On Saturday night I drove up to Spirit Lake to judge a spirit competition between two rivalry schools. When I was in high school we had Fight for the Fish and it was a big basketball game event. First the girls played and then the boys and all the while the entire school is cheering and dancing and trying to prove to whoever got to decide that we were the ones who should take home a painted wooden rainbow trout to lord it over the other school that we got spirit yes we do, we got spirit how about you!? And so, this year I was that person armed with my pencil and paper and innate sense of school spirit.
I have to admit, I was a little hesitant to go. It was snowing in big chunky flakes and I had to drive half an hour away on roads that were less than ideal. Plus, I was going to a nerdy high school event and it was starting to bring back all the feelings.
Sitting in the gymnasium, staring at the painted posters and the decked out students in their crazy school colored outfits definitely brought back the memories. Last year this was me. I had my advanced art students work on the posters for our version of the spirit competition and we were taping things up at the very last minute, scrambling to have everything in place. It was all melodramatic and exciting.
Being laid off, while incredibly different from being fired, still left me feeling like I failed. Mostly I can shove that feeling away and go about my every day life as a local artist and juice bar manager, but sometimes I still get angry about what happened. I didn't want to be one of the statistics that says a certain percentage of teachers don't make it past their first year. I wanted to teach for longer than that.
But then, when I was there in the trenches, lesson planning and grading and dealing with students on a daily basis I kind of wanted to rip all the hairs out of my head, you know? It's always glorified in my memory because people just choose to remember the good. However, the first year of teaching is always, always, always the hardest. No amount of preparedness on paper actually makes you ready for what you experience when those kids are in your classroom expecting knowledge to exude from your being every day.
I actually think that it was a good thing I got laid off because I didn't feel like I was actually growing up there. I had been in school my whole life and teaching was just a step up from that while still being eerily the same. I looked like a student even though I dressed professionally and I felt like I was still a little kid. Being the youngest person on staff with little to no experience in my field just made me crazy. My classroom management wasn't what it should have been and I had a really hard time disciplining my students when they misbehaved because I was terrified of calling their parents.
Living and working outside of the school system has been really fun for me. I get to do artwork for myself and I am learning how to market and manage a business - which I actually really enjoy. Marketing and running the instagram page for the juice bar and posting on the Facebook wall have been a real adventure. Especially because while I was still in college, this is the kind of work that I dreamed about. And then I decided to teach instead.
Judging this competition made me do some hard thinking, though. And not just about which team deserved the mounted antlers the most. My super intendant from last year was also at the game. He said hello and told me that they may be opening a position up in the district next year and I should keep my eyes open. I smiled and nodded and said I would look into it, but inwardly I kind of panicked. Is this something that I want? Or do I want to stay at the juice bar?
I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Monday, January 19, 2015
Thursday, October 30, 2014
MY CHANGING LEAFS
So tomorrow is my last day at Le Peep. It's been a fun run, and I'm really going to miss it. The people that I work with have become a sort of second family to me and I love my early mornings with them. The deep and meaningful conversations mixed with the inside jokes and yes, even some of the drama, has all been a positive experience. It isn't without it's downfalls, because nothing in this life is perfect, but this job was pretty awesome.
It feels like transition periods are always bittersweet. On one hand, I'm leaving to train for a management position at a local juice bar. So this is valuable experience I will be able to put on my resume and I love, love, love the girls there. And on the other hand, I'm leaving behind a place that I have really enjoyed.
This feels kind of like when I moved away from Moscow to go be a student teacher. It's so weird that college went by so fast when it started out being the slowest of the slow. Now when I go back with Nathan to visit his family and we drive through campus, it's almost a foreign place. We drive by the buildings I used to inhabit on a regular basis and all my memories come flooding back to me at once.
I did not want to leave Moscow. I was not ready to be done with school and with my independence or with any of my studio classes. Maybe it's the teacher in me who is just never quite done learning all of the things. I'm filled with this hunger to keep furthering my knowledge and I guess there are worse things in life.
But then, after I moved back home and started student teaching and my life kept changing, it didn't really make me miss school less, but it helped to see that I was applying my knowledge correctly and that my students were learning. And since I've been back in Coeur d'Alene it seems that my life has not really quit changing, because hello! Here's is another life altering transition for you!
I'm a firm believer in the Everything-Happens-For-A-Reason and the If-It's-Meant-To-Happen-It-Will and I know that this is where I'm supposed to be. There is a purpose for my transition from Le Peep to The Wellness Bar and this is the beginning of the Adventure Of Why.
It's funny that this is happening now, as the seasons are changing. Welcome Autumn and instead of the changing leafs signaling the start of a new school year, it's instead signaling the start of a new job.
Today I did laundry and went grocery shopping. I cleaned the kitchen and tidied my bedroom. I bought a cinnamon pecan swirl scented candle and tonight I will make dinner and probably watch Netflix. And tomorrow I will wake up for my last hostessing shift and spend the night out with my friends for a happy Halloween. So far, it's been a good year folks.
Monday, October 6, 2014
THE JOURNEY
Growing up I always thought there was a right way and a wrong way to do life. And I was always terrified that I was going to be that person who did all the things wrong and ended up in an ally somewhere living in a cardboard box. If you ask me what my biggest fear in life is, I will tell you one word: failure.
To me that meant losing my job, my ability to provide for myself and ending up homeless and smelly and wearing someone else's donated clothing. This image of my future life, had I picked all the wrong things, started when I was in elementary school.
We live our whole young lives preparing ourselves for adulthood. I believed it was my duty to go through school, graduate, continue on to college, graduate, get a job, get married and live happily ever after. I honestly had never planned on what to do after I was married other than be fabulously rich and travel the world, which, obviously, is still going to happen. ;)
But on a serious note, I have been learning and relearning that the world does not work in rights and wrongs like my brain initially thought. And when I lost my teaching position last year it rocked me down to my core. I had to learn to shake the feelings of failure and convince myself that this was not the end of the line and that I was not going to end up in a dirty refrigerator box somewhere.
If I'm being honest though, that was a change for me that I had never planned to go through. I mourned my lost position and cried myself to sleep, scared and wondering what I was going to do with myself once my contract was up and I was no longer getting paid a teacher's salary. As low as a teacher's salary might be in this state, it was still more money than I'd ever made in my life.
Plus, I have bills to pay and an apartment to care for and it was all piling on the pressure so fast. Sometimes if I sat and thought about what was happening to me, my chest would get all tight and I wouldn't be able to breathe. So I did what I knew I had to do.
I went back to the restaurant where I worked last year and finished out this summer doing the same thing I did back then - managing nights. And then when the summer ended I just stayed on staff because at least it was income and the atmosphere and the people are great. It is truly a good place to work.
And then I got all this art stuff and chalkboard things to help out on the side.
I was all sorts of certain that I was going to fail. That this was a step backwards for me and that this was somehow "wrong." But if I've learned anything, it's that life never does what you want it to. Just because I'm not teaching this year doesn't mean that unemployment and back ally living are in my future. I'm smart and resourceful and something is always provided to allow me to take care of myself and to pay for the things I need to pay for.
It's in the realm of authenticity too, these life lessons that keep showing up. I feel like I am maybe more myself than I have been when I was trying to convince myself that I was a teacher. I am much better at being an artist and creating the things people look at than I felt I was at conveying to other people how to produce a great work of art. Partly because I am maybe still figuring that out myself.
To go from school straight into a career I felt like I was skipping a step. I have always been a step skipper, if we're being honest. If I can smash two steps together, I probably will. So part of me was proud of myself for going right into the career path and part of me was kind of exhausted and I've been telling myself since my sophomore year of college that I just wanted to take a year to not be in school. To not have homework. To not have to worry about being in the school system.
But then life happens, and job opportunities come up and it would be stupid not to take a full time salaried position that is standing right in front of you, so I kind of went against myself and took the job anyway. And what I've realized in the past couple of months is that maybe losing that job was actually good for me.
It has forced me to bend in ways that I didn't think I could. This path has started to show me what I'm really made of and it's begged me to at least start to question what I really want to do with my life. I've known from the beginning that I wanted to be an artist - but I also knew that I never wanted to end up like van Gogh, or become that typical starving artist. So I never truly believed that art could take me where I actually wanted to go - which is all around the world, if you remember. And yet, here I am, working in a restaurant (stereotypical job liberal arts majors end up doing!) but still creating and sometimes getting paid for it.
The more art jobs I do the more I am realizing that that is where my heart is. It's where my passion lies. I feel the most at home when I am creating something with my hands. It allows me to think in ways that I don't get to when I'm doing something else. Now, if I could only get paid for blogging as well. HA!
I haven't been 24 for very long, but it already feels like it's going to be a year about shedding my layers. It's going to be a year about doing the things I want to do because I want to do them and not because I feel obligated to do what everyone else is telling me, or at least what I perceive everyone else is telling me to do.
I have always wondered how old you have to be before you're really an adult. Sometimes I still feel a little like a child, striving for approval from other people and unable to make my own decisions. But you know what? The only approval I need is my own, really, and I am more than capable of making my own decisions. It is a process, to learn to live unapologetically and out loud, but it will be beyond worth it.
This is the journey to becoming myself and every day brings me one step closer.
To me that meant losing my job, my ability to provide for myself and ending up homeless and smelly and wearing someone else's donated clothing. This image of my future life, had I picked all the wrong things, started when I was in elementary school.
We live our whole young lives preparing ourselves for adulthood. I believed it was my duty to go through school, graduate, continue on to college, graduate, get a job, get married and live happily ever after. I honestly had never planned on what to do after I was married other than be fabulously rich and travel the world, which, obviously, is still going to happen. ;)
But on a serious note, I have been learning and relearning that the world does not work in rights and wrongs like my brain initially thought. And when I lost my teaching position last year it rocked me down to my core. I had to learn to shake the feelings of failure and convince myself that this was not the end of the line and that I was not going to end up in a dirty refrigerator box somewhere.
If I'm being honest though, that was a change for me that I had never planned to go through. I mourned my lost position and cried myself to sleep, scared and wondering what I was going to do with myself once my contract was up and I was no longer getting paid a teacher's salary. As low as a teacher's salary might be in this state, it was still more money than I'd ever made in my life.
Plus, I have bills to pay and an apartment to care for and it was all piling on the pressure so fast. Sometimes if I sat and thought about what was happening to me, my chest would get all tight and I wouldn't be able to breathe. So I did what I knew I had to do.
I went back to the restaurant where I worked last year and finished out this summer doing the same thing I did back then - managing nights. And then when the summer ended I just stayed on staff because at least it was income and the atmosphere and the people are great. It is truly a good place to work.
And then I got all this art stuff and chalkboard things to help out on the side.
I was all sorts of certain that I was going to fail. That this was a step backwards for me and that this was somehow "wrong." But if I've learned anything, it's that life never does what you want it to. Just because I'm not teaching this year doesn't mean that unemployment and back ally living are in my future. I'm smart and resourceful and something is always provided to allow me to take care of myself and to pay for the things I need to pay for.
It's in the realm of authenticity too, these life lessons that keep showing up. I feel like I am maybe more myself than I have been when I was trying to convince myself that I was a teacher. I am much better at being an artist and creating the things people look at than I felt I was at conveying to other people how to produce a great work of art. Partly because I am maybe still figuring that out myself.
To go from school straight into a career I felt like I was skipping a step. I have always been a step skipper, if we're being honest. If I can smash two steps together, I probably will. So part of me was proud of myself for going right into the career path and part of me was kind of exhausted and I've been telling myself since my sophomore year of college that I just wanted to take a year to not be in school. To not have homework. To not have to worry about being in the school system.
But then life happens, and job opportunities come up and it would be stupid not to take a full time salaried position that is standing right in front of you, so I kind of went against myself and took the job anyway. And what I've realized in the past couple of months is that maybe losing that job was actually good for me.
