Or as I would say to my sister, hoch fünf.
Today has been the busiest so far and I am just soaking in this productive feeling. Mostly because I don't feel productive a lot. Mostly because I spend all day yelling at teenagers and come home exhausted so I watch Netflix and drink some wine instead of cleaning my apartment. Oh well.
But now we are off for two whole weeks!! Celebrations! Neon flashing stars! Family and ski trips! High fives all around!
I started off this vacation this morning with a visit to the doctor's office for a "wellness check" so that I don't have to pay 40 dollars for insurance come January. They pricked my arm and stole some of my blood and then told me that I passed the checkup with 100% and my cholesterol is just perfect. (Like I was worried, right?)
Also, while the doctor was checking my blood pressure as I was sitting on the exam table he very nonchalantly asked me what grade I was in this year. Ahem.
I tried very hard not to move too much as I stifled my laughter and told him I was a teacher. But see, I only put on foundation this morning and I was clad in jeans and a tee, so really, can we blame him for thinking I was still in high school? Shoot.
And then I brought my mom some coffee and we submitted my completed form via fax before I came back to my apartment and went on a cleaning frenzy.
I don't know about you, but I clean a little of everything all at once. I started in my bedroom and put the clean clothes away and loaded the dirty ones in the washer and then because I was out in the hallway, I decided to sweep the kitchen floor. So before I could do that I had to unload the dishwasher and then I might as well just reload it, too. I had to go into the living room to get the extra dishes that needed to be washed and then I just ended up picking up all the trash while I was out there too.
Do you see how this is working?
Eventually I get everything clean, but it's just kind of here and there and everywhere. So now it's 1:30 and I've sanitized, vacuumed, organized, folded laundry, swept, wiped down, and put away all of the rooms in my apartment. Enter extreme sense of accomplishment.
Now it's time to get down to business. Finish my dad's Christmas present, eat some lunch and then maybe do some yoga while I watch Netflix. I live a life of reckless abandon. I know.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
WHAT DOES WELL-FUNCTIONING EVEN MEAN?
This last week of school before break is somewhat torturous unto my soul. The kids are crazy and their little brains are focused on everything other than the task at hand, and I mean really, can you blame them? Not only is this week their last week before Christmas vacation, but it's also a Spirit Week before a big rivalry basketball game on Friday night. Gasps. My crazy little world just got even crazier.
And then there's the whole OH MY GOSH IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME going on here. I have a week to work with here, people, before there is present opening and monkey bread eating and my brother will be here with his cute little fiance in tow! Then we are all going skiing. And by "all" I mean the whole fam damily. My parents, both brothers, mah seester, mah future seester, and also me and that Nathan guy. I can hardly wait. Like, it might be killing me to wait for that trip. I am not even kidding.
But back to being at work for this week, look, it is tough stuff. I had a conversation with my awesome friend Joel over the telephone the other day, and hey, we agreed that this teaching stuff is pretty rough. He was making sure that I wasn't about to commit career suicide and I had to admit that the gun was maybe loaded, but it wasn't aimed at anything yet. This week is also not helping that case.
I keep telling myself we are just going to watch movies Thursday and Friday and that makes me feel a little better but I still kind of want to pull out all my hair. Kind of.
Oh but to briefly switch the subject, for those of you who were curious, I have slightly updated my wardrobe and that seems to be helping in the 'looks like 17 but is probably older' department. Although, spirit days and all have thrown a bit of a loop into the situation here. Hey, you can't win 'em all. But I'm trying. Wearing my hair pulled back seems to help too. Shoulder shrugs and heavy sighs.
My art room seems to be in a constant state of disarray and I feel like some deep seeded joke in the cosmos is reflecting that in my life as well. Everything is all over the place all the time. Do you ever feel like that? I mean, I conquered one thing (clothes!) and there are still a billion other things that need to be taken care of. It's just awesome, is what.
Also, this post I think is all over the place. Organization? What even does that mean? So here we are. It's definitely Wednesday. I need a glass of wine and a nap.
Over and out.
ps Nathan took me to see The Hobbit The Desolation of Smaug on Friday night. It was awesome. Even better than the first. And we saw it in 3D too. AMAZE-BALLS. Go watch it RIGHTNOW and you can thank me later.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
BEGINNING RANT TRANSMISSION
Being an adult is stupid. Being an adult when you look like you belong in high school is even stupider. And trying to teach high school when you look like a student is the stupidest.
I would be okay with telling you that probably 90% of my students love me. I mean, there will always be the ones that drive me nuts but as a general rule my students are pretty awesome. Mostly I think that I think this because they tell me that I'm their favorite teacher almost every day. It's real good for my ego.
But also, I am kind of stressed out, you guys. For a lot of different reasons and it just makes me want to complain all the time and gripe about how much things just kind of majorly suck - but, look, I'm trying to be positive here, okay? However, it doesn't really seem to be working.
My principal was in my room for an unannounced formal evaluation Monday during fifth period. I love my principal, but you know, evaluations and things. So my students are painting these days, which is messy and chaotic and I'm all sorts of here and there and everywhere. They all have a billion and three questions, which I'm supposed to be the one answering them all because I'm the teacher. It was pretty crazy in here during that fifth period, I tell you. But, right? It's always crazy. It's art class.
