BRING ON THE ADVENTURES

So Thanksgiving, huh? 

I had two of them this year. I don't think that's ever happened to me before? Thursday was Thanksgiving with my family - a mild affair. Dad smoked a small turkey and Nathan, Miranda and I made the stuffing and mashed yams. It was just five of us, so small. 

Growing up Thanksgiving was a huge deal around these parts. My family who lived in Southern California would fly up for the holiday and we would have a house-full of people for four or five days. I looked forward to it every year and Thanksgiving was my absolute favorite holiday in the history of ever. 

But then after my grandpa passed away things changed. And this year Jimmy and Rylie's work schedules wouldn't allow them to join us either. So a feast that used to include at least 11 people was reduced to less than half the amount. I mean, what even are traditions anymore these days?

And so on Saturday Nathan and I drove down to Moscow and had a second Thanksgiving dinner with his family.

All around it was a pretty good holiday given the circumstances. Gobble, gobble and all that. 

But now, here we are December! December is just crammed full of things always. Which I guess helps make up for the fact that I spend winter in a constant state of agitation since I'm almost always cold. It's just about the best thing ever. 

Actually, I've been going to the tanning salon this year in preparation for my upcoming trip to the Caribbean and can i tell you? Laying in that tanning bed is the only 8 minutes of my day I spend warm through to my toes. Can we have summer back yet? Anyway, moving on. 

First up in December is my sister-in-law's birthday. Her first birthday as part of the family. Too bad she lives too far away to get a good home made award winning apple pie with the number of her years on it. (But I didn't get one of those this year either. 2014, you have been interesting). 

On the 8th will mark two years that I graduated college. It seems surreal. How has it been two years already and how am I that old? I get to thinking that I can still do the things I did in college without consequence. Ha! If I want to pull an all-nighter I'm basically out of commission the entire next day. Who even am I anymore? An old woman, I suppose. 

The 10th is a day of adventure! We fly out for the British Virgin Isles for a long vacation on a yacht going from island to island. Dudes, I am going to be in the sun and the sand with a drink my hand. For ten days. I can't wait!

Jimmy's birthday is the 13th. He turns 22 and just - where does the time go? Crap. 

Then! The 21st we arrive back home which takes us to Christmas Eve, Christmas, and then Daniel's birthday (somewhere in there Daniel flies back home for the holidays from his place of residence in Arizona for school) and then we have New Year's Eve. 

Shoot you guys, this is gonna be fun. 

Plus, I colored my hair super blonde. I mean, I catch a glimpse of my reflection and I do a double take. Who is that blonde girl that's always around now? Oh yeah, that'd be me. 

these are the joys of high lighting your entire head. we weren't even half way done yet.

all finished here, it had been cut and styled and it was blonder than I imagined! 

it's weird for me to go back to this color after having been brunette for so long. it's like i'm not myself with this color and i have to figure out who this blonde girl is. When I look at myself I see 17 year old Natalie instead of 24 year old Natalie. 

and then Megan braided it for me and put a flower in my hair. we had a total blast.

anyway, it's passed my bedtime. 

natalie out.

TIDBITS

[mine]

taken on my drive home from moscow yesterday

It's funny when people from your past show up and send you requests on Facebook. I haven't spoken to you in years but welcome to my life, old friend.

Chocolate milk on cereal is probably my new favorite thing to eat. And peppermint chocolate Luna bars. And fresh, juicy strawberries. Of course accompanied by coconut water. What else do I drink these days? (chocolate almond milk. duhh.)

The neighbor lady accused me of jogging around my room at nine o'clock at night (which I was not doing) and said if it happens again she's going to report us. She can't do this because a) quiet hours don't start until 10 and b) she has no proof that I was actually making any noise that night. Her word against mine, yo. People suck. When did it become more appropriate to threaten people than to come and politely talk with them? "You guys have been such good neighbors, but I work early in the morning so if it's noisy again I'm going to report you." I mean, WHO DOES THAT. Seriously. It almost makes me just want to stomp around at night for fun.

Also, if she doesn't like any noise from her neighbors then why does she live in an apartment complex? Come on, lady. Get it together. I pay to live here too. Okay, end rant.