It has forced me to bend in ways that I didn't think I could. This path has started to show me what I'm really made of and it's begged me to at least start to question what I really want to do with my life. I've known from the beginning that I wanted to be an artist - but I also knew that I never wanted to end up like van Gogh, or become that typical starving artist. So I never truly believed that art could take me where I actually wanted to go - which is all around the world, if you remember. And yet, here I am, working in a restaurant (stereotypical job liberal arts majors end up doing!) but still creating and sometimes getting paid for it.
The more art jobs I do the more I am realizing that that is where my heart is. It's where my passion lies. I feel the most at home when I am creating something with my hands. It allows me to think in ways that I don't get to when I'm doing something else. Now, if I could only get paid for blogging as well. HA!
I haven't been 24 for very long, but it already feels like it's going to be a year about shedding my layers. It's going to be a year about doing the things I want to do because I want to do them and not because I feel obligated to do what everyone else is telling me, or at least what I perceive everyone else is telling me to do.
I have always wondered how old you have to be before you're really an adult. Sometimes I still feel a little like a child, striving for approval from other people and unable to make my own decisions. But you know what? The only approval I need is my own, really, and I am more than capable of making my own decisions. It is a process, to learn to live unapologetically and out loud, but it will be beyond worth it.
This is the journey to becoming myself and every day brings me one step closer.
Monday, June 9, 2014
AND INTO THE SUMMER WE GO
So, June huh? I mean, where does the time go? I remember when summers used to take forever to get here and now it's like I blinked and here we are! Sunshine and all!
The end of this school year is pretty bittersweet for me and also really irregular. Granted, I'm only a year in so regular isn't really my area of expertise, but there's been some crazy things that have happened to me in the last week. So.
I keep writing dumb posts and then deleting them because words just seem to not be my friend lately. However, it looks to me that if I write a billion really stupid ones, I'm sure to find a winner in there somewhere. And well, I guess here we are? I mean, we'll find out one way or another because either you'll read this or you won't.
Anyway, moving on.
My classroom is empty, the chairs are all stacked and art supplies are all boxed up for next year's students to wreak all sorts of havoc with. I sat in front of my computer today, after a long couple of hours of collaboration with the other two art teachers for the district and there's potential for me to just move to the other school instead of being completely out of a job. God will provide something, I just know it. Mostly because something always shows up right when I need it most.
I'm a bit wishy washy between wanting to continue teaching and wanting to try something else. Looking back at how this year went, and how a majority of the time I would come home and wish I could just give it all up as I cried in the shower, and then! You know what happens? I buy a yearbook to commemorate my first year teaching and those stinking little brats filled it all up with words of love and encouragement that I will find something else and that they'll miss me to pieces and that I'm their favorite teacher or that I helped them get through some pretty rough stuff in their lives and well, shoot. Just tug on my feels a little harder, will you?
One of the things that cost me the opportunity to be re-hired is my lack of self confidence. Admittedly, I struggle in this area a lot and even though I try not to let it show, it's just one of those things. I have abilities way beyond what I give myself credit for, and you know, self confidence will improve with experience in my profession. But those yearbook entries, dude. It's an incredible self confidence boost. I never set out to affect that many people or to impact that many lives. I just showed up to work and made geeky, nerdy jokes about art and asked my students how their day went and what they did for the weekend. I know I'm not the traditional teacher, and sometimes I get a lot of flack for that from other teachers in my building, but as long as the kids are learning the kids and are happy, then I guess it doesn't matter.
So now I'm going to take my summer and paint my heart out. Maybe start an etsy shop to sell some event and holiday cards. And write more articles about lots of different things. Basically, just do whatever the heck I want to because I can. This is my life and I'm going to live it.
(pictures of my busy life, in chronological order...or at least I think they are...)
The end of this school year is pretty bittersweet for me and also really irregular. Granted, I'm only a year in so regular isn't really my area of expertise, but there's been some crazy things that have happened to me in the last week. So.
I keep writing dumb posts and then deleting them because words just seem to not be my friend lately. However, it looks to me that if I write a billion really stupid ones, I'm sure to find a winner in there somewhere. And well, I guess here we are? I mean, we'll find out one way or another because either you'll read this or you won't.
Anyway, moving on.
My classroom is empty, the chairs are all stacked and art supplies are all boxed up for next year's students to wreak all sorts of havoc with. I sat in front of my computer today, after a long couple of hours of collaboration with the other two art teachers for the district and there's potential for me to just move to the other school instead of being completely out of a job. God will provide something, I just know it. Mostly because something always shows up right when I need it most.
I'm a bit wishy washy between wanting to continue teaching and wanting to try something else. Looking back at how this year went, and how a majority of the time I would come home and wish I could just give it all up as I cried in the shower, and then! You know what happens? I buy a yearbook to commemorate my first year teaching and those stinking little brats filled it all up with words of love and encouragement that I will find something else and that they'll miss me to pieces and that I'm their favorite teacher or that I helped them get through some pretty rough stuff in their lives and well, shoot. Just tug on my feels a little harder, will you?
One of the things that cost me the opportunity to be re-hired is my lack of self confidence. Admittedly, I struggle in this area a lot and even though I try not to let it show, it's just one of those things. I have abilities way beyond what I give myself credit for, and you know, self confidence will improve with experience in my profession. But those yearbook entries, dude. It's an incredible self confidence boost. I never set out to affect that many people or to impact that many lives. I just showed up to work and made geeky, nerdy jokes about art and asked my students how their day went and what they did for the weekend. I know I'm not the traditional teacher, and sometimes I get a lot of flack for that from other teachers in my building, but as long as the kids are learning the kids and are happy, then I guess it doesn't matter.
So now I'm going to take my summer and paint my heart out. Maybe start an etsy shop to sell some event and holiday cards. And write more articles about lots of different things. Basically, just do whatever the heck I want to because I can. This is my life and I'm going to live it.
(pictures of my busy life, in chronological order...or at least I think they are...)
Nathan's graduation!
i got a tattoo touch up and addition. the birds really needed to be fixed.
dress fitting and bridal shower for my lovely soon to be sister in law!
(a month and two days away, butwhoscounting)
first day of school selfie and last day of school selfie
aaaaand daniel graduated! to the kid we wondered if he ever really would make it all the way through, i give you a hearty congrats. i can't believe that you're old enough to be graduated from high school, or more likely, that I'm old enough for you to have graduated from high school ;)
Friday, May 23, 2014
YEAH...SO THERE'S THAT
So, sometimes super ridiculous things happen and then I have to write 8 bajillion blog posts before I come up with one actually worth publishing. I mean, creative process and all. You can't rush art, is what. At least, I suppose that's what.
Well, to start off, I should say that a short while ago I was alerted to the fact that the school I work at was cutting the budget for the art department and going down to one full time position. They were just going to open up that position to me and the other art teacher to keep it all fair. And so then on Monday I had a really quick six question what's your vision for the future of the program kind of interview and on Wednesday I found out that they picked not-me.
So.
My brain kind of tumbled around in my head and water leaked out of my eyes for a couple days afterwards. I mean, I felt like someone had just broken up with me! This future of art works and students and grading and making that danged art room as cool as I possibly could were just shattered in about a five second span and one awful sentence, "Natalie, I'm afraid it's bad news..." Well, shoot.
I just got real mopey, and I mean look, yes, I kind of hated my job some days, so maybe it's kind of a relief that I don't have to go back next year? But then also it takes three years, three real hard years of your life to actually fall in love with teaching. I wasn't ready to give up yet. I mean, not that this necessitates giving up, but it's gonna be a lot harder for me to find another teaching job now. It would have been easier for the other teacher, since you know, more experience and all. But this is life, and since when does life do the things you want it to? Right.
Yesterday afternoon my roommate and I palled around town and I guess that was just exactly what I needed to start to feel better about this whole being jobless and without a paycheck at the end of the summer thing. We made appointments to get tattoos. Well, I'm getting my shoulder tattoo fixed and Kelsey is getting her own first tattoo and things! It's super exciting!
And then we stole delicious chocolate chip cookies from her aunt before going to the Fisherman's Market for dinner. I've never eaten at the Fisherman's Market before but Kelsey told me she'd heard the fish and chips were really good, so naturally we both ordered the same thing. Except she got salmon and I got mahi-mahi and we both got four different dipping sauces. And then we traded fish because, let me just say that we both love salmon and all but hey, salmon was not made for fish sticks, fyi.
Plus, the weather yesterday was exactly what the beginning of summertime is all about. Kelsey put a blanket down out on our porch and I just kind of laid there talking to her while she started painting a lawn ornament for her mom. It was probably the best ending to that day I could imagine. I mean, just saying.
Also, today is Friday so hooray for the weekend! And since Memorial Day is a thing, that means no school on Monday. Hello long lazy weekend made out of awesome and win and all that good stuff. So maybe even though things are kind of sucky, there is still that silver lining.
I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future and since this is real life and all, let the adventures continue. Maybe I'll go sideways or backward, but eventually I'll go forward again and really, I'm trying not to be too worried about it. There are two weeks left of school and I'm gonna enjoy the crap out of them. It's gonna be a thing.
Well, to start off, I should say that a short while ago I was alerted to the fact that the school I work at was cutting the budget for the art department and going down to one full time position. They were just going to open up that position to me and the other art teacher to keep it all fair. And so then on Monday I had a really quick six question what's your vision for the future of the program kind of interview and on Wednesday I found out that they picked not-me.
So.
My brain kind of tumbled around in my head and water leaked out of my eyes for a couple days afterwards. I mean, I felt like someone had just broken up with me! This future of art works and students and grading and making that danged art room as cool as I possibly could were just shattered in about a five second span and one awful sentence, "Natalie, I'm afraid it's bad news..." Well, shoot.
I just got real mopey, and I mean look, yes, I kind of hated my job some days, so maybe it's kind of a relief that I don't have to go back next year? But then also it takes three years, three real hard years of your life to actually fall in love with teaching. I wasn't ready to give up yet. I mean, not that this necessitates giving up, but it's gonna be a lot harder for me to find another teaching job now. It would have been easier for the other teacher, since you know, more experience and all. But this is life, and since when does life do the things you want it to? Right.
Yesterday afternoon my roommate and I palled around town and I guess that was just exactly what I needed to start to feel better about this whole being jobless and without a paycheck at the end of the summer thing. We made appointments to get tattoos. Well, I'm getting my shoulder tattoo fixed and Kelsey is getting her own first tattoo and things! It's super exciting!
And then we stole delicious chocolate chip cookies from her aunt before going to the Fisherman's Market for dinner. I've never eaten at the Fisherman's Market before but Kelsey told me she'd heard the fish and chips were really good, so naturally we both ordered the same thing. Except she got salmon and I got mahi-mahi and we both got four different dipping sauces. And then we traded fish because, let me just say that we both love salmon and all but hey, salmon was not made for fish sticks, fyi.
Plus, the weather yesterday was exactly what the beginning of summertime is all about. Kelsey put a blanket down out on our porch and I just kind of laid there talking to her while she started painting a lawn ornament for her mom. It was probably the best ending to that day I could imagine. I mean, just saying.
Also, today is Friday so hooray for the weekend! And since Memorial Day is a thing, that means no school on Monday. Hello long lazy weekend made out of awesome and win and all that good stuff. So maybe even though things are kind of sucky, there is still that silver lining.
I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future and since this is real life and all, let the adventures continue. Maybe I'll go sideways or backward, but eventually I'll go forward again and really, I'm trying not to be too worried about it. There are two weeks left of school and I'm gonna enjoy the crap out of them. It's gonna be a thing.
Monday, April 28, 2014
ADVENTURES AND PROMS AND BEING AN ADULT
This weekend was a lot of things for me. There is a situation at work that is stressing me out and last week I was on edge every day it seemed. So, it's not been very fun to be me recently, is what it comes down to.
