I'm A Professional Now...Maybe

Currently I am enrolled in what we call a Professional Practices class here at my university. When I signed up for this class, I had no idea what kinds of things we were going to do. I just was annoyed this class was only one day a week and had to be attended on a Friday, at 12:30. This is annoying because 1) hello! It's Friday! and 2) it meant if I wanted to go home on the weekend, I couldn't leave town until around 3 pm. Total downer.

Anyway, it turns out that this class is hugely beneficial to the success of my future. We've had speakers come talk to us about small business, attending grad school, life with a career in the arts, and also a past professor of architecture from our own university. They've all given us some incredibly valuable information and insight into what our potential futures may turn out to be.

In addition to listening to some awesome (and some boring) professionals, we also are working on developing our portfolios. Most of the students in this class are art majors of some sort, whether it be graphic design or fine arts, and then there are a few of us who are art education majors. The art students' portfolios are designed to get them in galleries, or to get companies to partner with a creative genius. The art ed students' portfolios are designed to land us jobs as art teachers. I don't know if you know this, but there's some stiff competition for art teachers out there. My portfolio is less than impressive at this very moment, but that's why we're in this class - to help beef up our games.

Right now I have a starter resume, a generic cover letter, my teaching philosophy, and a list of around 13 images. The images are of my own work, to showcase what I can do as an artist. But as I spend more time teaching, especially after I've completed my student teaching, I should have images of work that students have created under my instruction.

I don't have a lot of photos of student work from this semester's Art 100 lab section that I'm TAing, but I'm starting to compile a few. Today we wrapped up our Altered Book project (which is possibly my favorite one) and my students always impress me. 

Prince told me I sounded old when I call them my students. I feel old when I talk about my students. However, they always impress me with their ideas and the products that they can turn out in a couple hours, or a couple class sessions depending on what we're doing. 

This project we just finished involved the students choosing a used book and turning that book into something else, a work of art. I love this idea because the possibilities are really almost endless. There is a project that I don't have a picture of yet, but it's a phone book all torn apart and hung upside down. It's really quite fascinating, and I would have personally never thought to do something like that. 

This project is such an optical illusion. The black and white rings are actually the reverse of each other. The left side digs into the book, while the right side sticks out. The high contrast makes them look flat though, which is really interesting and neat to look at.

I think this one is one of my favorites though. It's a book monster - with pink teeth. Seriously, is that not adorable? And I love the eyes, too funny!

This student drew inspiration from the actual book itself - being about things of western nature. The sunglasses on the clay cactus are hilarious. And the tiles on the house are made from folded pages of the book, while the house is constructed from the cover. It's painted with tempera and acrylic paints.

So, thanks to the information I'm gaining from my Professional Practices class, I think these projects are totally going in my future portfolio.

I Had Some Milk

I was sitting in the van with five other people on our way to the airport in Phoenix. It was sunny outside, and not to mention deliciously warm. We were talking about this and that and just about everything in between when, as is hardly ever to be avoided, the conversation drifted towards the traffic, police cars, and eventually we ended up trading ticket stories.

My great uncle told a story about his mother, who was speeding, and talked her way out of a ticket. I don't believe I'd ever heard as many stories about my great-grandmother as I had during our stay in Arizona, and this one just added to the hilarity of the previous stories making me wish once again that I had known her better.

My mother has been pulled over, but being the wonderful soul that she is, has never received a ticket. She's nearing 50 people (but don't spread that around, she likes to believe she's still young), and she's never been the recipient of a speeding ticket. If only I could have been so lucky.

Since everyone else was sharing their various escapades, I thought it only fair that I contributed to the conversation instead of just soaking in all of my relatives words. I'd done a lot of listening this weekend, and it was finally time that I could share.

You see, I've been pulled over two times in my life. Both times Prince Charming was with me, and only one time did I land a citation. But, the first time I was pulled over was the funniest, although at the time my heart was pounding and laughter was the furthest thought from my mind.

