Monday, December 29, 2008

The Old News, The Good News, and The Bad News

When I hear of people who used to like me, or people who do like me, my first reaction is generally surprise. I'm pretty naive and this realization that boys actually like me is something that I have yet to get used to. I get it that I'm pretty cute, but I still have trouble seeing it.

So when I heard today that a boy who I've recently regained contact with used to like me when we were in high school, I was initially surprised. And then a little bit sad. Because you see, when I hear these things I always think of opportunities lost, chances untaken, experience lost. But then I remember that I have M. And M is my favorite. He is the only one for me.

We talked today about how sometimes, we feel like maybe we move too fast. But I'm not worried. Because we talk. We communicate. We can learn from the past and build toward a solid future. I've still got a lot to learn, don't get me wrong. But it's days like today when I have realizations.

Like when I was sitting by M today on a couch. My legs draped over his lap and my head on his shoulder. I was watching TV and he was playing a video game with his friends. And I was wishing that I didn't have to go home soon, that I could just sit there with him forever and that's when I realized that yeah, I really do like him a lot. Everyday it seems I just like him more. When this relationship first started, I was hesitant. I knew I really liked him but I didn't feel like I liked him as much as he seemed to be liking me. But I went ahead and decided that I did want to date him. I wanted to embark on this journey of life together with M. And now I'm glad I did.

I know I'm young. I know that I don't really know what it's all about. And I also know that I have a lot of years left to find out things. A lot of years left to move on if things don't work out. A lot of years left to live with M if things do work out.

So there may be other boys out there that are in like with me, and they are NOT opportunities wasted or chances untaken. They are simply just there, and they're friendship is all that's going to have to suffice becuase I have M and I'm not going to trade him for the world.

And just so you know, I wasn't planning on blogging about this recent realization, but it's been weighing on my mind since I got home from being with my boy. I wanted to share my thoughts, and that's really what this whole blogging idea is about - isn't it? I mean, sure, I want it to be humorous and I don't want it to be overly preachy. I just want to write. And I want to write about what's important, what's on my mind, what's funny, what I do, how I feel and who I am. So take it for what it is. I'm calling this one. A spade is a spade and no matter how hard you try, you can't baptize your cat.

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