleep.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Blog Frustrations

Well, I found out today that my previous template decided to become broken, and being the *ahem* computer genius that I am, I didn't know how to fix it.

So back to the old layout I went until the issue could be resolved.

I looked and looked and looked for different layouts that I liked - ones I thought would fit the essence of all that is my blog. And I found quite a few of them. But again, being the computer genius that I am, all the files were zipped and I had no idea how to unzip them!! *heavy sigh* So I went about scouring the internet world for blog templates already in XML format so my poor little brain didn't explode.

Then I found a blog called Yummy Lolly who has created a plethora of blog templates. ALL ZIPPED FILES! I wanted to pull my hair out.

And then she explained how to unzip the file.

My hair was saved the tragedy of being yanked from my skull and Prince was spared the tragedy of having a bald girlfriend.

But I gave up finding a Lolly Design that I absolutely wanted, and I resorted to another site - where I found the blog template I have now. I think it fits my theme okay, but I would like to remind my readers that I am in fact a girl and according to Shania Twain I can change my mind a million times.

Anyway, it's been a long day and it's time for this old girl to turn in.

off to
dreamland
i go

Saturdays, Schmaturdays

I'm feeling slightly icky today. Which is really a shame because it's a saturday and I should be out galavanting around the community wreaking all sorts of teenage college student havoc. But instead I'm holed up in my dorm room by myself drawing the ceiling and facebooking. Oh yeah, and now I'm blogging.

But even though today has been a mostly relaxing day because I haven't done much of anything, it seems as though there are a bunch of things that are just rubbing me the wrong way. I suppose you could insert the terms "drives me up a wall" and "frosts me" so that when you ask where I am, the appropriate response would be "she's an icecycle hanging from the ceiling."

What exactly has annoyed me today, you ask? Oh you don't really want to know? Well I suppose I can tell you anyway. Since I'm feeling icky and it's my blog - so I guess you just have to put up with my slightly cynical demeanor today. I'd apologize, but I'm not really sorry. :)

Anywho, the list:

• When the stereo three doors down from me plays their music so loud that all I can hear is the thumping base so I can't concentrate on drawing the ceiling.
• When I'm doing laundry and people who were previously inside the laundry room forget about their clothes so that ALL the washers are taken along with ALL the dryers, so I'm forced to remove YOUR clothes before I can wash MY clothes because you are neglectful. I hope your clothes form a revolt against your forgetfulness.
• When people say they are going to do something and then don't do it. Story of my life. It's sad because when people actually do something they said they were going to do, I'm surprised.
• When Prince and I have a day of bad communication. Or really when I have poor communication with anyone. It just seems like a whole bunch of little tiffs that don't really mean anything, but when you've been having them all day they take a toll.
• When teachers explain how to do a project, but they tell you how to do it wrong. Then you have to figure out how it really works.
• Period cramps. 'Nuff said.
• Headaches.
• More than one type of noise at a time. I can't listen to two different songs at once. I can't have the TV and music going at the same time and I can't listen to my headphones to fight for freedom from the oppression of multiple sounds. Hence the reason I have my own room.

Things I Appreciate:

• Blackberry White Chocolate Mochas - iced.
• Soft music.
• Sleeping in late and waking up rested.
• Silence. VERY appreciated when I have a headache. VERY.
• Watching movies with people. Any sort of people that I like or that like me. People make movies funny.
• When Prince's suite mate puts on 'mood music' and dances around like a total retard. He totally makes my day when he does that.
• Going to the gym and running a few miles. Though I don't know if I'll do that today - even though it might help me feel better.
• Compliments. I like those because they reassure me that I really don't suck as bad as I think I do. Ha, ha. Maybe that makes me sound conceited? Don't know. But I like affirmations and quality time and physical touch.
• Hugs and kisses when I need them most - and also ones when I'm not expecting them.
• When people play with my hair. I can't begin to describe how many points that will give someone. Somewhere in the ballpark of a bajillion and eighty three. I'm dead serious.
• Blogging. And when I find I have new followers! Or new comments. I love those. I always enjoy the ones from Kendra because she seems to comment on practically all of my posts. I feel bad because I hardly leave her comments - but part of it is the fact that I really just don't know what to say. I'm not that great at making friends.

