A DAY IN THE LIFE

I fumble around in my pocket, digging my keys out of the very bottom since that's where they always sink to. My numb fingers flick different keys out of their way, searching for the one this door belongs to. I insert the key into the lock and twist, I pull the door towards my body as I try to delicately balance my cup of coffee in my other hand and manage not to spill any on the ground.

I turn on the lights, set my things on the desk and press the power button on the tower of my desktop computer. Taking a drink of my coffee, I survey the room. Nothing has changed since yesterday, the chairs are stacked neatly in front of the whiteboard by my desk. The cupboards are closed. The tables have been wiped down. It's time to start a new day.

Students start milling about in my classroom five minutes before the final morning bell. Soon after they have all taken their seats, we rise for the pledge of allegiance and sit again for the morning announcements. There is always a hustle and bustle, whispers from around the room as the monotone voice of the student announcer reads off the long laundry list of school activities and upcoming events, eventually finishing with what's for lunch that day and any sporting events we might have in the near future.

Welcome to pottery. There is a bunch of commotion as students gather their supplies for the hour. Clay, tools, pottery boards. Some are on the student computers researching for their next project. Some have opened five bottles of glaze they need in order to make their project the most perfect. My life becomes filled with questions. "Miss K, what do I do next?" "Miss K, how do I fix this?" "Miss K, when is the kiln gonna be fired next?"

I dance around the room from table to table and student to student, fielding questions I've either already answered fifty times or has just come about because something didn't go right in the kiln or something didn't dry correctly, or what have you. Sometimes I have the answer on the tip of my tongue, tinged with a slight amount of sarcasm and other times I have to think about the answer before I respond.

It's a weird thing to be the teacher. I feel like I should always have all the answers all the time. But something I have learned about teachers this year is that we are humans too.

Ten minutes before the period is over there is a mad rush to clean the tables, return materials, tuck in chairs and chatter with classmates while waiting for the bell to ring. And then it's off to second period for them, while a new set of students files into my own classroom.

I rush down the hall to refill my coffee cup and wait in line for the bathroom. Other teachers and students are going a million miles an hour. Five minutes always passes faster than I imagine it will.

Art one students are seated at their desks when I make it back to my room. They've started working on their warm up drawings - little pictures that take them about five minutes to complete. Special Education students enter a little while later. Sometimes they are disruptive and noisy and other times they are quiet as mice. Today they whisper loudly and that always kind of stresses me out, although I'm not sure why.

With warm up drawings over and attendance finished, I briefly explain today's activities. We're in the middle of an ongoing project so there's no lecture today. Just a few reminders about their requirements and then they're off. We've been making Artist Trading Cards and experimenting with different media. I set out watercolors, acrylics, colored pencils, sharpies, and myriad of other media for my students to grab up and get all over the place. The content of their cards is up to them, but they are required to try out different types of materials.

Third period is more of the same. There are different faces and different questions. There is a broad range of talents as well as ages. Because art one is an entry level class worth two humanities credits required for graduations I get everyone from the baby freshmen to the adultish seniors. Some of them work really hard and really quickly, while others procrastinate or just simply take their time. Most days they make me want to pull my hair out, but the reward of seeing them finally understand and building meaningful relationships with them, inspiring them to try more in art and try different, makes all the wanting of hair pulling out worth it. I take a deep breath and plunge into the answer of a question that I've already explained five times over and made them write down. This job is tedious, but I slap a smile on my face and do it anyway. These kids need me and for some of them, this is the most fun they'll have in their entire day.

During lunch I sit in the teacher's lounge with a small group of ladies I'm slowly getting to know as the year goes on. We talk about students' needs, we talk about school policies and other teachers. We also talk about The Bachelor and Bachelorette while I roll my eyes and check to see if there's anything interesting on Facebook.

The bell rings to signal the end of lunchtime and I'm back in my classroom for the afternoon. It's my prep hour now, so I'm making copies of rubrics and grading projects. I head back to the main art room in search of supplies I'll need for the remainder of my day. Paper, pencils, glue, paint. I carry them across the school in my arms.

By the time the bell rings for second lunch, there are a couple students eating their lunch in my room. I'm a safe haven, a friend of sorts, a place for them to be themselves. We talk and laugh and they eat until the bell rings, signalling the start of fifth period.

