STUFF AND THINGS AS OF LATE

I tell you what, this has been the weirdest September of my life, I think. For one, it seems like I'm just completely exhausted. The little introvert inside of me is screaming for some alone time, and for the first time in what feels like a long time, I finally have some. My apartment is quiet and I have the day off! Actually, the only thing I have to do today is go into the spa for my one hour massage appointment courtesy of my sweet boyfriend. Yeah, I know. Spoiled. 

School may not have been in session for me this month, but I've been completely swamped with things to do. Actually, I think this year has made me feel more like an adult than I have in any of my past moments of adulthood. And I'm attributing that to the fact that I am not taking a class or teaching classes as of right now. 

Except on Wednesday I'm teaching a two hour ish watercolor session that includes wine and appetizers and if you're in the area and want to come email or text me! Hashtag shameless plug. 

And if we take a step back and look at all the stuff I've been doing recently, a lot of it is actually art related and that blows my mind. My teaching job at the high school may have closed one door, but then all of these windows just starting opening up and it's been really cool to watch as my life goes in to hyper drive. This has become the biggest season of change for me - in ways that I never even imagined. 

Speaking of being in hyperdrive though, I worked 11 days in the last two weeks and while that's going to make an awesome paycheck, the well that holds my will to interact with other people is running a little dry. I felt sick all day yesterday and while I'm thinking part of that may have been because (hashtag TMI) mother nature oh so kindly let me know I wasn't pregnant this month, the other part of that I think is because I've been so busy with almost no down time and just, introverts don't function that way is what it is. 

I can love you, and love to hang out with you, but there comes a point in time where I retreat to my bedroom and if you follow me, I might cut you. So here we are, Monday! May you be just what I needed. 

And now, three photos. Because, just because, alright?

WHAT DOES WELL-FUNCTIONING EVEN MEAN?

This last week of school before break is somewhat torturous unto my soul. The kids are crazy and their little brains are focused on everything other than the task at hand, and I mean really, can you blame them? Not only is this week their last week before Christmas vacation, but it's also a Spirit Week before a big rivalry basketball game on Friday night. Gasps. My crazy little world just got even crazier.

And then there's the whole OH MY GOSH IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME going on here. I have a week to work with here, people, before there is present opening and monkey bread eating and my brother will be here with his cute little fiance in tow! Then we are all going skiing. And by "all" I mean the whole fam damily. My parents, both brothers, mah seester, mah future seester, and also me and that Nathan guy. I can hardly wait. Like, it might be killing me to wait for that trip. I am not even kidding.

But back to being at work for this week, look, it is tough stuff. I had a conversation with my awesome friend Joel over the telephone the other day, and hey, we agreed that this teaching stuff is pretty rough. He was making sure that I wasn't about to commit career suicide and I had to admit that the gun was maybe loaded, but it wasn't aimed at anything yet. This week is also not helping that case.

I keep telling myself we are just going to watch movies Thursday and Friday and that makes me feel a little better but I still kind of want to pull out all my hair. Kind of.

Oh but to briefly switch the subject, for those of you who were curious, I have slightly updated my wardrobe and that seems to be helping in the 'looks like 17 but is probably older' department. Although, spirit days and all have thrown a bit of a loop into the situation here. Hey, you can't win 'em all. But I'm trying. Wearing my hair pulled back seems to help too. Shoulder shrugs and heavy sighs.

My art room seems to be in a constant state of disarray and I feel like some deep seeded joke in the cosmos is reflecting that in my life as well. Everything is all over the place all the time. Do you ever feel like that? I mean, I conquered one thing (clothes!) and there are still a billion other things that need to be taken care of. It's just awesome, is what.

Also, this post I think is all over the place. Organization? What even does that mean? So here we are. It's definitely Wednesday. I need a glass of wine and a nap.

Over and out.







ps Nathan took me to see The Hobbit The Desolation of Smaug on Friday night. It was awesome. Even better than the first. And we saw it in 3D too. AMAZE-BALLS. Go watch it RIGHTNOW and you can thank me later.

ROUGH OCTOBERS

So Octobers are difficult months, I've come to the conclusion. Driving back home from parent/teacher conferences tonight, I was reflecting on the last year of my life. I never went to parent-teacher conferences as a student teacher, so tonight was a new experience.

I've said before that teaching is hard. Nathan hears it from me all the time - this is the hardest thing I've ever done. And first years are always the hardest. Even though I had a semester of student teaching, that's all I really had. One semester. And I was never really fully in charge of my class either. I mean, it was a great experience, but it doesn't fully prepare you to take on a classroom all your own.

