It finally clicked, what Shelbi had been saying to me these past couple months in our small group. I was standing in the Albertsons Building on the university campus when it hit me, looking out over the plants in all their summer glory.
This place is home to me. I fell in love with my school a couple semesters before I had to leave it. And by that time, moving away wasn't something I looked forward to, but instead dreaded with my whole heart. Every time I come back here though I still feel like I belong here. Contrarily, when I visit my old high school even though everything there is familiar, I am different. It feels different. That's not the case, though, as I stood in my flip flops staring at the greenery out the giant windows.
If I had it all to do over again the only thing I'd change is just to have enjoyed it a little bit more. Reveled in the ability to ditch class and stay out until four in the morning with minimal bodily consequences. I wouldn't take for granted the experiences or the friendships or the use of a gym every day. I would have spent more time playing volleyball and frisbee and loving the dorm life.
It took me four years to really appreciate my college experience and then it was time to go. It is a fact that I have had a hard time coming to terms with. I had just really started to find myself when it was time to change again.
And that moment right there, when I realized that this place still felt like home, was where everything clicked. I am too busy trying to be somewhere I'm not, to be some person that it's not time for me to be yet or anymore.
In school I was too busy trying to be done with everything that I didn't fully enjoy where I already was and who I was at that time. Lately, I have been too consumed with what the future means to really just relax and be myself. I need to just be still. We may not be where we want to be or who we want to be, but God uses every moment for good and He can use us in our current states. I don't need to try and be somewhere I'm not, the future isn't going to come any faster just because I'm sitting here wishing for it. The time will pass anyway, so why not enjoy it?
So I'm choosing to just be myself. Where I am. Who I am. With the people that are around me now. God will take care of the rest. He will take care of me. Everything will be okay.