And also some of you may have noticed the new blog title and background. Thoughts? I rather like it, honestly.

Updated Life Stories From The Girl On Summer Vacation

Holy WOW! I have not posted anything for a while and I have a bunch of new posts on my blogroll to read since I've left cyberworld for the weekend to spend some much needed bonding time with the Prince of my life. We have watched movies, we have been to the beach, we have been to church and we have picnicked on a blanket downtown at the park. We have been to Spokane and we have chatted with both of our families. And it seems that we have been going non stop since I got home Friday afternoon from school.

The move went pretty smoothly. We got all of my dorm room packed away in my grandparents' Denali and my mom and dad's Yukon XL and it wasn't even hard. The Keeper and Prince-y came along with my parents to help move things down to the cars - but according to Dad they didn't work as hard as he was hoping they would have. Go figure. ;-)

Saturday I spent doing household chores in the morning - like mowing the lawn. Then Saturday night I was with my man

Okay, quick side note. I hate verizon. Apparently if you are married a man for 21 years, your name is on the account and the bill comes addressed to you, you are STILL not authorized to call and turn off the voicemailbox that came with your upgrade.

HOW can this be? When my mom is the one that SET UP the account, she has handled everything since the account was created and the stupid idiot phone call customer talker-toer person (man where is my vocabulary right now?) tells you that they can't let you change anything or even discuss the bill with you (even though you pay it on a regular basis) because you are not authorized?

I have a special F word for what I'd like to say to stupid ignorant people like that. I don't understand. You can't explain anything because your grasp of the English language is ZERO and you're smarts are somewhere that even the greatest world explorer known to man kind could not even attempt to begin to locate with his state of the art GPS. UGH. You people make me want to pull my hair out. I don't want to get older and be on my own if I have to deal with stupid incompetant people LIKE YOU. Go back to the warm hole you crawled out of and leave bigger issues, like stupid voicemail boxes, to those of us who understood God when He said "Brains?" and we didn't think "Planes?" and say "No thanks, I'll take the train."

Idiots.

*sighs*

Okay, anyway, the weekend? Shall we?

Saturday night we watched The Keeper's soccer game which ended in a tie, I wrestled with The Keeper's best friend, and we had barbeque for dinner. Delish. Sunday morning the Keeper had another soccer game, so DP, The Mechanic, Prince Charming and I went to church sans the parents - who were at the game.

And then Prince and I hit up Spokane for Prince's much needed aquiration of some new t-shirts for work. After we got back to town, the afternoon was spent being lazy at the beach downtown eating our pizza pockets and consuming our totally-bad-for-you-but-so-tasty-you-don't-care energy drinks.

But after we decided to cease our sun exposure, we headed to Prince Charming's house to watch Terminator 2 and eat grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup. Yum.

So thus has my weekend ended and now I'm off for a day with the mother whilst I wait to hear back about my application to the local pottery shop for a summer job so I can buy my much coveted by The Keeper Mitsubishi Lancer - if that's even how you spell it. I don't really know, I just want a car since I had to depart with my beloved Denali Saturday when my grandparents confiscated it for use of toting plants from the nursery to their Spokane Valley home.

Their yard better look awesome. :-)

Anyway, I'm glad to be home. And to NOT have to travel back to the 'Scow for school until late August. *big cheesy grin*

Putting It Mildly

Today started off as one of those days you just know you're going to hate. I saw it coming last night when a storm of impending doom lurked over the campus in a lets-rain-like-cats-and-dogs-like-theres-no-tomorrow kind of DEATH STORM that caused me to slam my window shut even though the heater is on my room making it devlishly hot. *sigh*

It did spur me on to find Eddie Rabbitt's hit song "I Love A Rainy Night" on playlist.com and add it to my music on the blog. However, Eddie had me loving my rainy night and expecting to wake up to a sunny day.

