Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The End Of Something Beautiful

Two years is a long time to be together with someone. It's a lot of memories. A lot of shared happiness. A lot of Red Robin Burgers. Bonzai burgers are my favorite.

You know, I have been mostly happy these last two years. Most of the time was filled with smiles and goofy faces. We loved to laugh. And I loved to watch him smile. I loved his laugh when it came from his belly when something was especially funny.

Prince Charming was my first of the real boyfriends. For a long time I thought he would be my only. For a long time I thought that. He used to ask me to marry him, you know. I remember the fourth of July, laying side by side on my front lawn, he whispered it into my ear. And I just wish I could have stayed there forever.

I remember crying when I found out my grandpa died, and Prince burst back into the room and scooped me up valiantly into his arms.

He was such a good boyfriend.

And then something changed. We changed. Time changed. Thing haven't been what they were in that starry eyed beginning, and that's to say that things never are the same as in the beginning. There's just something special about a new relationship. A new adventure.

We passed the two year mark after almost not making it back in November. But things were never the same. During Christmas break my Prince Charming was the most Charming he'd been in a long time, and then we got back to Moscow for school, and Moscow is a big vat of suck.

Prince wouldn't tell me he loved me. I had to argue with him over a simple goodbye kiss, because he just didn't want to do it. I didn't understand. I was trying to be a good girlfriend, but it was continually getting harder and harder.

And today, today I confronted him. My heart was racing. I didn't go into the conversation with the intent to end the relationship, but Prince Charming has told me things and not told me things that you should never or should always tell your girlfriend.

And also, I felt in second place a lot lately to other girls in his life. I don't think I should feel that way.

But also until this evening I had felt there was some semblance of hope lurking on the horizon. Maybe we could make this work. Maybe it wasn't as bad as it really might be. I tended to downplay a lot of what happened, a lot of how I was feeling these past few weeks. Mostly because when I thought there was hope, I didn't want things to sound worse than they really were.

And then Prince said something that he can't take back. When I asked him why he didn't kiss me anymore, he told me it was because he didn't enjoy it. And that right there was the straw that broke the camel's back. How can you be in a relationship with someone you don't enjoy being around?

That just hurt. That hurt so deep that I just ended the relationship on the spot. It was over. I was done. I am not going to be in a romantic relationship with someone who does not enjoy kissing me, holding me, hugging me or telling me he loves me. That's not fair to me. I deserve someone who will make me feel like I am first place. Who will text me "Good night. I love you" instead of just "Night"

I want someone who loves me too.

I'm not mad at Prince Charming - even though I am extremely heartbroken. Extremely. I feel like he did a lot of things wrong, but I don't feel like I am perfect either. I think maybe we could possibly potentially be friends in the future, but I need some time to grieve for my lost relationship before I let him back into my everyday life. And also, I want him to make the first move towards that because I'm done pushing for a relationship.

I know Prince cares. I know that because he was upset when I called it off. He cried. But the problem is that that's the first real emotion I've seen from him in a while. And that's not okay.

Will we get back together? I don't feel like that's likely right now. I'm not holding my breath like last time waiting for this to all be over so I could have my boyfriend back. I'm upset. I'm frustrated at how I was treated. But I will be okay.



  1. Sorry darling. It's never easy but it will get better in time. *hugs*

  2. I'm sorry you're hurting but like the cliche says, time heals all wounds.

    It will be ok.

  3. I'm so sorry, Natalie. It's really hard when that happens... I know I've never been in a relationship for that long, but I can imagine.

    I think you did the right thing. You're so right: it wasn't fair to you.

    Praying for you, girl.


  4. I was kind of shocked when I saw the relationship status change yesterday, because you hadn't said anything that would lead me to believe something like this could happen.
    So sudden.

    But I just wanted to say, after reading this, I think you did the right thing. You gotta have a man who loves to kiss you, and who will kiss you even if he doesn't feel like it, because he cares too much about you to disappoint you. That's the kind of man you need.

    Throw yourself into your school work for distraction. Pick out all the saddest songs you have in your collection and just listen to them for hours on end and cry and cry until you're just over being sad.

    A month from now you'll be on your way back to normal.


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