The Old News, The Good News, and The Bad News

When I hear of people who used to like me, or people who do like me, my first reaction is generally surprise. I'm pretty naive and this realization that boys actually like me is something that I have yet to get used to. I get it that I'm pretty cute, but I still have trouble seeing it.

So when I heard today that a boy who I've recently regained contact with used to like me when we were in high school, I was initially surprised. And then a little bit sad. Because you see, when I hear these things I always think of opportunities lost, chances untaken, experience lost. But then I remember that I have M. And M is my favorite. He is the only one for me.

We talked today about how sometimes, we feel like maybe we move too fast. But I'm not worried. Because we talk. We communicate. We can learn from the past and build toward a solid future. I've still got a lot to learn, don't get me wrong. But it's days like today when I have realizations.

Like when I was sitting by M today on a couch. My legs draped over his lap and my head on his shoulder. I was watching TV and he was playing a video game with his friends. And I was wishing that I didn't have to go home soon, that I could just sit there with him forever and that's when I realized that yeah, I really do like him a lot. Everyday it seems I just like him more. When this relationship first started, I was hesitant. I knew I really liked him but I didn't feel like I liked him as much as he seemed to be liking me. But I went ahead and decided that I did want to date him. I wanted to embark on this journey of life together with M. And now I'm glad I did.

I know I'm young. I know that I don't really know what it's all about. And I also know that I have a lot of years left to find out things. A lot of years left to move on if things don't work out. A lot of years left to live with M if things do work out.

So there may be other boys out there that are in like with me, and they are NOT opportunities wasted or chances untaken. They are simply just there, and they're friendship is all that's going to have to suffice becuase I have M and I'm not going to trade him for the world.

And just so you know, I wasn't planning on blogging about this recent realization, but it's been weighing on my mind since I got home from being with my boy. I wanted to share my thoughts, and that's really what this whole blogging idea is about - isn't it? I mean, sure, I want it to be humorous and I don't want it to be overly preachy. I just want to write. And I want to write about what's important, what's on my mind, what's funny, what I do, how I feel and who I am. So take it for what it is. I'm calling this one. A spade is a spade and no matter how hard you try, you can't baptize your cat.

The Gift of Snowflakes

The weather is amazing. My mother has been awake since 7 o'clock this morning and said it has been snowing ever since she got up. And it's not just spitting snow either, it's full blown snowing. Like white-out blizzard, amazing, thick, fluffy snowflakes. She seems to think that the north pole has been transplanted south and placed in our neighborhood. I can't wait to meet Santa if that's the case!

The snow in the backyard is so high already that the dog can't get around, save the little trails my younger siblings have carved out for her. We've moved he little doghouse to under our deck because it's closer to the house, and there's less snow underneath the deck.

Mmmmm, all this fresh snow makes me want to go snowboarding. I want to go sledding. I want to build snowmen. But it's only almost noon here, so I still have the afternoon to decide what I want to do. :-)

Better Late Than Never

The former two pictures are the pictures of my sister and brother entangled in their respective objects. I think they are comical and since I've figured a way to attach said photos to the blog, I've posted them here. The latter three photos are pictures of ornaments hanging on our tree and some table decorations. I was bored and so I abducted my dad's AWESOME pentax digital camera. Feeling inspired I took several pictures.

Christmas is one of my favorite days. I like it even better when we have a bunch of family milling about our humble abode. This year was a bit different. For both Thanksgiving and Christmas it's been just the six of us.

We opened presents this morning to find that my sister has been granted a Nintendo DS and my brother has recieved his much anticipated iPod Nano generation 4 with 8 gigs. My other brother has been gifted with a Rubik's Cube that has FIVE cubes. My mother has a new necklace and I got a jacket that I've had my eye on for a while. My father, however, has been given a machine nerf gun. Oh brother. What adventure can this hold? You're about to find out.

So I'm sitting in here, minding my own business and typing up this entry when all of a sudden the office door blows wide open. My sister turns around and says, "what ya doin' dad?" As to which my wonderful father whom I absolutely positively ADORE answers her with a "nothing sweetie." The door closes but only to re-open not thirty seconds later and a blast of orange and black darts rain down on my sister and me. Shrieks could probably be heard in China.

