A Full Heart

Do you know, there's just something about a good worship song. They're uplifting, they're inspiring, they find you right where you where you are, in whatever situation you're currently bound up in, and they say here I am! Pick me! I will hold your hand and love on you and put band-aids on your heart!

You want to dance and fall on your knees at the same time. You want to spin around the room and throw your hands up in the air and you want to cry and you want to laugh and smile and all these emotions just overwhelm you. Have you ever experienced that?

Lately I have added more worship/Christian songs to my musical magazine because they don't sing about boys liking girls, girls liking boys, girls or boys who have relationships while liking someone else, cheating, heartbreak, heartache, lovey dovey googly eyes where she does everything right and he couldn't love her more, or songs where he thinks he should have said this and should have done that in order to make her never want to leave.

I can't stand those songs anymore. There are too many memories there, too many emotions that I am unwilling to confront because it just rips open my slowly healing wound.

But turning on MercyMe, Paul Baloche, Chris Tomlin, Toby Mac, Todd Agnew, Newsboys, Phillips, Craig & Dean, The Imperials, you know, these songs are all about love of a heavenly sort, from a heavenly Father, who loves you no matter what you do, no matter what mistakes you've made. He will meet you wherever you are, He never moves. God is always constant.

He always makes sure that you are taken care of, there are always people around to help you out in the name of Jesus even if they don't even know God sent them to you - but you know. Yes you do. You just know. You prayed and prayed and talked to God and then this person appears, and you're like "Yes, Please! Thank you Jesus! You always got my back, bro!"

And he's all like "Ya Welcome, kiddo. I love you. XOXO"

Okay, maybe only in my mind he talks to me like that, but it doesn't matter because God is God and He is and was and forever will be my savior and my father and my God. No one is like him, no one can replace him and he will never forget me nor forsake me.

And to know that there is someone out there who will always be there with you no matter what is one of the most comforting things in the world.

There is this large misconception that once you love Jesus everything is peaches and cream and it's always easy all of the time, but that's not true. I have Jesus but I am in no way whatsoever perfect, nor is my life an easy road. But even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, my Jesus is there with me.

And folks, I just could not ask for more.

Four Days Off

I don't have school on Fridays this semester. And today is MLK day, so that means no school either. This turned my usual three day holiday into a four day one - and let me just say right now, I really have no complaints.

Not only did I order a new-to-me cell phone because my current one decides that sometimes it would just rather shut off than work properly, but I also ordered my textbooks. I went with Zelda and Belle to the movies, and we dressed up. Blackmail picture here:



I finished one portion of my homework for Art 112. We were supposed to draw either our hand or our foot. I chose my hand, but it looks slightly disproportionate and more like maybe Frankenstein's hand than my own. For whatever reason, I can't really draw myself. I can draw other people. I can draw still lifes. I've even been known to draw a skull or two.

But for whatever reason, this hand looks for like a mental patient was turned loose with a lump of coal and a sheet of paper and told to go nuts.


Finally, yesterday morning I went to a church across the border in the nearby town of Pullman. I have to admit, I'm completely biased towards my own home church of Lake City in Hayden. I mean, yesterday morning all I really came away with was "it's better to give than to receive." Not a bad message, but perhaps a message meant for someone who is just finding their way into church doors? I don't know. Maybe I was just uncomfortable because Prince and I were sitting in the back and the door behind us were open, so I felt really exposed. And I'm short, so I couldn't hardly see over all the tall giants who decided it fit their agenda to stand in front of me and block my view from all angles.

On the plus side, the pastor was funny and his voice wasn't at all painful to my little ears. And he talked about a book he was given in Hawaii. It's called Da Jesus Book and it's a translation of the Bible into the Hawaiian language. You know like: "Da man dat give is mo good den da man dat got." It's kinda interesting.

So I'm sorry this post couldn't be more interesting, but this weekend was really just a lazy kind of relaxing watch a lot of TV and movies kind of a weekend. And needless to say, it's just what I needed.

How was your weekend?

Conversations With God

I've grown up in a Christian household. I throw up little prayers to God throughout the day. Usually they're just about little things that I need His help with. Usually they are inconsequencial. But sometimes they are monumental. Sometimes they are all I can do to keep my sanity.

