Tuesday, February 19, 2013

the new normal

There is so much that I want to say but I don't know how to word it. So I process and I journal and I talk until I figure it out. It's so funny that as little kids we are always in a hurry to grow up and then we get here and go "for the love of bacon, this is tough." 

In order to keep going forward in my life, I have to make certain decisions. Decisions that involve cutting certain people out of my life while allowing others to stay in it - and in addition to those things, I am learning to make new friends. 

PC and I had a terrible conversation the other night. And by terrible I mean I finally had to break down and tell him that there was zero chance we would ever get back together. It hasn't been that long that TheBoy and I have been apart, so excuse me for not wanting to flirt with anyone right away. And um, excuse me? Did PC really think he had a shot anyway? After how he treated me? Was he just hoping I'd forget everything and come running back into his arms? No thanks. I learned a lot from that relationship, and it was mostly how I don't want to be treated. 

And that is part of what makes it so hard to let TheBoy go. He hasn't treated me wrong. He's a great guy. But this thing that we are doing - this civil and friendly way we are treating each other - is not working for me. So in order for me to do what's best in my life, I have to let go. I have to stop talking to him or my door will always be open. 

Through a series of honest conversations with myself, and a lot of journaling, I decided it was time to move on. I wrote a letter to TheBoy that was full of everything I would want to say to him in a perfect world. He will never read that letter, it was just for me to put everything out in the open and move on from there. 

Also, I decided that I have to reach out and make connections here where I am right now at this moment. I can't keep living in the past wishing that I could just go back to Moscow. I can't live that style of life forever and I can't keep pretending that I'm still in school. I graduated. I have a degree and a teaching certificate. And even though school is the only life I know, it's time for me to start defining my new normal. 

And that new normal is taking place here and now and if I'm not careful I will miss it. 


  1. You're doing great Nat. Keep it up. Don't ever forget how you deserve to be treated.

  2. In the real world, there is no Prince Charming and anyone called "The Boy" is likely too young and immature to be viable "future" material. As for me, I always found the guys my own age to be immature and boring. That's why I preferred to date those older than me and what a find I had in your gramps. I didn't care that he was 5 years older than me. I didn't care that he'd spent 4 years in the navy during the Korean War. I only knew that he was reliable, steady, settled and mature. That was everything I'd always looked for and to this day I can't believe the Lord gave him to me as a husband and that we had such a happy life together. Love you, Oma


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