This weekend went by way too fast. I remember sitting on Nathan's couch on Friday, glad that it was still the beginning of the weekend and then it felt like he hugged me and it was Sunday evening and I was leaving. I think leaving is the absolute worst. I round the corner of the street in my car where his house is just out of view and even though I've been gone for literally only a few seconds, I already miss him.

I'm ready for summer. Spring is nice and all, but I want 90 degree days where I can jump into the cool lake water and hang out in my swimsuit all day. I want tank tops and jean shorts and sandals. And I want travel and adventure and camping. My brain is overwhelmed with work and so exhausted that I'm ready to just be done with all the pressure. There is so much pressure and I am so new to this and my neurons are fried.

Lately I day dream about what it would be like to go back to school and become a graphic designer. Or teach at a community art center. Or actually to just become a student again and take all the art classes the little artist nerd inside of me could handle. Someday I would like to go back to school, but for now, we'll see what the future brings. I'm still young and life could take me anywhere.

I wish I lived in a house too. I want a yard so I can have a trampoline. And a dog. I miss my dog.

Today was hard. Not for anything in particular, just that it was a Monday. My students weren't on their best behavior. The hours passed like minutes and I just haven't felt good today. I need a soak in a hot tub and to go to bed early tonight.

I DO (NOT)

I have been fielding what seems like a borderline inappropriate amount of wedding questions. But unless you guys know something I don't know, there isn't a wedding in my near future. (at least for me, personally. i mean, the brother, amiright?)

Ahem.

So in leu of writing out a deeply personal post on the subject (which I tried 80 billion times and was not happy with how any of them turned out) here are some pins from my wedding boards. Enjoy.

there is a giant soft spot in my heart for vintage rings. they are just so pretty. 

 i just really love everything about this cake. 

A RE-POST OF SORTS

This guy right here, folks.

He's the weirdest. And I mean that in the highest form of endearment you can possibly imagine. I think he might be weirder than me.

He may not be perfect, but he's mine. And I couldn't be happier.

Stephanie posted about what she's looking for in a guy and then Alana did the same thing. I wrote this post a while back, right after Jordan and I broke up. I went back and re-read it today and thought I'd share. It had been a while since I've read this and I kind of forgot what exactly I wrote, but I kept nodding my head checking off how many things on my list Nathan has. I must have done something right ;)

\\//

Valentine's Day is probably by far my least favorite holiday. When I've had a boyfriend on V-Day it was always "do we celebrate? do we ignore? we're too poor to go out..." and it was frustrating. And when I've been single, everyone loves to show off their wonderful relationships. A lot of my friends are married too and all I see on Facebook is "OH EM GEE HE BOUGHT ME FLOWERS! AND CHOCOLATE! AND HE'S THE BEST EVER!" And I just want to gouge my eyeballs out.

I know that God has someone out there for me who is perfectly planned to fit into my life seamlessly and that I am perfectly planned to fit seamlessly into someone else's life as well. And I'm fully aware that I am waiting for God's perfect timing. I will not be sorry that I waited for this wonderful man.

I wrote out all of the things that I want in a guy, because I spent all yesterday thinking about it.

I want someone who's not afraid to run wild with me. I want someone who will hug me when I'm mad, hold me when I'm sad and love me when I'm whiny. I want someone who is excited to wake up next to me every morning and kiss my face hello. I want someone who couldn't imagine ever being with anyone else ever. I want someone who gets my humor and laughs at my jokes. I want someone who encourages me to be myself, who instills confidence and boosts my self esteem. I want someone who thinks I'm beautiful in every way imaginable. 

I want someone who is motivated, intelligent, funny, silly, godly, loving and caring. I want someone who will strive for what he wants in life. I want a leader, a bodyguard, a tough guy with a tender soul. 

I want a guy who's not going to give up or get gone. I want someone faithful, honest, and sticks around. I want someone who will pick me over all the other girls. I want someone who I just know has to be a gift from God. I want someone adventurous and outdoorsy. I want someone who knows what he's doing or at least acts like it. I want someone who will take good care of me.