These fifth period kids, man. They demand my attention in the most obnoxious ways, but they're coming right after the end of lunch. They've been in school for four periods already and they're a little burnt out. Attention spans have been tested to the limit and trying to get their focus is a lot like trying to herd cats. Some days they are my favorite class and some days I just want to send them all to the office. Today I'm answering their questions - what's my biggest regret in life? if I could live something over, what would it be and what would i do differently? They're in a philosophical mood today. Sometimes it's political. Sometimes it's personal. I try to answer them to the best of my ability without overstepping boundaries and some of their questions I just refuse to answer completely.

The upside to this class is that it's full of kids who are not artists. They are not interested really in art at all, but they are making the most interesting things and coming away with a lot of knowledge about how to create and the ability to problem solve. So even though they badger me with questions ad nauseum, I feel like it's worth it. These students need someone to invest in them, and that's what I'm trying to do.

Over the speakers is the sound of the bell. It's a five minute passing period before sixth hour starts. It's a flurry of motion as my fifth period students leave and my sixth period students arrive. The door is constantly ajar as student after student flows through it.

Sixth period is a crazy hour filled with student raps, lots of art, inside jokes, loud conversations and music. We paint and we draw and we learn about life together. If it was up to me, I'd just teach sixth period all day. Those students are the ones that really want to be here and better their skills in different areas of art. It's refreshing after a long day of freshmen fulfilling their credit duties in order to complete graduation requirements.

And then the bell rings at the end of the day and my classroom empties out, I lean back in my chair and breathe out a heavy sigh of relief. Another day down. I finish up some grading and tidy up my room. The students take care of a lot of the materials, but in the rush of leaving for the day, inevitably things get forgotten. Sometimes I head to the other art room, but today I'm just here. There are some students who stay after and talk until they decide to head home for the evening in favor of dinner foods and phone conversations with friends.

I'm left alone in my art room. There is student work covering my walls, posters for college programs and art departments. Chairs are stacked on top of the tables so the janitor can clean the floors. It's nice. It's peaceful. And after a long day filled with students, it's a nice time to reflect on the day. To make plans for tomorrow. To make sure that I really have everything done before I return bright and early the next day to do it all over again.

With tired hands I lock my classroom door and head out to my car. Welcome to the life of a teacher. It's exhausting and hectic and crazy, but so good. So, so good.

THINGS I DID THIS WEEKEND

This weekend was deliciously amazing. I didn't do anything too spectacular, but I know a good weekend when I see it. 

Friday afternoon I went to the art gallery slash music building on the University of Idaho campus to see if my students won any awards in the high school art competition. One of my students received an honorable mention. And just, holy goodness I was so proud. Maybe I am a real teacher after all? But I was thrilled beyond measure, like, words cannot describe. I felt like a little kid who was just handed their favorite candy bar and even though it wasn't even my candy bar I jumped up and down all the way back to the car. 

And Saturday we just watched Game of Thrones basically all day. Which, I mean, I hated Game of Thrones when all the boys started watching it a while ago. But I'm starting to change my mind. Not being surrounded by college aged boys in a living room where there aren't enough seats for everyone definitely helped make the experience more enjoyable this time around.

Plus, this morning I had red velvet pancakes. Oh yes. 

But I realized something when I got back to my apartment today. The beginnings of my years are always hard and I kind of expected this year to be that way too. But it hasn't been, not in the way that I had anticipated. Anyway, I was thinking about what made last year so tough (the break up) and that this same weekend but in 2013 was the weekend that Nathan drove up to see me because I had posted this and he realized that maybe he didn't want me out of his life forever. 

So high five Nathan for having a good same weekend a year later. You're seriously my favorite. ♥

this is my valentine's bouquet. i stinkin love it.

LIFE IS SHORT: MAKE THE MOVE

Every year about this time I really start to day dream pretty hard about moving somewhere warmer. Usually I'm looking up places to live and work in San Diego and how much it would cost and how realistically do I actually want to live there? But you guys, I have said time and again that I don't want to live in Idaho forever.

I have trouble making commitments to things here and the other day I realized why that is. I am living my life with 'temporarily' in mind instead of 'permanently.' I'm living in this apartment for now, I'm working in this location for now and I'm doing this job for now. I was in school for now, I was living with my parents for now, you get the idea.