I remember last October in particular. It was the busiest and hardest month of my student teaching. I was writing this absolutely stupidly huge lesson plan for three consecutive lessons that built on the same concepts and were obscenely large in their required fields of information. Way more information was requested on the school mandated lesson plan form than my principal has EVER asked of me to show him. And then there was also the TPA, where I not only had to video myself teaching a lesson and crop it down to a ten minute segment, but then I also had to reflect on how the lesson went, how the students reacted and what I would change about the lesson had I needed to reteach it to the same group of students and also how I would change it to teach it to a new group of students. I mean, talk about a headache.

And then there's this past October. Dudes, it was the worst probably. I went home and cried on multiple occasions. I got in a mildish case of trouble with my vice principal, and while he didn't yell at me, he was very firm. Students are not supposed to wear hats and I needed to grow a spine. ouch. Plus, my students were just pushing my buttons every which way I turned. I kept trying new methods, different seating charts, different punishments, and things would work for a little while and then I'd be back to square one. I was a little at a loss for everything and I just kind of wanted to quit.

I think that's part of why I was a little nervous for tonight. After how October went, I just kind of feel like it knocked me on my butt and that all the parents would somehow know that I sucked as a teacher.

What surprised me though, was that there are students who are enjoying my class and they go home and talk about how they like art and that I'm one of their favorite teachers and wow. I really needed to hear that. Lately I just feel like I'm maybe not ready for this job and that perhaps I'm a little too incompetent to be a teacher. October had way more bad days than good ones, so I felt like I was losing it.

But tonight, tonight I felt like maybe I didn't suck as bad as I thought I did. And it forced me to realize that I have some really talented students who really do enjoy my class, so I must be doing something right. Right? Hopefully November will be a nice change of pace. I know it will still be challenging, I just want to feel like maybe I have my feet underneath me.

I suppose I'm getting there, but we're always our own worst critic. But just like I had to make myself become a runner, I also have to make myself become a teacher. I'm going to conquer this hill if it kills me, you know? Shoot.

ON BEING NON TRADITIONAL

Sometimes I like to think I don't fit the "traditional" mold for teaching. I try to think back and remember how my teachers were when I was in high school and what about them made me like them. What did they teach me while I was there? How did they relate to me?

And I realized something. I realized that my favorite teachers weren't the ones who did the traditional crap. The teachers that made an impact on my life were the ones who shared real parts of themselves with me and taught from a passionate place. My favorite teachers were people who turned out to be more of a mentor and less of a lecturer. A friend, if you will, while still maintaining good boundaries.

Take my German teacher, for instance. Frau would share stories of her life, she invited us over to her house, she involved us in her thoughts. She was never overly organized and probably the least professional (in only the best ways) and she did her best to lift us up and make us feel smart.

I had an English teacher that I also really enjoyed, and he treated us in a similar fashion. He was a little more organized and professional on the business end of things, but he taught us in a fun and relevant way. He used youtube videos and humor all the time.

My history teacher junior year was a young teacher, like me, in maybe her second or third year. She was knowledgeable about her subject, but she kept history interesting. We would start out the day with "On this day in history" and if there wasn't anything good she'd pick a student's birthday during the summer or a school year break that we wouldn't get to and read that one instead. It was always a fun environment to be in, and when kids are able to have fun and still learn then that is when you've hit the magic mark.

So sometimes I get a little worried that maybe I share too much or I'm not professional enough and I don't conduct myself in necessarily the right manner, but then I realize that's completely stupid. I have to be myself or i'm not going to be good at what I do. My art teacher in high school was very strict, she kept her classroom quiet, she marked you down for talking, she made sure that you did the assignments to her specific outlines - no deviating.

And I hated it.

I hated her.

My goal is to create a learning environment where students are free to express themselves. Where they feel like their teacher not only knows what she's talking about, but allows her students to learn from her in a non-stuffy environment. I want my classes to be fun and entertaining as well as educational. You do your best work in a place where you feel comfortable, and if you can't be comfortable in an art classroom then something is gravely wrong with the world.

You don't have to be good at drawing or painting to be an artist, you just have to be willing to open up the creative side of your brain and let it spill all over your page. And that is what I want for my students. A comfortable environment with a passionate teacher and an end goal to become the most creative they can be.

So far, I think I have a real good start on that.

it's beginning again

Do you remember what I was doing this time last year? I just met the teacher I would student teach under, I spent my first day back in a high school after four years in college and I had just finished working at the theme park. This year is so different from the last! So much has changed and I can't believe I'm here - you know, almost 23 and about to work full time as an art teacher.