I want someone who isn't afraid to be seen with me in public. I want someone who will show me off to the world and brag about how awesome I am. And I want someone that I can say all those same things about too. I want someone who loves me more and more and more the longer he is with me. And I want him not to be afraid to show it.

And someday I'm going to have that. And it will be awesome. And the stuff dreams are made of. And it will be work. Love is a choice, a commitment, a way of life - not just a feeling. But I want it so bad. I want to be loved so bad that sometimes it hurts to watch everyone else be so happy.

But you know what? I am glad to be in the place that I am right now. At least I'm trying to be. I'm here for a reason, single for a reason. I think I have to get to a place where I am fully accepting of how life is right now and that will only come through praying and relying on God to make the best choices. Because when you try to take control, things just get messy. It's always better when you put your troubles in God's hands. He always knows exactly what to do.

TO DREAM A LITTLE BIGGER, DARLING

Sometimes I feel like I'm in the wrong profession. For one, i'm a whopping 23 years old. And I teach high schoolers. Full time. HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS. I just graduated from high school what, like 5 years ago? What on earth qualifies me to be back here and in charge no less?

And so then sometimes I feel like I don't fit in. I'm the youngest person on staff. Everybody is married with children, mostly. I mean, there are a few of us floaters that are in committed relationships and marriage is looming on the horizon line but not quite here yet. And you know, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with being the minority except when it comes to relating to your co-workers... But really, they are awesome and try to include me in things and drag me to lunch and ask me how I'm doing. It's nice.

But then there are bad days. Dudes, teaching is hard with a capital h. Yesterday was the roughest probably, in my history of teaching days (which is pretty limited, i mean, let's be honest). But still. You know what I did? I went home and cried and contemplated quitting my job and then I cried some more and felt like the worst teacher in the history of ever and wondered what the hell I'm even doing here and is this really what I want for my life? And Nathan was taking a stupid final for three hours and couldn't even text me back which just added to my already heightened emotions because I was lonely and exhausted.

It was gross.

Today things have been going much smoother and I don't feel like I want to flip tables and storm out of school anymore, so that's a definite plus to finishing out my Wednesday. But I still go back and forth in wondering if i picked the correct career.

Honestly, I love being in the classroom and working with students but there is a lot of outside work that just makes me crazy. They tell you to give it three years before you give up, but at this point in time I'm not sure if I want to. I fully reserve the right to let the remainder of the school year change my mind, so this assessment of my feelings is extremely tentative.

However, I have been thinking about what maybe I would do instead. Going back to school and getting my bachelor's in fine arts and then a master's in fine arts sounds like a good idea, but I'm not sure I'll really like it once I get there. I think I'm just enormously missing being a college student and the freedom that comes along with that - I felt like I could do anything while I was in school. The world was my oyster. And now I'm feeling a little...trapped, if I'm telling the truth.

Which scares me because I want to travel the world. I want to live overseas. I want to do something wild and crazy while I'm young and stupid. I don't want to be too scared to leave my job because there might be something better out there. I could go live in Italy and teach watercolor painting on the coast and go explore the Tuscan landscapes. I don't want to have things here holding me back. I want it to be okay for me to just pack up and go and do something extraordinary.

I don't want to be complacent and just accept my lot in life and never leave the road I've been travelling down. I want to go and experience life. In my heart is an urge to wander and I can't suppress it forever or it will kill me.

Look, I know I'm not a bad teacher, but we're all allowed to have bad days. And I know that I love teaching and that it's something I am good at. And I also know that my principal and my co-workers have my back, they're here for me to help me because they want to see me succeed. All I'm saying is that I have bigger dreams than being a high school art teacher for the rest of my life.

And that's a little scary, let's be real. But they say that if your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough.

what i want

Valentine's Day is probably by far my least favorite holiday. When I've had a boyfriend on V-Day it was always "do we celebrate? do we ignore? we're too poor to go out..." and it was frustrating. And when I've been single, everyone loves to show off their wonderful relationships. A lot of my friends are married too and all I see on Facebook is "OH EM GEE HE BOUGHT ME FLOWERS! AND CHOCOLATE! AND HE'S THE BEST EVER!" And I just want to gouge my eyeballs out.