Did. Not. Happen.

Hence my death glare at the soaked world this morning at 7 when I woke up still dog tired. Yay.

It was the kind of morning where the bottom of your pantlegs are going to be soaked unless you hike them up like Steve Urkle. Unfortunately I had no suspenders, so I was forced to walk around with wet pantlegs.

It was also the kind of morning where you look out the window right before you have to leave and think to yourself "oh, it's not too bad. just a drizzle" and by the time you actually make it out the door you're wishing you had an umbrella, three waterproof jackets and a sudden email cancelation of your class.

It rained non stop all morning.

By the time my Psych 101 class rolls around, I'm not excited to trudge back through the lake sized puddles that have sporadically placed themselves around campus. But I make it across the wet lawn and down the flooded sidewalks to my class for an hour and fifteen minutes.

Then I exit the building to sunshine.

Sunshine!

Okay, so it's a little windy too and I don't know exactly if the rain is going to come back or if maybe Mother Nature will decide to spit snow on our little town, but hey! The sun was shining! Instant. Self. Esteem. Boost.

And I got a new vandal card so I can eat and do laundry and get back into my building again. Yay!

Interesting Fact: People born in '59 are 50 years old this year, while people born in '50 are 59 years old this year. Oh the things I think up in Psych class...

Beginning of Hell Week

Today is Tuesday. Tuesday is the most ignored day of the week. Nothing really ever happens on Tuesday.

Except this week.

You see, Monday only gave me two classes and was a breeze really. I worked on my paper for German Film some, I took my math pre-test. I talked to Prince. Now Tuesday on the other hand - Tuesdays just suck. I mean, they rock, they totally rock. *dramatic eye roll*

My alarm went off promptly at 7:00 this morning and I didn't even think about cracking my eyes open until 7:12 when I finally realized what that horrid noise was that was blaring nonstop in my ears. Thank you Breaking Benjamin for Diary of Jane. What a pleasant song to awaken me in the early morning when I am groggy and feel like hibernating.

Then I realize that today is Tuesday. Hell Week has started. Today is speech day. Shoot. My eyes zing open and I jolt out of bed. YIKES! Freezing. I hop back underneath the covers and formulate my plan of attack. Shivering, I casually extend one arm bravely out from underneath the warm covers to lift my precious laptop up to my bed. I pop it open and turn it on because I need to put my speech on my flash drive so I can print it out. Frikk. Flash drives ruin my life. Where is it? In my backpack on the other side of my insanely freezing dorm room. Crapola.

Debating my next move, I decide the faster I get the flash drive, the faster I can be warm again. So I set the laptop at the foot of the bed as I sit up really fast and jump to wear my backpack is laying on the floor. I rifle through the front pocket where my fingertips blindly feel around for that all too familiar string and voila! I grasp the flash drive and jump back under my covers that are still nice and toasty warm. It is now 7:20. Uggghh.

I put my speech on the flash drive and then close my laptop. I decide to roll out of bed, put on some nicer clothes because I have to give a speech at 9:30, turn on my flat iron, brush my teeth and put on makeup. It's 7:30. Time is moving too fast. I straighten my hair, empty my backpack and place the things I need for the day inside, and put on my socks. The light peering in through the window is not as bright as usual at this time of day, so naturally I wonder if it's overcast.

Looking out the window, I am instantly downheartened. It's RAINING! Just my luck. Just my frikken luck. *overdrawn sigh*

I'm so sick and tired of wet and cold. Weather - yous and mes need to have us a little sit down heart to heart about how you've been acting lately. Where is this global warming I hear so much about? Where IS IT I ASK!!!???

I pull on my sweatshirt and slip on my shoes. Grabbing my phone, ID card and slipping my backpack on my shoulders, I nab my flash drive off the counter and head down to the basement. The time is no 7:37. I head down to the basement to print off this darned speech for my class. I don't feel like waiting for the elevator, so I take the stairs. Everytime I go up or down the staircase here at school I always picture myself falling or tripping and hurting myself. I don't know why, but that's always the image that comes in my head. So I look down at my feet and hang on to the handrail for dear life.