It was late at night, dark, and clear skied. The moon was brilliantly shining, and also very big. I was driving Princey back home for the night, and we were headed down an extremely familiar and very empty road. We were both deeply contemplating the moon instead of focusing on driving, and before I'd traveled very far I glanced in my rear view mirror to see a riot of red and blue flashing lights.

My hands started to shake, my breathing was irregular, I quickly racked my brain for what I could have done wrong as I pulled my mother's Yukon XL to the side of the road. Had I been speeding? I didn't think so. Was a tail light burnt out? Who knew!

The cop came up to the car as I rolled down my window and stared at her, shocked and frightened. She reeled back a little, as if I was not the person she had been expecting to see behind the wheel of the vehicle. At the time I had thought her reaction strange, but as the events unfolded I realized why she did that.

"Ma'am, have you had anything to drink tonight?" She asked, in a tone typical of traffic cops.

 I looked at Prince Charming to see if he would offer help as I thought about her question. I didn't know what she meant, or why she would want to know what I had had to drink. I thought quickly about all that I had consumed prior to our departure from my house.

"I...I had some milk," I answered honestly, unsure if that was the correct response.

Her face relaxed, and she asked for my license and registration and then told me why she had pulled me over. Apparently while moon gazing, I had drifted over the center line of the road. I guess this is typical of drunk drivers, but having never been one or been around one I didn't know this. Which was also why I was totally perplexed by her opening question.

She gave me a warning and told me to have a good night and pay better attention to the road. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief as Prince replaced the registration and insurance back into their respective locations and the rest of our drive was uneventful.

My story got a good laugh and we traded more memories in the warmth of the sunshine on our beautiful last remaining hours surrounded by family.

The Blues

It's raining today - a sure sign of spring. I need an umbrella and some rain boots. And also shorter pants. I'm ready for warmer weather. And I'm ready for it to stop raining.

I'm ready for a lot of things, too. Like the semester being over, the weekend, and blooming flowers. Shorts, flip flops and painted toenails.

Hard to believe it's only Tuesday. I feel like sometimes time drags on and on forever and other times all I do is snap my fingers and hour is gone. And then sometimes it turns into two hours, three hours, etc. The weekends go by quickly and the weekdays last forever it seems.

I think that's partly because I'm so ready to be out of class, and partly because the Spring semester always goes by slower than the Fall.

I want some sunshine though. Just enough to make my heart happy. And to help the flowers grow.

A Year Later

A year ago this happened. The world would never be the same again. 

Half A Century

I spent most of my spring break in Arizona visiting my mom's side of the family for the joyous celebration of my maternal grandparent's 50th Wedding Anniversary Extravaganza. 

There were lots of people there I had never met before, so I hid behind the lens of a camera, documenting the momentous occasion instead of mingling with my relatives. I did a lot of mingling too, don't get me wrong, but there's only so much small talk I can take before this introvert needs some quality alone time. 

 

It seemed like it was a go-go-go-never stop vacation that you need a vacation from right after it's over to recuperate from. It would have been nice to end the trip with a whole day of blissful nothingness, but I tell you, school just has to ruin everything. I flew back Sunday morning, and departed again Sunday afternoon so I could come back to Moscow for school today.

So my day of nothingness was spent in an airport, on a plane and in a car. I fell asleep somewhere around 10 o'clock because I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. I think that's the earliest I've gone to bed in a long time, but I was totally exhausted. (A good kind of exhausted!)

Besides the fact there were many people in attendance whom I had never seen before in my life, there were quite a few family members I was happy to have the chance to hug again. I spent a lot of time with my aunt and uncles and my little cousin Princess M. We spent a whole evening making up Haiku poems because M loves to write poems and put words together - she's actually really good at it. She even memorized a poem to recite for the Anniversary Celebration.

Besides the anniversary party, I also attended my first major league baseball game (The Mariners and The Royals) (you can guess who won), but we also had a barbecue, and after the afternoon anniversary get together, we partied into the night (meaning, until about 9) with more family and more food.