So I was feeling a little rocky about this evaluation, you guys. I think it borders on dumb reasons like holding myself to a really high standard because I'm supposed to be good at this, right? And dudes, I was unprepared for that meeting. He thinks I have a good handle on my classes. It's okay that it's a little chaotic sometimes, I mean, art! For crying out loud, Natalie! And then I breathed this mondo sigh of relief as his only real critique for me was that I needed to dress a little more professional.
I look like the kids, these days. And that's not because I don't wear dress slacks and nice shirts it's just because I look stupid amounts of young. Like maybe I could be 17 years old kind of young. This is a source of great frustration unto my being. But you know, I figured I'd buy some new clothes soon and it would all be okay. He didn't seem mad about it, he wasn't mean about it, just trying to help me out with some good advice. And that was the end of that. High fives all around!
But that actually wasn't the end of that for me. I guess that some people are talking about it behind my back? Did you know that? Teaching high school can sometimes be like being in high school, and isn't that kind of sad? I felt like I was dressing to the same level as my fellow teachers, but I guess when your face looks like a baby and you're not any taller than the majority of your students, then people think you're not as professional as them when you don't dress to the nines every day. What, do I just need to come to work in a nice suit now? I'm an art teacher. I can't afford to buy really nice clothes to have them ruined in my art room with paint and glaze and glue and whatever else I get myself into.
I guess it looks like I'm going to start wearing an apron all the time so that people know I'm the teacher.
Clothes is a lame thing to get worked up about. But here I am.
Look, there is this love hate relationship thing I have going on with my first year of teaching. The other art teacher has loads more experience than me, she already has a sense of who she is as a teacher. She already knows how to deliver lessons. She's worked out her classroom management. And here I am, the full time teacher, still floundering around like I may or may not know what I'm doing. Her students got themselves in the paper today and what have my students done? Why am I not more involved? Why am I not pushing things more, necessarily?
I'll tell you why. I'll tell you exactly that I am having a tough time just staying afloat in this, the busiest of my life professions. I am behind on grading, I'm just now starting to get a real handle on my classes and who I am as an educator of art. I'm starting to figure out how to best deliver assignments and I'm doing research that other teachers have already done in their years of teaching their subjects to best figure out how to say the stuff and do the things and be the teacher. This is my first year EVER not my first year at this new school, do you know that?
I don't know how people do it. I don't know how they go through their first year and dress awesome and get involved with all the things and teach perfectly all the time. And you know why I don't know that? It's because NO BODY gets everything right their first year. And I feel like some people, the more they go on with their career, the more the memories of their first year struggles fade.
I'm sorry my clothes aren't nicer. I'm unmarried and poor. I'm living on my own income and no one else is supporting me. I'm sorry I haven't been more involved with things outside of school, but I'm still trying to figure things out inside of school.
And what's even more ridiculous is that I spend all this time yelling at myself inside my head because, hey, I could be better. I should be more involved with the things. I should be doing this and going here and standing out everywhere and doing all these things that other people expect me to be doing. I should be doing all the things, you guys. Besides, this is the real world. And in the real world nobody gives you any breaks because you're new, right? You just have to be amazing all the time, is how I feel about it. So how can I complain? Because no matter what job I go to or where I end up there will always be things like clothes following me around.
My advice to myself is just to suck it up and keep on going. Being an adult is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever done.
END RANT TRANSMISSION
I would be okay with telling you that probably 90% of my students love me. I mean, there will always be the ones that drive me nuts but as a general rule my students are pretty awesome. Mostly I think that I think this because they tell me that I'm their favorite teacher almost every day. It's real good for my ego.
But also, I am kind of stressed out, you guys. For a lot of different reasons and it just makes me want to complain all the time and gripe about how much things just kind of majorly suck - but, look, I'm trying to be positive here, okay? However, it doesn't really seem to be working.
My principal was in my room for an unannounced formal evaluation Monday during fifth period. I love my principal, but you know, evaluations and things. So my students are painting these days, which is messy and chaotic and I'm all sorts of here and there and everywhere. They all have a billion and three questions, which I'm supposed to be the one answering them all because I'm the teacher. It was pretty crazy in here during that fifth period, I tell you. But, right? It's always crazy. It's art class.
So I was feeling a little rocky about this evaluation, you guys. I think it borders on dumb reasons like holding myself to a really high standard because I'm supposed to be good at this, right? And dudes, I was unprepared for that meeting. He thinks I have a good handle on my classes. It's okay that it's a little chaotic sometimes, I mean, art! For crying out loud, Natalie! And then I breathed this mondo sigh of relief as his only real critique for me was that I needed to dress a little more professional.
I look like the kids, these days. And that's not because I don't wear dress slacks and nice shirts it's just because I look stupid amounts of young. Like maybe I could be 17 years old kind of young. This is a source of great frustration unto my being. But you know, I figured I'd buy some new clothes soon and it would all be okay. He didn't seem mad about it, he wasn't mean about it, just trying to help me out with some good advice. And that was the end of that. High fives all around!
