LIFE AND THINGS

I would dearly love to be asleep right now. If someone came in here and offered to take over for the rest of the day and directed me in the way of a soft bed with a fluffy pillow and some nice blankets, you can bet I'd be sound asleep in less than five minutes.

My eyelids keep doing this annoying thing where they want to stay closed, which is really non conducive to teaching. I mean, it took me forever to convince my body that getting out of bed this morning was actually a good idea. And while I was awake enough to make it to school, I just sort of ran into this wall a little after eight o'clock where i didn't really want to do anything and walking was kind of a chore. It hasn't really improved since.

I think it's because of girl things that are happening to me and the fact that I had to do some yard work yesterday (which I normally don't mind) but you know, mother nature and things. Ugh. So today I am trying to move as little as possible and kind of wishing that someone would just send me home. It's days like today where I really miss being a college student and saying "eff classes today!" if I wanted to.

Being an adult is stupid. But so it goes.

Also, today is moving day! Hooray! Confetti! Neon flashing stars! I haven't packed anything!

I can't wait for the weekend to be here.

Is it Friday yet?

No, no it's not. It's time for one point perspective lessons and developing typefaces. And then it's time to move boxes and furniture before I finally pass out around 9:30 pm because I am grandma status up in here, yo. HA.  

goodbye is hard

Goodbye is something I was never very good at. Mostly because I refused to believe that you will never see someone again or be somewhere again. But today I had to do a very hard thing - I had to say goodbye to the town that has been my home for the last four years and to all the people who are still there.

And it was not fun.

It still hasn't really hit me that I've moved back in with my parents for good. I feel like I'm just here for the weekend, only it's not the weekend and I have no apartment to go back to. I hate that I'm away from all my friends and I hate that I don't even have my own bedroom in this house anymore. I'm mad that I'm spending my favorite season and hour and a half away from where I want to be. I have tried to have a good attitude about this move. I knew it was coming for a long time - but the reality is still hard to bear. I think I'm allowed to be mad though. To grieve for my lost independence and the freedom that came with no longer living in my parents' household.

I suspect it won't be all bad. No rent. Free food. People who love me. But it just feels...odd. Like I wasn't ready for it and all of a sudden my world has changed.

Friday night I was hanging out with a whole bunch of my friends. I was sitting on the couch, squished between some of my favorite people on the planet. The room was full of laughter about stupid things and dumb conversations, but I loved every minute of it.

And that's when it started to sink in. This overwhelming feeling that I won't get to do this for a while. It felt like the walls were going to cave in and that's when I bolted for the door. The back porch was a much better alternative - far less crowded and no ceiling to collapse on top of me. I curled up in a white wicker chair that faced the yard and took a deep breath. My life was about to change forever and in that moment I couldn't handle it.

Nathaniel came to check on me, but at that point I still had no words for why I was out there by myself except that that's where I wanted to be. He tried to coax me back inside, but at the moment I just wasn't ready. I needed some time and some space.

I was alone, looking at the stars and having a regular pity party on the porch. I'm sure it was a sight to see, but guys, it just had to happen. I hadn't had time to really think about what it meant to leave, and that back porch was my moment.

The back door squeaked open and then closed again. I heard footsteps on the deck behind me, but the person those footsteps belonged to didn't try to touch me. Honestly I thought it was SVI taking a cigarette break, which would explain why he didn't approach me because we don't do a whole lot of interacting these days. But then the person stopped moving and the stars reminded me of how much I wished I could just stay there and stare at them forever.

And guys? I cried. I tried to fight it, but there was no use. A couple gentle sobs found their way to the surface and there was nothing I could do. Soon I would have to say goodbye to this house, to the people who lived there, and to that beautiful night sky. It was more than I could take. And then I was interrupted by one of those people that I was going to have to say goodbye to all too soon.

He sat down across from me and just started talking. Telling me all sorts of wonderful things to make me feel better. I wiped my eyes and answered him in a shaky voice at first, you know the kind that come after tears when you're still a little unsure of yourself. The person who I previously thought was SVI moved out of the shadows and sat on the other side of my little white chair. It was Nathaniel.

Immediately I was embarrassed that he'd heard me crying, but the conversation was taking off and the three of us sat on that back porch and talked until four in the morning. I don't even remember everything we talked about, but I was so incredibly glad for that conversation and the distraction that it afforded me from being an over emotional girl.

It's not easy to say goodbye to those people, but I made promises to come back and visit and they made threats to kill me if I didn't. So it's not really as much of a goodbye as I let myself believe at first. I just don't know what it's like really to pack up one's life and leave.

Living with my parents is going to be its own adventure, which I just have to learn to embrace. But for now it feels like I've left my home behind and I'm trapped in this unreality of living somewhere that's not my home. Sure this is where my family lives, but I don't have a place here anymore, or at least it doesn't feel as though I do. Maybe that will change as time goes on, but I feel like a stranger in this house. Nothing is mine.

Going To The Movies

Tonight is the release of the movie Prince of Persia starring everyone's favorite Jake Gyllenhaal as the Prince and guess who gets to go see it in all of its Regal Cinematic glory? That's right, me. I'm super excited. I didn't grow up with the video games though like Prince Charming did, so he's even more excited about it than I am. 