I get to the bottom of the stairs without tripping, and head for the door which is usually open, but at this particular time it is shut. I pull on the handle. Nothing. It's locked. "You have GOT to be K-I-D-D-I-N-G ME!!!" I say to the invisible crowd that follows me around on a daily basis (aka myself). I roll my eyes, huff, and figure that this is just my luck. I head back up a different flight of stairs that will take me to the lobby outside Bob's where the door to the rainy, wet, cold, freezing, unfortunate weather is staring me in the face and laughing.

I put my hood over my head, shove my flashdrive in my pocket along with my cell and ID card and make my way outside. By the time I get to the tower lawn I'm contemplating on how I'm going to give this speech without the print out. It's a manuscript speech. We have READ it. And then I think about how there are printers in the TLC. Are they free? Well, I have my vandal card. Let them charge my vandal card. I need this speech. I mentally give myself ten thousand demerits for not having printed it last night as I ask God if this is punishment for procrastination.

Well, I check my phone. It's 7:40. I still have time to find the printers in the TLC before class at 8:00. I never thought I could write so much about my life in a 40 minute span. But those Tuesdays - they are tired of being ignored and now out for the kill. So I finally get to the TLC and I wander up some stairs to where I think the printers are located.

Finally I get a lucky break because two computers are open. I log on, stick in my flash drive, open Word and print out my speech. I also checked my vandal mail in hopes that maybe one of my classes got cancelled. No such luck. More like wishful thinking. Ha, ha. Anywho, I take my manuscript and head off to class where I hear a bunch of people present about film in different countries. I never knew that Canada had such a long history of film and that they used documentaries to get people to move to Canada. They also have the most government funding for making movies out of practically any country. And also Brittain is a close second to Hollywood for movie production while India is starting to creep up there.

And I'm still waking up.

Class gets out at 9:15 and I leave the room with 15 minutes before speech time. I haven't even read my manuscript out loud yet - I've only typed it. So what do I do? I decide to head upstairs to the computers and mess around before class. Only my plan is inhibited when I spy Sir Justice talking to a fellow comrad on the staircase. We talk until 9:25 when I decide I should get to class.

I am the last speech of the day.

And I NAIL it. Professional Winger. That's what my title should be. Forget Full Time Student - that's just my cover.

I get back to my dorm room with a half hour before my Psych class. I'm starving, my pant legs are SOAKED and all I want to do is go back to sleep. I change out of my black pants I was wearing to look "professional" for my speech and pull on a pair of blue jeans with the prettiest back pockets ever. And I'm wearing a red shirt and my black tank top that Prince-y loves. Oh if he could only see me now. Ha, ha, ha.

I don't feel like venturing back out into the cold rain, but for Psych we are finishing up our three part research screening today, so I have to be there. Otherwise I might be tempted to skip. Yeah, I know. I'm terrible. Moving on....

It turned out beneficial not only because now I get credit for participating in all three parts of the screening, but I got the answers to at least two questions that will be on our final. Go me! And now I have the rest of the day to take my math test, work more on German Film Reasearch paper and be lazy.

And I have no more chocolate muffins.

Tragic.

Flat Tire Episode

So back to my weekend? No? You're bored of that? Unfortunate. Well, I suppose I shall tell you anyway because I'm mean, cold hearted, inconsiderate and I really just want to tell you about my Sunday. Please? You're relenting? Okay, off I go...

Sunday morning the Princess was tapping on my door to get me up. We went downstairs to eat, and then back up the stairs to get ready for church. We were going to meet my grandparents there and they were going to take Princess M for the afternoon so that I could come back to Hayden, drop off my air mattress, say hi to my parents and Prince-y and head back to the 'Scow. Well, that sort of happened.

I took Princess M and we found our way to church. I'd only been there once before, and I didn't quite remember where it was, but my Aunt told me where to go and Princess M has been there plenty of times, so it wasn't too hard to find. I got Princess up to her class and then headed to the autitorium to find the Grandparents. Oh brother. There were so many people! I just kept inching closer and closer to the front to see if I could find them.