The weather was beautiful, and the DP and I even commandeered some time out of our busy schedules to lounge around in the back yard in our swimsuits to soak up some sunshine. We read our books, listened to some music, played with the dog, and attempted to color our skin (we're still pasty white Idaho girls though).

And then, Saturday afternoon we prepped and primped and put on our smokin' hot dresses to wow the world. I think just about all of my relatives confused me and DP, and kept complimenting my mother on her beautiful girls.

Also, I think it literally shocked everyone when they asked me how old I was/what grade I was in. It took a few tries to get people to believe that I was a junior at a university, not a high school. That was pretty fun for me, to be honest.

Mom, DP and me. We are looking pretty snazzy! 

Grandma was just beside herself with joy I think the entire time. She was just right in her element, surrounded by all her family and friends. 

I'm pretty sure that everyone who came had a complete blast. I know my aunt worked really hard to pull a lot of things together, and once Mom, DP and I arrived we all worked hard setting everything up. I think it turned out beautiful, and even though I came home completely exhausted, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

Happy 50th Gramma and Grandpa!

Put The Spring In Spring Break Please

Oh but wait, that spring will come when I leave tomorrow on my trip to Arizona people! Arizona! Do you know what that means??

It means 80 DEGREE WEATHER!

I could not be more excited if I tried. Really.

I have been on spring break this week, and so far I have been having a total and complete blast. Saturday I spent on the snow covered slopes of Schweitzer mountain with my dad, The Keeper and The Mechanic. We tortured each other's souls and skied our hearts out.

I converted to skiing last year, after having been a dedicated boarder in the years prior. I hated to give it up, but because of my ankle, boarding was literally just too painful for me to continue with. Because I was a gymnast, I did a lot of tumbling and flying through the air. All that constant pounding on my joints took its toll, and now my ankle bones in my joint are very loose, which means that I don't have very much control of that joint and a lot of pressure aggravates it.

Snow boarding boots also don't offer a lot of ankle support, so I had to wrap my ankle with athletic tape and pop pain killers like a crack addict. All, really, to no avail. Dad got the bright idea that skiing might be easier for me because the boots offer more support, and well, since then I have been in ski boot bliss. I don't have to tape my ankle anymore, and my pain killer ration has gone way down.

And, as an added bonus, I no longer want to cry and stab myself in the foot anymore, so, well, crisis averted.

Plus, being able to enjoy a beautiful day like it was on Saturday is worth making the shift from boarding to skiing. I had a whole afternoon of snow ball fights, down hill races (which I always lose without fail) and boys. It was an adventure, and really, who doesn't love adventures?

Then yesterday and today I went...dress shopping! Can you just believe it? I am not a dress wearer, really. Dresses don't let you do cartwheels or sit criss cross applesauce on the floor or climb trees or ride bikes and really, it just wasn't my style.

But now that I'm getting older, I'm finding that dresses really might not be so bad after all. I have yet to really start incorporating this fashion statement in with my every day wear, but I'm not afraid to go look for some cute ones anymore. And also, having lost near 15 pounds really doesn't hurt one's ego when out in the grand department stores.

Beautiful right? And I look pretty good too, huh? Haha! But really, I spotted this dress from across the room and walked right up to it and picked out my size. I had a feeling it was probably going to be the dress I bought, but then I had to grab other dresses just for funzies. Because, hello people, what fun is dress shopping if you only try on one?

And holy wow, I just looked at that picture of me, and my calves! Behold their beefiness! I just can't believe it!

Amazing.

The DP got a dress the day before, kind of a shocker that our dresses are the same cut but different fabrics. I kind of like it that way though. Because we're going to be the cutest kids on the block, next to Grandma. And Grandma's only cuter because it's her party - you know how that is. She's adorable anyway, so we really have some stiff competition as it is - I mean, where do you think we got our good looks from anyway?

Sun Flare

This weeks theme is sun flare. 