But what I love is that it's the midnight release. 

I'm old, people, I go to bed early. And by early I mean later than my parents but before 2 in the morning. So, Prince Charming and I bought energy drinks yesterday to save for tonight to ensure our awakeness and full enjoyment of said cinematic experience, lest we be falling asleep in our chairs. I usually start to drift off around 1 in the morning unless I've fallen asleep before then and I know the Prince of Persia is going to need more than an hour to tell me his story about his dagger of time. 

Besides the epic quantity of our movie theater excitement, I am not only going with just Prince Charming but also quite a few people are attending, including but not limited to TheKeeper, TheKeeper's obnoxious but lovable best friends who are like little brothers to me except that they lack the biological link, Prince Charming's friends who are more like just friends but I love them all too, and one of our co-worker's from camp who may or may not be bringing along another co-worker as well. 

There is a grand time to be had by all somewhere wrapped up in that mess. 

But I love social gatherings. Togetherness. Except I only like social gatherings with people that I know. Shove me in a room full of strangers and I will stick to myself. If I were a turtle (imagine such a thing!) I would probably just hole myself up inside my shell. I don't usually just put myself all out there unless the situation calls for it. Which is few and far between. Like blue moons made of cheese. 

Whatever. 

On a different note but still kind of similar to the whole 'togetherness' notion I was speaking of earlier, my grandparent's are coming over for lunch today. They're trying to sell their house so they can move to Arizona to be by my mom's little sister and her husband and darling daughter. I don't want them to go. Honestly, they haven't been around much in my growing up years and since they've been over in Spokane it's been nice having them around - only to disappear again? 

We'll see what happens.

But anyways, their bodies will be occupying our house while unknown humans walk through their house. Because of the whole 'maybe we are moving back to Arizona deal' they're having an open house to see if anyone will purchase their home, you see. And since it's an open house they are not to be present which means since I'm home from school and not working yet I get to hang with them. 

We're having chicken. 

(And if you'd like to read a review on the movie tomorrow after we see it, head over here to read what Princey has to say about the film. :-) )

Time Warp

This is me when I was a junior in high school. I thought I was pretty cool.


And these two beautiful girls were my best friends. We were crazy in our own right and caused a lot of trouble. We thought we were pretty bad ass.

And then the almost unthinkable happened. We graduated and spent our last summer together apart. I visited Germany right after graduation and then traveled to Utah a few weeks later. But we still managed to celebrate 18th birthdays and shed goodbye tears before college.

I got to college and experienced SWEET FREEDOM! I celebrated by piercing my nose, much to my father's dismay.

In October, I met this cutie who wowed me with his love of art and music. I was smitten.

After freshman year ended, I was job hunting all the local coffee shops. And then Prince told me there was still an opening at camp, and I semi reluctantly applied. I got the job, and haven't regretted it whatsoever.

I also made some new best friends, since things weren't really working out with Belle and Ariel like I'd hoped. (We've since reconciled, but it was a tough second semester of college.)

And then I entered my first semester of my sophomore year. You know what they say - you can tell a sophomore...but you can't tell 'em much.

Only this time around, this kid joined me at school, along with a new major.

So now here I am, in my second semester of my sophomore year of college and some people still think I'm stuck back in high school because I look so young. But you guys know different, right?

Right.

It's been a long journey. It's not always been pretty. A lot of life around me is completely different than when I started this little blog. And we're not even done yet!

Return of the College Sophomore

So it's a new school year. And I'm back in my lovely dorm room in anticipation of the classes that will begin Monday - on August 24th - aka Princey and my 9 month anniversary. Whoop. Happy day, here's some home work ;)

But I'm here with a new attitude. Last year I was here because I thought maybe someday I would thank myself for my selfless choice to better my education right after graduating from high school without taking a year off. Then second semester I was really wishing that I hadn't come back to school and I battled with myself to decide to stay.

Then somewhat of a miracle happened.

I changed majors.

When I started college I wanted to know exactly what I was going to do and then go do it. I didn't want to change my major a whole bunch, and that if in fact I did resort to a major change that I would still be in the same field so I didn't feel like I squandered a whole lot of precious time. However, my major has changed 180 degrees and I think I'm all the better for it.

I'm now majoring in something I think I may actually enjoy since I get to take some classes that I actually get to draw in. Yay! And I have Princey here, so I won't be going home every weekend to get distracted from my studies.

Also on the plus side, because Prince Charming and I worked together all summer under the same roof for 3 months, I'm not really worried about getting sick of him. Plus here, we each still have our own space which is a nice thing to have.

Today has been a very busy day, and I'm really glad it's almost over. Moving in was the hardest part because I had a few big boxes that would have been nice to have a boy help with, but Prince was busy doing something that I'm not exactly sure of what, so Mom and I unpacked by ourselves.

Here's Mom standing in front of the breeze because it was about a million and six degrees out.

Here's the room after I unpacked all the boxes:

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go draw a toad...