In order to keep going forward in my life, I have to make certain decisions. Decisions that involve cutting certain people out of my life while allowing others to stay in it - and in addition to those things, I am learning to make new friends.
PC and I had a terrible conversation the other night. And by terrible I mean I finally had to break down and tell him that there was zero chance we would ever get back together. It hasn't been that long that TheBoy and I have been apart, so excuse me for not wanting to flirt with anyone right away. And um, excuse me? Did PC really think he had a shot anyway? After how he treated me? Was he just hoping I'd forget everything and come running back into his arms? No thanks. I learned a lot from that relationship, and it was mostly how I don't want to be treated.
And that is part of what makes it so hard to let TheBoy go. He hasn't treated me wrong. He's a great guy. But this thing that we are doing - this civil and friendly way we are treating each other - is not working for me. So in order for me to do what's best in my life, I have to let go. I have to stop talking to him or my door will always be open.
Through a series of honest conversations with myself, and a lot of journaling, I decided it was time to move on. I wrote a letter to TheBoy that was full of everything I would want to say to him in a perfect world. He will never read that letter, it was just for me to put everything out in the open and move on from there.
Also, I decided that I have to reach out and make connections here where I am right now at this moment. I can't keep living in the past wishing that I could just go back to Moscow. I can't live that style of life forever and I can't keep pretending that I'm still in school. I graduated. I have a degree and a teaching certificate. And even though school is the only life I know, it's time for me to start defining my new normal.
And that new normal is taking place here and now and if I'm not careful I will miss it.