This is my sister.

Isn't she pretty? 

Pictures! Life! Coffee Drunkenness!

Here is my life lately - a story told through mostly pictures...and I guess some words are thrown around in there too.

Yes, I am one. I need this sign. Since I met Prince Charming, he's introduced me to lots of new things - Zombies being one of them - and now, well, I like them. I play Plants vs. Zombies on my phone a lot. The cartoony zombies are my favorite kind. They're kind of cute.

This is my mostly finished painting. I still really kind of hate it a lot, but that's because I just get easily frustrated with the whole trying to figure out how to use a palette knife...I still don't really get it.

Sunsets! They are beautiful - I don't care who you are. I love pictures of them. Anytime I see sunrises/sets I snap a kajillion photos just to make sure I got a good one in there somewhere.

This is a painting/inking that one of my art 100 students did. My kids are amazing, can I just tell you! I'd like to brag that I'm a really great teacher, but I think this is just a case of natural talent. Whatever, whatever. I'm still impressed with what my students can do!

Baby octopus, anyone? Yeah, I didn't think so. But can you believe we have them in Moscow??

And these are drawings that I did today. I'm really on the fence about this drawing class. I go back and forth between loving it and loathing it. But today was nice, since we just got to focus on the face. The second one is my favorite :)

Also, it's the beginning of spring break. My mind has left me. And it doesn't help that I got coffee drunk at work...I'm awake! I'm awake! I'm awake! And also very sleepy. How does that work?

Giving Saves

Even though Prince Charming and I are no longer dating each other, we have decided that we would like to stay friends - and while that has been a battle for me in and of itself, I have chosen to go along with him because I like having him in my life.

He is one of the few people who lives with me at school that I can talk to about almost anything and he makes me feel better when I am upset - so even though stepping back and making a conscious effort to remain "just friends" sometimes is more difficult than I can imagine - I like that he doesn't want to just cross me out and leave me behind.

And building up a base of pure friendship can do nothing but good things for our relationship - whatever relationship we have from now on.

So, because Prince Charming is my friend, and also because what he's doing has a special place in my heart, I am going to do something I don't normally do.

Prince Charming and his friends are running in the Relay for Life - and I think you all probably know what that is, but if you don't Relay for Life is partnered with the American Cancer Society to raise money for cancer research, to help people live longer, and things of that nature. It's truly a wonderful thing for people to participate in - and so far Prince Charming is on a team with seven other people. They are all trying to raise a minimum of 100 dollars per person - so if they each get 100 dollars, that's 800 dollars that's going towards helping out people with cancer.

I don't know if you guys know this, but my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer when I was a freshmen in college. He had to have surgery, and now he's doing fine - but he still monitors what he eats, he all but gave up red meat which completely surprised me, and he's thankful to be alive and healthy.

Honestly, our involvement with cancer hasn't been as horrific as some, and for that I am very thankful. Not to mention very blessed.

I don't know a lot of details, but I know that Prince's grandfather was diagnosed with the same kind of cancer my dad had, but from what I've heard it sounds like he's in a more advanced state - but I don't really know for sure.

What I do know though, is that millions of people are affected by cancer whether they have it or know someone who does, or know someone who was taken by cancer. And what I also know is that giving towards cancer research is one of the best things we could probably do for those we love and care about.

So here's the link. Prince has got 60 dollars already, but he needs at least 40 more. And can you just imagine if he got 200? 300? Wouldn't that be fantastic?

I don't know if a cure is really realistically lurking on the horizon of "anytime soon" but I do know that all the research we can do, the better.

Announcement!

Okay guys, so I think it's right proper time I tell you all that I have another blog. Don't worry, there are paper bags in the seat back in front of you for those who feel like hyper-ventilating at the thought of me leaving you all here stranded in this little corner of the internet, but fear not!

I mean, I haven't left you yet have I?