It's almost as if I don't even know how to live my life for the putting down of roots or the anchoring of my ship or whatever your cliche phrase of choice may be. I just want out of here so badly, to move somewhere different as soon as I'm able that anything I might do to make this feel more permanent makes me instantly shy away. My heart starts to race, my mind goes in scribbles and my words completely disappear. I don't like to feel tied down to any obligations. I like to have wings, not roots.

Growing up always taught me to think of the next step. I wasn't going to be in high school forever, so I needed to plan for college. I wasn't going to be in college forever, so I needed to plan for life. I'm not going to be in this place forever, so I need to plan for the future.

In the summertime, when life would slow down a little with the absence of school, I was pressured into finding temporary jobs in order to "stay busy" and "pull my own weight." I just wanted some time off. I felt like I just needed to drop everything and take a big restful sigh so I could figure out what I wanted. I feel like I am constantly doing something and that wears me out.

Plus, I don't know if I'm making the right choices for the future anyway! I mean, talk about scary. Welcome to life where the paths are made up and the rules don't matter. I usually talk big decisions over with my parents before I pick what move to make. The idea of making a decision without their input can actually be crippling. So I'm trying to change that. I'm trying to take over my own life and make my own choices without always having to do what they think I should. I know how that might sound, but if I keep relying on them for everything then I will never be able to assert myself as an adult.

Being a "grown up" isn't about reaching a certain age, it's about acting a certain way. I'm still trying to figure out exactly how to do that, but the longer I'm floating out here in adult-land the more I'm learning.

It's interesting to me that when I was little I had all these ideas about what it would be like to be a great grown girl. I had all these dreams about where I would live and what profession I would have. I used to wish I could live all over the world and travel to a lot of different places, and what kind of freaks me out now is that living in different places and traveling around the world are actual possibilities and not distant future hopes.

Sometimes we say that parents think your growing up years fly by but that for you they drag on and on - and well, I just don't know if that's true. I feel like it was yesterday that I was this 17 year old blonde girl who just graduated from high school and now here I am at 23, my wishes and hopes becoming realities. Life feels so fast paced for me, like how did I get here, right?

I used to wonder when my life would begin, when would I finally be living my real life? And guys? Here I am. My time is now. My life is happening this very minute. And that is completely terrifying, can you imagine?

//images from pinterest

A VERY VALENTINE'S POST

So let's talk about Valentine's day...because why not?

I wasn't initially going to go to work on Friday, but then stuff and things happened and I ended up going in anyway because it's just easier that way. Except it made me try to cram all the things I was going to spend my Friday morning doing into Thursday afternoon and I ended up spending five hours cleaning all the parts of my house. Yay productivity!

Nathan showed up Friday afternoon after I got back home from work. I kept looking out the window to see if his truck was in the parking lot yet, but after four or five looks I gave up and turned on Desperate Housewives (yeah, I know). But then I heard my front door open and there was my favorite boy along with a giant bouquet of flowers and a chocolate bar. He hadn't even been in my apartment for five minutes and already is was better than the last six years of Valentine's days combined.

And then we went to the grocery store for jalapeños because that's how we roll. And also because my sister was making jalapeño chocolate cupcakes with lime frosting and if you've never had those before then I suggest you change that right now because chocolate and spicy is just pure awesome in your mouth. Trust me.

Anyway, Nathan got us dinner reservations for 6:30 but I had no idea where we were going which just made it all the more fun, right? We got dressed up and went out for drinks downtown before dinner. I mean, this guy knows what I like.

Which he just proved even more when I found out that we were headed out for a sushi dinner. Oh my gosh sushi is probably...well, if I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life it would be sushi. The restaurant we were at was super crowded and a little understaffed so we ended up waiting a long time for our food to come out of the kitchen. On the plus side though we were seated at a booth, which I like a lot better than being across from each other in chairs. I like to sit next to Nathan, what can I say. It was awesome.

We finished the night watching some Netflix before going to bed. It was maybe what I might consider the best Valentine's Day in the history of my life. High five Nathan. Happy Valentine's Day, I love you!

And Saturday we spent skiing with my family and some really good friends. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a dream land and it's basically the best thing ever.

IS IT FRIDAY YET

Is it just me, or is this week going by slower than molasses in winter? Tuesday felt like Wednesday, Wednesday felt like Thursday and today feels like Friday and it is really making me crazy. This might have something to do with the fact that I haven't been drinking coffee all week...but let's not be too quick to judge.