I know that God has someone out there for me who is perfectly planned to fit into my life seamlessly and that I am perfectly planned to fit seamlessly into someone else's life as well. And I'm fully aware that I am waiting for God's perfect timing. I will not be sorry that I waited for this wonderful man and I pray for him daily.

I wrote out all of the things that I want in a guy, because I spent all yesterday thinking about it.

I want:

I want someone who's not afraid to run wild with me. I want someone who will hug me when I'm mad, hold me when I'm sad and love me when I'm whiny. I want someone who is excited to wake up next to me every morning and kiss my face hello. I want someone who couldn't imagine ever being with anyone else ever. I want someone who gets my humor and laughs at my jokes. I want someone who encourages me to be myself, who instills confidence and boosts my self esteem. I want someone who thinks I'm beautiful in every way imaginable.

I want someone who is motivated, intelligent, funny, silly, godly, loving and caring. I want someone who will strive for what he wants in life. I want a leader, a bodyguard, a tender soul and a tough guy. I want him to make Jesus number one and me number two.

I want a guy who's not going to give up or get gone. I want someone faithful, honest, and around. I want someone who will pick me over all the other girls. I want someone who I just know has to be a gift from God. I want someone adventurous and outdoorsy. I want someone who knows what he's doing or at least acts like it. I want someone who will take care of me.

I want someone who isn't afraid to be seen with me in public. I want someone who will show me off to the world and brag about how awesome I am. And I want someone that I can say all those same things about too. I want someone who loves me more and more and more the longer he is with me. And I want him not to be afraid to show it.

And someday I'm going to have that. And it will be awesome. And the stuff dreams are made of. And it will be work. Love is a choice, a commitment, a way of life - not just a feeling. But I want it so bad. I want to be loved so bad that sometimes it hurts to watch everyone else be so happy.

But you know what? I am glad to be in the place that I am right now. At least I'm trying to be. I'm here for a reason, single for a reason. I think I have to get to a place where I am fully accepting of how life is right now and that will only come through praying and relying on God to make the best choices. Because when you try to take control, things just get messy. It's always better when you put your troubles in God's hands. He always knows exactly what to do.

what happens then?

There is this crazy thing happening in my life recently and maybe also in yours too. It's called flying time and I don't know how or why it happens, but I can't make it stop and it's driving me crazy. You see, I was just home for the weekend without even realizing that I would be back a week later to stay for a whole week and then after I leave from that week off I'll be back in like, another two weeks, and oh my goodness that means it will be the end of the semester and but what will I do with my life!? Question marks and exclamation points!?!?!

And a question that I am running into a lot lately is: "what are you and somebody-very-important going to do when you move away for good?"

I mean, I have had at least three different people ask me that in the past two days. All at different times and without knowing that I had already been asked previously and by other people. I mean, but really guys, I have no idea. Somebody-very-important and I have not really discussed this matter of fact.

We both know it's inevitable and that it's happening but we don't really know how it's going to work.

First off this is because neither of us are really super duper crazy serious right now. We're thinking about our futures, but not basing what we pick off of what the other one is thinking of doing. As in I'm not basing my plans around his life and he's not basing his around mine. Which for now is totally good and fine and all things wonderful.

To be honest, I love spending time with him. (If I didn't, why would I be dating him?) And also, I love that I have been accepted by his friends at face value. Because neither of us really knew what this relationship would turn out to be, we've taken things ridiculously slow and I didn't want to get too attached to all of his friends, you know? Because what if/when we broke up? He'd keep all of his friends (as it should be) and I would be back at square one. But I couldn't help to come to love each and every one of those boys. They are awesome.

So what will happen in June? There is still a lot of time left to figure that out. I don't need answers right now, and I feel like when that time comes closer there will be more serious talks. Right now I feel like it's kind of going to be one of two choices. We'll either call it quits and part on mutual terms or we'll get serious and try the long distance thing. But I know one thing for sure right now and that's that I'm not ready to think about this  seriously quite yet. I feel like it will get resolved when it gets resolved and not a minute sooner.

We're still young. Who knows where life will take us? Together or separately. It's all just kind of up in the air right now, but then again, that's kind of how our relationship is. One day at time people, one day at a time. That's really about all my brain can handle at the moment anyway.