But Saturday night was prom. Our theme was "Under The Sea" and someone unnamed had volunteered me to chaperon. At first I was a little hesitant, but since I was actually staying in town this weekend I decided to just do it. (Introvert problems, you know? I'm sorry, you want to hang? I can't. I have to sit at home by myself and watch Netflix...)
I met up at an Italian restaurant with a bunch of the other chaperons for our pre-prom dinner. This place provides crayons and covers their tables with butcher paper. There is a six year old child inside of me that just can't resist this combination. I drew sea creatures and a small drawing contest erupted between me and the two teachers I was next to. There was a flying manatee at one point. Teachers know how to party.
Then we headed out to the golf course event center that's right on the lake. It was gorgeous. I wished a million times that my high school proms could have been held there instead of at the resort. Oh well. And the decorations the students have been working on for the last three weeks were everywhere. The place just looked amazing.
Students started flooding in, the lights got dim. The sun set behind the mountains (the view! you guys!) and the music started thumping. The base was loud. The music was a good mix of things before my time, during my time and after my time. A lot of what blared through the speakers was music from my high school years, which felt a little odd, admittedly. Apple Bottom Jeans, anyone?
We did the Cupid Shuffle and Cotton-Eyed Joe. The students all got ridiculously excited about the Wobble...which I am wholly unfamiliar with. The girls were really into it, so. It was fun to watch.
I danced a lot more than I had anticipated and I sang along with tons of the songs. By the time I got home that night my voice was scratchy and my ears were ringing. It's been a long time since I've had that much fun at an event similar to this one. My high school prom experiences weren't bad, but they were followed around by that typical teenage girl angst of wanting to dance with boys. I never attended a formal dance with a boyfriend (which I've heard is a good thing. there are some horror stories out there) and I always had fun. There was also always some sort of tension between me and my date because one of us always cared more and it usually wasn't me. Except when I went to prom with Jeff because despite the joke about us being "secret lovers" a la the commercial that was so popular back then, we truly were just friends and that was a great night.
But I digress.
I've decided that I like chaperoning prom a lot more than I liked attending it when I was a student. And perhaps next year us chaperons will show up in our own poofy prom dresses. Like I said, teachers know how to party.
Sunday morning woke me up at 7 with a healthy dose of prom hangover. I spent the day on the couch binge watching Futurama and sleeping.
And then in the evening I went on one of the longest runs of my life. I hadn't planned it that way, but then, adventure.
You guys, running is such a metaphor for life. Can I just tell you? Because it is.
There is a route that I usually take, and I just stick to that route. I know it. I'm comfortable running it. It's not too crazy and it's not too far. I'm usually out there for fifteen or twenty minutes and I come back feeling good. But just like in life, sometimes routine gets boring.
So instead of turning and crossing the road at my usual spot, I decided to go straight. I knew what was up ahead, but I hadn't ever ran there before, you know? I jogged up the road, passed by my old middle school. Turned into a big neighborhood and ran down to the park that I've played at off and on since it was built. The whole thing took me about an hour before I found myself back at my apartment complex.
My life has been linear. It has been routine, even though the routine has changed a couple times. But I always just take what's ahead of me. I brace for it, whatever it is, instead of maybe choosing something different. I went through school. Graduated. Went to college. Graduated. Got a job working in my field.
It's always been a progression. There hasn't been really any sideways motions, just always forward. This thing I'm dealing with at work could end up aiding in carrying through that forward momentum, or it could throw me sideways. Which, here is why running is my life metaphor.
Yesterday I decided to take a turn in a direction I hadn't been in before. There was no magic button to reset and put me back at my door step if I didn't like where I was or I got too tired to go on. There was no cell phone in my pocket to call for a ride home if my feet suddenly gave out. It was just me and the asphalt paved pathway my running shoes were pounding on.
There's a fork in my road. My job could go one way or the other and I'm not sure what's going to happen and it's a little scary. What happens if I have to go sideways? My plans have never really had the potential to change this drastically. I've always been the one with the power, and here it feels...different.
Whatever happens to me, I'm going to be alright. I know that. I've just started realizing what adulthood is all about. It's not about just taking the next step and following a certain plan. Plans change. Adulthood is about how you respond to the changes. How you roll with the punches and go with the flow. You can sit and fight the current or let it take you away. And there isn't really a right answer, which can be both exciting and terrifyingly horrible.
But I will end with this, I suppose. I still think being an adult is the stupidest thing I've ever done. And I love mostly every single stupid second of it.
But Saturday night was prom. Our theme was "Under The Sea" and someone unnamed had volunteered me to chaperon. At first I was a little hesitant, but since I was actually staying in town this weekend I decided to just do it. (Introvert problems, you know? I'm sorry, you want to hang? I can't. I have to sit at home by myself and watch Netflix...)
I met up at an Italian restaurant with a bunch of the other chaperons for our pre-prom dinner. This place provides crayons and covers their tables with butcher paper. There is a six year old child inside of me that just can't resist this combination. I drew sea creatures and a small drawing contest erupted between me and the two teachers I was next to. There was a flying manatee at one point. Teachers know how to party.
Then we headed out to the golf course event center that's right on the lake. It was gorgeous. I wished a million times that my high school proms could have been held there instead of at the resort. Oh well. And the decorations the students have been working on for the last three weeks were everywhere. The place just looked amazing.
Students started flooding in, the lights got dim. The sun set behind the mountains (the view! you guys!) and the music started thumping. The base was loud. The music was a good mix of things before my time, during my time and after my time. A lot of what blared through the speakers was music from my high school years, which felt a little odd, admittedly. Apple Bottom Jeans, anyone?
We did the Cupid Shuffle and Cotton-Eyed Joe. The students all got ridiculously excited about the Wobble...which I am wholly unfamiliar with. The girls were really into it, so. It was fun to watch.
I danced a lot more than I had anticipated and I sang along with tons of the songs. By the time I got home that night my voice was scratchy and my ears were ringing. It's been a long time since I've had that much fun at an event similar to this one. My high school prom experiences weren't bad, but they were followed around by that typical teenage girl angst of wanting to dance with boys. I never attended a formal dance with a boyfriend (which I've heard is a good thing. there are some horror stories out there) and I always had fun. There was also always some sort of tension between me and my date because one of us always cared more and it usually wasn't me. Except when I went to prom with Jeff because despite the joke about us being "secret lovers" a la the commercial that was so popular back then, we truly were just friends and that was a great night.
But I digress.
I've decided that I like chaperoning prom a lot more than I liked attending it when I was a student. And perhaps next year us chaperons will show up in our own poofy prom dresses. Like I said, teachers know how to party.
Sunday morning woke me up at 7 with a healthy dose of prom hangover. I spent the day on the couch binge watching Futurama and sleeping.
And then in the evening I went on one of the longest runs of my life. I hadn't planned it that way, but then, adventure.
You guys, running is such a metaphor for life. Can I just tell you? Because it is.
There is a route that I usually take, and I just stick to that route. I know it. I'm comfortable running it. It's not too crazy and it's not too far. I'm usually out there for fifteen or twenty minutes and I come back feeling good. But just like in life, sometimes routine gets boring.
So instead of turning and crossing the road at my usual spot, I decided to go straight. I knew what was up ahead, but I hadn't ever ran there before, you know? I jogged up the road, passed by my old middle school. Turned into a big neighborhood and ran down to the park that I've played at off and on since it was built. The whole thing took me about an hour before I found myself back at my apartment complex.
My life has been linear. It has been routine, even though the routine has changed a couple times. But I always just take what's ahead of me. I brace for it, whatever it is, instead of maybe choosing something different. I went through school. Graduated. Went to college. Graduated. Got a job working in my field.
It's always been a progression. There hasn't been really any sideways motions, just always forward. This thing I'm dealing with at work could end up aiding in carrying through that forward momentum, or it could throw me sideways. Which, here is why running is my life metaphor.
Yesterday I decided to take a turn in a direction I hadn't been in before. There was no magic button to reset and put me back at my door step if I didn't like where I was or I got too tired to go on. There was no cell phone in my pocket to call for a ride home if my feet suddenly gave out. It was just me and the asphalt paved pathway my running shoes were pounding on.
There's a fork in my road. My job could go one way or the other and I'm not sure what's going to happen and it's a little scary. What happens if I have to go sideways? My plans have never really had the potential to change this drastically. I've always been the one with the power, and here it feels...different.
Whatever happens to me, I'm going to be alright. I know that. I've just started realizing what adulthood is all about. It's not about just taking the next step and following a certain plan. Plans change. Adulthood is about how you respond to the changes. How you roll with the punches and go with the flow. You can sit and fight the current or let it take you away. And there isn't really a right answer, which can be both exciting and terrifyingly horrible.
But I will end with this, I suppose. I still think being an adult is the stupidest thing I've ever done. And I love mostly every single stupid second of it.
Monday, April 21, 2014
TIDBITS
[mine]
taken on my drive home from moscow yesterday
It's funny when people from your past show up and send you requests on Facebook. I haven't spoken to you in years but welcome to my life, old friend.
Chocolate milk on cereal is probably my new favorite thing to eat. And peppermint chocolate Luna bars. And fresh, juicy strawberries. Of course accompanied by coconut water. What else do I drink these days? (chocolate almond milk. duhh.)
The neighbor lady accused me of jogging around my room at nine o'clock at night (which I was not doing) and said if it happens again she's going to report us. She can't do this because a) quiet hours don't start until 10 and b) she has no proof that I was actually making any noise that night. Her word against mine, yo. People suck. When did it become more appropriate to threaten people than to come and politely talk with them? "You guys have been such good neighbors, but I work early in the morning so if it's noisy again I'm going to report you." I mean, WHO DOES THAT. Seriously. It almost makes me just want to stomp around at night for fun.
Also, if she doesn't like any noise from her neighbors then why does she live in an apartment complex? Come on, lady. Get it together. I pay to live here too. Okay, end rant.
This weekend went by way too fast. I remember sitting on Nathan's couch on Friday, glad that it was still the beginning of the weekend and then it felt like he hugged me and it was Sunday evening and I was leaving. I think leaving is the absolute worst. I round the corner of the street in my car where his house is just out of view and even though I've been gone for literally only a few seconds, I already miss him.
I'm ready for summer. Spring is nice and all, but I want 90 degree days where I can jump into the cool lake water and hang out in my swimsuit all day. I want tank tops and jean shorts and sandals. And I want travel and adventure and camping. My brain is overwhelmed with work and so exhausted that I'm ready to just be done with all the pressure. There is so much pressure and I am so new to this and my neurons are fried.
Lately I day dream about what it would be like to go back to school and become a graphic designer. Or teach at a community art center. Or actually to just become a student again and take all the art classes the little artist nerd inside of me could handle. Someday I would like to go back to school, but for now, we'll see what the future brings. I'm still young and life could take me anywhere.
I wish I lived in a house too. I want a yard so I can have a trampoline. And a dog. I miss my dog.
Today was hard. Not for anything in particular, just that it was a Monday. My students weren't on their best behavior. The hours passed like minutes and I just haven't felt good today. I need a soak in a hot tub and to go to bed early tonight.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
A DAY IN THE LIFE
I fumble around in my pocket, digging my keys out of the very bottom since that's where they always sink to. My numb fingers flick different keys out of their way, searching for the one this door belongs to. I insert the key into the lock and twist, I pull the door towards my body as I try to delicately balance my cup of coffee in my other hand and manage not to spill any on the ground.
I turn on the lights, set my things on the desk and press the power button on the tower of my desktop computer. Taking a drink of my coffee, I survey the room. Nothing has changed since yesterday, the chairs are stacked neatly in front of the whiteboard by my desk. The cupboards are closed. The tables have been wiped down. It's time to start a new day.