What other chaotic escapades could find us today? Well, for one we are eating duck tonight instead of the regular Holiday Ham. That should be a feast to remember. My oma down in California is eating an Italian Christmas dinner I've been told. And I still may make it over to M's today to hand his gift over. I swear, I think it's the most epic gift I've ever given anyone. I am excited. :-)

Hurry Up And Wait

Well I've been meaning to post blogs more often, however, being at home there is something that isn't allowing me to upload pictures. It's kind of making me angry but I want to post anyway so I'm sorry this blog is picturless, but you'll just have to deal.

So much has happened since I've been home. I had epic sledding adventures with my boyfriend. He has what's called a 'snow skate' which is like a skateboard, but for snow. Yeah, it's fun until I feel like I'm out of control and then I just biff it. Off goes the snowskate down the hill, and there is N just sitting in the middle of path watching it cascade out of reach. M's friend snatched it up when it reache the bottom and I just walked down. Ridiculous. I just need more practice though. Ha, ha.

I have also had the opportunity to decorate the house for Christmas. We have a ledge in our living room that I got to decorate. My sister wrapped herself up in some garlan that we put up on the ledge. We thought she resembled a Christmas tree. Then my brother decides to wrap himself up in a string of lights. I became inspired. He had wrapped himself in just plain white lights. So I grab a string of Poinsetta lights and wrap them all around him, draping some over his shoulders and through his fingers. My sister wants to add to the project, so she snags herself a string of colored lights and we wrap my brother, D, up in them too. Not to be too simple, I take four ornaments off the couch and place them conspicuously from the light strings criscrossing his body. The pictures came out wonderfully and I'm sad that right now I can't share them with you.

Tonight we spent at Grandma and Grandpa's house. It was a Christmas Eve celebration. Family get-togethers are some of my favorite memories. It's always fun to get to hang out with people you're related to - well, at least in my family anyways. I know there are some families out there that simply can't stand each other. I think that's a shame, but sometimes that's the way it goes. I just feel lucky that that's not the case for me and my family.

And also today is a double special day. Not only is it Christmas Eve, but it is also M's and mine 1 month aniversary. Woo hoo! It feels like it's been longer than that to me, but also it feels shorter at the same time. I think for me, time goes faster because we live in two different towns. It's definitely hard to spend so much time apart, but M and I have a theory - a couple who can survive being apart from each for an extended period of time, well, they're strong. So we figure, if we can make it through being apart then we're pretty strong. We have determined though, that we do not have a long distance relationship. We have decided to call it medium distance. One, because I'm not far enough away that I have to take a plane home, and two, because I'm close enough to come up and visit for the weekend every so often.

So anyway, tomorrow is Christmas. In my opinion it's the most offensive holiday of the whole year. More people celebrate Christmas in this country than any other holiday around this time of year. Why are we so worried about offending people? If a Jew wished me a Happy Hannuka, I would not be seriously offended. I just don't get why people are so worried about offending someone. Well, okay yeah I kind of do get it, but I think it's ridiculous and that people are way overboard in their approach to Christmas. Just relax. Look, we're celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, hence CHRISTmas. It's not X-mas. It's not happy holidays. It's not about presents (although those are nice). It's not about getting the biggest and best gift. It's not about everybody else. It's about Jesus. It's about family. It's about realizing why we're here. It's about what happened on the cross. It's about life. It's a celebration of a birth. It's a celebration of love. So all the people rushing about here and there, buying this and that, and driving all around town to find the biggest and best - well just know that it's all for not. Almost all those things you buy are going to end up in some second hand thrift store next year.

Now, to be completely honest, I am excited to open my presents tomorrow morning. But I have to take time and remind myself every year that I don't need to get wrapped up in the gift aspect of Christmas. Because it is about something that is so much bigger than gifts. And this year I have no idea what awaits me under the tree, but it should be good. I know there are gifts under the tree for some members of this family that they have waited long and hard for. And I'm excited for them too.

The Journey Home

We started the morning off with daily showers and breakfast. Nothing unusual there. Packing and cleaning would have been a pain if I wasn't such of a freak that liked to pack her stuff up. :-) I had all my clothes packed and my stuff together and ready by 10:30 this morning. Then A and I loaded up her little Kia and decided we should eat before we hit the road. Egg salad never tasted so good. :-)

The snow was lightly falling as we headed north on hwy 95 towards home. And for the first part of our three hour trip that normally takes two hours, we followed a little red car who would refuse to go faster than 25 in a 60 mph zone. Woohoo for snail speed!