I've never heard God talk to me - and in fact I quite relate to the song Smell The Color 9 By Chris Rice. I know God listens, and I know he answers every prayer. Sometimes I know the prayer has been taken care of, and other times I have no idea what God is planning to do. But somehow I always feel a little better when I confess things to him.

One vacation I lost my very expensive class ring. We moved campsites across the national park we were in, when I discovered my ring was no where to be found. My mom and I spent the night praying we would find it in the morning. Nothing. We didn't think my dad would drive us back to our previous campsite to search, but my mother had prayed that God would put it on my dad's heart to return.

And we did.

My mother found the ring in the campsite, sitting neatly under a plant. God had kept that campsite unoccupied, and my ring in a place that was visible. And I was just glad to have that 275 dollar piece of silver gold back in my possession.

My parents both have all kinds of cool answers to prayer stories. And I'm starting to aquire some of my own.

Prince and I were talking about the physical part of our relationship. Where is our line? How far are we willing to allow ourselves to go? We know what we don't want to do and how far we don't want to go. But a few weeks ago we felt like we needed to revisit the subject.

I'd been praying about it. I felt like I knew what I supposed to say to Prince-y reguarding the matter. I knew where I was going to draw my line. And much to my amazment, Prince Charming told me what he thought, and sure enough, it was exactly what I was going to say. It was a huge relief, because being on different pages where physical attraction is occuring in a relationship can cause a rift for one or both parties involved. Glad to hear this wasn't the case for Prince and me.

And today, the inspiration for this post happened. Just a little while ago. Prince and I had been talking on the instant messanger that seems to have control over our relationship since we are in different towns. He left to shower, and I left to study. And I finished my study guide much to my liking, and decided since it was "loud hours" in our hall that I would go out and be social while my BF was keeping up on his personal hygiene.

I got to talk with Belle for a while, which was nice and awesome and good. We don't talk a lot anymore, and to just have a sit down conversation with her and poke fun at our ridiculous RA was like finding a needle in a haystack. And even though I hate needles, I clung to that one for as long as I could.

When I returned to my room, I found Prince had returned from the cascade of cleansing water and was not only angry with his mother, but his father as well. Not to mention they were all angry at him. At first I told him to take a deep breath. But he kind of snapped at me and told me he'd already done that. Then I told him to pray. Actually, I typed PRAY in all caps because I wanted it to stick out and scream of importance.

"I haven't been told that yet."

"Been told what yet?"

"To pray."

"You need someone to tell you to pray?"

"Obviously so. It hadn't crossed my mind yet."

So he took a few minutes to give his frustrations over to our Heavenly Maker and came back to the conversation with a clearer conscience. It's amazing what a simple prayer can do. It can create an attitude change, a feeling of thankfulness, a lightness of step and happiness of the heart. It's answer can change your world, can make you a better person and help you see that if you just hand all your suffering over to God then everything will fall into place. It might not happen right away, and it might make you wonder what the heck God's doing up there in space, but eventually it will all work itself out. You don't always get to see the fruits of your labor, but you have to have faith and you have to just trust Him for anything to happen.

Prince might not be too thrilled that I posted about his life today, but I just felt like it was something that needed to be said. And Lord knows I didn't do anything interesting today. I just studied a lot. Which is boooooring awesome, so totally awesome.

So all of that to say this: just pray. When you're happy - pray. When you're sad - pray. When you're thankful - pray. When you're faced with trials - pray. When you just can't focus on anything and you think the world is out to get you - pray. When you're stuggling with something - pray.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

Favoritism and Faith

In James Chapter two it mainly talks about two things 1) favoritism forbidden and 2) faith and deeds. I'm going to try to make this post a little shorter because I know it took 2 posts to get Chapter 1 done and they were both pretty lengthy. But I still want to cover the meaningful bits and pieces. So please! Help me be better at this and leave comments!

James 2:2-4 - "Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. (3) If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, 'here's a good seat for you,' but say to the poor man, 'you stand there' or 'sit on the floor by my feet,' (4) have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?"

It goes on to say in verse 8 that if we really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself" then you are doing right. God is the judge and he is the only one with that power. We are most often wrong in our judgements of people and a lot of time it's not our place to deliver justice. Their time will come and God is the only one who knows the true desires of the heart.

