AUTHENTICITY

2013 was kind of a mess for me, I would like to think. This whole being an adult thing about life is way harder than anyone can ever tell you and not in the ways that you would think. We all know that as we age we are expected to pay bills, move out of our parents' houses, and get big-person jobs. Our childhoods are all about preparing for that part of life - we all know it's coming.

What we don't expect are the changes in relationships, the small adjustments in how you express yourself and the way that you make decisions. I've realized that not only does the relationship you hold with your parents change with the coming of new years, but also the ones you have with your siblings. As children you protect each other from bullies, bicker about who gets to sit in the front seat of the car, pout when one of them won't share their new toy, etc, etc. And in growing up, you go from fighting over the last chicken nugget to living in completely different states.

This next year is going to be full of so many more changes for me that I can't even begin to tell you all of them. Some of them I have no idea are coming (because who can see into the future, amiright?) and some of them I am already planning on how to deal with.

Daniel is going to graduate high school this year. He's going to move to Arizona to go to a trade school and become a certified mechanic. I can't even believe it, you guys. This boy! He is probably one of my favorite people on the planet - so caring and nice. Helpful and sweet and he has the heart of a servant. He's also incredibly mischievous and a wee bit evil sometimes, which just makes me love him even more although I sometimes kind of hate him too. Brothers, you know?

And in July, Jimmy and Rylie are tying the knot. These two are so perfect for each other it's not even funny. I'm so happy that they are going to be together forever, let me just tell you. When Jimmy and I were little, he was my adventure buddy. He was my partner in crime. We would do everything together from climbing trees and hay bails, to riding our bikes without holding the handlebars, to jumping out of second story windows.

I was excited for him to go off to college and begin growing up, but I was unprepared for the way that we would change. We are still definitely brother and sister and it really shows when we're together and still hold conversations solely in movie quotes, but we also interact a lot differently now too. I suppose that is to be expected, but it still catches me off guard. This little blonde headed chubby baby brother of mine is now a man with the most precious fiancé. Instead of me and him against the world, it's him and her. And she is just perfect for the job too, I couldn't have found someone better suited to keeping my mouthy brother in line if I had tried.

2014 is also the year that I will finish up my first year of teaching and start my second. Student teaching is all good and fine and things, but being the actual teacher is so much more work than you are ever going to be prepared for. It's a constant battle to keep my head above the water and I'm always on my tip toes. I hear the water level goes down with the more experience you gain, so I'm looking forward to that I suppose.

I have been blessed with some amazing students and I've formed some good working relationships with a few of my co-workers. It's still tough being the baby and the newby but life goes on. It always goes on.

Nathan will graduate from the university in May and I have no idea what's going to happen after that. Which, admittedly, is both terrifying and exhilarating to me. When we first started dating I feel like it was very surface level attraction. I liked him, he liked me, but I moved and I didn't know how long we would keep up the long distance. And then in January my suspicions were answered when he pulled the plug on our little relationship.

What exceeded my expectations though, was the fact that he came back around in March and worked very hard to fix what he had broken. I am seriously the luckiest girl in the world to be able to call him mine. Sometimes I just look at him from across the room and it's hard to believe that we are where we are. Together. Us against the world. We have climbed mountains with each other. We've come so far, and our journey is not over yet. I can't wait to see what this new year holds for us. As individuals and as a couple.

And in other news, no new year's resolutions for this girl again this year. But instead, I have a word. Two years ago I picked the word "explore" (which was awesome) and last year I picked "courage" (which was decidedly not awesome). This year my word is authentic.

Your 20s are about defining who you are, and so that is my goal. This year I will turn 24 (a fact that I can hardly believe) and so I'm learning to make my way in this world as a grown woman. I want to be authentic to myself, no extra smoke and mirrors, nothing to get in the way of who I am. I want to be able to let the stress go and just take life one day at a time as myself - whoever that is. I want to discover authenticity in relationships and my job and all over my life. It's important to be true to who you are and to who God is calling you to be. I know this year will have its ups and downs and I'm not about to go making promises that 2014 is going to be the best year ever. But I do believe that 2014 is going to be a good one, or at least I hope so.

So, new year, let's do this. Hit me with your best shot.