Eventually I saw my Grandmother's frill of white curls and my Grandpa's slouching form on the chair next to her. Song service had just started. I usually love song service, but I'm not one of those people that comes to church to sing - even though I enjoy singing. But these songs were all slow and most of them I didn't know. Well, not knowing songs doesn't usually bug me and I sing along with them anyway because the words are always posted, but these songs just didn't grab my attention.

Then came the announcements, along with the offering. Well, at LCCC they sing one song while the offering is being collected and then the Pastor comes up for the message. Uhhhm, no. After the offering at this church? More singing. More slow songs. The lady in front of me was really into it, and slightly entertaining to watch. And I had this older Chinese lady singing in my right ear. I wish you could have heard her - it was like a bird kinda, but really loud and not on key. She kept throwing me off and I finally tried to turn my head so my ear wasn't the direct focus of her vocal chord vibrations. This worked for a little while.

Song service drug onward.

And onward...

And finally I thought it was over.

But they did two more songs while the Pastor who was going to give the message was on his knees in front of the congregation praying while we were singing our melancholy hearts out to the slow tunes that seemed like they would never end.

Finally the pastor took the stage to deliver his message. He rambled on and on about this upcoming project in July that he's excited for before he even GOT to his message. Then he talked about Jesus going through Sumaria and talking to the woman at the well about receiving Living Water. The Pastor kept relating the woman and the diciples back to Nicodemus who was like 'I don't get it.' Pastor thought this was hilarious. It was amusing the first time. After that? Not so hilarious, sorry. And he rambled on and on repeating that you can't "quench your spiritual thirst with physical water." And I totally agree, but how many times do you have to tell us that in the same sentence? Like eight? Yeah, okay. We get it.

And the pastor, to emphasize his point, would burst into song during his sermon. Uhm, that's a new one. Something I'm totally not used to. I think he did it three times that morning.

There was cool video shown though, of Penn from Penn & Teller (Penn & Teller right? correct me if I'm wrong please). Anywho, Penn is an athiest, but a fan met him after a show and handed him a pocket version of the Bible. Penn was impressed and even though he's still an athiest, the man made a step in the right direction. He wasn't condemning or judgemental, just caring and loving and nice. Which is what we all ought to be.

Anyway, after the video, the pastor spoke some more about the same thing he had been talking about earlier. I was so ready to be out of there and to go home. And then there was more singing and people coming up to the front to pray with prayer team members. Finally we were dismissed. I went with Grandma out into the lobby and she found Gramps while I went for Princess M. Then we headed off to the Old Country Buffet for brunch.

Grandpa got Princess M her food, because she is allergic to dairy and has to be careful about what types of foods she consumes. Papa brought her back fruit and bacon and jello. He brought back some apples with cottage cheese on them, which Princess can't have. Grandpa took them off her plate and put them on the napkin beside her plate so she wouldn't eat them. Well, Princess M was about to throw a royal fit because she thought the apple looked disgusting.

"Then don't look at them," I told her.

"But I have to when I get my fork," she whined.

"Then move the apples!" I said. "For crying out loud kiddo." Grandma softly laughed in the background. Princess M was not amused.

Grandpa drove me back to the church after brunch to retrieve my car so I could come back to Hayden. Princess M forgot to grab some playclothes for the afternoon and was whining about wanting to go back to her house for some different clothes. I told her the clothes she was wearing were fine. Grandma told her that she could take her tights off once she got to their house. Princess M was not amused.

"Princess, you are FINE," I told her. Her lip popped out in a pouty face and her chin went downward. Little baby tears started to form at her eyes. I'm mean. I know. Poor Princess finding out the world does not revolve around her. But she perked up a few minutes later and the world was fine again.

"I'm gonna miss you," she told me when I had to get out of the car. It was the same line she greeted me with that morning when I opened the door to see her pretty little face and mass of blonde curls running to give me a hug.

