Rejoice In All Things

Usually when I make up my mind to do something, I do it. Like when I wanted to get my nose pierced when I turned 18 my dad could have told me no and I'd probably have done it anyway. Luckily he was okay with it (mostly) and it boiled down to the fact that I was 18 and I was old enough to make my own decisions.

Okay, but this isn't to say that I go around disobeying my dad just because I want to. I listen to him, and my mom, because they know what they're talking about. But I still have to push boundaries every now and then, or they might start thinking I'm a good kid, and we can't have that. I have a rep to uphold, you know.

I've always been the rebel child of my family. I like the rough and tumble life style - headstrong, punk-y, don't tell me what to do attitude. I mean, I always liked Sawyer better than Jack if that helps you understand. I like piercings because I think well placed body-bling is beautiful and I like tattoos because there is a sort of 'toughness' associated with them and they can hold a lot of meaning, but I don't think either of those things should be taken lightly.

I didn't just want to run out and get a tattoo just to have one, I carefully contemplated what I wanted to put on my body because I know it will be there forever. The butterflies and stars are pretty and all, but if there's no meaning behind it, I don't want it on my body. I knew if I was going to get tatted up that I needed to really think about things that meant a lot to me.

Mostly God.

I love Jesus, in case you didn't know. He has never forgotten me or made me feel unimportant. He has a plan for my life and I try to include him in my life daily. I'm not perfect and I mess up a lot (usually when I try to control things because that NEVER works out). But it's always in my best interests to put Him first in all I do, because if it's in His will for my life then it's better than anything I could plan for myself.

Throughout life I've had a lot of ups and downs. I've been cared for deeply and badly mistreated by different people who have floated in and out of my life. I have been privy to lots of friend dramas, break ups, and fights. But there have been plenty of great things that have happened to me as well. But throughout everything we have to remember to thank Jesus for those moments. We learn most when we make mistakes and fall down. God isn't just around for our good moments, but He's also there holding our hand when things go south.

You have cancer? He's there to help you through it. You were in a huge car accident? He never left your side. Your boyfriend broke up with you? Run. Run right into His arms. This is something that I have always known, but not always done. Jesus never told us that following him would be easy, but He promised never to leave us to fend for ourselves.

And we are supposed to take joy in everything that happens to us, good and bad. It's a chance to grow our faith and love. I want to rejoice in every situation I'm thrown into because I know that my God is big and amazing and He will take care of everything. It doesn't matter what I do or what I've done because He will never (never!) leave me behind.

So when I thought about what to put on my body, I went to Philippians chapter 4 verse 4: Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" The chapter goes on to remind us that we shouldn't "be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present [our] requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." This passage has been on my heart for a very long time. I knew the word I wanted was "Rejoice" and then I began the process of where did I want to get it? Did I want a different language? Did I only want the text or did I also want a design?

I basically just played 20 questions with myself, making sure that this was going to be exactly what I wanted. I settled on Hebrew because not only do I think it is a beautiful language to look at, it is also an important language in my faith. Plus, it can be used as a conversation starter since not many people know Hebrew where I live.

TheKeeper was heavily involved in helping with the exact word choice. There are several different ways to say rejoice in Hebrew, so I needed to find one that closely matched what I meant when I said rejoice. I found the word "geel" or "gil" depending on what dictionary you use, and TheKeeper made sure I had the correct letters. This was going to be on me forever and I didn't want to take a chance at getting it wrong.

Then I chose some bird silhouettes to fly over the top of my word. I did this for a few reasons, one being that I didn't just want only text. I'm an artist and I wanted there to be a little more there than just letters. Another reason is because birds mean a lot to me. They are always happy, singing, and free. Birds are beautiful. They go where the wind blows them, and also where they want.

Once I had all that figured out, I went down to the same tattoo parlor that a couple of my friends have been to and made an appointment for Wednesday the 8th of February at 2:00 pm. I was nervous and jittery and excited, so very, very excited.

And then, people, then I went under the needle. Not nearly as bad as I had been psyching myself up for, and truth be told I will probably get another tattoo someday. I'm in love.

This was taken right after it was finished before I got bandaged up. I felt like a total badass, not gonna lie.

I immediately posted a picture to Facebook where I was met with a lot of support and also a lot of negativity. I knew that some members of my family would not enjoy the fact that I had permanently altered the skin on my body, but I also didn't care. Tattoos aren't everyone's thing and I'm not going to go out and pressure anyone into getting inked if they don't want to.

