Thanksgiving 2011

I came home on Saturday in lieu of the Thanksgiving holiday with anticipation of the return of TheKeeper, whom I haven't seen since August. We spent Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday morning in preparation for his arrival, along with my aunt and uncle.

But today we were all under the same roof and gorged ourselves with copious amounts of turkey, cranberry sauce, candied yams, and dressing. All of which is to be followed by my mom's blue ribbon award winning apple pie, pumpkin pie and ice cream.

I am thankful for family.

I love Thanksgiving.

what happens then?

There is this crazy thing happening in my life recently and maybe also in yours too. It's called flying time and I don't know how or why it happens, but I can't make it stop and it's driving me crazy. You see, I was just home for the weekend without even realizing that I would be back a week later to stay for a whole week and then after I leave from that week off I'll be back in like, another two weeks, and oh my goodness that means it will be the end of the semester and but what will I do with my life!? Question marks and exclamation points!?!?!

And a question that I am running into a lot lately is: "what are you and somebody-very-important going to do when you move away for good?"

I mean, I have had at least three different people ask me that in the past two days. All at different times and without knowing that I had already been asked previously and by other people. I mean, but really guys, I have no idea. Somebody-very-important and I have not really discussed this matter of fact.

We both know it's inevitable and that it's happening but we don't really know how it's going to work.

First off this is because neither of us are really super duper crazy serious right now. We're thinking about our futures, but not basing what we pick off of what the other one is thinking of doing. As in I'm not basing my plans around his life and he's not basing his around mine. Which for now is totally good and fine and all things wonderful.

To be honest, I love spending time with him. (If I didn't, why would I be dating him?) And also, I love that I have been accepted by his friends at face value. Because neither of us really knew what this relationship would turn out to be, we've taken things ridiculously slow and I didn't want to get too attached to all of his friends, you know? Because what if/when we broke up? He'd keep all of his friends (as it should be) and I would be back at square one. But I couldn't help to come to love each and every one of those boys. They are awesome.

So what will happen in June? There is still a lot of time left to figure that out. I don't need answers right now, and I feel like when that time comes closer there will be more serious talks. Right now I feel like it's kind of going to be one of two choices. We'll either call it quits and part on mutual terms or we'll get serious and try the long distance thing. But I know one thing for sure right now and that's that I'm not ready to think about this  seriously quite yet. I feel like it will get resolved when it gets resolved and not a minute sooner.

We're still young. Who knows where life will take us? Together or separately. It's all just kind of up in the air right now, but then again, that's kind of how our relationship is. One day at time people, one day at a time. That's really about all my brain can handle at the moment anyway.

Mawage, Mawage, is wot bwings us togeva today

This girl and I, we go way back. We've had our ups and downs. We've been best friends and we've been on the non-speaking of the terms too. But I can't help to love her. I am myself around her. We can talk about anything, share secrets, confess wrongs, and without even talking sometimes we just know. We have not been super close since I moved away to go to college, but I love spending time with her.

And also, she just got married.

That's right. Married.

I was so excited for her when she got engaged and I counted down the days until she tied the knot with her wonderful fiance on 11/11/11 like the cool kid that she is.

Zelda and I drove back home on Thursday night in preparation for Ariel's Big Day. Her ceremony started at one in the afternoon and her reception was at three. I have never, ever, ever had as much fun at a wedding reception as I had at hers. Everything was beautiful, her music was fantastic and I decided to let go of my inhibitions and dance my life away with my friends. It was perfect for her and I could not have been happier for my friend.

And all the while I was busy being really happy, I couldn't help but be a little jealous too. I remember when it seemed that everyone I graduated with was getting married and popping out kiddos and I wanted to be a part of that. Not so much the babies movement, but the weddings. I dreamed about my dress and mooned over pictures of wedding decor. I was a total girl about it. I wanted it to happen to me.