"I'll miss you too Princess. You be good for Grandma and Papa, okay? Do what they tell you," I smiled. She nodded her head. I hugged her and waved goodbye.

The afternoon I spent in downtown CdA with Prince Charming. We walked the boardwalk and walked over to the park. We sat on the concrete wall that seperates the sand from the sidewalk and grass and looked at the lake. I don't spend a lot of one on one time with Prince-y. Usually we are with his friends, or his family or my family. Hardly ever do we find ourselves with only each other for company. Which I suppose my dad looks at as a good thing, but I like having him to myself occasionally. It reminds me why I like him so much. We can talk about anything, or we can just be together and that's enough. I don't always have to be kissing him, we don't always have to be doing something, we can just enjoy each other.

After four, I headed to the Holiday station to fill up with gas and then took Prince-y to his house. I started to notice that it was hard to turn left, but didn't really think anything of it, other than it was just a little odd. Prince and I are in the kitchen eating chips and salsa when his mom comes in from the garage.

"Cinderella," she says, "Your front right tire is looking low."

Well, earlier that day my own mom said one of my tires looked low, but my dad checked it and thought it was fine, so I didn't really think much of her comment. A few moment later, Prince and I were walking out to my car so I could leave back to the 'Scow when I took one look at my right front tire and thought "no freaking way." Whipping out the handy cell phone in my pocket I dialed my dad. No answer. Dialed the house. Busy signal. Dialed my mom.

"Hello?"

"My tire's flat."

"You're tire's FLAT? Are you back at school?"

"No mom, I'm at Prince Charming's house."

"You're still with Prince Charming?"

"Yes, mom."

"What's up?" Dad's voice.

"The tires flat."

"How flat?"

"I don't know dad. Really flat."

"Okay, I'll be there soon." Click. Back inside Prince-y's house we have some dinner and wait for my dad to arrive. Once he gets there he fills the tire up enough that I can drive home with intent to just stay the night and come home on Monday morning after we fix the tire.

I pull into the driveway after I left Prince Charming who was worried beyond all reason and kept telling me to drive safe. Love you Honey. :-)

Dad waved at me to stop. He was on the cell with my mom, talking about switching cars and giving me the Yukon to drive after we hit up the gas station to finish filling up the tire with air. Dad hopped in the passenger side and we headed to the Exxon station by the highway. He hops out of the car and fills up the tire with air. Well, I'm sitting there, on a bench by the car, and I can hear this noise. It's coming from my car. Which is turned off.

I sit down by the tire. It sounds like air is escaping. Loudly. I don't know enough about tires to know if this is the tire or if this is from my car. "Umm Dad? It sounds like air is escaping from this tire." He walks back over to me and puts his ear down by the tire. Then he starts feeling around the tire to see if he can find where air is coming from. This rip in my tire has got to be huge.

He tells me to dive the car back home and park it in the garage. I take my gear and put it in his big blue Dodge truck and we head to church where my mom has her Yukon. The tire is leaking fast and furious and the spair is flat too. So we make the switch and I drive the Yukon XL down to the 'Scow. I didn't get out of town til after 6 o'clock, but I made it. On my way out of town I called my lovely Prince to give him the heads up that I was headed out of town. I hate calling people, but aside from my biological family, he is the only person that I will put my phobia aside and call. It's painful. I hate talking on the phone. But I do it. :-)

Anyway, that is my awesome Sunday. I made it back down to school just fine and bought myself a grape juice from the vending machines as a reward for a stressful day. Ha, ha.

How Awesome Am I?

Before you answer that question with a completely sarcastic "Oh Cinderella, you are the most awesome person in the world. Just. Totally. Rad." rethink that. And go with something a little softer on my bruised ego right about now? Thanks.

Bruised ego? What the heck, Cind? Get over yourself. You have NO ego!!

OH YES. I. DO.

And right now it hurts. Hurts bad.

Right! I'm dragging this out. Move on, woman! For crying out loud!