So when we play favorites and discriminate against each other, we are only doing ourselves harm. Jesus loves everyone and being obedient children, we should learn to love everyone too. It's not always easy, especially if you feel like you've been wronged by someone and they don't deserve your love. But just remember that no one deserves God's love and yet he gives it to us freely.

James 2:12-13 - "Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, (13) because judgement without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!"

Mercy: compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one's power; compassion, pity, or benevolence.

It says in James 2:14-15 that a man who's faith is unaccompanied by deeds s like a brother or sister without clothes or daily food.

James 2:18b-19 - "Show me a faith without deeds, and I will show you my fath by what I do. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that - and shudder!"

The demons believe in one God too? That line stood out to me the first time I ever read this passage. And it still sticks out to me. We think of Devil and his demons as being evil and we don't really think that they too know the truth because they are so filled with hate and deciet.

But on another note, we can't allow ourselves to have empty faith. We can say that we believe in one God, but if that is all we do and we do nothing to change our ways, then are we no better off than the demons? It is so important to believe in Jesus Christ and it is of equal importance to do what he asks. His simple requests (and sometimes not so simple ones too) are only meant to help us along in our journey. But by rejecting his law and his requests, we are only filling our own selfish needs which gets noone nowhere.

In the 25th verse James talks about Rahab. She was a prostitute who helped some spies when they desperately needed it, and her deeds made some consider her righteous for what she did. I have the verse right after that high lighted because it's kind of haunting to me.

James 2:26 - "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead."

And on that note, I will let you formulate your own opinions and questions. And if you have information or think something I've said is incorrect, feel free to leave a comment. I'd love to learn more about the Bible.

Listening and Doing

Okay, well let's pick up where we left off yesterday with James. In the end part of James Chapter One it talks about listening and doing what you are told. It also talks about how listening is more important than talking.

James 1:19-20 - "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to beome angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."

Now this is hard for me because I have a short temper if the truth be told and I tend to have diahrea of the mouth. I'm also pretty stubborn and sometimes I just don't want to listen to what you have to say. But I also have to point out that one is capable of having righteous anger - like Jesus tossing the temple tables. It is possible to have anger and not sin, but we should be slow to anger because you have to pick your battles and sometimes this just isn't the hill to die on.

So we should purge ourselves of the "moral filth and the evil that is so precalent and humble accept the word" because the word can save you. It's always there, it's always true and even though it's not always comforting (because sometimes it's convicting) but it's wise and always has the best advice.

James 1:22-25 - "Do not merely listen to the word, and so decieve yourselves. Do what it says. (23) Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror, (24) and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. (25) But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does. "

I really think this scripture just speaks for itself and that my words are unnecessary. Listening is really important and then applying what you've listened to to your daily life is even more important. I kind of fail at this, but I'm getting better at it.

James 1:26 - "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless."

Religion that is of worth: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

This just gets harder and harder because our society is really everything we shouldn't be. Society is focused on obtaining money and sex, but really those things are not the most important things in life. Looking after orphans and widows is commemorable, but you have to be someone in a powerful position before people realize what you are doing - not that you should do things simply for recognition. God knows your heart and the reason you do things, you can't trick him like you can trick yourself. So double check your motives and see how you're really doing in your walk with God.

Perseverance

The infamous Bible post has finally arrived! Today I'm going to post about James Chapter One. It seems the fam has moved on already to Chapter Two and I'm left behind. No matter! I'll move along at my own pace and let all of my loyal subjects (because I know there are plenty of you) discuss amongst themselves - and ask questions! Okay, I get it! I'm no biblical scholar by any means whatsoever but a little discussion never hurt anyone and questions certainly can only further knowlege.

Perseverance: steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement. (dictionary.com)

The Bible I have is a student bible, so it cross references some things and asks questions about other things. It's my favorite version of the Bible that I've read in all my 18 years. So to start off, lets look at Chapter One of James. Verse 2 is really where the information starts to flow, so that's where I'll go.

