summer after summer

Because sometimes you just need to photo-vomit all over your blog. Enjoy. 

This summer has been busy. It has been full of going here and coming there and seeing friends and laying in the sun and swimming at the beach.

Every summer since I graduated from high school has been different. The summer between graduation and starting college I spent in Germany and Utah, the next two summers I worked as a day camp counselor and the summer after that I stayed in Moscow to do some summer school. Last year I finished up two summer courses and then moved back in with my parents to start my student teaching in the fall.

It is amazing how different things are in a year. How different things will be in a year from now. How different my life will be from here on out in general. What people are in my life now, who will leave and who will stay.

This time last year I was starting my job at the theme park, spending around 12 hours a day making coffee in a small cafe with a large influx of tourists - some very particular about their caffein and others who just wanted a warm cup of joe. I had just started dating Nathan and TLily and I were scheming up grand plans for the future. I was so unsure of everything in my life at that moment. Where was I going? What did I want to do? What would the future hold for me? Who was I?

And now here I am, a year later. Graduated. Waiting to start my first year of teaching in the fall. This life is one adventure after another, never seeming to slow down, never seeming to settle into a nice groove. This life is so different from the one I was imagining last summer, and even though there are some things about it I would change, it's really not so bad.

Sometimes being a grown up is stupid and sometimes I wouldn't have it any other way.

just go

If you were to look at the boards on my Pinterest account you would find among them a collection of pictures of places I someday want to find myself. You would also probably notice that a vast majority of those pictures are places in Italy.

I have always wanted to travel. I was born with a need to see the world. Traveling is the only thing you purchase that makes you richer. When I was little our family would always go on vacation in the summer. We would see the Redwoods, the Grand Canyon, Arches and Zion, Yellowstone, Mt Rushmore, etc. Whatever Dad felt like exposing us to next we packed up and went. We rarely stayed in hotels, but instead traveled with our '93 GMC pickup and a travel trailer. It was glorious and from a young age I knew I wanted to explore the world in which I lived.

Once I found out that my family's heritage was mostly German and Irish, I quickly became obsessed with everything German. I learned the language like it was nobody's business and spend just over two weeks traveling around the southern part of Germany after I graduated high school. All that exposure to my favorite European country just furthered my unrelenting need to see new places.

I have traveled to Mexico, Germany, Honduras, and quite a few of the states in the USA. My grandma called it gypsy blood and the rest of the world calls it wanderlust. Whatever it is, I have it. I've always had it. I was born with it.

My wont for seeing Italy started in the art room. There is so much history the hails from Italy on top of the beauty in the land there. The lovely country sides, the colorful villages, the romantic language. When I started student teaching, one of the art teachers spoke very fondly of the times that he spent in Italy. It just made me ache for the experience even more.

And then there's TheBoy, who talks about living there someday. After my visit to Germany I knew I wanted to move to Europe in the future. I don't know when and I don't know how I'll get there, but I know that it's something I am going to do. It's something I have to do.

If I stay in one place too long I get restless. I get moody and irritable. I get frustrated with the routine of everyday life, stuck settled down in one place. The monotony of everything that happens day in and day out. And that's when I know it's time to take a trip. But my trips always seem too short. Eight days in Honduras is not long enough.

And I could have spent way more than two weeks in Germany, honestly.

I can't begin to explain the feeling I get when I'm in a new place, or possibly only a different than usual place, even if I've been there before. There's just something about being in a different country, surrounded by a different culture, with people who are just like you are even though you don't speak the same language.

We don't realize it, at least I didn't until I left the US, but people are people no matter where you go. I tend to get caught up in my everyday life, bills, quarrels with family, routines, barbecues, summers spent at the lake, work, friends, mundane things that take up my time. There are people all over the world who live a life similar to mine. Get up, go to work, take a walk, love their family, paint a picture, whatever whatever. Their language is different, but their dreams are the same. Their hopes are the same.

And I think that's part of what is so fascinating about traveling, about getting outside of your own stupid life and seeing what else is out there. It might be better and it might be worse but it is always worth it. Always.

independence day

This is the first year in all of my years of living in North Idaho that I remember partying downtown to watch the fireworks. Nathan came up from Moscow and Mimi and Daniel tagged along with us to fight off the masses for a good spot to watch the show.

The Fourth is one of those holidays that just sneaks up on me. Well, honestly, it feels like everything this year has caught me by surprise. Is it just me, or does time pass quicker the older your are? That is the lamest. But such as it is, this year was a good celebration.

Usually we buy a ridiculously small amount of fireworks from a booth and have a little powwow in the front yard followed by an hour of sitting on the back deck watching the neighbors' illegals and the city shows on the lakes nearby. But this year, we walked on the boardwalk, shared a Gooey at Dockside, and crowded ourselves together on the steps at Independence Point by the resort to watch the sky light up. The booms of the fireworks were so loud that we could feel them burst. But man, being right on the water was probably the coolest.

Never mind the fact that once it was all over it took us eight million lightyears to crawl our way out of the parking lot. Hashtag i hate crowds.

(PS am I the only person that always wants never mind to be one word? I feel like it should be one word.)

We are so blessed to live in a country with so many freedoms. We are so blessed to be in Idaho. To have cars. To have beds. To be able to sit on the beach with half the city and enjoy the bright lights of the firework explosions. We have been given so much, and it is such a privilege to experience life in a beautiful country. Happy Independence Day!

