LIFE IS SHORT: MAKE THE MOVE

Every year about this time I really start to day dream pretty hard about moving somewhere warmer. Usually I'm looking up places to live and work in San Diego and how much it would cost and how realistically do I actually want to live there? But you guys, I have said time and again that I don't want to live in Idaho forever.

I have trouble making commitments to things here and the other day I realized why that is. I am living my life with 'temporarily' in mind instead of 'permanently.' I'm living in this apartment for now, I'm working in this location for now and I'm doing this job for now. I was in school for now, I was living with my parents for now, you get the idea.

It's almost as if I don't even know how to live my life for the putting down of roots or the anchoring of my ship or whatever your cliche phrase of choice may be. I just want out of here so badly, to move somewhere different as soon as I'm able that anything I might do to make this feel more permanent makes me instantly shy away. My heart starts to race, my mind goes in scribbles and my words completely disappear. I don't like to feel tied down to any obligations. I like to have wings, not roots.

Growing up always taught me to think of the next step. I wasn't going to be in high school forever, so I needed to plan for college. I wasn't going to be in college forever, so I needed to plan for life. I'm not going to be in this place forever, so I need to plan for the future.

In the summertime, when life would slow down a little with the absence of school, I was pressured into finding temporary jobs in order to "stay busy" and "pull my own weight." I just wanted some time off. I felt like I just needed to drop everything and take a big restful sigh so I could figure out what I wanted. I feel like I am constantly doing something and that wears me out.

Plus, I don't know if I'm making the right choices for the future anyway! I mean, talk about scary. Welcome to life where the paths are made up and the rules don't matter. I usually talk big decisions over with my parents before I pick what move to make. The idea of making a decision without their input can actually be crippling. So I'm trying to change that. I'm trying to take over my own life and make my own choices without always having to do what they think I should. I know how that might sound, but if I keep relying on them for everything then I will never be able to assert myself as an adult.

Being a "grown up" isn't about reaching a certain age, it's about acting a certain way. I'm still trying to figure out exactly how to do that, but the longer I'm floating out here in adult-land the more I'm learning.

It's interesting to me that when I was little I had all these ideas about what it would be like to be a great grown girl. I had all these dreams about where I would live and what profession I would have. I used to wish I could live all over the world and travel to a lot of different places, and what kind of freaks me out now is that living in different places and traveling around the world are actual possibilities and not distant future hopes.

Sometimes we say that parents think your growing up years fly by but that for you they drag on and on - and well, I just don't know if that's true. I feel like it was yesterday that I was this 17 year old blonde girl who just graduated from high school and now here I am at 23, my wishes and hopes becoming realities. Life feels so fast paced for me, like how did I get here, right?

I used to wonder when my life would begin, when would I finally be living my real life? And guys? Here I am. My time is now. My life is happening this very minute. And that is completely terrifying, can you imagine?

//images from pinterest

A VERY VALENTINE'S POST

So let's talk about Valentine's day...because why not?

I wasn't initially going to go to work on Friday, but then stuff and things happened and I ended up going in anyway because it's just easier that way. Except it made me try to cram all the things I was going to spend my Friday morning doing into Thursday afternoon and I ended up spending five hours cleaning all the parts of my house. Yay productivity!

Nathan showed up Friday afternoon after I got back home from work. I kept looking out the window to see if his truck was in the parking lot yet, but after four or five looks I gave up and turned on Desperate Housewives (yeah, I know). But then I heard my front door open and there was my favorite boy along with a giant bouquet of flowers and a chocolate bar. He hadn't even been in my apartment for five minutes and already is was better than the last six years of Valentine's days combined.

And then we went to the grocery store for jalapeños because that's how we roll. And also because my sister was making jalapeño chocolate cupcakes with lime frosting and if you've never had those before then I suggest you change that right now because chocolate and spicy is just pure awesome in your mouth. Trust me.

Anyway, Nathan got us dinner reservations for 6:30 but I had no idea where we were going which just made it all the more fun, right? We got dressed up and went out for drinks downtown before dinner. I mean, this guy knows what I like.

Which he just proved even more when I found out that we were headed out for a sushi dinner. Oh my gosh sushi is probably...well, if I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life it would be sushi. The restaurant we were at was super crowded and a little understaffed so we ended up waiting a long time for our food to come out of the kitchen. On the plus side though we were seated at a booth, which I like a lot better than being across from each other in chairs. I like to sit next to Nathan, what can I say. It was awesome.

We finished the night watching some Netflix before going to bed. It was maybe what I might consider the best Valentine's Day in the history of my life. High five Nathan. Happy Valentine's Day, I love you!

And Saturday we spent skiing with my family and some really good friends. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a dream land and it's basically the best thing ever.