I'm not quite so wedding-feverish anymore, understandably, but still. I am a girl, after all. I can't help but wonder when will it be my turn? All of you right now are saying to me, "Natalie, girl, please. Slow down. You have the rest of your life!" And to you I say, calm down. I'm not sitting here pining my heart away at the thought of getting married, but I'm just curious. When? How come it hasn't happened yet? But someday it will, I know. God's got this great guy lined up for me somewhere and I'll meet him someday and it will all be perfect. I know.

Somebody-very-important isn't looking to get married right away, and right now neither am I. The whole thing with PC made me approach this new relationship completely different. And even though my heart strings were tugged on a little bit this last weekend, I don't think I want to get married tomorrow, you know? I'm in a hurry and also not even a little bit rushed at the exact same time.

But it's always fun to "what if" the situation, yes? Yes.

It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do. Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you. Is it that look in your eyes? Or is it this dancing juice? Who cares, baby! I think I wanna marry you. 

Lately

I have struggled with what to write in this blog lately. I used to write about everything that happened to me and I used to try and turn mundane things into funny stories, but I've been having a lot of trouble with trying to figure out how exactly to do that.

And plus I feel like all I want to write about is the same thing over and over again, which is that growing up is scary. I'm facing things now that used to only be a blip on my radar screen, but now they are actually happening to me. Graduation. Student teaching. Looking for a job in the real world. Facing the possibility of moving out of the state so I can actually get a job. Thinking about these things makes my breathing a little shallower and my pulse a little faster. But these are real things and they are happening.

It seems as if my entire life is in hyper drive right now. The semester started off a little slow and then midterms came out of nowhere. Now, all of a sudden it seems like projects are due all the time. Papers need to be written all the time. Things need to be printed and mounted all the time. My life revolves around school and work and I'm starting to feel exhausted. The worst part is that I don't even think Thanksgiving break will really be a break. I'll still have homework to do.

And then when we get back from break it will be all projects and making sure all my "t"s are crossed and my "i"s are dotted and that everything is right where it needs to be so that my butt is lined up to graduate next December. Seriously, all I want to do right now is hit the freeze button and fly away somewhere very far away for a month. A whole month, I wouldn't know what to do with myself! I don't really know what to do with myself as it is though, so there's that.

To top it all off I have been toying with the idea of becoming vegetarian. I don't usually eat red meat as it is anyway, but I'm not quite sure if I want to give all of it up. I really do like chicken and turkey and fish. I also think about cutting out all the dairy in my diet. I'm not a big fan of cheese and I quit drinking milk a while ago, but I do really like eggs. I feel like this is a boring thing to write about. On to the next topic? Okay? Okay.

Let's talk about PC. Because I feel like I ought to inform you about him as of late. You see, we are no longer on speaking terms really. He's got his life and I've got mine and I don't really ever think about him except for sometimes, usually when he randomly texts me out of nowhere. And wouldn't you know it, just the other day I finally deleted his number out of my phone.

Big life step right there, let the record show.

And then not a day later I get a text that says "Awake?" from a number that's not in my phone. I texted back asking who it was and the second after I sent the message I realized that I recognized the number. It was him. He answered back and I didn't. I couldn't. I wanted to punch him. I wondered why he couldn't just leave me alone.

The next morning he texts me something about video games. I ignored it. And that same night he texted me again about something of zero importance and I finally (finally!) told him to stop texting me, please.

Yet another big life step right there, I was on a roll.

I just can't be friends with him. Not after what happened, not after how he treated me. I know he wants to be my friend, but he can't go back in time and undo the awful things that happened between us. He can't take back the lies that he told and the things he tried to cover up. My life is so much happier without him in it. There's so much less drama and pain and tears. I almost forgot what it's like to be this way and then I think about my someone-very-important who is super adorable and my favorite and I wonder why I put up with PC for so long. I was just afraid of the unknown.

But if there's anything I've learned from this situation it's that letting go was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. Boom.