Thursday, April 23, 2009

Closer to Closure

I have three weeks left of my first year at college. I have tomorrow's classes, and then one week of normal classes, dead week, and finals week. Dead week sounds depressing, but it's really only normal classes, just teacher's aren't supposed to give you homework (even though they do anyway). And finals week there are no classes - just tests. Really. Big. Tests.

But I was thinking about how much I've changed this year. How when I came down here and started all this, I wasn't really prepared for all that would happen. I mean, it's all things you just can't prepare for because you don't know they're going to happen.

I didn't know that Ariel's pregnancy issue would blow up in Belle's and my face. I didn't know that I would spend the entire first week of my college classes bawling my eyes out in front of the lounge piano while I tried to figure out why things had to be the way they were. But God has his own reasons, and it was a healthy move in the right direction to tell Ariel's parents about what was going on in her life - since she wouldn't do it herself. And actually it turned out for the better on her part. Funny how that works. It just caused a lot of grief and pain and heartache to get to that situation.

I also didn't know that going to Belle's haloween party like I do every year would end up changing my life. That's where I met Prince Charming for the first time. Funny thing was, I didn't think I'd ever see him again after that. He was Belle's friend. He was someone I thought I would see once and only hear stories about after that. However, I'm glad it turned out opposite of what I thought.

Moving out of my dorm room was also something I didn't see coming. I was convinced that Belle and I were good enough friends that we could handle living together for a whole year. But our lack of communication that hadn't been an issue before, turned out to be one of the biggest problems I've ever encountered. I'm just glad it's mostly over - although I must confess I really don't think we are as good of friends as we were in high school, and I'm really hoping that I can find a good friend while I'm here. I just have to start looking in different places. Next year will offer new opportunities and new experiences and also new friendships.

Another thing I didn't expect this year was to switch my major. I wanted to be the student who came to college knowing exactly what she wanted and being able to maintain that area of interest for the next four years. My problem was that with all the research I did, I still didn't do enough and it was all the science courses that KILLED ME. So now, I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum doing something I've only DREAMED about and majoring in art. :-)

The truly entertaining morsel though, really is the fact that Prince Charming is taking all the same art courses I am. We have two classes together next semester - which is yet another thing to add to the list of what I didn't expect this year. Prince-y is coming here next year and majoring in Studio Art. We are an artsy couple :-) Lots of talent in our relationship. Ha, ha, ha. That sounds kind of self-absorbed, but to be honest Prince Charming has more talent than he's willing to admit - even to himself. And me? My talent as it is, isn't in the same area of his, but it's still there. Ha, ha.

Next year Prince-y is living in my hall, which we did NOT plan out. I promise you. I planned on moving to second floor next year because while I am IN LOVE with third floor, it's going to become a Scholar's Hall which I'm not all that thrilled about being a part of, so I just went down a floor. Big Whoop. Well, Prince told me the other day that his room number is 211. My jaw dropped to the floor. He's in my hall - at the opposite end. This should be interesting.

His beef is that he doesn't want to get sick of me next year - living in the same hall and having two classes together? Yikes. And while I confess this is also a worry of mine, I figure that even though we're in the same hall and we have two classes together, we each have FOUR other classes where the other one is not present AND if luck should have it, we'll both be working. So I ask myself, how much will we REALLY see each other? Hmm?

But back to my main point - all the changes going on here. In three weeks it will all be over. This chapter of my life will be ending. Sort of. This year was really all about the big changes for me. I graduated high school, took a few trips over the summer, and started college. I'm growing up. I'm loosing friends, but I'm also gaining them. I'm becoming more of an adult and even though I'm still very much a young naive child, there are aspects of my life that aren't so little anymore. And I'm grateful for that. For all this growing up. It's my life. It can be whatever I want it to be. I can make my future what I wish. It's all at MY FINGERTIPS. I've never felt that way before. I am the source of my motivation. I decide whether or not I do something. Sure, I ask other people for their opinions and advice and I take that into consideration. And okay yeah, I don't have all that financial responsibility yet, but that will come soon enough. But overall, if I wanted to walk away I could. If I want to stay, I will. Such binding freedom. :-)


  1. I totally understand your thoughts of grwoing up. I feel quite the same.
    I am responsible for myself and my life. I could change it, in whichever way I would like.
    I so totally understand you!

  2. I just found your blog through Sits.
    I graduated high school exactly 10 years ago, so I'm probably 9 years older than you. I went through a lot of the same things you describe here during my first year of college, but I couldn't have ever written about them so eloquently. You are a fabulous writer!

    And though things will just keep on changing and reformatting themselves over the next couple of years, it is so worth it. The friends I made in college are still the best I have now and the experiences we shared back in the day ... priceless.


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