The weather is freaking out. Which I think is both hilarious and slightly scary. A fair amount of time the snow was coming down so thick we could barely see in front of the car that was in front of us, and sometimes the sun was shining so bright we could see for miles. It was indeed interesting. I felt the need to document our fascinating trip, as well as the snowfall that is so charming.

So I finally get back to CDA and A decides she wants to see Sherman Ave and look at how much snow is in the downtown area. Detour determined! We point the car in the opposite way from my house in search of the carnage that is sure to be found downtown. So many people. So many stupid idiotic drivers. So much irritation. And SO MUCH SNOW!

It was just absolutely beautiful downtown. I smiled and laughed and took plenty of pictures with my cell phone because my digital camera was packed away in a bag with my laptop somewhere in the back of A's car. But I think it acurately represents the sights we found downtown.

Then I arrive home to my screaming siblings who are all too happy to see me and my wonderful daddy who has missed me terribly the past couple of weeks since I haven't been home for a weekend in a while. Oh and how my sister can scream...a sound I have not missed at all....

A Lesson In Love

As Finals week comes to a close here at the good ole U of I, everyone is talking about going home for the holidays. In all the talk of home and realizing that this is the last night I'm going to be spending in my dorm room for an entire month, I'm forced to remember what got me here in the first place.

K has been my best friend since 7th grade. We've been though a lot of stuff together and there will be more things in life to go through, but we go through together and that's what really matters. We knew we wanted to room together in college, but we didn't know exactly what that would entail.

B said that she and A would be rooming together in college as well. She said we should all room together in the building with suites instead of living in the Tower. I was skeptical at first. I didn't know if I wanted to room with B. I was scared of change. I was scared of college. She doesn't share my faith, neither does K or A, and that was something my dad said I should look for in a roommate - a shared faith.

But then we all moved in together come the end of August. And I don't remember what I was so worried about. We've all had our issues and our scuffles. Our tifs and our out-and-out yelling matches. We've gotten to know some awesome people. We've had tests and trials, but we've grown together. We've become a family in all senses of the word except for the whole being biologically related factor. I don't really know if I would have survived college without them. I don't know if I would have wanted to.

So as I finish up cleaning my room and packing my bags, I'm looking forward to next semester and I'm also a little sad that this one is over. Some great people are leaving this semester and some have already left. New people have moved in and some are yet to come. The dynamics are changing. The fun times we've had this year are memorable and I'm sure they won't be all over when we come back in January.

I hated high school and was glad to get away to college. And I'm not excited about college either - in fact, I'm really only here because I have to be to get what I want to achieve in life. But the people that are surrounding me while I'm here, and the people - the family - that have my back at home, you all rock. You all make my life worth living and you all should know that because I don't tell you near often enough. :-)

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

So today I had nothing to do until 5 o'clock in the evening when work began. I hadn't an interesting story to relay and so I was hoping that work would provide one. And low and behold - it did!

Work is always interesting and I really enjoy it. I really truly do. I love to make drinks and and sample new things. Toasted Marshmallow white hot chocolate is one of my favorites along with caramel apple cider and a blended caramel mocha. :-)

Anyway, Common Grounds is in our TLC building, affectionately referred to as "The Commons." This building reminds me of the Resort in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho at Christmastime. The lights are so pretty and strung up everywhere making it look all festive and amazing. I had to take a picture :-)

So anyways, back to my work story! We're working our butts off because there are a million people all of a sudden. And this big group has congregated around a table towards the back of the coffee shop. They're speaking in spanish and we're wishing we could understand them. They're all laughing and sounding like they're having a wonderful time.

Eventually they all left. And as we're closing up shop, Calvin comes into the back room with a handful of napkins. I'm standing at the sink washing some of the thermoses we keep milk in, and he just starts laughing. I put the thermos down that I was cleaning with a vengance and turned to look at him.

"What's so funny," I ask. He holds up the napkins.

"People wrote on these!" he answers, laughing.

"What did they write?" I inquire. So big on details he is. He holds up a napkin and reads it off to me.

"I blew my nose in this and put it back! Love, your professor," he reads, laughing. Then flips to the next one. "You have a booger in your nose! Quick! Get it! Use me!" he cracks up with laughter and flips to the next napkin. "This one's in spanish, so I don't know what it says." He flips to the final napkin and reads, "This is the Bad Luck napkin. You'll probably fail all your finals now."