Okay, so here's the deal about how INSANELY EPIC I am. In my hurried-packing-frantic-Belle-will-be-here-soon phase on Sunday I forgot three very important items. 1. Mouthwash. At least I remembered toothbrush and toothpaste.... 2. acne wash. well, it's not that bad right now anyway. and I still have my topical. 3. my totally awesome and completley devine venus razor. so i can have those devinely smooth pits and legs.

Well, I realized this morning I forgot the mouthwash and the acne scrub because I knew they were in the same plastic bag. But I momentarily forgot that I put the razor in that bag too instead of in my make-up kit like normal.

So I'm talking to Prince Charming on IM when I have an itch on my calf. No big deal, just casually scratch it with my fingernails that are in desperate need of a trim. Ahh! Hair! *sigh* Gross. I'll just have to shave it tonight. For whatever reason I tell this to Prince-y, who really could care less and accuses me of being random.

Then he proceeds to make fun of me for being 'hairy.' If I'm correct, he used the word sexy somewhere in there in TOTAL and COMPLETE sarcasm. Thanks Hon. And then, I realize that shaving tonight is impossible. My hands fly to my mouth and because Prince Charming likes to view me on the webcam (stalker), he notices that something just is not right.

Prince: What?

Cinderella: shoot me?

P: why?

C: my razor is in hayden!

P: ahahahahahahahahaha. Don't wear shorts.

Thanks AGAIN Prince Charming. You ROCK. Only sometimes not. KIDDING. Because he did make me laugh.

P: use the old fashioned sharpened rock and water approach

C: yeah, I'll get right on that.

So now I'll have to wait a week before I can shave anything. Unless I can con Zelda, Sleeping Beauty or Belle into graciously allowing me to jack their razor for a much needed shave? We'll see. It'll be an adventure! And we all KNOW how much I love those! :-)

Update for those who care: (which is none of you, I'm not fooled. haha) I found out the Underground has razors. So I bought one. And now I'm smooth. :-) Yay!

When It All Falls Apart

Does that mean it's all fallen away and is lost forever? I don't think so. And I don't really think it's all falling apart, though I'll admit there are moments where it feels as though nothing is how it used to be. I suppose that this is what's considered normal and right.

This past year has been one of incredable change. And this year has started out as one of change as well. I'm beginning to think that nothing will ever be the same again and that it is ALWAYS changing. I'm just wondering when life will settle back down, or maybe if I even want life to settle back down. Maybe I'm getting used to this craziness where I always feel like I'm forgetting something or that I have something else to do I just can't remember what... you know what I'm talking about.

What I don't want to get used to is this feeling of once having people to consider my best friends to have them becoming adults that I don't recognize anymore. Take Belle for instance. We used to be attatched at the hip. We could finish each others sentences and we knew what the other one was thinking. We often had the same ideas and were each other's partner's in crime. Now though, there is a distance between us that we are trying hard to ignore. We know things aren't the same, but we're pretending they are. At least that is how I feel about the situation. I don't feel like she is the same person overall. Parts of her is the Belle that I went through high school with, but now there is a new side to Belle that I didn't know exsisted. It's a crazy, slightly mean, selfish and inconsiderate side to her. I know we all have a side like this, but hers wasn't as apparent before. It's throwing me off a little bit.

Or my other friend - Ariel - has changed significantly. She went off to California for four months because she wanted out of Idaho. She came back, but there are some obvious changes. There are also things that have not changed about her and that I think will never change. But both of these girls were my best friend's in high school and now I feel like things are so different between us, how will we stay friends?

Then there's Sleeping Beauty. Who is a new friend and a good friend, but she is not near as close as Belle and Ariel used to be. Nor do I think I will ever be that close with her. But she does things that I don't approve of. They all do. I don't know how that makes me sound, like I'm taking the 'holier than thou' attitude, but I honestly don't think I'm any better than they are. I just feel judged by them, and that my every move is watched. More so from Belle and Sleeping Beauty than from Ariel to be honest. I feel like Ariel still loves me the same, things have just changed. It's just that this past year has been one big giant roller coaster ride that no one seems to know how to get off of.

