It's Complicated

So here I am. Just me. Just at school. Prince Charming and I may or may not be in a romantic relationship, but who's to judge? Other people have taken breaks and got back together, right? So it can happen to me too right?

Please say I'm right.

I don't want to be wrong.

I can't be wrong.

Not now.

We still talk. We're still friends. There is still a chance. I'm just tired of the ups and the downs and the not knowing what's going to happen next. I did that all summer and when I came to school I thought that was all behind me. I guess it's not.

I'm waiting. Patiently. Biding my time.

It's just annoying to see other couples walk care free on campus and look so happy, and be so in love and here I am, in this mess of a relationship, that I want to fix but can't do it by myself.

You know what I love?

Cuddling.

Yeah, I love that. I love being wrapped up in his arms. I also love holding hands. And walking next to him, holding his hand, looking at things and talking to people.

There is so much that I miss. I miss being able to see him whenever I wanted and not feel like I was intruding. I miss watching movies nestled against his slightly hairy chest (which I love). I miss lots of things, that for now, are gone.

I keep wondering if I should just give up. But I don't want to. I keep wondering if finding someone else would be a better option. But then I can't think of anyone that I would rather be with.

I keep thinking about how great Prince Charming fits in with my family, and how much they all love him, and I know that's something he's scared of losing. He likes my family. Sometimes he feels like we treat him better than his own family does.

And that may or may not be true. I know his family loves him, they just don't show love and affection the same way that my family does. They aren't a close knit family, and my family is. I call my mommy just to hear her voice sometimes, and he only calls his mother when absolutely necessary.

How can two people that are so wrapped up in each other's lives "take a break"? I can't go from being in a romantic relationship to being just friends in the blink of an eye. I need some time to recover. I need some time to think about whether or not I actually do want to be just friends. It's difficult right away, because there is this daily reminder of something I want so bad it hurts and can't have at the moment.

How do you deal with that? I mean, good gravy!

This "break" we are taking, this "time off", this "need of space" is not my idea, I'll have you know. I don't think we need it. I think I am fine. I think he is fine. I think we could be fine, but he over thinks things. He puts too much pressure on himself.

And this is what I think about daily.

He's worried about "how do you know you'll marry me?" when he shouldn't be worried about marriage at all. I think going to his brother's wedding scared him a little even if he won't admit it. I think it got him thinking about the future and about being happy and I think he started putting unnecessary pressure on our relationship.

But the good thing is, we are talking. We are communicating. We are emailing. We are working towards becoming 'together' again. Whether or not it happens remains to be seen. But as far as I'm concerned, I'm not single. I'm just in a very complicated relationship with someone who needs to clear his mind and get his stuff together so he can go back to being my wonderful boyfriend who loves me very much.

And I feel like school doesn't help the situation at all. I wish it was still summer vacation. But only the kind of summer vacation where I didn't have work everyday.