Students start milling about in my classroom five minutes before the final morning bell. Soon after they have all taken their seats, we rise for the pledge of allegiance and sit again for the morning announcements. There is always a hustle and bustle, whispers from around the room as the monotone voice of the student announcer reads off the long laundry list of school activities and upcoming events, eventually finishing with what's for lunch that day and any sporting events we might have in the near future.
Welcome to pottery. There is a bunch of commotion as students gather their supplies for the hour. Clay, tools, pottery boards. Some are on the student computers researching for their next project. Some have opened five bottles of glaze they need in order to make their project the most perfect. My life becomes filled with questions. "Miss K, what do I do next?" "Miss K, how do I fix this?" "Miss K, when is the kiln gonna be fired next?"
I dance around the room from table to table and student to student, fielding questions I've either already answered fifty times or has just come about because something didn't go right in the kiln or something didn't dry correctly, or what have you. Sometimes I have the answer on the tip of my tongue, tinged with a slight amount of sarcasm and other times I have to think about the answer before I respond.
It's a weird thing to be the teacher. I feel like I should always have all the answers all the time. But something I have learned about teachers this year is that we are humans too.
Ten minutes before the period is over there is a mad rush to clean the tables, return materials, tuck in chairs and chatter with classmates while waiting for the bell to ring. And then it's off to second period for them, while a new set of students files into my own classroom.
I rush down the hall to refill my coffee cup and wait in line for the bathroom. Other teachers and students are going a million miles an hour. Five minutes always passes faster than I imagine it will.
Art one students are seated at their desks when I make it back to my room. They've started working on their warm up drawings - little pictures that take them about five minutes to complete. Special Education students enter a little while later. Sometimes they are disruptive and noisy and other times they are quiet as mice. Today they whisper loudly and that always kind of stresses me out, although I'm not sure why.
With warm up drawings over and attendance finished, I briefly explain today's activities. We're in the middle of an ongoing project so there's no lecture today. Just a few reminders about their requirements and then they're off. We've been making Artist Trading Cards and experimenting with different media. I set out watercolors, acrylics, colored pencils, sharpies, and myriad of other media for my students to grab up and get all over the place. The content of their cards is up to them, but they are required to try out different types of materials.
Third period is more of the same. There are different faces and different questions. There is a broad range of talents as well as ages. Because art one is an entry level class worth two humanities credits required for graduations I get everyone from the baby freshmen to the adultish seniors. Some of them work really hard and really quickly, while others procrastinate or just simply take their time. Most days they make me want to pull my hair out, but the reward of seeing them finally understand and building meaningful relationships with them, inspiring them to try more in art and try different, makes all the wanting of hair pulling out worth it. I take a deep breath and plunge into the answer of a question that I've already explained five times over and made them write down. This job is tedious, but I slap a smile on my face and do it anyway. These kids need me and for some of them, this is the most fun they'll have in their entire day.
During lunch I sit in the teacher's lounge with a small group of ladies I'm slowly getting to know as the year goes on. We talk about students' needs, we talk about school policies and other teachers. We also talk about The Bachelor and Bachelorette while I roll my eyes and check to see if there's anything interesting on Facebook.
The bell rings to signal the end of lunchtime and I'm back in my classroom for the afternoon. It's my prep hour now, so I'm making copies of rubrics and grading projects. I head back to the main art room in search of supplies I'll need for the remainder of my day. Paper, pencils, glue, paint. I carry them across the school in my arms.
By the time the bell rings for second lunch, there are a couple students eating their lunch in my room. I'm a safe haven, a friend of sorts, a place for them to be themselves. We talk and laugh and they eat until the bell rings, signalling the start of fifth period.
These fifth period kids, man. They demand my attention in the most obnoxious ways, but they're coming right after the end of lunch. They've been in school for four periods already and they're a little burnt out. Attention spans have been tested to the limit and trying to get their focus is a lot like trying to herd cats. Some days they are my favorite class and some days I just want to send them all to the office. Today I'm answering their questions - what's my biggest regret in life? if I could live something over, what would it be and what would i do differently? They're in a philosophical mood today. Sometimes it's political. Sometimes it's personal. I try to answer them to the best of my ability without overstepping boundaries and some of their questions I just refuse to answer completely.
The upside to this class is that it's full of kids who are not artists. They are not interested really in art at all, but they are making the most interesting things and coming away with a lot of knowledge about how to create and the ability to problem solve. So even though they badger me with questions ad nauseum, I feel like it's worth it. These students need someone to invest in them, and that's what I'm trying to do.
Over the speakers is the sound of the bell. It's a five minute passing period before sixth hour starts. It's a flurry of motion as my fifth period students leave and my sixth period students arrive. The door is constantly ajar as student after student flows through it.
Sixth period is a crazy hour filled with student raps, lots of art, inside jokes, loud conversations and music. We paint and we draw and we learn about life together. If it was up to me, I'd just teach sixth period all day. Those students are the ones that really want to be here and better their skills in different areas of art. It's refreshing after a long day of freshmen fulfilling their credit duties in order to complete graduation requirements.
And then the bell rings at the end of the day and my classroom empties out, I lean back in my chair and breathe out a heavy sigh of relief. Another day down. I finish up some grading and tidy up my room. The students take care of a lot of the materials, but in the rush of leaving for the day, inevitably things get forgotten. Sometimes I head to the other art room, but today I'm just here. There are some students who stay after and talk until they decide to head home for the evening in favor of dinner foods and phone conversations with friends.
I'm left alone in my art room. There is student work covering my walls, posters for college programs and art departments. Chairs are stacked on top of the tables so the janitor can clean the floors. It's nice. It's peaceful. And after a long day filled with students, it's a nice time to reflect on the day. To make plans for tomorrow. To make sure that I really have everything done before I return bright and early the next day to do it all over again.
With tired hands I lock my classroom door and head out to my car. Welcome to the life of a teacher. It's exhausting and hectic and crazy, but so good. So, so good.
I turn on the lights, set my things on the desk and press the power button on the tower of my desktop computer. Taking a drink of my coffee, I survey the room. Nothing has changed since yesterday, the chairs are stacked neatly in front of the whiteboard by my desk. The cupboards are closed. The tables have been wiped down. It's time to start a new day.
Students start milling about in my classroom five minutes before the final morning bell. Soon after they have all taken their seats, we rise for the pledge of allegiance and sit again for the morning announcements. There is always a hustle and bustle, whispers from around the room as the monotone voice of the student announcer reads off the long laundry list of school activities and upcoming events, eventually finishing with what's for lunch that day and any sporting events we might have in the near future.
Welcome to pottery. There is a bunch of commotion as students gather their supplies for the hour. Clay, tools, pottery boards. Some are on the student computers researching for their next project. Some have opened five bottles of glaze they need in order to make their project the most perfect. My life becomes filled with questions. "Miss K, what do I do next?" "Miss K, how do I fix this?" "Miss K, when is the kiln gonna be fired next?"
I dance around the room from table to table and student to student, fielding questions I've either already answered fifty times or has just come about because something didn't go right in the kiln or something didn't dry correctly, or what have you. Sometimes I have the answer on the tip of my tongue, tinged with a slight amount of sarcasm and other times I have to think about the answer before I respond.
It's a weird thing to be the teacher. I feel like I should always have all the answers all the time. But something I have learned about teachers this year is that we are humans too.
Ten minutes before the period is over there is a mad rush to clean the tables, return materials, tuck in chairs and chatter with classmates while waiting for the bell to ring. And then it's off to second period for them, while a new set of students files into my own classroom.
I rush down the hall to refill my coffee cup and wait in line for the bathroom. Other teachers and students are going a million miles an hour. Five minutes always passes faster than I imagine it will.
Art one students are seated at their desks when I make it back to my room. They've started working on their warm up drawings - little pictures that take them about five minutes to complete. Special Education students enter a little while later. Sometimes they are disruptive and noisy and other times they are quiet as mice. Today they whisper loudly and that always kind of stresses me out, although I'm not sure why.
With warm up drawings over and attendance finished, I briefly explain today's activities. We're in the middle of an ongoing project so there's no lecture today. Just a few reminders about their requirements and then they're off. We've been making Artist Trading Cards and experimenting with different media. I set out watercolors, acrylics, colored pencils, sharpies, and myriad of other media for my students to grab up and get all over the place. The content of their cards is up to them, but they are required to try out different types of materials.
Third period is more of the same. There are different faces and different questions. There is a broad range of talents as well as ages. Because art one is an entry level class worth two humanities credits required for graduations I get everyone from the baby freshmen to the adultish seniors. Some of them work really hard and really quickly, while others procrastinate or just simply take their time. Most days they make me want to pull my hair out, but the reward of seeing them finally understand and building meaningful relationships with them, inspiring them to try more in art and try different, makes all the wanting of hair pulling out worth it. I take a deep breath and plunge into the answer of a question that I've already explained five times over and made them write down. This job is tedious, but I slap a smile on my face and do it anyway. These kids need me and for some of them, this is the most fun they'll have in their entire day.
During lunch I sit in the teacher's lounge with a small group of ladies I'm slowly getting to know as the year goes on. We talk about students' needs, we talk about school policies and other teachers. We also talk about The Bachelor and Bachelorette while I roll my eyes and check to see if there's anything interesting on Facebook.
The bell rings to signal the end of lunchtime and I'm back in my classroom for the afternoon. It's my prep hour now, so I'm making copies of rubrics and grading projects. I head back to the main art room in search of supplies I'll need for the remainder of my day. Paper, pencils, glue, paint. I carry them across the school in my arms.
By the time the bell rings for second lunch, there are a couple students eating their lunch in my room. I'm a safe haven, a friend of sorts, a place for them to be themselves. We talk and laugh and they eat until the bell rings, signalling the start of fifth period.
These fifth period kids, man. They demand my attention in the most obnoxious ways, but they're coming right after the end of lunch. They've been in school for four periods already and they're a little burnt out. Attention spans have been tested to the limit and trying to get their focus is a lot like trying to herd cats. Some days they are my favorite class and some days I just want to send them all to the office. Today I'm answering their questions - what's my biggest regret in life? if I could live something over, what would it be and what would i do differently? They're in a philosophical mood today. Sometimes it's political. Sometimes it's personal. I try to answer them to the best of my ability without overstepping boundaries and some of their questions I just refuse to answer completely.
The upside to this class is that it's full of kids who are not artists. They are not interested really in art at all, but they are making the most interesting things and coming away with a lot of knowledge about how to create and the ability to problem solve. So even though they badger me with questions ad nauseum, I feel like it's worth it. These students need someone to invest in them, and that's what I'm trying to do.
Over the speakers is the sound of the bell. It's a five minute passing period before sixth hour starts. It's a flurry of motion as my fifth period students leave and my sixth period students arrive. The door is constantly ajar as student after student flows through it.
Sixth period is a crazy hour filled with student raps, lots of art, inside jokes, loud conversations and music. We paint and we draw and we learn about life together. If it was up to me, I'd just teach sixth period all day. Those students are the ones that really want to be here and better their skills in different areas of art. It's refreshing after a long day of freshmen fulfilling their credit duties in order to complete graduation requirements.
And then the bell rings at the end of the day and my classroom empties out, I lean back in my chair and breathe out a heavy sigh of relief. Another day down. I finish up some grading and tidy up my room. The students take care of a lot of the materials, but in the rush of leaving for the day, inevitably things get forgotten. Sometimes I head to the other art room, but today I'm just here. There are some students who stay after and talk until they decide to head home for the evening in favor of dinner foods and phone conversations with friends.
I'm left alone in my art room. There is student work covering my walls, posters for college programs and art departments. Chairs are stacked on top of the tables so the janitor can clean the floors. It's nice. It's peaceful. And after a long day filled with students, it's a nice time to reflect on the day. To make plans for tomorrow. To make sure that I really have everything done before I return bright and early the next day to do it all over again.
