FAMILY FOTOS

We had family pictures taken earlier this December, and I love every stinkin' one of them.

HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDE

It has become increasingly difficult for me to sit down in this space and crank out my thoughts like I used to. I open the page, read some posts and then exit out as if I was never a writer at all. I'm beginning to wonder if that means I should shut down or if I should launch a new space, one that's different and fresh and blank. One that isn't full of memories and stories already, an empty book with blank lines. It'll even smell crisp, like a new notebook purchased in the fall for the impending start of the school year.

Or maybe perhaps that will be too much work and here, I already have my friends. All three of you that read my blog. (Hi Dad!)

So who knows. I just know that 2015 was a terrible year for the blog! Sorry guys! It wasn't as if I had bad intentions here...my follow through this year was just focused on other things. I mean, it has been a wild ride I think.

I started out the year working for the juice bar. I worked what felt like a billion hours a week (which is just a slight exaggeration) and it just started to burn me out on the job. I started as a barista when I was 17 years old, and even though I worked in a school for two years post college, moving back to the juice bar (while fun) still felt like a giant step backwards as much as I tried to convince myself it was just sideways.

And then in the summer I made a remark that I shouldn't have, it got blown way out of proportion, and so I had to walk away. Actually it was a huge blessing in disguise. Sure, I worried about how I was going to pay my bills and buy my groceries, but it also helped me realize the incredible support system that I have here in my little Idaho.

In late August, just before I turned 25, I started working for a photographer. He's a photographer that I've admired for years and years and meeting him was a little unreal for me. He had only lived in my head and on my computer/phone screen for so long that you kind of forget that he's a real person. But honestly, the shock only lasted for a couple days and then we were into the real stuff. Especially because my backup left me after three and half days on the new job and I felt like a complete idiot 90% of the time.

Transitioning from juice bar barista to photography studio manager was a much steeper learning curve than I had anticipated. Plus the lack of training and the being right at the tail end of the busy season left me in a kind of "sink or swim" situation - which I feel like is my whole life. But it got better. It didn't get easier, I just figured out how to do more stuff. And my relationship with my boss started to develop away from him being upset that I didn't know what I was doing, to him being appreciative of all the things I do there now. It's been a little bit of a roller coaster, if I'm being completely honest.

I would tell myself that I just had to get through today. I just had to make it until five o'clock and then I could breathe a sigh of relief. Or I just had to get through the next hour. I just had to get through this phone call. I had to set up little goals for myself or else I think I would have lost it.

But looking back at how far I've come in just a matter of months, and even though there are things that still terrify about this job, I'm mostly just excited about it. It shows on my face. My dad says this is the happiest he's seen me in a job in a while. And it's true, I am happy. I'm even, get this, joyful.

I'm joyful for a multitude of reasons, all of which were made that much sweeter having gone through the juice bar battle and the photography manager goal setting.

I'm joyful because I have a family that loves me and is willing to back me in any I want to pursue. I started making custom gifts this holiday season, and I got a way higher response than I had anticipated I would. I made quite a few gifts this year and I hope to just continue on with that. I would like to ship things across the country, not just the state, you know? And my dad has expressed an interest in helping me do that. I can't thank him enough for just how incredible he's been to me.

I'm joyful because I have developed an interest in designing fabrics, which was helped along by the love of my oma. She has been such a source of encouragement and even sent me Christmas presents made out of the fabric I designed!

I'm joyful because I have a great relationship with my boyfriend which just keeps growing and growing. He's such a rock of support for me and he pushes me to make tough decisions. He's smart and ambitious and I don't know what I'd do without him.

There are a few other important people in my life that have helped to finish this year out nicely for me. It's amazing after how tumultuous my summer felt, to be this happy at the end of the year. But you know what? I'm glad. I'm glad there's snow and skiing and family surrounding me this December. I'm usually such a grinch this time of year, and I expected to feel annoyed all month. But then it started with a windstorm in November and then it's snowed practically all of December and maybe I'll be really tired of the snow in February just like every year, wishing it was summer time, but also maybe I'll just like it because that's how it is.

I've learned a lot this year. I've grown a lot this year. And I honestly am just excited to see what the new year brings. Happy 2016 kids. May it be exactly the year you need.