And I have to say, this blog will forever hold a special place in my heart because I come here to laugh and cry and share my victories and sob out my heartbreaks and I will never leave you here alone, my sweet little gangsta graffiti readers. You are all so very dear to me - the whole ten of you who actually read me here, haha.

But this new blog, this new place I have created and added to my little corner of the interwebz is for me to share about art. I created this blog after having a talk with my art theory/history professor. You see, I've discovered that I have a lot in common with the man and as it is, we both enjoy writing our hearts out.

So, in order to help me process the information that streams in one ear and out the other and onto my notebook paper in class, I have started this new blog as a place to write out the material we are discussing in class. A lot of the information found there may be something you disagree with, and even though my posts now aren't really offensive, they could get there.

It's an art blog - I'll have you know - and art has a way of offending certain parties that are not privy to whatever it is that this art has to say about life, society, people, things in general.

So, I beg of you to hop on over and take a look around. Follow if you're interested, ignore it if you aren't. But at least now you know it's there, formally.

Without further adieu, I give to you, for your enjoyment and entertainment and to help feed the artist deep inside your brain parts: Art Theories.

A Full Heart

Do you know, there's just something about a good worship song. They're uplifting, they're inspiring, they find you right where you where you are, in whatever situation you're currently bound up in, and they say here I am! Pick me! I will hold your hand and love on you and put band-aids on your heart!

You want to dance and fall on your knees at the same time. You want to spin around the room and throw your hands up in the air and you want to cry and you want to laugh and smile and all these emotions just overwhelm you. Have you ever experienced that?

Lately I have added more worship/Christian songs to my musical magazine because they don't sing about boys liking girls, girls liking boys, girls or boys who have relationships while liking someone else, cheating, heartbreak, heartache, lovey dovey googly eyes where she does everything right and he couldn't love her more, or songs where he thinks he should have said this and should have done that in order to make her never want to leave.

I can't stand those songs anymore. There are too many memories there, too many emotions that I am unwilling to confront because it just rips open my slowly healing wound.

But turning on MercyMe, Paul Baloche, Chris Tomlin, Toby Mac, Todd Agnew, Newsboys, Phillips, Craig & Dean, The Imperials, you know, these songs are all about love of a heavenly sort, from a heavenly Father, who loves you no matter what you do, no matter what mistakes you've made. He will meet you wherever you are, He never moves. God is always constant.

He always makes sure that you are taken care of, there are always people around to help you out in the name of Jesus even if they don't even know God sent them to you - but you know. Yes you do. You just know. You prayed and prayed and talked to God and then this person appears, and you're like "Yes, Please! Thank you Jesus! You always got my back, bro!"

And he's all like "Ya Welcome, kiddo. I love you. XOXO"

Okay, maybe only in my mind he talks to me like that, but it doesn't matter because God is God and He is and was and forever will be my savior and my father and my God. No one is like him, no one can replace him and he will never forget me nor forsake me.

And to know that there is someone out there who will always be there with you no matter what is one of the most comforting things in the world.

There is this large misconception that once you love Jesus everything is peaches and cream and it's always easy all of the time, but that's not true. I have Jesus but I am in no way whatsoever perfect, nor is my life an easy road. But even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, my Jesus is there with me.

And folks, I just could not ask for more.

Palette Knifes

So, I had another painting assignment. I loathed the last one, because I didn't know how to go about doing anything, and well, this time was a little bit better. 

There are a couple still life settings around the room, and we were supposed to pick one to paint. I had scoped out my spot the class period before, but when I arrived the next class, another girl had taken my spot. I was disappointed and I didn't know where to go. 

I looked around at the other still lifes until one spoke to me. You know it when you see it, you know? Something about whatever it is just speaks to you in such a way that you feel like you have to capture it before it slips away. 

That's how I felt when I saw the apple next to a stack of books and a light bulb. And I thought to myself, it's the perfect thing for a future teacher to paint, for obvious reasons. 

I was a little worried about how to go about painting this, because now we are supposed to use our palette knifes instead of paintbrushes. 