This all happened so fast. I student taught which led to a library aide position which led to full time art teaching all at the same school and with awesome people. Today was my first official day back in the halls where I will start teaching next week. I was in my classroom moving tables and tearing down butcher paper on bulletin boards.

Last year I was looking a lot towards my mentor teacher - what to do on each day, where does this thing go, what should I do with this? And now I'm the one charge. I get to make the decisions. I get to say what goes where. It's a little bit scary, all that power.

I am ready for school to start in that I'm excited for the year and to meet my students and to make awesome art projects. I am not ready for school to start in that I still have some rearranging and lesson planning and room decorating to do. I'm really excited mixed with a little bit of a ball of nerves. This is my big girl job. This is the job that comes with a 401k and life insurance. A salary and sick days. What am I? An adult or something? Weird.

And as I am up here preparing to deal with teenagers full of attitude, my friends are down south starting their first week of classes at the university. Honestly, I am a little jealous. I really enjoyed college - the atmosphere, the classes, the way professors treated you more like adults and just expected you to do stuff without holding your hand, the freedom and independence that come with living out of the house. I just keep reminding myself that soon they will all graduate and get real jobs and work all the time and I will still have summers off. And it will be glorious.

Mostly, I suppose, I just can't believe that I'm here. That I'm a real teacher. That I have a real classroom and real lessons and real students. It seems like yesterday I was a little 16 year old girl who didn't know what she wanted in life and now not only do I have a full time job, but it's even in the field in which I graduated. How often does that happen? I mean really. God provides for His children in ways we cannot imagine.

Summer has been crazy and wild and not at all what I expected and I'm pretty sure that fall will be the same way. This 2013 year hasn't ever been what I had thought it would be - always showing me things I didn't think could happen or would happen but did. 2013 has been the year of surprises so far, both good and bad but I think that just makes me more excited for what's to come. Bring on the new school year!

i made it big, yo

I interviewed for the full time teaching position the Monday before the school year was over. There were two positions open, one full time and one part time, and there were only two applicants. I knew for sure I would get a spot, I just didn't know which one they would offer me. I mean, I had a pretty good idea that I would get the full time position. That's the one I really wanted. But there was just enough uncertainty that made me nervous.

The only "interviews" I've ever been to were ones where I had already got the job and just needed to walk through the formalities. My first real 'adult' interview was for the library position, and I was so nervous I just tugged on my shirt sleeves the whole time and tried to steady my voice before I answered each question.

So I walked into this teaching interview, portfolio in hand, nervous and excited.

I sat before a panel of three people. My principal, one of the assistant principals, and a head administrator from the district office. My nerves were in a ball on top of my stomach and I felt like all my brain parts had been discombobulated and rearranged in my skull.

They asked their questions, starting with the most hated question in the history of the universe "So, Natalie, tell me a little bit about yourself..."

And then the classroom questions started pouring in. How would students describe you? How would you like your co-workers to describe you? What is your basic education philosophy? What things would you change in the art room, what would you keep the same? My brain was in hyperdrive trying to remember the right words and put sentences in the correct order while still remaining outwardly calm and taking the time to organize my thoughts before I opened my mouth.

I left the 20 minute interview unsure of which way they would go. On one hand, I had been working at the school for a year. I knew the art program, the staff, the students, how the school ran. But on the other hand I lacked serious experience in the teaching department. I taught at the university as a TA for Art 100 and I did my student teaching, but other than that I come up short. How do you get experience though, if no one will give you a chance? So I crossed my fingers and said my prayers and tried not to worry too much.

My principal told me they would have their decision by early the next week. I knew I would be gone, so I asked him to email me. Those first couple of days in Honduras, every time I would connect to the wifi I would obsessively check my email like a fourteen year old girl waiting to see if her crush actually responded.

Finally I got an email from my principal asking me to call him, since he had tried calling me and my number wasn't working. My heart sank a little as I wondered whether or not being out of the country had slimmed my chances for the full time position, but I emailed back telling him where I was and that I could call him once I returned home. He said that wasn't a problem and I finished out my week in Honduras curious about what the results were.

Monday afternoon I was texting TheBoy about my day, telling him that I still needed to call my principal about my job. A little while later he responds "did you call yet??" My heart started beating wildly in my chest, oh no I haven't! I don't want to! It's too scary! Inwardly I recoiled, both wanting desperately to find out and also to live in ignorant bliss at the same time.