And my whole thing with my major I just don't know how to feel. I don't want Facebook to determine my future, but it's completely ironic that I took a quiz on what my major should be and it told me Health Sciences is where I belonged. Not that Facebook quiz's should be the authority on decisions, but that just made me laugh. And then I found out that Belle is going to see a nutritionist who's putting her on a diet because of her blood type. Different blood types digest different foods different ways, so Belle is going to have cut out a lot of things because she has the blood type B. I remembered learning about this from my mentor for senior project in high school. It brought back some memories and kinda helped to remind me WHY I chose the major I did.

But to be honest, I'm still undecided. My dad brought something to my attention - I take the easy way out. I don't really want to give myself totally to one thing. And this is true because I have so many interests that I don't want to pick just one thing to give myself to. As a result, that's transfered over into my everyday life, and it's not a good thing. But now I have to choose because in college, I'm going to have to WORK HARD for anything I want to do. Switching my major is not going to make my life a whole lot easier because there will be other challenges, they will just be different challenges. But I have to decide if I want to stick to my current challenges which requires me to take a whole lot of science courses, or if I want to change majors to something with less science.

So I guess my life isn't falling apart at all - different pieces are falling away and new pieces are falling together. What I really need to do is put this in God's hands because He can handle this. Plus he'll show me a way to deal with everything so that it all turns out alright. Hopefully he'll put some good friends in my life as well. And by good friends I mean ones with the same beliefs and values. Friends that I can fall back on when something goes astray because they will offer more than a shoulder - they'll offer prayer too and unconditional love. I won't have to prove myself to them.

*sighs* Anyway, it's time to get cracking on my English essay about teleportation that I have been avoiding. Mostly because it's not as interesting as I thought it was going to be. Again with the easy way out...

The Point Of It All

You know what I want to do? Travel. Take pictures. Write stories. Be adventurous.

You know what I don't want to do? Go to school. Do homework.

I'm so tired of school. My grades aren't as good as they should be. My GPA isn't high enough. I just completed 13 years of public school, I'm almost done with my first year of college and I'm realizing more and more with each day how much I hate it here.

Don't get me wrong, I like being out of the house. I like the atmosphere. I like living in the dorms. I like the people that I've met at school. What I hate is the essays, the homework, the projects. Being stuck in an older version of high school that requires more of me than I was prepared to give.

I just wonder if I'm really in the right major. I don't want to change my major 80 times like some people do, but right now, I'm seriously considering if changing my major would be a good idea. *sighs*

I have so many areas of interest. And it seems like I picked the most difficult one. I mean sure, they're all going ot have some level of difficulty. And if I leave nutrition behind, then that will open up another arena of my life with its own difficulties and annoyances. I don't really know if switching anything would make a huge difference, but I suppose it could be worth a shot?

I don't know for sure. All I am doing right now is considering. I haven't taken any steps one way or the other. So we'll see what happens. But I know that I have writing talent - I've been told often enough by more than one person. And I don't say that to be cocky, I promise. I would like to think that I have an eye for photography - and Lord knows that I enjoy it well enough. I just wonder what the job market is like for these. Or if I wanted to become a translator and learn to speak a thousand different languages. :-) Okay, okay, not a thousand, but a few would be nice.

But like I said. It's just thoughts. And I'm still sitting here wondering what the point of it all is...

Blocked

My computer flipped out at me just a while ago. It was saying how I have a ton of viruses on my computer. Then it decided to download antivirus 2009 to "protect" my computer. Now I can't access some very important websites. I feel like I'm back at CHS again with all their ridiculous filtering. Makes me so angry I could just cry.
I needed to submit an essay. But would stupid AVG let me view the Blackboard website? NOOOOOOO. It said there was questionable data on the site. I uninstalled the program to no avail. I don't know how to fix this problem. I'm so upset.
Thank God for Matthew. Saving me like he does. Logging onto the website on his computer and submitting my essay for me. Love him.
Hopefully I'll get everything straightened out when I come home for thanksgiving. That would be amazing and much to my liking.
Stupid computers. Ruin my life.