A GOOD REMINDER

My first week of classes went as good as can be expected I suppose. With all the switching class periods and new students in my room every day, and also learning to deal with my special needs students, by Friday I couldn't have been more stoked for the weekend. I went home and collapsed on the couch, too exhausted to really do anything. And I promise you I tried to pay attention during Friday night church, but it was a battle to even keep my eyes open.

Saturday didn't really offer much rest either. But what is life if not constantly busy? I went to lunch with a very good friend and then attended a barbecue that evening.

Mimi and I made chocolate jalapeño cupcakes with a vegan lime cream cheese glaze. They were, to say the least, delicious. I was a little worried that maybe the cupcakes turned out too spicy, but the lime cream cheese balanced out the hotness of the jalapeños. Really, you should try them.

Over a dinner of perfectly grilled tri-tip steak, the best potato salad and macaroni salad in the world, amazing cilantro pasta salad and a variety of chips, we sat and talked and reminisced about Honduras with our wonderful team. The barbecue was the three month anniversary of our departure. It is almost unbelievable that it has been that long and that short at the same time.

We are such a close knit team that once we were all together again it sort of felt like we hadn't been apart at all. Missions trips bond people for life, I'm telling you. We are already starting to plan our trip for next October, in 2014.

It is an interesting thing to spend time in a third world country. After so long you get to come home and go back to your 'normal' life. You get to sleep in your normal bed and wear your normal clothes and go to your normal job. But the people you meet and the workers you sweat along side with every day are still down there. That is their "normal." And doesn't that just blow your mind?

Having memories and pictures and friends from that trip really puts into perspective just how blessed I am to live where I do, to be who I am. With all the crazy things I have done this summer it is important to remember that I am lucky to have all these things. To have two silly puppies and a full time job. To be surrounded by family and friends.

As I begin the second week of the school year, learning to navigate new situations and ask tough questions about whether some things I'm facing are too difficult for a first year teacher to deal with on her own, I'm going to remind myself that this is a giant blessing in my life. This job, with all it's challenges, is going to help me grow. It is the best thing I could ask for, even though it's probably one of the toughest things I've ever attempted.

But you know what, I'm not worried. This is going to be the best year yet.

it's beginning again

Do you remember what I was doing this time last year? I just met the teacher I would student teach under, I spent my first day back in a high school after four years in college and I had just finished working at the theme park. This year is so different from the last! So much has changed and I can't believe I'm here - you know, almost 23 and about to work full time as an art teacher.

This all happened so fast. I student taught which led to a library aide position which led to full time art teaching all at the same school and with awesome people. Today was my first official day back in the halls where I will start teaching next week. I was in my classroom moving tables and tearing down butcher paper on bulletin boards.

Last year I was looking a lot towards my mentor teacher - what to do on each day, where does this thing go, what should I do with this? And now I'm the one charge. I get to make the decisions. I get to say what goes where. It's a little bit scary, all that power.

I am ready for school to start in that I'm excited for the year and to meet my students and to make awesome art projects. I am not ready for school to start in that I still have some rearranging and lesson planning and room decorating to do. I'm really excited mixed with a little bit of a ball of nerves. This is my big girl job. This is the job that comes with a 401k and life insurance. A salary and sick days. What am I? An adult or something? Weird.

And as I am up here preparing to deal with teenagers full of attitude, my friends are down south starting their first week of classes at the university. Honestly, I am a little jealous. I really enjoyed college - the atmosphere, the classes, the way professors treated you more like adults and just expected you to do stuff without holding your hand, the freedom and independence that come with living out of the house. I just keep reminding myself that soon they will all graduate and get real jobs and work all the time and I will still have summers off. And it will be glorious.

Mostly, I suppose, I just can't believe that I'm here. That I'm a real teacher. That I have a real classroom and real lessons and real students. It seems like yesterday I was a little 16 year old girl who didn't know what she wanted in life and now not only do I have a full time job, but it's even in the field in which I graduated. How often does that happen? I mean really. God provides for His children in ways we cannot imagine.