So I picked up the phone. And I dialed the number. And I got his voicemail without the phone having rung first. I hung up, unsure of whether or not to call back. Sometimes when I call my mother and I get her voicemail right away something wonky happened with the connection and so I decided to redial the number and try again. Same thing, voicemail with no rings. This time I left a message for him to call me whenever since I was back in the country now.

And then I put my phone on Pandora and played it through the speakers while I hopped in the shower.

By the time I had soaped up and slathered on my face wash, my Chris Tomlin jam sesh was cut short. I peaked my head out of the shower and saw my principal's number calling my phone. I shut off the water, grabbed my towel and only dried off the part of my face that would touch my phone as I pressed the button to connect.

"Hello, this is Natalie," I said. The voice on the other line greeted me excitedly, he asked me about my trip, what did I do, how long was I gone, who did I go with, etc. And then he says what I have been dying to hear.

"We've decided to offer you the full time position..."

Before he can say anything else a little "yaaaay" escaped my lips and all of a sudden I wanted to laugh and cry and scream and hug someone all at the same time while standing in the middle of my steamy bathroom dripping with water and soap and wrapped in a towel.

And that is how I became the new full time art teacher at the ripe old age of twenty two.

I'm The Student Teacher

Student teaching is an interesting experience. In all honesty, I actually really love teaching. I'm a mix of nervous and excited for the rest of the semester and I'm ready for routine to settle in. Five minute warm up drawings, different projects, different problems, different solutions. High school is so different from the other side of the fence.

It brings back a lot of memories, mostly because high school really wasn't all that long ago for me in the grand scheme of life. Four years, that's all. There are still the skinny cheerleaders, giant jocks, goths, nerds, hipsters, etc, that existed when I roamed the halls of my upper level education facility. But now I look at them through different lenses. I'm not looking to be their friend, per se. It's a fine line between being their friend and their teacher. You want to be strict, but not too much. You want to be nice, but not let them take advantage of you.

Everyone keeps telling me not to smile until midterms. Be serious. Make them understand that you respect them so they should respect you and all the rules and procedures that you have put into place. And then once you've developed that wonderful relationship, you can relax a little bit.

Truthfully this whole endeavor has just made me want my own classroom with the freedom to make my own rules and teach my own classes. But I'm not quite ready for that yet. I'm transitioning into that world - you know the one - the adult world.

Next year I could potentially be working as an art teacher at the school in which I am now currently student teaching, and if that were to happen I would be beyond happy. Not only would this be my first "big person" job (haha) but I would also have a salaried position and benefits. From a minimum wage job to one with a yearly salary? It kind of blows my mind.

Wow.

You think after you graduate high school that you are headed into the real world and nothing will ever be the same again, and while that is partly true (the things not staying the same bit) the real world doesn't really start until you graduate college. But really, it doesn't seem like it's going to be that bad of a place.

And really? I'm just kind of ready to be there already. It's really too bad you don't get paid to student teach. I like only having one job. It's nice.

and so it begins

I never imagined I would be here. Well, I mean, I did, but also I didn't. This is my final semester of college and in the grand month of December I will wear a black cap and gown with a gold tassel and receive my bachelor's of science degree in art education.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves, you know. There is still a lot of work to do before then.

I have been working in one of the high schools in a town around twenty minutes away from my house. My mentor teacher is pretty much amazing and the more time I spend with her in the school preparing for the upcoming semester the more excited I get. Which is kind of a big deal since I was almost too nervous about it to function at the end of last semester.

The most amazing part is that there is a part time art position opening up at the high school next year because one of the teachers is retiring. And do you know who could be in line for that job? That's right. You guessed it! This girl! What?

I know.

The faster time goes by the quicker I'm slipping into adult world. It's already incredibly different to be on this side of the school system, but don't you know? I'm so used to being a student and being required to follow the student rules that the fact that I am no longer bound by them is still something I'm getting used to.

You mean I can actually answer a text in class and no one will threaten to take away my phone? What is this madness! Not that that gives me permission to abuse the privilege and ignore my students in favor of my phone conversations, but I don't have to convince my parents to go pick up my phone from the vice principal lest I get in trouble.

But that's really not the biggest thing, I mean, even though I'm excited about that. Mostly because I feel naughty replying to a text message or answering a call inside a classroom. I'm sure that will get less weird with time, but I'm still not quite there yet. But the biggest thing is that here I sit at almost 22 years old and I'm going to be teaching children.

Think about that for a second, if you will.

I am frequently asked what grade I'm going into this year. People mistake me for a freshmen in college and it's no exaggeration when I tell you their jaws drop once they find out I'm not only not a freshmen but I'm also about to graduate. I just feel like the fact that I look like I'm still in high school is going to be something I'll have to overcome during the course of my student teaching.

