Dear Open Letters

Dear FaceBook,

Doppelganger week? Sibling week? What's next? Also, which one of your personalities sits and thinks these up? You know, not that I really mind - it is kind of entertaining after all. And people told me that my doppelganger was Elliot Reid (heck to the yes, man)!

But is there going to be a theme of the week for the rest of our lives? What about those of us who get exhausted trying to keep up with all of the weeks? It's all I can do to change my profile picture anyway - forget feeling like it is a mandatory event!

So seriously, how long are these week theme crazes going to last?

Curious,
Tired Of All The Hype

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Dear Education Petition Committee,

I am petitioning for conditioned admittance in April. Please love me. Lots. I try really hard and want this really bad.

Would it help to know that you'd fulfill a life long dream of a cute little girl if you let me into your program? Not to mention said little girl would be eternally grateful. As would all of her future students just waiting to be impacted in an irreversible and awesome artistic way.

Luvs,
The Future Best Art Teacher EVER

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Dear Crap-That-Affects-My-Life,

FAIL. On your part, not mine.

Rays of Hate,
Needs To Sleep Easier

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Dear February,

You came into 2010 with snow. And today you are sunny and hot. We sold about four iced drinks in a row during one little rush today at work. And I don't remember exactly how many we sold before then. But it was more than usual.

Why are you tricking us with your fake warm weather? It's supposed to be winter. It's supposed to be cold. It's supposed to not feel like the trees could burst into bloom within the next couple of days. This trickery business you've involved yourself in should cease and desist. Just sayin'.

And what's up with Valentine's Day, anyway? I mean really. I love Prince Charming and we tell each other we love each other each and every day. So why exactly do we need a day dedicated to showing someone how much you love them? Really? Shouldn't you just do that every day?

Or was this holiday created as a device for single people to work up the guts to ask out another single person in maybe a less awkward way? Who really knows what it's all about. But I for one wish it would disappear. Completely.

I wouldn't miss it. Would you, February? Would you miss this ridiculous holiday?

Oh, you would? Is that because you are so short that you need something besides leap year because that only happens once every four years and you're greedier than that? I thinks so. Write back if you disagree.

Yours,
Crazy Bitter V-Day Hater

***

Dear Summer,

Get here sooner.

Please?

Loves,
Starved For Warm Sunny Days