A HEARTY THANKS

I feel like I say this every year, but this year feels especially fast. Maybe it's just the second half of the year that has been so incredibly...unique, or it could just be that time passes faster the older you become. I mean, not that it really matters anyway.

But since this year has been totally out of the norm, it's shaped me in ways I didn't know I could move. It's stretched me and grown me and pulled me in different directions. It's made me more confident in some areas and also shattered other parts of me beyond recognition. And I guess that's what happens when you go out into the world and try to be a functioning adult. Limits get tested, patience is worn thin, grace and humility become your best friends and you are forced to figure shit out. Welcome to adulthood.

As weird as it sounds though, it's actually something I really enjoy. This year I lost a job in the stupidest way possible and had all sorts of negative things spread about me (I can only assume, based on the situation, as it was not peaceful) which was a complete and utter first in the Natalie department. But through that situation I came out with a different and better sense of self.

As an artist, I started designing fabrics and have even sold some to people who are not my family - which is, as they say, the mark of success. As a girlfriend, I got to understand just how much Nathan loves me through all the stress that we've dealt with the past few months. As a daughter, I have witnessed just how much my parents care about me and my wellbeing and how readily they will sacrifice for me when I need them to. As an employee, I have learned that it's not the amount of money you make, it's the experience you get doing it. Which could also be in the art category too, you know, starving artist and all.

So as we've just finished Thanksgiving and are about to head into the Christmas season, I have been filled with a spirit of thanksgiving. Or at least I want to be filled with a spirit of thanksgiving but sometimes I am filled with a spirit of hunger and crankiness - I am only human after all.

But I'm thankful for quite a few things this year, including but not limited to: my family, who keep surprising me in all the best ways; all my friends, who are supporting me in all my artistic endeavors or who listen to me rant about things without judgment, (you guys are amazing!); my oma, who has supported me and offered a lot of advice and who has been my biggest cheerleader when it comes to designing fabrics and creating art; and Nathan, who is so much more to me than a boyfriend and even when I'm crabby and impossible, for whatever reason, he still loves me and surprises me with little things all the time. I couldn't have asked for anyone better to have by my side.

And as we head into the land of greens and reds and jingly bells, while you are all taking the time to make a unique gift or thoughtfully pick one out at a store, remember who it is you're buying for and why you are so thankful for them.

Christmas tends to make me really grinchy and irritated with all the people in all the stores buying all the things and paying absolutely no mind to the world around them. Sometimes I get so annoyed feeling like I'm the only one paying attention to my surroundings, that I lose track of the fact that these are humans too. And they are somebody's mom, grandma, dad, sister, brother, aunt or uncle. And they deserve to be treated like a human being too.

So goosfraba this holiday season, my friends. And a Happy Christmas to you!

LOOKING BACK

Well happy November, nerds! I honestly thought I'd be able to squeeze one more post in October out before the change of months and then, boo. You know how it is.

So now for a horrible transitional paragraph, I went to Moscow for Halloween this year and it was a pretty rad ordeal. It's been entirely too long since I visited that dinky little town and it was almost exactly just how I remembered it.

Except now they have a Buffalo Wild Wings and a Panda Express.

But we ate at Sangria instead because the avocado rolls and sirloin empanadas! And they lived up to everything I remembered them to be plus a little bit extra. If you ever find yourself in Moscow, do yourself a favor and hit up Sangria. It's a little on the spendy side, but oh so deliciously worth it. And to finish, for dessert you'll want the sweet potato creme brûlée. Just trust me on this one.

After dinner we sported our costumes and posed for pictures before heading out with a group of friends to do a halloween pub crawl. It was windy and rainy and completely packed with college kids around every corner, standing room only thankyouverymuch.

And the costumes! So many costumes of every variety! From crappily completed homemades to extravagantly executed store bought creations, there were such an incredible display of creativity that it caused me to spend most of the night people watching. Which is to say that I had loads of fun.

But aside from all the Halloween shenanigans, I just really enjoy being back in Moscow. I don't know what it is about that town, but I crave it every now and then. It makes me wish I was back in school. It makes me wish I could just walk around the down town and hang out in the coffee shops and eat a bagel. It makes me want to walk through the mall and hit up the Ross Dress For Less and get some pretzel bites. It makes me want to drive to the campus and walk through the arboretum, where I used to spend so much time.