What's important is that this tattoo holds special meaning to me and I'm not going to be sorry that I got it when I'm 80 years old and have saggy skin. I think it's beautiful and I believe that I will always think that.

Part of me wished that I could have shared the experience with SVI because he told me that he would go with me if I ever decided to get a tattoo. He has one himself, so it would be exciting for him to tag along. And then, you know, things. I almost texted him, but I don't think he wants anything to do with me anymore. And I really feel like that's his loss. We weren't serious, so I don't feel like it's this huge monumental step backwards like it was when PC and I thought we could be "just friends." There are a lot of things I miss about being friends with SVI and I wish I could get those back.

But as it stands, I'm not going to let that hold me back. This is my life and I'm going to live it. And no one is going to stop me.

A Giant Leap

God has been working in my life recently. And by recently I mean he's always been working in my life, just lately it seems more evident? As in, stuff is happening right now. Like, I'm stepping wildly out of my comfort zone and taking a large step of faith.

My friend Joel talked to me about how he felt that God was leading him and his wife to help plant a church in Pullman, which is like 8 miles away from Moscow where we both go to school. When I first heard him talk about it, I was inspired. I have been wanting to get involved with a church, not just attend one but really get on the inside and lead something and know people and do things. But instead of acting on that immediately I waited a little while to learn more about what they were doing and see if it really was something that I wanted to get involved in. I'm moving away in June and I was wondering if this was really the right step for me?

Joel was asked to paint a mural for the church and being that we are both art majors he asked if I would help him. Being the good friend that I am I jumped on board, hoping that this also would allow me to get a little more information about what was going on. Painting commenced on the mural and before I knew what was happening I was going to Bible Study and Saturday night service.

I don't remember if it was a Thursday afternoon or not, but we were all gathered around the table of the Pastor's house talking about the church and things that still needed to happen while we are trying to get it up off the ground. It was brought up that what they really needed was someone to lead the children's ministry, so we were discussing things like curriculum and all the while I'm feeling like this is something I should be doing. I want to work with elementary schoolers. I am going to school to be a teacher. I was a day camp counselor at a church camp for two consecutive summers. This is totally something that I can do.

So I volunteered for the position.

I don't know exactly how this is going to play out. I've never been in this situation before. I don't know what all this entails. What if they misbehave? How should I react? What am I going to teach them? What if I can't keep them engaged? All these questions are swirling through my mind, but I feel like I'm in the right spot. The thought occurred to me tonight during our Saturday Night Fever church service that I don't have to have all of the answers, God can use me anyway. And I thought about Joel's tattoo of a section of verses in Isiah that essentially boils down to "Here I am Lord, use me."

And that's exactly what I plan to let Him do. I don't know what kinds of things He's going to bring me to, but if I just say yes to them and trust that this is where I'm supposed to be then my faith can only grow and I can do bigger and better things down the road. My life can only be made richer in the love of Christ and my faith sturdier.

This is a huge step for me, to lead a children's ministry. I feel young and under qualified, but God will make it work beautifully. I think about Moses leading the Hebrews out of Egypt and he didn't feel qualified for the job but God picked him anyway and awesome things happened because of it. Maybe I can be like Moses. I definitely want to try. I'm definitely excited about it. And I think I can only benefit from this experience.

Thank you Jesus for giving me this opportunity and these wonderful people with which to share my life. I only hope they don't get sick of spending all this time with me.

The Easter Bunny and Easter Eggs and Jesus

Let's talk about Easter. There's a fun side to Easter, a commercial side to Easter, and a religious side to Easter. It's a pretty complicated holiday, to be sure.

I mean, we have the Easter bunny - which I've heard that the bunny was a fertility sign from a pagan holiday that merged with the celebration of the resurrection of Christ when Constantine up and got Christian all over the Roman Empire. But when you're little you have no idea about that stuff - the Easter Bunny brings you everybody's favorite Easter baskets! Candy! Toys! Fake green paper strips to imitate grass and get all over the house and in corners you didn't even know existed! And candy!

And I mean people, let's not forget the famed Easter egg hunts! I remember that was the thing I used to be the most excited about when I was little - I mean yeah, okay, church in the morning in a highly uncomfortable dress and tights! (Tights I tell you! Oh the horror! How my legs loathed being encased by suffocating white thin socks that went all the way up to my waist! It was torture.) But even though we heard the message about the wonderful thing that Jesus did for us, I was still super stoked about those plastic eggs filled with sweets waiting to be found in our house. Coloring the hard boiled eggs was almost just as fun.