With tired hands I lock my classroom door and head out to my car. Welcome to the life of a teacher. It's exhausting and hectic and crazy, but so good. So, so good.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
IS IT FRIDAY YET
Is it just me, or is this week going by slower than molasses in winter? Tuesday felt like Wednesday, Wednesday felt like Thursday and today feels like Friday and it is really making me crazy. This might have something to do with the fact that I haven't been drinking coffee all week...but let's not be too quick to judge.
These kids, man. I feel like we all have an intense case of cabin fever and it's not even March yet. And also maybe I work in what could be construed as a mental institution. Sometimes I feel like I'm just supervising certifiably insane children and herding them in the direction of art making. Some days are really painful and other days are really rewarding, but when you start out with Tuesdays that feel like Wednesdays it's pretty much just all uphill from there.
But on a different note, tomorrow is Valentine's Day and well, I'm actually looking forward to it for the first time in probably six years. It's a weird feeling, because for a really long time I've only ever hated this holiday and I've never wanted to really acknowledge that it even exists. I mean, there is this romantic sappy girl I've shoved down deep inside of me who always wanted to feel important to someone on Valentine's Day, but I quit listening to her years and years ago. And now it might be looking up for her. I mean, we'll see what happens, right?
And now for something else entirely, pictures.
These kids, man. I feel like we all have an intense case of cabin fever and it's not even March yet. And also maybe I work in what could be construed as a mental institution. Sometimes I feel like I'm just supervising certifiably insane children and herding them in the direction of art making. Some days are really painful and other days are really rewarding, but when you start out with Tuesdays that feel like Wednesdays it's pretty much just all uphill from there.
But on a different note, tomorrow is Valentine's Day and well, I'm actually looking forward to it for the first time in probably six years. It's a weird feeling, because for a really long time I've only ever hated this holiday and I've never wanted to really acknowledge that it even exists. I mean, there is this romantic sappy girl I've shoved down deep inside of me who always wanted to feel important to someone on Valentine's Day, but I quit listening to her years and years ago. And now it might be looking up for her. I mean, we'll see what happens, right?
And now for something else entirely, pictures.
yep, i changed my hair. i debated between lightening it and darkening it and decided to go darker. more mysterious that way ;)
the first valentine i received this year! from one of my students. and she drew me an octopus with a daily odd compliment. it's like she knows me or something!
And these are some examples of student work in my advanced art class. they entered a competition at the UI with the theme "STEAM"
Thursday, January 30, 2014
SECOND SEMESTER
We have just entered into the second semester of the year here at school. And you guys, I don't want to jinx it or anything, but I am starting to feel like an actual teacher.
With the changing of the semester came a new group of students. Most of my classes are made up of the same students, but I have a fair amount of fresh meat to work with as well. Honestly, I was nervous about this change over. I didn't want to lose some of the students that I loved and I certainly wasn't looking forward to meeting new students. In my head were thousands of worst-case scenarios. Are these students going to be well behaved? Is it going to be a battle to get them to do what I say? What if they are mean and I have to send them out of the room?
Thankfully I can sit here and tell you that none of those things happened. Granted it's still just the first week, but so far, so good. What I didn't really realize before the end of the first semester was that this new semester was going to bring with it a chance to re-do some of my classroom policies that didn't work out so well during the first semester.
I started out mean, you guys. I have been very strict this week, especially with my fifth period class because it's my largest amount of students in my smaller room. I am trying to be scary and make some of them think this isn't going to be a fun class or an easy class. So far none of them have left - but they are all seemingly very well behaved. (Watch, after I publish this they are going to become crazy monkey and I will have to retract my statements. HA.)
It has been good for my soul, though. Reiterating cleaning policies and warm-up drawing policies has been good for everyone and it's helping my classes to run smoother as well. Actually, I have quite enjoyed this first week of newness so we'll see how long this nice feeling lasts. I'm not behind on lesson planning or grading yet, so my anxiety level is real low. It's good. It's real good. I've needed this.
And I am so very glad it's Thursday. Tomorrow I am heading to M-town because it's Nathan's birthday weekend! Yay!
Also related to Nathan but not quite is the amazing fact that this is the first January in three years that there hasn't been a breakup post on my blog. Also, you have no idea how nervous I am about saying that because there is one more day of January before it's officially official. But you know, it's not that I believe Nathan is going to break up with me tomorrow - it's just that when it's happened to me every January for three years in a row there is this part of my brain that hangs on to that nervousness even if I don't want it to. It's like I've been slightly on edge all month and I will be glad once it's finally February. Isn't that completely silly? But that's my life.
So, changing the subject, happy Thursday everyone!
With the changing of the semester came a new group of students. Most of my classes are made up of the same students, but I have a fair amount of fresh meat to work with as well. Honestly, I was nervous about this change over. I didn't want to lose some of the students that I loved and I certainly wasn't looking forward to meeting new students. In my head were thousands of worst-case scenarios. Are these students going to be well behaved? Is it going to be a battle to get them to do what I say? What if they are mean and I have to send them out of the room?
Thankfully I can sit here and tell you that none of those things happened. Granted it's still just the first week, but so far, so good. What I didn't really realize before the end of the first semester was that this new semester was going to bring with it a chance to re-do some of my classroom policies that didn't work out so well during the first semester.
I started out mean, you guys. I have been very strict this week, especially with my fifth period class because it's my largest amount of students in my smaller room. I am trying to be scary and make some of them think this isn't going to be a fun class or an easy class. So far none of them have left - but they are all seemingly very well behaved. (Watch, after I publish this they are going to become crazy monkey and I will have to retract my statements. HA.)
It has been good for my soul, though. Reiterating cleaning policies and warm-up drawing policies has been good for everyone and it's helping my classes to run smoother as well. Actually, I have quite enjoyed this first week of newness so we'll see how long this nice feeling lasts. I'm not behind on lesson planning or grading yet, so my anxiety level is real low. It's good. It's real good. I've needed this.
And I am so very glad it's Thursday. Tomorrow I am heading to M-town because it's Nathan's birthday weekend! Yay!
Also related to Nathan but not quite is the amazing fact that this is the first January in three years that there hasn't been a breakup post on my blog. Also, you have no idea how nervous I am about saying that because there is one more day of January before it's officially official. But you know, it's not that I believe Nathan is going to break up with me tomorrow - it's just that when it's happened to me every January for three years in a row there is this part of my brain that hangs on to that nervousness even if I don't want it to. It's like I've been slightly on edge all month and I will be glad once it's finally February. Isn't that completely silly? But that's my life.
So, changing the subject, happy Thursday everyone!
this sweater is older than i am. just so you know.
i found the perfect valentine for nathan :)
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
WHAT DOES WELL-FUNCTIONING EVEN MEAN?
This last week of school before break is somewhat torturous unto my soul. The kids are crazy and their little brains are focused on everything other than the task at hand, and I mean really, can you blame them? Not only is this week their last week before Christmas vacation, but it's also a Spirit Week before a big rivalry basketball game on Friday night. Gasps. My crazy little world just got even crazier.
And then there's the whole OH MY GOSH IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME going on here. I have a week to work with here, people, before there is present opening and monkey bread eating and my brother will be here with his cute little fiance in tow! Then we are all going skiing. And by "all" I mean the whole fam damily. My parents, both brothers, mah seester, mah future seester, and also me and that Nathan guy. I can hardly wait. Like, it might be killing me to wait for that trip. I am not even kidding.
But back to being at work for this week, look, it is tough stuff. I had a conversation with my awesome friend Joel over the telephone the other day, and hey, we agreed that this teaching stuff is pretty rough. He was making sure that I wasn't about to commit career suicide and I had to admit that the gun was maybe loaded, but it wasn't aimed at anything yet. This week is also not helping that case.
I keep telling myself we are just going to watch movies Thursday and Friday and that makes me feel a little better but I still kind of want to pull out all my hair. Kind of.
Oh but to briefly switch the subject, for those of you who were curious, I have slightly updated my wardrobe and that seems to be helping in the 'looks like 17 but is probably older' department. Although, spirit days and all have thrown a bit of a loop into the situation here. Hey, you can't win 'em all. But I'm trying. Wearing my hair pulled back seems to help too. Shoulder shrugs and heavy sighs.
My art room seems to be in a constant state of disarray and I feel like some deep seeded joke in the cosmos is reflecting that in my life as well. Everything is all over the place all the time. Do you ever feel like that? I mean, I conquered one thing (clothes!) and there are still a billion other things that need to be taken care of. It's just awesome, is what.
Also, this post I think is all over the place. Organization? What even does that mean? So here we are. It's definitely Wednesday. I need a glass of wine and a nap.
Over and out.
ps Nathan took me to see The Hobbit The Desolation of Smaug on Friday night. It was awesome. Even better than the first. And we saw it in 3D too. AMAZE-BALLS. Go watch it RIGHTNOW and you can thank me later.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
MY BUSINESS IS TO CREATE
Life has been so busy lately that I feel like I've been swallowed up in everything that's been going on. At work there is constant grading, lesson planning, collaborating, preparing for the day, the hour, the minute. Students who need this and want that, students who's attitudes keep me in a constant agitated state for the entire hour they inhabit my room. My nerves are starting to become a little fried and I think that Christmas break can't get here fast enough.
I get so overwhelmed sometimes that I just shut everything out. I quit producing, I quit writing, I quit working out. I lack the motivation to hop out of bed in the morning bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to take on the day. Very often I drink around three cups of coffee just to feel like I can even handle the day.
Today after school instead of grading the last of the two point perspective houses that I've been putting off or creating a rubric for the optical illusions the kids are starting to finish, I grabbed a large lump of clay and squished it around in my hands.
You guys, there is just something about creating that makes me feel alive. I spend all my energy day in and day out teaching other people how to be creative and most of those people don't even care. Art is really looked down upon in society. "But I'll never use it," they say. "This isn't even relevant to what I want to do with my life." "Do I really have to do this?"
It's exhausting to answer those questions over and over again that yes, this is important. Yes you have to do this. You're in this class, so while you're here do the work. Art helps you creatively problem solve. It helps improve your hand-eye coordination. It teaches you how to express yourself in a way that you never could before. In essence, everything you produce in an art room is a reflection of who you are as a person.
But high schoolers really don't care about that kind of stuff, as a general rule.
So anyway, back to this clay that's in my hands. It's been so long since I just got to make something that I wanted to make with no teenagers around to distract my attention. I mean, I did make a coffee mug as an example of the relief technique, but it took me a while to get through it because wouldn't you know it, these students actually need someone to pay attention to them? Who would have thought.
I used my fingers and the palms of my hands to wedge the clay and form it into a log shape. Then I used the slab roller to flatten the log into a nice sheet. The room was so quiet; the only sound was the creaking of the heavy slab roller, back and forth over the clay.
Breathe in, breathe out.
It reminded me of what it was like to hang out in the print making lab at the university late, late at night when I was the only person in there. My life is very loud, the world is a pretty noisy place, and when I'm working by myself sometimes I like to keep the radio off. I like to hear myself think. I'm pretty sure this is a trait I learned from my mother.
After I finished using the slab roller I had two flat sheets of clay. One of them I used to cut a circular base for a vase and the other was the wall of the vase itself. I cut it into a rectangular shape and then placed a doily over top. I don't know if you know this, but doilies are super handy where clay is involved. They are great for adding texture to the surfaces of projects. Usually you use a rolling pin and imprint the clay with the doily design, but this time I didn't do that.
This particular design had quiet a few large gaps in it, so I decided to mark them with a dental tool and then cut them out. While this was happening, my favorite janitor came in to clean my room. We talked and laughed as I worked the clay with my hands.