These kids, man. I feel like we all have an intense case of cabin fever and it's not even March yet. And also maybe I work in what could be construed as a mental institution. Sometimes I feel like I'm just supervising certifiably insane children and herding them in the direction of art making. Some days are really painful and other days are really rewarding, but when you start out with Tuesdays that feel like Wednesdays it's pretty much just all uphill from there.

But on a different note, tomorrow is Valentine's Day and well, I'm actually looking forward to it for the first time in probably six years. It's a weird feeling, because for a really long time I've only ever hated this holiday and I've never wanted to really acknowledge that it even exists. I mean, there is this romantic sappy girl I've shoved down deep inside of me who always wanted to feel important to someone on Valentine's Day, but I quit listening to her years and years ago. And now it might be looking up for her. I mean, we'll see what happens, right?

And now for something else entirely, pictures.

yep, i changed my hair. i debated between lightening it and darkening it and decided to go darker. more mysterious that way ;) 

the first valentine i received this year! from one of my students. and she drew me an octopus with a daily odd compliment. it's like she knows me or something!

And these are some examples of student work in my advanced art class. they entered a competition at the UI with the theme "STEAM" 

AN ODD COMPLIMENT OVERDOSE

So can we just have a Pinterest inspired post here? Because my brain has the dumb today and it's hard to be the doer of words putting into sentences, okay?

Good. I'm glad you're coming with me on that. Also, this morning it was -20 degrees out and so I think that even though it's warmed up to -9 now, some of my brain parts are still frozen which is maybe why they're not working today?

If you were one of my family members you would make a joke right there about how my brain parts never work correctly and I would give you an obligatory eye roll. But you're not, so I won't.

Moving on.

Pinterest! Right. Here we go:

GO HAWKS AND 5 REASONS NATHAN ROCKS

A lot happened this weekend. The Seahawks won the Super Bowl! Hashtag whaddup! And Nathan turned 24! Hashtag headedtotheoldfolkshome.

I remember when the Seahawks were in the Super Bowl last time about a million years ago and they lost to the Steelers. I remember rooting for the Steelers with my dad just because Mom was born and raised to love the Hawks and if we are anything in this family it's ornery.

This time we went to a Super Bowl party to watch the game with a bunch of our friends from church and it was glorious. (We were Hawks fans this time, because, well. Why not?) My sister made these awesome cupcakes and frosted them to look like grass with piped 12s and field goals and footballs. She's seriously a baking rockstar.

But if we rewind a little bit, Saturday was that Nathan guy's birthday. We went out for pizza and got drinks downtown afterward. And then we played a couple of games of pool. I don't know if you know this, but we are terrible at pool. One time Nathan and I tried to play a game, just the two of us, and it was probably 20 minutes into the game and neither of us had sunk a ball in a pocket. Talk about embarrassing, right?

It's funny to me how when you meet certain people sometimes you have no idea how important they will become to you. I first met Nathan at a party at his old apartment in the summer of 2011. I went with a friend who knew Nathan really well and I didn't know anyone. I don't think I really talked a lot at first, and Nathan had a girlfriend at the time so I didn't really think much more than "well, he seems like a nice guy." This is actually the same party that I met Jordan at, so. Funny.

But then life happened and Jordan and I broke up and Nathan and his girlfriend parted ways and through a smattering of other people we eventually ended up together. You guys, there is no one I'd rather be with than him. And here are five reasons why: one, he cares. A lot. About everyone. He's probably one of the most caring people that I know. Two, he makes me laugh. Sometimes he does the most ridiculous and obnoxious things and it's just so funny. Like the first time he made me play Dinner Lady Arms by The Darkness in the car on the way home from the mall and whenever I need to laugh I just picture him car dancing and singing every single word over-enthusiastically because really, comedic gold. Three, he pushes me to be a better person. To stay healthy and exercise. To learn new things. To keep working to obtain my goals. To be the best me that I can be. Four, he's very smart. He's probably the smartest guy I've ever dated. And sometimes it catches me off guard because I'm used to being the smart one in a relationship. Five, he's driven. He wants to accomplish big things in life. He's not going to settle for second best, I don't feel like. Whether it's music or school, he's ambitious in his goals for life. And I think that's really important, because if you don't set life goals then you don't go anywhere.

So, happy birthday to one of the best guys on the planet. You're my best friend, adventure buddy, and partner in crime. I love you to the moon and back. ♥