But that actually wasn't the end of that for me. I guess that some people are talking about it behind my back? Did you know that? Teaching high school can sometimes be like being in high school, and isn't that kind of sad? I felt like I was dressing to the same level as my fellow teachers, but I guess when your face looks like a baby and you're not any taller than the majority of your students, then people think you're not as professional as them when you don't dress to the nines every day. What, do I just need to come to work in a nice suit now? I'm an art teacher. I can't afford to buy really nice clothes to have them ruined in my art room with paint and glaze and glue and whatever else I get myself into.
I guess it looks like I'm going to start wearing an apron all the time so that people know I'm the teacher.
Clothes is a lame thing to get worked up about. But here I am.
Look, there is this love hate relationship thing I have going on with my first year of teaching. The other art teacher has loads more experience than me, she already has a sense of who she is as a teacher. She already knows how to deliver lessons. She's worked out her classroom management. And here I am, the full time teacher, still floundering around like I may or may not know what I'm doing. Her students got themselves in the paper today and what have my students done? Why am I not more involved? Why am I not pushing things more, necessarily?
I'll tell you why. I'll tell you exactly that I am having a tough time just staying afloat in this, the busiest of my life professions. I am behind on grading, I'm just now starting to get a real handle on my classes and who I am as an educator of art. I'm starting to figure out how to best deliver assignments and I'm doing research that other teachers have already done in their years of teaching their subjects to best figure out how to say the stuff and do the things and be the teacher. This is my first year EVER not my first year at this new school, do you know that?
I don't know how people do it. I don't know how they go through their first year and dress awesome and get involved with all the things and teach perfectly all the time. And you know why I don't know that? It's because NO BODY gets everything right their first year. And I feel like some people, the more they go on with their career, the more the memories of their first year struggles fade.
I'm sorry my clothes aren't nicer. I'm unmarried and poor. I'm living on my own income and no one else is supporting me. I'm sorry I haven't been more involved with things outside of school, but I'm still trying to figure things out inside of school.
And what's even more ridiculous is that I spend all this time yelling at myself inside my head because, hey, I could be better. I should be more involved with the things. I should be doing this and going here and standing out everywhere and doing all these things that other people expect me to be doing. I should be doing all the things, you guys. Besides, this is the real world. And in the real world nobody gives you any breaks because you're new, right? You just have to be amazing all the time, is how I feel about it. So how can I complain? Because no matter what job I go to or where I end up there will always be things like clothes following me around.
My advice to myself is just to suck it up and keep on going. Being an adult is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever done.
END RANT TRANSMISSION
Sunday, December 8, 2013
IT'S BEEN A YEAR
So last year, this happened. And this year, this happened:
I remember the morning of the 8th I was getting out of the pick up truck Nathan was driving and anxiously walking into the Kibbie Dome. The same place where my college journey had started as a fresh faced 17 year old girl was now going to be the place where it all came to a close as well. My student career had finally come full circle.
Today I didn't get out of the pick up truck and head into the Dome, but I did eat chocolate chip pancakes and kiss Nathan goodbye as I got in my car and headed back home. This weekend went by way too quickly, and as much as I can convince myself that the weekends always go by too fast, I'm still wholly unprepared for Sundays. I found the perfect Daily Odd Compliment that explained exactly how I feel about saying goodbye:
Can I just tell you how much I love daily odd compliments? I mean, holy. They get me, those DOCs. It's rad. I would inundate you with them if I thought you'd understand just how perfectly they fit my life, but unless you're me I just don't think the right affect will be reached, you know?
Anyway. Moving on.
It's December now, right? And so it's totally appropriate for a year recap. Especially what with today being the year marker of my graduation and all. Enjoy these posts from past months of 2013.
(I always seem to have really tough starts to my years. Hopefully this trend does not continue.)
January:
explosion
every storm runs out of rain
me and the nathans. and also michael.
this was at the going away party for nate. he's moving to houston! booooooo
(ps. i know too many nathans. lol)
I remember the morning of the 8th I was getting out of the pick up truck Nathan was driving and anxiously walking into the Kibbie Dome. The same place where my college journey had started as a fresh faced 17 year old girl was now going to be the place where it all came to a close as well. My student career had finally come full circle.
Today I didn't get out of the pick up truck and head into the Dome, but I did eat chocolate chip pancakes and kiss Nathan goodbye as I got in my car and headed back home. This weekend went by way too quickly, and as much as I can convince myself that the weekends always go by too fast, I'm still wholly unprepared for Sundays. I found the perfect Daily Odd Compliment that explained exactly how I feel about saying goodbye:
Can I just tell you how much I love daily odd compliments? I mean, holy. They get me, those DOCs. It's rad. I would inundate you with them if I thought you'd understand just how perfectly they fit my life, but unless you're me I just don't think the right affect will be reached, you know?
Anyway. Moving on.
It's December now, right? And so it's totally appropriate for a year recap. Especially what with today being the year marker of my graduation and all. Enjoy these posts from past months of 2013.
(I always seem to have really tough starts to my years. Hopefully this trend does not continue.)
January:
explosion
every storm runs out of rain
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