We started out with brushes on the first day to lay down some color before we started applying paint with a knife.

The white part is the unpainted canvas. I haven't yet started on those pieces.

I started with a palette knife on the apple and then I attempted to do the top book, but I got frustrated with color matching and moved on to what will eventually be the Christmas ornament on top of the book. So far it's just a redish-orangish-pinkish blob that I am extremely unhappy with.

But I like the apple so far. I have more work to do as far as it's concerned, but I'll get there.

As I worked I moved down to the other two books because they were smaller, and then I started in on the gold fabric.

So far, I hate the gold fabric. I hate it. With a fiery passion that can be unmatched by my hate for any other gold fabric I've encountered in my life.

I worked on the gold fabric a lot, but the paints were still too wet and kept mixing together making colors that I didn't want where I didn't want them. It was just generally frustrating. 

I decided at that point it was time for a pizza bagel from Einstein's and a blended coffee drink. I will start again on Monday. 

It's Been A Long Day

Being tired makes me emotional. Having a long day with the outlook of an even longer day tomorrow after being tired all day today doesn't help. And feeling sick just adds to the torture.

I don't know how I made it through today and I don't know how I will make it through tomorrow either. I have a bajillion and a half things to do and little to no attention span with which to do them. I'm irrational and dodgey at best, and tomorrow I have students to teach! Minds to mold! Values to warp! You know, all that good juicy stuff.

And what's the absolute worst about being emotional and tired is that it makes me miss having someone to immediately fall back on. Someone who I know will be there for me through thick and thin, through the good and the bad, for ever and ever amen. I miss him. Especially when I just feel like crap and all I want to do is lay around cry.

But I have to pick myself up by my bootstraps, I don't have him to rely on anymore. Sometimes I get so caught up in that thought I can't even breathe, do you know what that feels like? And then I have to will myself to think about something else because in all reality I can't bear to think of my future without him in it. Not yet. I still want him there, even after all that's happened.

(Right about there is where my dad is rolling his eyes and telling me to just move on, because hello? Girlfriend, you don't need him anymore. (My dad would totally never use the world girlfriend though, haha, not like that.) But he is right, and I feel like also he isn't.)

He's right because I do need to move on. And I'm working on it. I'm working through it. But it's hard. It's been a month since we parted, and I have kicked and thrashed and threw a temper tantrum almost every step of the way. I am unwilling to give up or give in - I always feel like not yet! It's too soon! But the longer and longer we are apart, the more I feel like I don't want to be without him.

I don't know how to not feel that way, you know?

Not only have I lost my boyfriend, but I've lost my best friend. I've said that before, but it's completely true. Who did I run to when I had a bad day? Who did I rely on for a hug and a kiss when someone was mean to me? Who held me after I got a bad grade on a test? Who encouraged me that everything was going to work out and be okay? Losing someone who was there for you that much is so difficult.

I know I only blog about this when I am upset, because when I'm fine I find other things to tell you about. But I feel like I keep relapsing every so often, breaking down and just wishing he was there to hold me, to whisper in my ear, to stroke my hair. I wish he was here to hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be just fine.

Every time I feel like this, I remind myself that Jesus is here and He cares and He knows what the future holds. He is in control and I'm not, even though sometimes I very much wish I could be. I feel like a monkey with my hand grasped firmly on the shiny thing in the cage, and I can't let go. I won't let go. I don't want to let go.

I need to let go.

I want to spend the rest of my life with him, you know. I don't know if that scares him. I don't know if maybe that's part of what caused him to freak out. But I didn't start out feeling that way. He introduced that thought into my head when we first started dating. But once I got there, I still don't know how forget about that. About those promises we made to each other.

I realize that yes, people change, and yes, time marches on, and no, nothing will ever stay the same, but for the love of Pete, could our promises please mean something? My heart aches and my head aches and my stomach aches.

I don't want this to be over. I don't want this to be through. I want him. Someday. Soon. I need him. Or at least right now, I feel like I do.