funny things my students say

"You know what they did? They were all out of chocolate milk! I was so pissed!"

first student: Son of a biiii-
second student: That's push-ups!
((if they cuss their first warning is push-ups - if it happens again they have to leave))
first student: But I didn't finish the word!
third student: That's right cuz you have to say please after!

"Miss K, I love your laugh. It makes my day when you laugh."

"Miss K you are here everyday. Are you stalking me?"

*after a failed pass in basketball*
[name of student], I'm not Usain Bolt fast!

me: Why did you bolt when I walked over here?
student: Because you're scary!

me: Crushed it!!
student: Miss K that just made my day.

student: Miss K, we never hang out anymore.
me: That's because I only hang out with the students I like.

me: Well, you guys seem to like me well enough.
student: That's cuz you're AWESOME!

"Miss K, do you like my shorts?"
"Miss K, watch this!"
"Miss K, did you see that?"

((the first lunch kids got their open gym privileges taken away because they were eating in the locker room and not cleaning it up so i have to keep them all out of the gym by standing guard at the door))
student: Miss K can we go in there today?
me: Do you think if I'm standing out here that you can go in there?
student: Well, it was worth a shot.

((a student grabbed a granola bar off my desk as a joke like he was going to steal and eat it))
me: You can have that, if you really want it.
student: Seriously?
me: Yes, seriously. I'm not going to eat it.
((he opens the wrapper and licks the granola bar))
student: Are you sure?
me: Yes. Do you think I want it back after you licked it?

student: There are 54 states, right?
me: I'm going to pretend you didn't ask that.

***

I tell you, these kids are something else. And this isn't even half of the word vomit that leaves their lips on a daily basis. Good gravy I do love my job!