I remember being so disappointed when my parents decided to quit hiding the eggs for us to find. I was mad at them for taking away all the fun. I felt like they were just being too lazy to hide the Easter eggs, and to an extent that was true. I mean, they'd been doing it for a long time when they finally decided to stop, but I still felt like it was unfair. I felt like The DP and The Mechanic got shafted because when I was their age I still got Easter egg hunts.

The Keeper and I took it upon ourselves to hide the Easter eggs for the little kids. That didn't last very long, but it made me feel better. And then my aunt and uncle moved across the state line from us, about a half hour away, and they held grand Easter egg hunts. Not only were there eggs filled with candy, but also with coins. And I just couldn't get over that. Those crazy kids also hid a "Golden Egg" filled with a 20 dollar bill - and you can guess that's what the real competition was about. We each wanted it equally as bad as the others and every year we set out on a mission to find that silly egg and claim the prize for our wallets!

But now that I'm older, egg hunts are a little below me. I still miss them, but I don't feel like I'm missing out something fierce just because I don't participate in one. However, I feel like for me it's more about celebrating Jesus. And eating candy.

I mean, this holiday I feel like should be bigger than Christmas. Yes, Christmas is all fine and good and shouldn't be overlooked because it is a truly great thing to celebrate the birth of our Savior, but Easter! People, Easter is when we celebrate the reason that He was sent to us! His death on the cross and resurrection from the tomb three days later to save us from our sins! I feel like that message is somewhat lost.

The pastor today gave a good message about sinning and missing the mark but we are forgiven! And we are loved no matter what the circumstance, no matter how bad we mess up, or how low we think we've sunk, Jesus' love will always find us. But I feel like he just didn't really drive his message home, he would talk right up to the point and then stop short. I kept waiting for him to say "But He is RISEN! And we are FORGIVEN! Hallelujah! What a HAPPY DAY!" But he just never got that excited about it. I didn't feel like he really celebrated that awesome wonderful news.

Don't worry though, I got excited myself. Today was about celebration, and I celebrated by eating tootsie rolls and Reese's peanut butter eggs and treating myself to dinner tonight.

I'm not perfect, I don't try to be perfect, but I am forgiven and I am loved and my Savior has conquered the grave to live again! And what better news could you ask for?

A Full Heart

Do you know, there's just something about a good worship song. They're uplifting, they're inspiring, they find you right where you where you are, in whatever situation you're currently bound up in, and they say here I am! Pick me! I will hold your hand and love on you and put band-aids on your heart!

You want to dance and fall on your knees at the same time. You want to spin around the room and throw your hands up in the air and you want to cry and you want to laugh and smile and all these emotions just overwhelm you. Have you ever experienced that?

Lately I have added more worship/Christian songs to my musical magazine because they don't sing about boys liking girls, girls liking boys, girls or boys who have relationships while liking someone else, cheating, heartbreak, heartache, lovey dovey googly eyes where she does everything right and he couldn't love her more, or songs where he thinks he should have said this and should have done that in order to make her never want to leave.

I can't stand those songs anymore. There are too many memories there, too many emotions that I am unwilling to confront because it just rips open my slowly healing wound.

But turning on MercyMe, Paul Baloche, Chris Tomlin, Toby Mac, Todd Agnew, Newsboys, Phillips, Craig & Dean, The Imperials, you know, these songs are all about love of a heavenly sort, from a heavenly Father, who loves you no matter what you do, no matter what mistakes you've made. He will meet you wherever you are, He never moves. God is always constant.

He always makes sure that you are taken care of, there are always people around to help you out in the name of Jesus even if they don't even know God sent them to you - but you know. Yes you do. You just know. You prayed and prayed and talked to God and then this person appears, and you're like "Yes, Please! Thank you Jesus! You always got my back, bro!"

And he's all like "Ya Welcome, kiddo. I love you. XOXO"

Okay, maybe only in my mind he talks to me like that, but it doesn't matter because God is God and He is and was and forever will be my savior and my father and my God. No one is like him, no one can replace him and he will never forget me nor forsake me.

And to know that there is someone out there who will always be there with you no matter what is one of the most comforting things in the world.

There is this large misconception that once you love Jesus everything is peaches and cream and it's always easy all of the time, but that's not true. I have Jesus but I am in no way whatsoever perfect, nor is my life an easy road. But even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, my Jesus is there with me.

And folks, I just could not ask for more.