Summer has been crazy and wild and not at all what I expected and I'm pretty sure that fall will be the same way. This 2013 year hasn't ever been what I had thought it would be - always showing me things I didn't think could happen or would happen but did. 2013 has been the year of surprises so far, both good and bad but I think that just makes me more excited for what's to come. Bring on the new school year!

newsy

So yesterday I did this really fun thing where I designed a new blog header. There are just some things I get tired of eventually and it just felt like it was time for a change, you know? I suppose I didn't really deviate that far from my last design though. Birds. Yellow. Blue. It is what it is. Mostly it's the end product of my playing around with the Gimp program since I lost my beloved Photoshop and Illustrator programs in the great laptop debacle of 2012 wherein my computer up and died for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I'm still mourning the loss of my expansive music collection. And almost all of my pictures. Life is rough.

In different news, I can't believe it's the end of April already. I just have May and part of June left until the end of this school year. I still have no idea exactly what I'm doing for the summer. I haven't job hunted or apartment hunted or anything. Procrastinator extraordinaire over here. Can I get a what what? (Yeah, that just happened. Don't look shocked, we all know I'm six years old.) 

Anyway, I hear the weather is supposed to be lovely this weekend. It better be since there is a concert and what are apparently the best caramel apples ever (according to TheBoy) in my future. Plus I really just want to wear shorts and tank tops all the time, is that so bad? Warm weather just lifts my spirits. It should be sunny more often than not. And if it can't be sunny, there should be thunderstorms. Yes.

Everything and Liebster

So far this is the weirdest Christmas vacation I have ever had in my life. Mostly because of how it started and how it's going to end. The middle really isn't so bad, if we're being honest.

Friday we were supposed to have school, you see. But because of what happened at Sandy Hook elementary and the "fact" that the world was supposed to end soon, some rumors were circling the area and freaking some students out. Students and faculty were worried that some of our own students would get this big idea that they were going to go out with a bang on Friday, shooting up the school. 

I don't know about you, but I take those kinds of threats seriously - because if you just ignore it I think it will happen. And then you have to look back with the guilt of knowing you could have stopped it. So the head honchos called off classes and started winter break early. Which is a little scary, but I'm glad those students never got the opportunity to make those rumors come to fruition. 

And then my graduation present arrived in the mail, taking my mind off of why school was out of session and setting it to focus on one thing and one thing only - my brand new macbook pro. My mom handed me this cardboard box and I sang a few lines of "brown paper packages tied up with striiiiing" and plopped myself down on the couch having no idea what was about to become of me. 

That cardboard box was so deceiving! I looked down inside and saw a smaller white box with a black handle. Looking back up at my mom, I smirked. I smirked a knowing kind of smirk - one that says "really? you got me this?" Thinking that I was about to pull out of a box of expensive art supplies. I was all sorts of prepared for new brushes and watercolors and pencils, etc. 

Instead I got the shock of my life. I texted TheBoy with all caps. You guys! This! This is what I have been wanting and wanting and wanting and wanting and just when you think you reached the end of my wanting there was a crazy underground wanting garage. But macs are so expensive! I never in my entire life thought they would buy it for me, those sneaky rotten so-and-so's! 

I was completely speechless for about ten minutes. It felt like I could only talk in fragmented sentences "I'm so... You guys! ...but really.... it's just... wow." And it kind of just went on like that as I proceeded to open up the box, remove my new computer, start it up, set it up, and figure it out. Their only mistake was giving it to me before dinner, because pulling me away from it to get out the door for pizza was almost impossible. 

But aside from all that awesomeness, I have to remind myself not to get caught up in the commotion of wanting winter break to be almost over. TheBoy doesn't come back until three days before my break is over and when he first told me that I was mad. I was selfish and self pitying, complaining to my mom that all I wanted was to spend longer than a weekend with him for once and he was freaking gone. And then I got over it because there's nothing either one of us can do about it. A weekend together is better than nothing so I'll take what I can get because I'd rather have some than none at all. 

So to distract myself, Mom and I made Stollen today, which is German Christmas bread in case you were wondering. We made four loaves and are currently down to only one....and we didn't give any away. I am not allowed to eat any carbs tomorrow, guys. I swear. I am doing good at this whole losing weight thing and I'm not going to let these holidays stop me! But that bread! It could be my downfall. 

And on a slightly related note, I have recently rediscovered a love of reading. I read The Hate List in a day, it was so good I couldn't put it down. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend that book. Although with all the Sandy Hook stuff going on, it hits a little close to home. In The Hate List it makes a small reference to the book Ender's Game - which caught my eye because I remember TheBoy had talked about liking that book. So I decided to read that one too. I think it took me three days to make it to the end. Such a good book - really. So now I need something new to devour over my Christmas vacation.