I wanted to bring the napkins home with me becuase I thought they were hilarious, but I didn't remember to grab them until I was almost home. But oh well. I'll live. :-)

Then we got home and played an epic game of clue. Which Amber won. And we watched the most awesome youtube video ever. Well okay, maybe not ever - but we thought it was so funny that we must've watched it six times over again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dPlkFPowCc

Addition To The Picture Family

The bottom one is A's masterpiece. She didn't think that she was going to be able to make Mater look rusty, but it turns out she did an awesome job with him.

The top one is K's first attempt. She's making more that are more colorful...haha. Well, the next one just looks like a rainbow threw up on the page - let's not fool anyone. :-)

This Whole Idea Of Being A Mature Responsible Adult Is Getting Pretty Boring

Yesterday was the first day of finals at the U of I. My first final was at 7:30 in the morning and I'm pretty sure I aced it. I knew all the answers, which is a new one for me - but hey! I'm not complaining. :-)

So the rest of my Monday was devoted to studying for Nutrition and Math and talking to M online. After a few hours, A comes into my room. What a wonderful girl. I absolutely adore her. She and B are headed to Wal*Mart because they want to get coloring books. Yes, we are four years old.

So we all pile in A's car and head down the road to Wal*Mart giggling like the little girls we all are. The first thing that catches my eye in Wal*Mart is an 8 dollar sweatshirt that's black and white striped and supergirl. Immediately mine.

We head down the aisle in search of coloring books. We are awesome - it's a fact. So there we are in the little kid toy section of Wal*Mart, four 18 year old college freshmen, and we are giggling and laughing and pulling various coloring books out of their spots. B decides to get four of them, A got a spongebob one (which I despise) and K got a couple herself.

But we're not done yet. Oh no! What good are coloring books when you have nothing to color them with? So off we go to the art supplies aisle. K has appointed herself line leader and we are all trailing behind her - trapsing through Wal*Mart like a bunch of hyperactive excited preschoolers. I'm sure we got funny looks from the other customers, but we didn't care. :-)

The art supplies call to us and we are grabbing at crayon boxes and color pencil packages. But oh my gosh! What's this? HUGE COLORING BOOKS! Of course we each have to have our own. These things cost like 5 dollars. Ridiculous, but we love it. A grabs the Cars one because that's her favorite, B goes for the big book of Disney princesses, K grabs the Disney Movies one and there I am, not wanting to copy any of the other girls and also not wanting to get stuck with the Star Wars one... Not that I have anything against Star Wars, but if I'm spending 5 bucks on something I want to like every moment of it. So I finally find an awesome Fairy one from the new Tinkerbelle movie coming out.

I've discovered Fira and have colored her a few times. The picture is the first one I colored of her. I put her in red because that's an inside joke M and I have. Red = hot. :-) So there you have it, our digression back to four year olds because we are in fact completely and awesomely retarded. :D

Walking In A Winter Wonderland

The first snow is always one of my favorite snows because that's the first time of the year where you get to see everything sparkly white. Where you appreciate the wonderous beauty of winter before you get tired of it and say, "I wish it were warm so I could go to the beach!"

So I decided to take a walk around campus this morning and see what interesting things there were to photograph. The above photos are some of my favorites from this morning.

Hopefully I'll get a better camera for Christmas and will be able to take some amazing photographs of the snow. And possibly some awesome snowboarders and skiers as well. :-)

Snowmen, Snowangels, and Things of the White Fluffy Sort

I love the snow! And when I woke up Saturday morning with a stomach ache and the need to scavenge for ali's tums, the open curtain for her window caught me a little off guard.

It's funny because on friday I was just thinking - this is December already! Why is there no snow? December should have snow!! And then the very next morning - BAM! The snow is here!

So I stumble back into my room after swallowing two tums looking for a drink of water. The snow amazes me, and after my water is all drunk I pull a sweatshirt over my head. So exciting this snow!

The lounge is empty and so I sit myself at the piano and turn toward the windows to watch it become winter outside my cozy spot. I gingerly touched the piano keys and then decided to jam out playing Joy to the World and a so-so rendition of Silent Night which I only partially remember how to play. I butchered it thoroughly and was glad that I was the only one in the lounge to hear my horrendous attempt.

Bored with the piano after my failed song, I moved the to the benches in front of the window which are right over the heater. Hard to explain, but if you saw it, it'd make sense. haha. Anyway, the snow is falling thick and covering the whole world in white fluffy goodness. My heart is smiling and happy and joyous. I love snow and all of sudden I'm in the mood for some hardcore Christmas music. But I got nothing. So here I am, sitting in an empty lounge on a heater bench, watching it snow and I just start singing. Let it Snow is a good one and so is the one who's name escapes me...but it goes "in the meadow we can build a snowman and pretend that he is parson brown" yeah, you all know the song - don't lie. But I think I sang it like five times before I finally decided to return to my room.