My wardrobe should help fix that. And my attitude. So we'll see how it goes. I'm excited about the actual teaching portion, but I'm not excited about all of the hoops I have to jump through to get certified. But on the plus side, job offer!!

The only downside to accepting this job offer, if it is indeed offered to me in the near future is that I'll have to move closer to that school which is farther away from The Boy and where I wanted to be. But at the same time, you know, real big person job! With salaries! And things!

I'm A Professional Now...Maybe

Currently I am enrolled in what we call a Professional Practices class here at my university. When I signed up for this class, I had no idea what kinds of things we were going to do. I just was annoyed this class was only one day a week and had to be attended on a Friday, at 12:30. This is annoying because 1) hello! It's Friday! and 2) it meant if I wanted to go home on the weekend, I couldn't leave town until around 3 pm. Total downer.

Anyway, it turns out that this class is hugely beneficial to the success of my future. We've had speakers come talk to us about small business, attending grad school, life with a career in the arts, and also a past professor of architecture from our own university. They've all given us some incredibly valuable information and insight into what our potential futures may turn out to be.

In addition to listening to some awesome (and some boring) professionals, we also are working on developing our portfolios. Most of the students in this class are art majors of some sort, whether it be graphic design or fine arts, and then there are a few of us who are art education majors. The art students' portfolios are designed to get them in galleries, or to get companies to partner with a creative genius. The art ed students' portfolios are designed to land us jobs as art teachers. I don't know if you know this, but there's some stiff competition for art teachers out there. My portfolio is less than impressive at this very moment, but that's why we're in this class - to help beef up our games.

Right now I have a starter resume, a generic cover letter, my teaching philosophy, and a list of around 13 images. The images are of my own work, to showcase what I can do as an artist. But as I spend more time teaching, especially after I've completed my student teaching, I should have images of work that students have created under my instruction.

I don't have a lot of photos of student work from this semester's Art 100 lab section that I'm TAing, but I'm starting to compile a few. Today we wrapped up our Altered Book project (which is possibly my favorite one) and my students always impress me. 

Prince told me I sounded old when I call them my students. I feel old when I talk about my students. However, they always impress me with their ideas and the products that they can turn out in a couple hours, or a couple class sessions depending on what we're doing. 

This project we just finished involved the students choosing a used book and turning that book into something else, a work of art. I love this idea because the possibilities are really almost endless. There is a project that I don't have a picture of yet, but it's a phone book all torn apart and hung upside down. It's really quite fascinating, and I would have personally never thought to do something like that. 

This project is such an optical illusion. The black and white rings are actually the reverse of each other. The left side digs into the book, while the right side sticks out. The high contrast makes them look flat though, which is really interesting and neat to look at.

I think this one is one of my favorites though. It's a book monster - with pink teeth. Seriously, is that not adorable? And I love the eyes, too funny!

This student drew inspiration from the actual book itself - being about things of western nature. The sunglasses on the clay cactus are hilarious. And the tiles on the house are made from folded pages of the book, while the house is constructed from the cover. It's painted with tempera and acrylic paints.

So, thanks to the information I'm gaining from my Professional Practices class, I think these projects are totally going in my future portfolio.

First Is The Worst

Okay guys, tomorrow is my big day for the semester.

It's going to be one of the most nerve racking days of my college career. As I'm sure every "first" day of school is going to be for the rest of my life.

Tomorrow is Wednesday, January 26, 2011 and consequently it is also my first day as a Lab Instructor for the Art 100 class taught here at the University. I teach the 5th section of the lab, and tomorrow I have 31 students who will be expecting me to teach them how to make a color grid.

Yikes.

I'm nervous. Beyond nervous. Frightened maybe, even.

And to tell you the truth, I don't think I should be. I worked as a camp counselor last summer for crying out loud! But you see, there are two main differences between these situations even though I am large and in charge for both them. Summer camp was me and Prince-y vs eleventy billion 5-12 year olds. This semester, it's just little me against 31 college freshmen/sophomores.

I will not be the oldest person in the room! They will not blindly follow me like good elementary aged children!

But, everyone is telling me I will be fine. But, also, the first day is always the most nerve racking. It's downright scary, actually. Thankfully the lab sections are only once a week, so I will only be teaching Wednesdays and the experience will be totally worth it, I'm still just a scared little girl.

Which I'm certain is exactly how I will feel when I have to do my semester of student teaching and exactly how I will feel come the first day of every school year I end up teaching for the rest of the my life. First days are scary for both teachers and students!

I can do it, I can do it, I can do it....I hope.