IS IT FRIDAY YET

Is it just me, or is this week going by slower than molasses in winter? Tuesday felt like Wednesday, Wednesday felt like Thursday and today feels like Friday and it is really making me crazy. This might have something to do with the fact that I haven't been drinking coffee all week...but let's not be too quick to judge.

These kids, man. I feel like we all have an intense case of cabin fever and it's not even March yet. And also maybe I work in what could be construed as a mental institution. Sometimes I feel like I'm just supervising certifiably insane children and herding them in the direction of art making. Some days are really painful and other days are really rewarding, but when you start out with Tuesdays that feel like Wednesdays it's pretty much just all uphill from there.

But on a different note, tomorrow is Valentine's Day and well, I'm actually looking forward to it for the first time in probably six years. It's a weird feeling, because for a really long time I've only ever hated this holiday and I've never wanted to really acknowledge that it even exists. I mean, there is this romantic sappy girl I've shoved down deep inside of me who always wanted to feel important to someone on Valentine's Day, but I quit listening to her years and years ago. And now it might be looking up for her. I mean, we'll see what happens, right?

And now for something else entirely, pictures.

yep, i changed my hair. i debated between lightening it and darkening it and decided to go darker. more mysterious that way ;) 

the first valentine i received this year! from one of my students. and she drew me an octopus with a daily odd compliment. it's like she knows me or something!

And these are some examples of student work in my advanced art class. they entered a competition at the UI with the theme "STEAM" 

AN ODD COMPLIMENT OVERDOSE

So can we just have a Pinterest inspired post here? Because my brain has the dumb today and it's hard to be the doer of words putting into sentences, okay?

Good. I'm glad you're coming with me on that. Also, this morning it was -20 degrees out and so I think that even though it's warmed up to -9 now, some of my brain parts are still frozen which is maybe why they're not working today?

If you were one of my family members you would make a joke right there about how my brain parts never work correctly and I would give you an obligatory eye roll. But you're not, so I won't.

Moving on.

Pinterest! Right. Here we go:

GO HAWKS AND 5 REASONS NATHAN ROCKS

A lot happened this weekend. The Seahawks won the Super Bowl! Hashtag whaddup! And Nathan turned 24! Hashtag headedtotheoldfolkshome.

I remember when the Seahawks were in the Super Bowl last time about a million years ago and they lost to the Steelers. I remember rooting for the Steelers with my dad just because Mom was born and raised to love the Hawks and if we are anything in this family it's ornery.

This time we went to a Super Bowl party to watch the game with a bunch of our friends from church and it was glorious. (We were Hawks fans this time, because, well. Why not?) My sister made these awesome cupcakes and frosted them to look like grass with piped 12s and field goals and footballs. She's seriously a baking rockstar.

But if we rewind a little bit, Saturday was that Nathan guy's birthday. We went out for pizza and got drinks downtown afterward. And then we played a couple of games of pool. I don't know if you know this, but we are terrible at pool. One time Nathan and I tried to play a game, just the two of us, and it was probably 20 minutes into the game and neither of us had sunk a ball in a pocket. Talk about embarrassing, right?

It's funny to me how when you meet certain people sometimes you have no idea how important they will become to you. I first met Nathan at a party at his old apartment in the summer of 2011. I went with a friend who knew Nathan really well and I didn't know anyone. I don't think I really talked a lot at first, and Nathan had a girlfriend at the time so I didn't really think much more than "well, he seems like a nice guy." This is actually the same party that I met Jordan at, so. Funny.

But then life happened and Jordan and I broke up and Nathan and his girlfriend parted ways and through a smattering of other people we eventually ended up together. You guys, there is no one I'd rather be with than him. And here are five reasons why: one, he cares. A lot. About everyone. He's probably one of the most caring people that I know. Two, he makes me laugh. Sometimes he does the most ridiculous and obnoxious things and it's just so funny. Like the first time he made me play Dinner Lady Arms by The Darkness in the car on the way home from the mall and whenever I need to laugh I just picture him car dancing and singing every single word over-enthusiastically because really, comedic gold. Three, he pushes me to be a better person. To stay healthy and exercise. To learn new things. To keep working to obtain my goals. To be the best me that I can be. Four, he's very smart. He's probably the smartest guy I've ever dated. And sometimes it catches me off guard because I'm used to being the smart one in a relationship. Five, he's driven. He wants to accomplish big things in life. He's not going to settle for second best, I don't feel like. Whether it's music or school, he's ambitious in his goals for life. And I think that's really important, because if you don't set life goals then you don't go anywhere.

So, happy birthday to one of the best guys on the planet. You're my best friend, adventure buddy, and partner in crime. I love you to the moon and back. ♥