I stood the rectangle shaped clay that I just cut holes in upright and wrapped it around the circular base, forming the shape of the vase. The clay was a little too moist, which made it kind of a battle to stand upright. With the help of a heat gun and good conversation I was able to make it work.
In some areas the clay got a little dry and cracked, so I came back in with slip on my fingertips to smooth out the design. Slip is just super wet clay and it's used to glue pieces of clay together or to add color or smooth out textures in pieces. It has the consistency of a mud puddle after some of the water has evaporated - you know the ones you step in and feel like you're maybe going to lose your shoe because they kind of suction you in? Mmmmm yes, it's delicious.
The janitor left while I was still smoothing down the outside and making sure that my design was staying intact. Watching this vase come together reminded me that I still know how to create things. It reminded me that I'm still an artist. It symbolized the fact that maybe I do know what I'm talking about after all. And that felt pretty darn good.
In the hustle and bustle of everything going on in life, not just mine but also the people around me, things just get messy. I get a little lost and I forget where I'm going or why I'm going or how I'm going to get there. But I tell you what, I was made to be an artist. It's where I belong. It's where I'm most comfortable.
I wasn't cut out to be a traditional teacher. I don't even know what that looks like. And if I was cut out for that, then somebody sowed me together wrong because all I know how to be is who I am and that is a Creator of Things. Maybe I just have a different approach to life, and maybe that's not so bad. And maybe also I just need to give myself time to create things more so that I'm motivated to do the things that maybe I don't want to do.
I miss being a student for the sheer fact that I miss having time set aside for the specific purpose of creating. I need that back. I need to have time for myself to create so that I can remember what it feels like. So that I can be better at teaching other people what it feels like to create and why creating is important. Because dudes, creating is so important.
I get so overwhelmed sometimes that I just shut everything out. I quit producing, I quit writing, I quit working out. I lack the motivation to hop out of bed in the morning bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to take on the day. Very often I drink around three cups of coffee just to feel like I can even handle the day.
Today after school instead of grading the last of the two point perspective houses that I've been putting off or creating a rubric for the optical illusions the kids are starting to finish, I grabbed a large lump of clay and squished it around in my hands.
You guys, there is just something about creating that makes me feel alive. I spend all my energy day in and day out teaching other people how to be creative and most of those people don't even care. Art is really looked down upon in society. "But I'll never use it," they say. "This isn't even relevant to what I want to do with my life." "Do I really have to do this?"
It's exhausting to answer those questions over and over again that yes, this is important. Yes you have to do this. You're in this class, so while you're here do the work. Art helps you creatively problem solve. It helps improve your hand-eye coordination. It teaches you how to express yourself in a way that you never could before. In essence, everything you produce in an art room is a reflection of who you are as a person.
But high schoolers really don't care about that kind of stuff, as a general rule.
So anyway, back to this clay that's in my hands. It's been so long since I just got to make something that I wanted to make with no teenagers around to distract my attention. I mean, I did make a coffee mug as an example of the relief technique, but it took me a while to get through it because wouldn't you know it, these students actually need someone to pay attention to them? Who would have thought.
I used my fingers and the palms of my hands to wedge the clay and form it into a log shape. Then I used the slab roller to flatten the log into a nice sheet. The room was so quiet; the only sound was the creaking of the heavy slab roller, back and forth over the clay.
Breathe in, breathe out.
It reminded me of what it was like to hang out in the print making lab at the university late, late at night when I was the only person in there. My life is very loud, the world is a pretty noisy place, and when I'm working by myself sometimes I like to keep the radio off. I like to hear myself think. I'm pretty sure this is a trait I learned from my mother.
After I finished using the slab roller I had two flat sheets of clay. One of them I used to cut a circular base for a vase and the other was the wall of the vase itself. I cut it into a rectangular shape and then placed a doily over top. I don't know if you know this, but doilies are super handy where clay is involved. They are great for adding texture to the surfaces of projects. Usually you use a rolling pin and imprint the clay with the doily design, but this time I didn't do that.
This particular design had quiet a few large gaps in it, so I decided to mark them with a dental tool and then cut them out. While this was happening, my favorite janitor came in to clean my room. We talked and laughed as I worked the clay with my hands.
I stood the rectangle shaped clay that I just cut holes in upright and wrapped it around the circular base, forming the shape of the vase. The clay was a little too moist, which made it kind of a battle to stand upright. With the help of a heat gun and good conversation I was able to make it work.
In some areas the clay got a little dry and cracked, so I came back in with slip on my fingertips to smooth out the design. Slip is just super wet clay and it's used to glue pieces of clay together or to add color or smooth out textures in pieces. It has the consistency of a mud puddle after some of the water has evaporated - you know the ones you step in and feel like you're maybe going to lose your shoe because they kind of suction you in? Mmmmm yes, it's delicious.
The janitor left while I was still smoothing down the outside and making sure that my design was staying intact. Watching this vase come together reminded me that I still know how to create things. It reminded me that I'm still an artist. It symbolized the fact that maybe I do know what I'm talking about after all. And that felt pretty darn good.
In the hustle and bustle of everything going on in life, not just mine but also the people around me, things just get messy. I get a little lost and I forget where I'm going or why I'm going or how I'm going to get there. But I tell you what, I was made to be an artist. It's where I belong. It's where I'm most comfortable.
I wasn't cut out to be a traditional teacher. I don't even know what that looks like. And if I was cut out for that, then somebody sowed me together wrong because all I know how to be is who I am and that is a Creator of Things. Maybe I just have a different approach to life, and maybe that's not so bad. And maybe also I just need to give myself time to create things more so that I'm motivated to do the things that maybe I don't want to do.
I miss being a student for the sheer fact that I miss having time set aside for the specific purpose of creating. I need that back. I need to have time for myself to create so that I can remember what it feels like. So that I can be better at teaching other people what it feels like to create and why creating is important. Because dudes, creating is so important.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
ROUGH OCTOBERS
So Octobers are difficult months, I've come to the conclusion. Driving back home from parent/teacher conferences tonight, I was reflecting on the last year of my life. I never went to parent-teacher conferences as a student teacher, so tonight was a new experience.
I've said before that teaching is hard. Nathan hears it from me all the time - this is the hardest thing I've ever done. And first years are always the hardest. Even though I had a semester of student teaching, that's all I really had. One semester. And I was never really fully in charge of my class either. I mean, it was a great experience, but it doesn't fully prepare you to take on a classroom all your own.
I remember last October in particular. It was the busiest and hardest month of my student teaching. I was writing this absolutely stupidly huge lesson plan for three consecutive lessons that built on the same concepts and were obscenely large in their required fields of information. Way more information was requested on the school mandated lesson plan form than my principal has EVER asked of me to show him. And then there was also the TPA, where I not only had to video myself teaching a lesson and crop it down to a ten minute segment, but then I also had to reflect on how the lesson went, how the students reacted and what I would change about the lesson had I needed to reteach it to the same group of students and also how I would change it to teach it to a new group of students. I mean, talk about a headache.
And then there's this past October. Dudes, it was the worst probably. I went home and cried on multiple occasions. I got in a mildish case of trouble with my vice principal, and while he didn't yell at me, he was very firm. Students are not supposed to wear hats and I needed to grow a spine. ouch. Plus, my students were just pushing my buttons every which way I turned. I kept trying new methods, different seating charts, different punishments, and things would work for a little while and then I'd be back to square one. I was a little at a loss for everything and I just kind of wanted to quit.
I think that's part of why I was a little nervous for tonight. After how October went, I just kind of feel like it knocked me on my butt and that all the parents would somehow know that I sucked as a teacher.
What surprised me though, was that there are students who are enjoying my class and they go home and talk about how they like art and that I'm one of their favorite teachers and wow. I really needed to hear that. Lately I just feel like I'm maybe not ready for this job and that perhaps I'm a little too incompetent to be a teacher. October had way more bad days than good ones, so I felt like I was losing it.
But tonight, tonight I felt like maybe I didn't suck as bad as I thought I did. And it forced me to realize that I have some really talented students who really do enjoy my class, so I must be doing something right. Right? Hopefully November will be a nice change of pace. I know it will still be challenging, I just want to feel like maybe I have my feet underneath me.
I suppose I'm getting there, but we're always our own worst critic. But just like I had to make myself become a runner, I also have to make myself become a teacher. I'm going to conquer this hill if it kills me, you know? Shoot.
I've said before that teaching is hard. Nathan hears it from me all the time - this is the hardest thing I've ever done. And first years are always the hardest. Even though I had a semester of student teaching, that's all I really had. One semester. And I was never really fully in charge of my class either. I mean, it was a great experience, but it doesn't fully prepare you to take on a classroom all your own.
I remember last October in particular. It was the busiest and hardest month of my student teaching. I was writing this absolutely stupidly huge lesson plan for three consecutive lessons that built on the same concepts and were obscenely large in their required fields of information. Way more information was requested on the school mandated lesson plan form than my principal has EVER asked of me to show him. And then there was also the TPA, where I not only had to video myself teaching a lesson and crop it down to a ten minute segment, but then I also had to reflect on how the lesson went, how the students reacted and what I would change about the lesson had I needed to reteach it to the same group of students and also how I would change it to teach it to a new group of students. I mean, talk about a headache.
And then there's this past October. Dudes, it was the worst probably. I went home and cried on multiple occasions. I got in a mildish case of trouble with my vice principal, and while he didn't yell at me, he was very firm. Students are not supposed to wear hats and I needed to grow a spine. ouch. Plus, my students were just pushing my buttons every which way I turned. I kept trying new methods, different seating charts, different punishments, and things would work for a little while and then I'd be back to square one. I was a little at a loss for everything and I just kind of wanted to quit.
I think that's part of why I was a little nervous for tonight. After how October went, I just kind of feel like it knocked me on my butt and that all the parents would somehow know that I sucked as a teacher.
What surprised me though, was that there are students who are enjoying my class and they go home and talk about how they like art and that I'm one of their favorite teachers and wow. I really needed to hear that. Lately I just feel like I'm maybe not ready for this job and that perhaps I'm a little too incompetent to be a teacher. October had way more bad days than good ones, so I felt like I was losing it.
But tonight, tonight I felt like maybe I didn't suck as bad as I thought I did. And it forced me to realize that I have some really talented students who really do enjoy my class, so I must be doing something right. Right? Hopefully November will be a nice change of pace. I know it will still be challenging, I just want to feel like maybe I have my feet underneath me.
I suppose I'm getting there, but we're always our own worst critic. But just like I had to make myself become a runner, I also have to make myself become a teacher. I'm going to conquer this hill if it kills me, you know? Shoot.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
TO DREAM A LITTLE BIGGER, DARLING
Sometimes I feel like I'm in the wrong profession. For one, i'm a whopping 23 years old. And I teach high schoolers. Full time. HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS. I just graduated from high school what, like 5 years ago? What on earth qualifies me to be back here and in charge no less?
And so then sometimes I feel like I don't fit in. I'm the youngest person on staff. Everybody is married with children, mostly. I mean, there are a few of us floaters that are in committed relationships and marriage is looming on the horizon line but not quite here yet. And you know, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with being the minority except when it comes to relating to your co-workers... But really, they are awesome and try to include me in things and drag me to lunch and ask me how I'm doing. It's nice.
But then there are bad days. Dudes, teaching is hard with a capital h. Yesterday was the roughest probably, in my history of teaching days (which is pretty limited, i mean, let's be honest). But still. You know what I did? I went home and cried and contemplated quitting my job and then I cried some more and felt like the worst teacher in the history of ever and wondered what the hell I'm even doing here and is this really what I want for my life? And Nathan was taking a stupid final for three hours and couldn't even text me back which just added to my already heightened emotions because I was lonely and exhausted.
It was gross.
Today things have been going much smoother and I don't feel like I want to flip tables and storm out of school anymore, so that's a definite plus to finishing out my Wednesday. But I still go back and forth in wondering if i picked the correct career.