So much of my growing up happened in Moscow. So much of who I am today is because of my time in that town. I remember hating it at first. Loving the fact that I was on my own and at the same time dreading the alarm in the morning. I remember working through so many insecurities in that town. From boys, to feuds with friends, to my own body sensitivities. I worked through so many obstacles, faced so many tough times, and trudged on so often when all I wanted to do was run away.

And then, the longer I was there, the more it really grew on me. I made some deep connections to the people there, it's where Nathan and I started dating and fell in love, as cliche as that sounds. It's basically where I grew up and grew into my adult self.

There's still so much growing and learning yet to do, and still so much ground I have yet to cover. But I still like to fantasize about what it would be like to go back to school and move down to that stupid little town that will forever hold this little part of my soul that lived and loved and painted and drew in that space between high school and adulthood.

Now my home is a little apartment on 4th street by Costco and instead of going to school everyday I go to work. It's a nice little routine and a great little life with so much in store for the future. So, I guess all that to say this: Halloween is awesome and change is good.

Happy Halloweener, kids. I hope you had a blast.

HEY - I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT YOU

Hi there. Remember me? I used to run this joint once upon a time. I used to post a couple times a week, and now? Well, now it seems to have fallen into somewhat of a disarray around here. I mean, just look at these cobwebs. Sheeesh. Sorry about that.

Once I quit working at the juice bar, I threw myself into designing fabrics and applying to new and exciting places to employ me. It was fun times. I was also preparing to move across town, which just happened last Wednesday! I had forgotten what a pain moving is - all the heavy furniture down three flights of stairs, all the way across town, and then up three flights of stairs because that's just the way we roll 'round here.

But now I'm getting the new place all settled in to and it's starting to feel reeeaaal homey like. It even has a giant mirror wall, which if you know me in real life at all, is basically my favorite part of the place. So it's been really fun to get all the furniture just where I want it and get all the art hung up on the walls. It's not finished yet, and like any good project will never be completely finished, but it's getting close.

And in addition to my big move, I have a new job! I work with a local photographer as his studio manager. It has been one of the hardest new jobs I've ever taken on - a completely new experience. I've found it to be a little challenging to learn the ropes, but I'm starting to feel like I have a real handle on things. It's still got it's challenges, but I'm learning to love it instead of letting it overwhelm me.

It's just that my life is a little crazy these days - new place to live, new place to work, and a new season outside. It's kind of like everything I knew and all my routines I expected have changed 180 degrees. I'm still learning to adjust, but I think it's been really good for me. It's making me stretch and grow and so, that's a good thing. It keeps me moving forward.

And our big changes aren't really even over. But I think also that they never will be. I used to think, and I've written about it before, that life to me was this linear way of thinking. You finished one school and went on to the next one and then, in my head, you started working and that was sort of that about the whole thing. And it's taken me the last couple of years to really understand that my idea of how life worked was sort of really wrong. Life is linear, but also it really, really, isn't linear at all.

So my perspective has been forced to shift in different areas of my life. And the question I have been asking myself lately is where do I see my life going? In college our professors would have us write out our five year plans. In most of the interviews I've done I've been asked where I see myself in the future, and I always sort of bullshitted an answer. Mostly because what I want to say is married, fabulously rich, and traveling the world. And by fabulously rich what I mean is that my husband makes enough for me to stay home and not have to punch a time clock. But that sort of view is a little outdated and these days women are expected to be more than stay at home moms.

I have been forced to reconsider. And also, I spent money on a college degree, okay? So I can't let that just fall by the wayside because then why even did I go to a university? Riddle me that, batman. And so here I am. Contemplating my next few steps in life and how do I want to get there and who am I going to take with me?

Well, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want to stay home. So in order to be able to do that, I need to have a job that will allow me to work from my house. I'd also like to have flexible hours so that I can take a trip to Italy if the mood strikes me. And it's not going to be like I'm going to be able to do that tomorrow, so I have to start putting in the work now in order to be able to get to that place in the future. Which, I mean, art is what I'd like to take me there.

Designing fabrics on Spoonflower is a fantastic start to this journey. I've said it before, but I'd really like to seriously put some effort into my sad state of an Etsy shop. And I'm going to look into what it would take to teach some art classes at a local creative little studio downtown.

It feels a little like reinventing myself. But it also feels like coming home. And so, I guess this is kind of what being an adult feels like. Weird.