Thank you Jesus for the snow! The only thing this complicates is getting back home. The road is kind of dangerous, but whatever happens I'll be okay. I'm sure of it. Mmmmmmm, I loooooooove snow!

Angels

Aunt C - i think i was wrong in my post about Revelations saying that angels had wings. After I typed it out I went and got my Bible to re-read the passage. It doesn't say they are angels - it says instead they are creatures.

Revelations Chapter 4:6b-11

In the center, around the throne, were four living creatures, and they were convered with eyes in front and in back. (7) The first living creature was like a lion, the second was like an ox, the third had a face like a man, the fourth was like a flying eagle. (8)Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under his wings. Day and night they never stop saying:
"Holy, holy, holy
is the Lord God Almighty
who was, and is, and is to come"
(9)Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits ont he throne and who lives for ever and ever, (10) the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne, and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:
(11)"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to recieve glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,and by your will they were created
and have their being."

Rockin Around The Christmas Tree

It is now officially the Christmas season. There are christmas tree lots everywhere, and in the common's at school there's a huge christmas tree in the middle of a rotunda, or however you spell it. And here in my cozy little dorm room I have my own little Charlie Brown Christmas Tree which I find incredibly delightful.

I put it up as soon as I got home from Thanksgiving vacation, and now it's taken up residence on top or our white microwave and black refridgerator, who we've appropriately named Ebony and Ivory.

Hopefully soon enough we'll have a blanket of snow on the ground and everything will really start looking a lot like Christmas.

My brother told me that our tree was pretty pathetic because it didn't have any gifts under it. I told him to just wait and see, because I'm willing to bet that before we leave on Winter Break, there will be plenty of "presents" underneath it. haha.

The people in my hall always laugh when they see our little tree through the open door into our room. They have a hard time believing that I really got one. Daddy bought it for me at Shopko. It was a three day sale and I said "Get two!" which made my mom crack up with laughter. She always likes it when I come home because I always make her laugh. I like to make her laugh. :-)

This Christmas is going to be different, I think, than any other Christmas I've ever celebrated before. But I think that's part of growing up. I don't think things are supposed to stay the same, no matter how much we may want them to.

So my little Charlie Brown tree has me smiling and thinking, am I really go to enjoy this Christmas as much as I have other Christmases in the past? The answer to that question is yes. A great woman once said, "I've learned that a greater part of our happiness comes mostly from our disposition and not our circumstance." - Martha Washington.

The Storm

I could use a good thunder storm right about now. The sky all dark and overcast with rain splashing on everything in sight. Lightning so bright it makes the earth look like noon time for a split second and then plunges you back into total darkness. Wrapped up on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa and the dull crack of wood burning in a fire place. The power's out so candle flames light up the various rooms that are occupied.
Counting the seconds between the lightning flash the roll of the thunder that's so loud it shakes the house right down the foundations. The clouds covering the moon so you just get little glances at it every now and then. The lights of cars driving by highlight the rain droplets and their tires splash through the puddles that now cover the street.
As you sit there and stare out at the storm, you snuggle yourself underneath the blanket you've chosen for a cuddle buddy. The hot cocoa you're sipping is warm all the way down every time you put the mug to your lips. The warmth of the fire is making one side of you hotter than the other, so every so often you have to switch positions.
The thunder roars over head. The glass panes in the windows shudder in their places. A slow smile crosses your face and your eyes sparkle as you enjoy the show mother nature is providing just outside your comfortable place at home on your couch. The wind howls and presses itself against the siding of the house.
And then the cocoa is all gone. You sneak off the couch to put your mug in the kitchen and when you return to your wonderful spot to watch the rest of the storm, the couch is still a little warm from your previous inhabitance. You smile as another bolt of lightning strikes, lighting up the night as if it were day.
You notice yourself slowly drifting off to sleep. All thoughts leave your mind and you sit and you stare and you think of nothing. The sound of the storm outside surrounds you. Doesn't that just sound totally wonderful? That's what I want to hear right now. I want to hear the roll of deep thunder and see the bright strikes of lightning. I want the rain to pelt against my window and I want to worry about nothing.