Reading always gives me ideas for writing too, and I had originally planned to write some sort of fiction piece for Friday's End of the World extravaganza, but then I ended up taking a nap instead. So there you go. I'd like to write more fiction though, I only have a couple pieces here on the blog, but I can't help feeling like I should do more. Maybe next week. 

Last, but not least, the great Stephanie whom I love and adore has tagged me in a blog post for the "Liebster Award" and so, you know the drill. Questions, answers, facts, more questions and tags. Ready....go!

The Qs: 

1. What's one thing you want for Christmas? Money. Honestly, the older I get the more that seems to come in handy. Plus, I already got my macbook pro so I'm pretty much set for life. 
2. What do you think our kids will say about the music we listen to? What will you say back? I'd like to think future generations will like the music we have now and they'll think it's cool because it's "retro" and then I'll play them some disco music to see what happens. We got to lay down that boogie and play that funky music til we diiiiiieeeeeee. Yes. 
3. Would you rather be eaten alive by kittens, or lick a hobo clean? Can I just completely opt out? I hate these kinds of questions. 
4. If you could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself? Oh man, I would tell myself not to waste so much time being hung up on PC. Seriously. 
5. What's one thing you're really bad at that you'd love to do well? Sing. I can't carry a tune in a bucket but I'd like to. 
6. How do you feel about bleached blonde hair? Some people can pull it off and some people can't. The people that can't should really learn that about themselves...
7. Would you rather be a Yankee or a Southerner? I used to think I wanted to be a Southerner but Pinterest kind of ruined that for me with all the "You should prefer Southern girls and if you don't, raise your standards" That just kind of made me want to punch them all in the face. I'll stick with being from Idaho. 
8. Have you ever written a letter to Santa? Do you remember if you got what you wanted? I wrote a letter to Santa in 2nd grade and I had a 4th grader "elf" write back to me. It was a school project and I had grown up knowing that Santa wasn't real, so I never put much stock in crossing my fingers that he would bring what I wanted. 
9. How old were you when you had yours first crush? 4th grade. I had the hugest crush on Marty Hawkins. It was bad. 
10. Do you prefer the country or the city? I'm a country girl, but I could make a suburb work depending on what city I was near. 
11. Do you want to be rich when you grow up? Truthfully I just want to have enough money to live a comfortable existence that afforded a plethora of traveling opportunities, beyond that is not my concern. 

The Facts:

1. I am a huge grinch. I love Christmas, but it just takes me a really long time to get in the spirit of the season. 
2. I wish that holidays were more family filled, but none of my family seems to make that a priority. 
3. We get a brand new puppy on monday! Heyo! 
4. I'm really good at CatchPhrase.
5. I think coming up with 11 facts about myself is more difficult than it should be. 
6. I am not a people person. 
7. The telephone and I are not friends. 
8. I fully believe that actions speak louder than words so if you say something, you better back it up. 
9. Speaking in accents is way more fun than speaking in my normal voice. 
10. Sometimes I just want to run away from everything and go live in a foreign country. 
11. I'm really glad I made it to the number 11 on this list. That was hard. 


The New Qs: 

1. What is one thing you've never tried before but really want to?
2. If you could pick one new instrument to play, what would it be? 
3. What is your absolute favorite book of all time? And if you can't pick just one, give me your top three. 
4. Favorite thing to drink? 
5. What's the question you get asked most often and how do you feel about that? 
6. What age do you most often get accused of being? 
7. How did you meet your best friend?
8. Favorite holiday tradition? 
9. What's the biggest mistake you've ever made? 
10. How old were you when you realized what you wanted to do with your life? 
11. What's your favorite thing to wear? 


And now the Tags:

(If I'm honest, I will tell you that there aren't a great many people here in the blog world I feel comfortable enough to tag in a post, especially because this past year my posts have been so irregular and that I don't really have a steady following, so I'll just tag some people anyway and see what happens.) 
Natalie
Stephanie (can I pick you even though you already got it? I really want to know your answer to my #3 because I'm in the market for new and good books!)
...and I'm done. I'd tag Alana but Steph beat me to it.