James 1:2-5 - "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, (3) because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. (4) Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (5) If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

This passage sticks out to me for many reasons. Trials does not equal joy in normal thinking, but here we are told that we should rejoice in the trials we experience. Trials aren't joyful, in my opinion, but when they are over you definitely have something to reflect back on and grow from. Right now for me, this trial I'm going through with Belle - it's something to consider pure joy. My move out of the dorm room has caused some other problems that I didn't account for and Belle and I are still trying to move forward from this. I don't know how long it will take, but it's a source of growth for both of us in a time where things are a little hard.

Another reason this passage sticks out to me so much is for my lovly Aunt. I don't feel as though I'm at liberty to say much about the situation considering really the only reason I'm a part of it is because I'm her sister's daughter. This time in my Aunt and Uncle's life is a hard one for them. There has been an almost move, a daughter who isn't quite old enough to understand everything, a horrid economy, and the strain of a long distance relationship to boot. But God has a plan, he always has a plan and for this, maybe the move wasn't suppose to happen. We thought it was a blessing at first, one of the best things to happen, but now this happens, and maybe God just has something exponentially better for them. *fingers crossed*

Consider this passage from Romans Chapter 5, verses 1 through 5:

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, (2) through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. (3) Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; (4) perseverance, character; and character hope. (5) And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whome he has given us."

This relates directly to James because it also states that in our trials we should take joy. It's a hard concept to grasp, but it's important to see that it will help us carry on. Suffereing doesn't have to ruin your life, it's doesn't have to take away from your relationships, it doesn't have hurt. It does hurt, it causes ache, but we have to learn that from that hurt and ache and pain comes hope and joy and character.

Also we should look at a passage from 1 Peter, chapter 1:3-9:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, (4) and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade - kept in heaven for you, (5) who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. (6) In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. (7) These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. (8) Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, (9) for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

This passage is a long one! Whew! But it says some great things - like our faith is worth more than gold. This relates to the fact that gold has to go through a refining fire, but when it's been processed it's beautiful and true. Much like us - we are not perfect and need God to chip away all the things that do not please him so that the truth can be exposed. This comes in the form of trials sometimes, and we have to be prepared for that. We should be joyous when we are faced with a tough time because at the end of it, we come closer to God and closer to the truth because God = Truth.

Now, back to James. :-)

James 1:12 - "Blessed is the man who persevers under trial, because when he has stodd the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

It's very important that in spite of all the bad, we push forward. "It's all okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." - unknown. Isn't there an addage (addage? is that how you spell it? I don't know, just go with it...) that says, "it's going to get worse before it gets better"? Things may suck now and we might just feel like giving up, but God will give you the strength to move forward and in return for moving on, there are great rewards to be reaped. God will never give you something too big to deal with. We as people can't do much for ourselves in respect to everything. It's all God-given. And you might not be able to handle it by yourself, but God can do EVERYTHING and all we have to do is trust in Him and lean on Him because you can not screw up what God has put in motion. You can only hinder it by heading to your selfish nature, which I admit I am guilty of more often than not. It's surrendering fully to God that we have trouble with (it goes back to pride, really) and when we finally learn to just let God have it all, that's when we really feel at peace with whatever happens. When you try to deal with everything on your own - well now, that's when things really go south.

James 1:15 - "Then, after desire has concieved, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."

I still have trouble wrapping my brain around this verse. Desire --> Sin --> Death. Uh oh. Good thing Jesus died for us on the cross, because there is no way I'd be okay otherwise. I mean, I don't think all desire is bad. The verses before this one say that it is 'evil desire.' I'm thinking this is something like money or sex or something of that catagory. Something that you don't need, but only want for selfish reasons. The treasures of this world hold nothing for God's children, and it's when we feel that we need these worldly possessions more than we need God that we get in trouble. But it is never God that is tempting you with something on Earth because He only wants the best for you. It is our flesh and the society we live in - the devil - that tempts and beckons us away from the correct path.

Okay, so we've covered a lot so far. I feel like I'm overwhelming you with information and thoughts. There are a few verses left in James, and I'm thinking it might be better to post them tomorrow because this post is long enough as is. Actually, I think I will do that. This post is long, I know! Congratulations for making it all the way through (hopefully) unscathed. I'll post tomorrow with the end of Chapter One and on Thursday hopefully I'll get Chapter 2 up and going.