Honestly, I love being in the classroom and working with students but there is a lot of outside work that just makes me crazy. They tell you to give it three years before you give up, but at this point in time I'm not sure if I want to. I fully reserve the right to let the remainder of the school year change my mind, so this assessment of my feelings is extremely tentative.
However, I have been thinking about what maybe I would do instead. Going back to school and getting my bachelor's in fine arts and then a master's in fine arts sounds like a good idea, but I'm not sure I'll really like it once I get there. I think I'm just enormously missing being a college student and the freedom that comes along with that - I felt like I could do anything while I was in school. The world was my oyster. And now I'm feeling a little...trapped, if I'm telling the truth.
Which scares me because I want to travel the world. I want to live overseas. I want to do something wild and crazy while I'm young and stupid. I don't want to be too scared to leave my job because there might be something better out there. I could go live in Italy and teach watercolor painting on the coast and go explore the Tuscan landscapes. I don't want to have things here holding me back. I want it to be okay for me to just pack up and go and do something extraordinary.
I don't want to be complacent and just accept my lot in life and never leave the road I've been travelling down. I want to go and experience life. In my heart is an urge to wander and I can't suppress it forever or it will kill me.
Look, I know I'm not a bad teacher, but we're all allowed to have bad days. And I know that I love teaching and that it's something I am good at. And I also know that my principal and my co-workers have my back, they're here for me to help me because they want to see me succeed. All I'm saying is that I have bigger dreams than being a high school art teacher for the rest of my life.
And that's a little scary, let's be real. But they say that if your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough.
And so then sometimes I feel like I don't fit in. I'm the youngest person on staff. Everybody is married with children, mostly. I mean, there are a few of us floaters that are in committed relationships and marriage is looming on the horizon line but not quite here yet. And you know, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with being the minority except when it comes to relating to your co-workers... But really, they are awesome and try to include me in things and drag me to lunch and ask me how I'm doing. It's nice.
But then there are bad days. Dudes, teaching is hard with a capital h. Yesterday was the roughest probably, in my history of teaching days (which is pretty limited, i mean, let's be honest). But still. You know what I did? I went home and cried and contemplated quitting my job and then I cried some more and felt like the worst teacher in the history of ever and wondered what the hell I'm even doing here and is this really what I want for my life? And Nathan was taking a stupid final for three hours and couldn't even text me back which just added to my already heightened emotions because I was lonely and exhausted.
It was gross.
Today things have been going much smoother and I don't feel like I want to flip tables and storm out of school anymore, so that's a definite plus to finishing out my Wednesday. But I still go back and forth in wondering if i picked the correct career.
Honestly, I love being in the classroom and working with students but there is a lot of outside work that just makes me crazy. They tell you to give it three years before you give up, but at this point in time I'm not sure if I want to. I fully reserve the right to let the remainder of the school year change my mind, so this assessment of my feelings is extremely tentative.
However, I have been thinking about what maybe I would do instead. Going back to school and getting my bachelor's in fine arts and then a master's in fine arts sounds like a good idea, but I'm not sure I'll really like it once I get there. I think I'm just enormously missing being a college student and the freedom that comes along with that - I felt like I could do anything while I was in school. The world was my oyster. And now I'm feeling a little...trapped, if I'm telling the truth.
Which scares me because I want to travel the world. I want to live overseas. I want to do something wild and crazy while I'm young and stupid. I don't want to be too scared to leave my job because there might be something better out there. I could go live in Italy and teach watercolor painting on the coast and go explore the Tuscan landscapes. I don't want to have things here holding me back. I want it to be okay for me to just pack up and go and do something extraordinary.
I don't want to be complacent and just accept my lot in life and never leave the road I've been travelling down. I want to go and experience life. In my heart is an urge to wander and I can't suppress it forever or it will kill me.
Look, I know I'm not a bad teacher, but we're all allowed to have bad days. And I know that I love teaching and that it's something I am good at. And I also know that my principal and my co-workers have my back, they're here for me to help me because they want to see me succeed. All I'm saying is that I have bigger dreams than being a high school art teacher for the rest of my life.
And that's a little scary, let's be real. But they say that if your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough.
Monday, September 23, 2013
LIFE MOVES FAST
You guys. I am using my New York Minute of free time to write this post. Perhaps I should be using this small window of time to do yoga or go on a run, but I don't have time to shower and clean up before I'm off again to save the world. And by save the world I mean eat dinner with some extended family. There are no breaks for Natalie!
I started out today behind schedule and I have been playing catch up ever since. It has been one thing after another, I tell you what. Shoot.
This last weekend I was in the greater Seattle area to visit that brother of mine and his extra lovely fiancé. They are the bee's knees. I got to have my whole family around for Saturday - I'm talking the whole fam damily, you guys. The Boyfriend, the LoveBirds, the Sibs, the Rents and Rylie's mom and sister to boot. For a girl who loves family get togethers, I was basically in heaven.
There was plenty of wedding talk and excited hugs. And also elephant ears, barbecue, and more teasing than may have been necessary. The only downside was that I have been so incredibly exhausted that I haven't really had a chance to forget the world and sleep everything off.
School is keeping me more busy than I'd like to admit. I have grading that I'm a little behind on, but not bad. And prep work for upcoming lessons. I mean, this teaching thing is no walk in the park. Sure I can stand in front of a group of students and explain in thorough detail five different ways of creating value, but that my friends is the easy part. What people outside of the profession don't necessarily realize is all the behind the scenes work that goes into teaching.
There is grading, for one. So much grading. Like drowning in grading. And then prepping for classes. Creating rubrics. Making power-points. How many handouts do you need to copy, when do you need them by, etc. What materials do you need and how much of them do you need and when do you need to have them? And the paperwork. Charting data. Making sure your students are meeting their standards sufficiently - and not only the department power standards, but also the common core ones too. Oh, right, and are you following all the 504s and IEPs too? Are you compensating for your special needs students? Are you tailoring the lessons so you can most effectively reach every student?
Let me just stop and say that I love my job. I love my students. I love teaching art. I love creating art. I love my school and the staff members that I work with. There are WAY more upsides than downsides, and that is what keeps me plugging away. That is what makes the endless project grading and prepping worth it.
Because who else gets a chance to influence 100 kids a day? Who can instill creative thinking and critical problem solving skills in a somewhat upbeat fun happy way? Who lets them play with colored pencils and sharpies for an hour a day? Oh right. That would be me. I am so lucky.
This life is so crazy, so full of one adventure after the next. It's insane how fast life moves. One minute you're a student with a three hour painting studio and your biggest worry is having your frames finished for your upcoming critique. And then all of a sudden you're a high school art teacher with over 100 students to look after each day. Everything happens in the blink of an eye, really. So don't take where you are for granted because tomorrow you might miss it.
I started out today behind schedule and I have been playing catch up ever since. It has been one thing after another, I tell you what. Shoot.
This last weekend I was in the greater Seattle area to visit that brother of mine and his extra lovely fiancé. They are the bee's knees. I got to have my whole family around for Saturday - I'm talking the whole fam damily, you guys. The Boyfriend, the LoveBirds, the Sibs, the Rents and Rylie's mom and sister to boot. For a girl who loves family get togethers, I was basically in heaven.
There was plenty of wedding talk and excited hugs. And also elephant ears, barbecue, and more teasing than may have been necessary. The only downside was that I have been so incredibly exhausted that I haven't really had a chance to forget the world and sleep everything off.
School is keeping me more busy than I'd like to admit. I have grading that I'm a little behind on, but not bad. And prep work for upcoming lessons. I mean, this teaching thing is no walk in the park. Sure I can stand in front of a group of students and explain in thorough detail five different ways of creating value, but that my friends is the easy part. What people outside of the profession don't necessarily realize is all the behind the scenes work that goes into teaching.
There is grading, for one. So much grading. Like drowning in grading. And then prepping for classes. Creating rubrics. Making power-points. How many handouts do you need to copy, when do you need them by, etc. What materials do you need and how much of them do you need and when do you need to have them? And the paperwork. Charting data. Making sure your students are meeting their standards sufficiently - and not only the department power standards, but also the common core ones too. Oh, right, and are you following all the 504s and IEPs too? Are you compensating for your special needs students? Are you tailoring the lessons so you can most effectively reach every student?
Let me just stop and say that I love my job. I love my students. I love teaching art. I love creating art. I love my school and the staff members that I work with. There are WAY more upsides than downsides, and that is what keeps me plugging away. That is what makes the endless project grading and prepping worth it.
Because who else gets a chance to influence 100 kids a day? Who can instill creative thinking and critical problem solving skills in a somewhat upbeat fun happy way? Who lets them play with colored pencils and sharpies for an hour a day? Oh right. That would be me. I am so lucky.
This life is so crazy, so full of one adventure after the next. It's insane how fast life moves. One minute you're a student with a three hour painting studio and your biggest worry is having your frames finished for your upcoming critique. And then all of a sudden you're a high school art teacher with over 100 students to look after each day. Everything happens in the blink of an eye, really. So don't take where you are for granted because tomorrow you might miss it.
Monday, September 16, 2013
THE WEEKEND HAPPENINGS
Well you guys, it's Monday. I feel like Monday...if Monday was a feeling. And I may or may not have hit the snooze button two or three times more than I should have this morning...you'll never know. However, I don't feel like I stayed up abundantly late last night, just that I'm more exhausted than normal like, all the time these days.
It should be mandatory for schools to require nap times. Or to make weekends three days long and the weekdays only four. Mondays should be transition days, that one extra day between the weekend and the start of the week. Right?
But anyway, this weekend. Yes. Big things happened this weekend. My sweet grandmother turned 80 (what. up!), I spent time with Nathan (he is my faaaavorite!) and my little brother got engaged to the sweetest girl on the planet (woop woop!).
Nathan bought me copic markers for my birthday and I subsequently spent the next half hour testing them out. Nerrrrrrrrrrd. But seriously, I don't know the last time I was that truly excited over a present. (Thanks babe! I love you!)
They are adorable, right? Right. SO EXCITED for them. And a wee bit jealous in obligatory unmarried old sister fashions. But mostly just so excited!
And now today we're entering into the third week of school. We are starting to settle into routines. We are starting to turn out some really cool projects. I know almost all of my students' names. It's so weird being the teacher and not the student. I mean, I get paid to show up at school everyday - who does that? Oh right. Me. I do that. And it's awesome.
these are some examples of student works. Zentangles have been such a freaking fun project to do with them all! What great results!
It should be mandatory for schools to require nap times. Or to make weekends three days long and the weekdays only four. Mondays should be transition days, that one extra day between the weekend and the start of the week. Right?
But anyway, this weekend. Yes. Big things happened this weekend. My sweet grandmother turned 80 (what. up!), I spent time with Nathan (he is my faaaavorite!) and my little brother got engaged to the sweetest girl on the planet (woop woop!).
Nathan bought me copic markers for my birthday and I subsequently spent the next half hour testing them out. Nerrrrrrrrrrd. But seriously, I don't know the last time I was that truly excited over a present. (Thanks babe! I love you!)
They are adorable, right? Right. SO EXCITED for them. And a wee bit jealous in obligatory unmarried old sister fashions. But mostly just so excited!
And now today we're entering into the third week of school. We are starting to settle into routines. We are starting to turn out some really cool projects. I know almost all of my students' names. It's so weird being the teacher and not the student. I mean, I get paid to show up at school everyday - who does that? Oh right. Me. I do that. And it's awesome.
these are some examples of student works. Zentangles have been such a freaking fun project to do with them all! What great results!
Sunday, September 8, 2013
A GOOD REMINDER
My first week of classes went as good as can be expected I suppose. With all the switching class periods and new students in my room every day, and also learning to deal with my special needs students, by Friday I couldn't have been more stoked for the weekend. I went home and collapsed on the couch, too exhausted to really do anything. And I promise you I tried to pay attention during Friday night church, but it was a battle to even keep my eyes open.