And now, the fireworks from the perspective of my iPhone. You're welcome.

the moment it clicked

It finally clicked, what Shelbi had been saying to me these past couple months in our small group. I was standing in the Albertsons Building on the university campus when it hit me, looking out over the plants in all their summer glory. 

This place is home to me. I fell in love with my school a couple semesters before I had to leave it. And by that time, moving away wasn't something I looked forward to, but instead dreaded with my whole heart. Every time I come back here though I still feel like I belong here. Contrarily, when I visit my old high school even though everything there is familiar, I am different. It feels different. That's not the case, though, as I stood in my flip flops staring at the greenery out the giant windows. 

If I had it all to do over again the only thing I'd change is just to have enjoyed it a little bit more. Reveled in the ability to ditch class and stay out until four in the morning with minimal bodily consequences. I wouldn't take for granted the experiences or the friendships or the use of a gym every day. I would have spent more time playing volleyball and frisbee and loving the dorm life. 

It took me four years to really appreciate my college experience and then it was time to go. It is a fact that I have had a hard time coming to terms with. I had just really started to find myself when it was time to change again. 

And that moment right there, when I realized that this place still felt like home, was where everything clicked. I am too busy trying to be somewhere I'm not, to be some person that it's not time for me to be yet or anymore. 

In school I was too busy trying to be done with everything that I didn't fully enjoy where I already was and who I was at that time. Lately, I have been too consumed with what the future means to really just relax and be myself. I need to just be still. We may not be where we want to be or who we want to be, but God uses every moment for good and He can use us in our current states. I don't need to try and be somewhere I'm not, the future isn't going to come any faster just because I'm sitting here wishing for it. The time will pass anyway, so why not enjoy it? 

So I'm choosing to just be myself. Where I am. Who I am. With the people that are around me now. God will take care of the rest. He will take care of me. Everything will be okay. 

i made it big, yo

I interviewed for the full time teaching position the Monday before the school year was over. There were two positions open, one full time and one part time, and there were only two applicants. I knew for sure I would get a spot, I just didn't know which one they would offer me. I mean, I had a pretty good idea that I would get the full time position. That's the one I really wanted. But there was just enough uncertainty that made me nervous.

The only "interviews" I've ever been to were ones where I had already got the job and just needed to walk through the formalities. My first real 'adult' interview was for the library position, and I was so nervous I just tugged on my shirt sleeves the whole time and tried to steady my voice before I answered each question.

So I walked into this teaching interview, portfolio in hand, nervous and excited.

I sat before a panel of three people. My principal, one of the assistant principals, and a head administrator from the district office. My nerves were in a ball on top of my stomach and I felt like all my brain parts had been discombobulated and rearranged in my skull.

They asked their questions, starting with the most hated question in the history of the universe "So, Natalie, tell me a little bit about yourself..."

And then the classroom questions started pouring in. How would students describe you? How would you like your co-workers to describe you? What is your basic education philosophy? What things would you change in the art room, what would you keep the same? My brain was in hyperdrive trying to remember the right words and put sentences in the correct order while still remaining outwardly calm and taking the time to organize my thoughts before I opened my mouth.

I left the 20 minute interview unsure of which way they would go. On one hand, I had been working at the school for a year. I knew the art program, the staff, the students, how the school ran. But on the other hand I lacked serious experience in the teaching department. I taught at the university as a TA for Art 100 and I did my student teaching, but other than that I come up short. How do you get experience though, if no one will give you a chance? So I crossed my fingers and said my prayers and tried not to worry too much.

My principal told me they would have their decision by early the next week. I knew I would be gone, so I asked him to email me. Those first couple of days in Honduras, every time I would connect to the wifi I would obsessively check my email like a fourteen year old girl waiting to see if her crush actually responded.

Finally I got an email from my principal asking me to call him, since he had tried calling me and my number wasn't working. My heart sank a little as I wondered whether or not being out of the country had slimmed my chances for the full time position, but I emailed back telling him where I was and that I could call him once I returned home. He said that wasn't a problem and I finished out my week in Honduras curious about what the results were.

Monday afternoon I was texting TheBoy about my day, telling him that I still needed to call my principal about my job. A little while later he responds "did you call yet??" My heart started beating wildly in my chest, oh no I haven't! I don't want to! It's too scary! Inwardly I recoiled, both wanting desperately to find out and also to live in ignorant bliss at the same time.

So I picked up the phone. And I dialed the number. And I got his voicemail without the phone having rung first. I hung up, unsure of whether or not to call back. Sometimes when I call my mother and I get her voicemail right away something wonky happened with the connection and so I decided to redial the number and try again. Same thing, voicemail with no rings. This time I left a message for him to call me whenever since I was back in the country now.

And then I put my phone on Pandora and played it through the speakers while I hopped in the shower.

By the time I had soaped up and slathered on my face wash, my Chris Tomlin jam sesh was cut short. I peaked my head out of the shower and saw my principal's number calling my phone. I shut off the water, grabbed my towel and only dried off the part of my face that would touch my phone as I pressed the button to connect.

"Hello, this is Natalie," I said. The voice on the other line greeted me excitedly, he asked me about my trip, what did I do, how long was I gone, who did I go with, etc. And then he says what I have been dying to hear.

"We've decided to offer you the full time position..."

Before he can say anything else a little "yaaaay" escaped my lips and all of a sudden I wanted to laugh and cry and scream and hug someone all at the same time while standing in the middle of my steamy bathroom dripping with water and soap and wrapped in a towel.

And that is how I became the new full time art teacher at the ripe old age of twenty two.