A Week For Myself

I think one of the most cliche pieces of advice I've ever heard is "if you love something, let it go. if it comes back, it was meant to be."

But letting go of something precious is often the hardest thing we will ever have to do. I mean honestly, how can you look at something that you love so dear and open your hand to see where it goes or what it does?

What if it never comes back?

Ever?

I was fine when I first made the decision to say "to heck with this! I don't care if I date him again!" And then he was nice, and when I saw the real him again, the guy that I like, I was a little hesitant to readily admit that I really didn't care...because I knew that wasn't true.

But my dad emailed me in response to my Flip Flop post. He told me that he thought Prince Charming and I should have a week apart. He said he realized that he wanted to marry my mother when she left him for a week and he pouted around town like he'd lost his best friend. He said Prince and I should have a week of limited interaction and no alone time, and after that week was over if we wanted to get back together we would have his blessing.

You see, my dad likes Prince. He thinks Prince Charming is a good guy. It took some time for Prince to grow on my dad, but almost two years later and it's like Prince is a part of the family.

I think events happen in our lives to teach us things about ourselves. God puts obstacles in our paths to grow us in His ways. I think this thing in my life right now is going to help shape me as a person. I think partly it was designed to help me gain confidence. To re-learn how to be myself, and not define myself by another person.

I can try really hard to deny that I like Princey, but I know that would be untrue. I like him a lot. He's my best friend, and I care about him. And frankly, my feelings are a lot hurt that he needs to take time to decide what he wants.

I keep waiting for him to realize that I'm perfect for him. I'm nerdy. I like video games. I'm really cute. I'm funny. I'm awesome. I'm artistic. I have blue eyes. I have everything he needs all wrapped up in my being. I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had, and those are words straight from his mouth.

Which is partly why I'm so confused about why he wants a break. Why would you throw something like that away? He doesn't know the answer. He just needs time to figure it out.

And not that I'm going to end up marrying him for sure for sure because that's a long ways away, but if a week apart from my mother helped my father realize he needed to keep her around forever, then maybe, JUST MAYBE that can work for me too.

I know not all couples are the same, and not every couple works the same way. But I'm going to do all I can to try for something I believe is right. Something that I have confidence in. Something that I think will last.

And I'm scared as hell to let him go for a week. To relinquish email and instant messaging. To not eat meals with him. To not see him from Monday morning until Friday evening. Little to no communication here is the goal. And that freaks me out.

I'm scared he'll not want to come back to me. I'm scared he won't miss me. I'm scared that if I walk away that's the last time I'll see him.

But if it is the last time I'll see him, then he'll have lost one of the most precious assets to his life. He'll have lost one of his best friends.

But that's a risk I'm going to have to take. Because it could come out on the other side, that he missed me terribly. That he ached for me. That he wants me back.

I'm not so terribly naive to believe that a week apart is going to put us back on even ground, but I think at this point I can't just be a sitting duck. I need to take action. And maybe leaving him alone for a week could turn out to be the smartest decision I've ever made.

But I just have to have faith in Prince Charming, in myself, and in Jesus Christ. Because God knows I do love the boy.

"unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. there are too many mediocre things in life. love shouldn't be one of them."