Saturday didn't really offer much rest either. But what is life if not constantly busy? I went to lunch with a very good friend and then attended a barbecue that evening.
Mimi and I made chocolate jalapeño cupcakes with a vegan lime cream cheese glaze. They were, to say the least, delicious. I was a little worried that maybe the cupcakes turned out too spicy, but the lime cream cheese balanced out the hotness of the jalapeños. Really, you should try them.
Over a dinner of perfectly grilled tri-tip steak, the best potato salad and macaroni salad in the world, amazing cilantro pasta salad and a variety of chips, we sat and talked and reminisced about Honduras with our wonderful team. The barbecue was the three month anniversary of our departure. It is almost unbelievable that it has been that long and that short at the same time.
We are such a close knit team that once we were all together again it sort of felt like we hadn't been apart at all. Missions trips bond people for life, I'm telling you. We are already starting to plan our trip for next October, in 2014.
It is an interesting thing to spend time in a third world country. After so long you get to come home and go back to your 'normal' life. You get to sleep in your normal bed and wear your normal clothes and go to your normal job. But the people you meet and the workers you sweat along side with every day are still down there. That is their "normal." And doesn't that just blow your mind?
Having memories and pictures and friends from that trip really puts into perspective just how blessed I am to live where I do, to be who I am. With all the crazy things I have done this summer it is important to remember that I am lucky to have all these things. To have two silly puppies and a full time job. To be surrounded by family and friends.
As I begin the second week of the school year, learning to navigate new situations and ask tough questions about whether some things I'm facing are too difficult for a first year teacher to deal with on her own, I'm going to remind myself that this is a giant blessing in my life. This job, with all it's challenges, is going to help me grow. It is the best thing I could ask for, even though it's probably one of the toughest things I've ever attempted.
But you know what, I'm not worried. This is going to be the best year yet.
Saturday didn't really offer much rest either. But what is life if not constantly busy? I went to lunch with a very good friend and then attended a barbecue that evening.
Mimi and I made chocolate jalapeño cupcakes with a vegan lime cream cheese glaze. They were, to say the least, delicious. I was a little worried that maybe the cupcakes turned out too spicy, but the lime cream cheese balanced out the hotness of the jalapeños. Really, you should try them.
Over a dinner of perfectly grilled tri-tip steak, the best potato salad and macaroni salad in the world, amazing cilantro pasta salad and a variety of chips, we sat and talked and reminisced about Honduras with our wonderful team. The barbecue was the three month anniversary of our departure. It is almost unbelievable that it has been that long and that short at the same time.
We are such a close knit team that once we were all together again it sort of felt like we hadn't been apart at all. Missions trips bond people for life, I'm telling you. We are already starting to plan our trip for next October, in 2014.
It is an interesting thing to spend time in a third world country. After so long you get to come home and go back to your 'normal' life. You get to sleep in your normal bed and wear your normal clothes and go to your normal job. But the people you meet and the workers you sweat along side with every day are still down there. That is their "normal." And doesn't that just blow your mind?
Having memories and pictures and friends from that trip really puts into perspective just how blessed I am to live where I do, to be who I am. With all the crazy things I have done this summer it is important to remember that I am lucky to have all these things. To have two silly puppies and a full time job. To be surrounded by family and friends.
As I begin the second week of the school year, learning to navigate new situations and ask tough questions about whether some things I'm facing are too difficult for a first year teacher to deal with on her own, I'm going to remind myself that this is a giant blessing in my life. This job, with all it's challenges, is going to help me grow. It is the best thing I could ask for, even though it's probably one of the toughest things I've ever attempted.
But you know what, I'm not worried. This is going to be the best year yet.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
FIRST DAY. NAILED IT.
Well guys, I survived my first day of classes. To say that it was an interesting experience would be maybe the understatement of the century. My students so far have been all over the board. Some are thrilled to be in art class beyond all reason and others are merely checking off their humanities credit boxes in order to complete all their graduation requirements, which honestly is exactly what I expected.
Whether or not it worked remains to be seen, it is only the first day after all. Sheesh.
If I can tell you one thing though, it's that I am not at all a big fan of the first week of school. Too much setting up the classroom and organizing and syllabus reading and monotony. I am ready to launch into projects and establish some routines already.
But then that Nathan guy said something that made me reconsider a little bit. It'll be winter break before you know it so you should enjoy it all while it's here babe. And he's right. I will only have one first week to my first year of teaching and that will never happen again.
My advanced art class is my last class of the day. I already know a lot of the students in that class and it's basically a giant flash mob. There was rapping and singing and more swag than I knew what to do with. Plus one of my students asked me when I was going to get married and then he tried to guess my boyfriend's name. I was too busy laughing at the ridiculousness to answer his question. It's going to be a fantastic year, or at least I hope so.
So I tried to motivate them by making them sit through this video:
Whether or not it worked remains to be seen, it is only the first day after all. Sheesh.
If I can tell you one thing though, it's that I am not at all a big fan of the first week of school. Too much setting up the classroom and organizing and syllabus reading and monotony. I am ready to launch into projects and establish some routines already.
But then that Nathan guy said something that made me reconsider a little bit. It'll be winter break before you know it so you should enjoy it all while it's here babe. And he's right. I will only have one first week to my first year of teaching and that will never happen again.
My advanced art class is my last class of the day. I already know a lot of the students in that class and it's basically a giant flash mob. There was rapping and singing and more swag than I knew what to do with. Plus one of my students asked me when I was going to get married and then he tried to guess my boyfriend's name. I was too busy laughing at the ridiculousness to answer his question. It's going to be a fantastic year, or at least I hope so.
Monday, August 26, 2013
it's beginning again
Do you remember what I was doing this time last year? I just met the teacher I would student teach under, I spent my first day back in a high school after four years in college and I had just finished working at the theme park. This year is so different from the last! So much has changed and I can't believe I'm here - you know, almost 23 and about to work full time as an art teacher.
This all happened so fast. I student taught which led to a library aide position which led to full time art teaching all at the same school and with awesome people. Today was my first official day back in the halls where I will start teaching next week. I was in my classroom moving tables and tearing down butcher paper on bulletin boards.
Last year I was looking a lot towards my mentor teacher - what to do on each day, where does this thing go, what should I do with this? And now I'm the one charge. I get to make the decisions. I get to say what goes where. It's a little bit scary, all that power.
I am ready for school to start in that I'm excited for the year and to meet my students and to make awesome art projects. I am not ready for school to start in that I still have some rearranging and lesson planning and room decorating to do. I'm really excited mixed with a little bit of a ball of nerves. This is my big girl job. This is the job that comes with a 401k and life insurance. A salary and sick days. What am I? An adult or something? Weird.
And as I am up here preparing to deal with teenagers full of attitude, my friends are down south starting their first week of classes at the university. Honestly, I am a little jealous. I really enjoyed college - the atmosphere, the classes, the way professors treated you more like adults and just expected you to do stuff without holding your hand, the freedom and independence that come with living out of the house. I just keep reminding myself that soon they will all graduate and get real jobs and work all the time and I will still have summers off. And it will be glorious.
Mostly, I suppose, I just can't believe that I'm here. That I'm a real teacher. That I have a real classroom and real lessons and real students. It seems like yesterday I was a little 16 year old girl who didn't know what she wanted in life and now not only do I have a full time job, but it's even in the field in which I graduated. How often does that happen? I mean really. God provides for His children in ways we cannot imagine.
Summer has been crazy and wild and not at all what I expected and I'm pretty sure that fall will be the same way. This 2013 year hasn't ever been what I had thought it would be - always showing me things I didn't think could happen or would happen but did. 2013 has been the year of surprises so far, both good and bad but I think that just makes me more excited for what's to come. Bring on the new school year!
Friday, June 7, 2013
no more pencils no more books no more teachers dirty looks
Yesterday was the last day of school. It was totes crazy sauce, as the children say. Also, I spend way too much time around high schoolers.
The last day of school was incredibly bittersweet. The boys were absolutely nuts in the gym, pushing each other like little girls. I had to be mean to them! On the last day of classes! I mean, what the heck! But I think they were just overly ready to be out of there and headed into the land of no homework filled with days at the beach in the sunshine - and who can blame them? I mean really. Shoot.
So today I went back to school for the last time this school year to help clean up and organize that jungle of an art room. In the midst of the chaos the floor was covered in colored construction paper and tissue paper. It looked like a rainbow threw up, I am not kidding. And I ended up throwing away massive amounts of garbage including but not limited to magazines from 1975, wrinkled and ripped up paper, art project examples that were older than dirt, and broken ceramic projects.
At 2:10 I needed to leave so I could pick up TheSeester from her last day of school and it was the weirdest to say good bye. I don't like good byes. They are sad and a little awkward and do I hug you or do I not? And I never feel like I really express good byes well. Especially if I'm really never going to see that person again - I don't know how to handle it. But I managed and I made my rounds and I walked out of that building excited about next year but oh so ready for summer vacation.
Tomorrow we leave for Honduras. We'll be gone eight days back in Tegucigalpa building a house for a family who works in the trash dump. We're starting off the trip with a visit to AFE and the trash dump and some sight seeing to buy souvenirs I think? And then the rest of the trip will be all about nailing boards together in the shape of a house, bonding with our Honduran work buddies and eating delicious food. Big things are gonna happen, folks. I can feel it.
I haven't even started packing yet, though. I mean, I am a last minute packer lately. I used to get so excited about taking trips that I would pack way before I needed to, but as I've gotten older I've also gotten lazier. No one was shocked. Packing usually takes place around midnight the day before I leave. That's also sometimes when I start the laundry too. I like to live on the edge.
And I'll try to blog every once in a while from the hotel, but mostly just follow me on Instagram (@natakeit90) for picture updates! Yessssss.
The last day of school was incredibly bittersweet. The boys were absolutely nuts in the gym, pushing each other like little girls. I had to be mean to them! On the last day of classes! I mean, what the heck! But I think they were just overly ready to be out of there and headed into the land of no homework filled with days at the beach in the sunshine - and who can blame them? I mean really. Shoot.
So today I went back to school for the last time this school year to help clean up and organize that jungle of an art room. In the midst of the chaos the floor was covered in colored construction paper and tissue paper. It looked like a rainbow threw up, I am not kidding. And I ended up throwing away massive amounts of garbage including but not limited to magazines from 1975, wrinkled and ripped up paper, art project examples that were older than dirt, and broken ceramic projects.
At 2:10 I needed to leave so I could pick up TheSeester from her last day of school and it was the weirdest to say good bye. I don't like good byes. They are sad and a little awkward and do I hug you or do I not? And I never feel like I really express good byes well. Especially if I'm really never going to see that person again - I don't know how to handle it. But I managed and I made my rounds and I walked out of that building excited about next year but oh so ready for summer vacation.
Tomorrow we leave for Honduras. We'll be gone eight days back in Tegucigalpa building a house for a family who works in the trash dump. We're starting off the trip with a visit to AFE and the trash dump and some sight seeing to buy souvenirs I think? And then the rest of the trip will be all about nailing boards together in the shape of a house, bonding with our Honduran work buddies and eating delicious food. Big things are gonna happen, folks. I can feel it.
I haven't even started packing yet, though. I mean, I am a last minute packer lately. I used to get so excited about taking trips that I would pack way before I needed to, but as I've gotten older I've also gotten lazier. No one was shocked. Packing usually takes place around midnight the day before I leave. That's also sometimes when I start the laundry too. I like to live on the edge.
And I'll try to blog every once in a while from the hotel, but mostly just follow me on Instagram (@natakeit90) for picture updates! Yessssss.
I leave you with this picture of one of our dogs. He likes to lay under the dining room table.
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