Leave thought provoking comments! Or, just comments. I'm good with that too. Let me know if there is some scripture that you think relates, or thoughts that I didn't cover. I don't know everything and I don't try to know everything, but I'm always game for learning more about God and going through the book of James is always a good idea. I didn't realize how much I was missing my Bible fix until I opened it up and drank in the words. Anyhoodle, drop a line with a thought, with a prayer, with an idea.

Apologies!

Oh my goodness! So much has happened this weekend and I feel so bad about promising an awesome Thursday post and here it is Saturday and I haven't even done what I said I was going to do!! I'm SORRY! I promise it's coming, I'm just a little late on the get go.

Anyway, it's late and we're losing an hour sleep tonight because of the time change, but I promise to get that awesome post up ASAP!

So on to why I've been busy, Friday I had to write an anotated bibliography with ten sources that was due by 5 o'clock. I didn't get up till 11:30, I didn't start the bib until 12 ish and I was done a little after 2:30. Yeah, sure. I'm only kind of amazing. :-) And while I was doing my bib I managed to squeeze in a load of laundry and a shower. How do I do it? I don't even think I know myself. And Friday night Prince Charming was here with the fam and we had hamburgers and sat around and talked for a couple hours. Then we made a late night Shopko run where I decided to walk down a few toy aisles to pass the time. Prince Charming had a hold of me, and I went to push him away and turn around all in one swift amazingly epic motion to find out that a large metal pole had decided to jump in my way and smack my mouth. My teeth are still sore...figure that one out.

Then today I went snowboarding with some of my favorite boys at Schweitzer. My two brothers, my father, and Prince Charming all were up at the mountain. The powder was of epic proportions, except the weather was completely ridiculous! Windy and foggy and nasty. It was lightly snowing in the morning and by the afternoon it was just dumping. Prince Charming and I sat in the lodge by the warm fire place after lunch. We were toying with the idea of rejoining my dad and oldest brother, but then Dad called and said the visibility was poor. So we just headed back to the truck and meandered back home. But it was a good time despite the horrible wind and freaky fog.

Oh and I also had one of my better wipeouts going down a run today. I was switching attempting to carve down the side of this mountain, but it was just a little beyond my experience and I was going a little faster than I normally do because I'm trying to get better at this whole idea of keeping my speed up. Anyway, so I'm riding my toe side of my board and I go to flip back to my heel side, but I kind of lose my balance. So in trying to maintain an upright stance, I go for the switch back to my toe side, but then I catch the edge in the powder because I'm just THAT amazing and end up sliding a couple feet down the run on my back. My hat and goggles had detached themselves from the top of my head, but my earbuds somehow managed to stay stuck inside my ears and still blaring lovely country music to my innermost soul. It was indeed beautiful. Prince Charming, my brother, and my father all saw. Woopdidoo for crashes!

After we returned from skiing and much to Prince Charming's dismay, I decided to visit my Grandparents who are watching my aweomely energetic make you play every game and give her every ounce of your attention cousin whom I love dearly. Anywho, I dined with them and kept the little Princess's attention with tickle chases and the world's favorite legos!

So good night/morning/day/evening or just whenever the heck you've decided to read my insanely interesting blog post - oh, don't deny it. I know you all LOVE to see what I have to say, ha ha ha. And I'll get the Bible post up as soon as I can.

Idea!

Okay so my dad emails me today about how the fam is going to start reading the book of James in the Bible. He feels like its something that God has placed on his heart. Well, when I was participating in a small group while I was still in high school - we did this. We went through the book of James chapter by chapter week by week. Dad says that on Thursday nights is when they'll gather the family around and discuss that week's chapter assignment. What a positively wonderful idea.

Sooooo, now here is MY positively wonderful idea! I'm going to do my blog on Thursdays about the chapter in the Bible that I read. As long as my family in Hayden is going throught James, I'm going to do to do the same thing on here. My dad is an avid reader of my blog and so this could really help me dig deeper into my all too limited understanding of the God-breathed scriptures. And maybe it will get some questions going in your heads too - even though I don't know how many of you actually read my posts on a regular basis. Perhaps this will sway you to at least read every Thursday.

Oh goodness and now I'm all excited!! I just want it to be Thursday! Maybe I get a little too excited a little too easily? No way. Ha, ha, ha. Anywho, have a great Friday night.