To Feel Alive

Sometimes I like to think that I'm a deep person and that I could find a way to get great meanings out of small circumstances, and then I sit down at my computer and think, who am I joking? I have been lost in a see of work, school, art, boyfriend and music.

Seriously, what is new about that?

Nothing.

I need to have an adventure, I think. Or turn something mundane into an adventure by adding cool people and witty discussions about things that absolutely positively don't matter whatsoever but you argue about them anyway just because you can. Or driving around listening to awesome jams because you have nothing better to do.

You know what the problem is with having nothing better to do? It always feels like you're forgetting to do something, even when you're not. I mean, it's so rare to actually legitimately have nothing to do that when you are faced with that situation it's hard to rejoice in it and not get caught up in the anxiety of forgetfulness. Oy. Vey.

I'm faced with a crossroads though, because this is my last year of school. I'm actually sad about that, how funny am I? First I don't want to be here and I can't wait to get out and now I just want to hold on for a little bit longer. I really don't want to move home in May when the semester ends either. (Sorry Dad.) I'm just used to it here where I do what I want when I want where I want and I don't really have to answer to anyone. And I have a lot of friends here that I feel like I'm leaving behind. I want to enjoy the crap out of my last months in this tiny little town.

I want to make lots of bad decisions and go on plenty of adventures and try lots of new things. Okay, so maybe not a ton of bad decisions, but you know. I want to get crazy. I think that's my goal for this year. Maybe I'll finally get a tattoo. Scary.