I Hate February

Have I ever told you how much I hate Valentine's Day? Prince and I never did anything big for it, and I really think it's kind of a pointless holiday.

And now, this month, I have no valentine.

Prince and I have decided that we need a month with no communication. No talking, no seeing each other. I believe with all my heart that we need to do this. We need to have our own lives apart from each other because while we were together everything was so wrapped up in everything else that we were no longer our own selves.

But as much as I believe that being apart will make us stronger people, it does not make me happy that this particular month of no contact has to fall right around Valentine's Day while everyone else is starry eyed and lovey dovey.

It hurts to look at all the red heart shaped balloons. All the candy and the cards. All the flowers. I've never received flowers. For anything. From anybody. I hoped this year maybe Prince would pull the stops and do something fun, but since what happened, that's not really an option.

It's been almost a week since we broke it off, and while Prince is outwardly alright, I feel like I'm struggling to do the same. It's up to me to just decide that I want to be over it - but I don't want to be at the same time that I do. I miss him a lot.

We talked yesterday for the last time until March 1st. He told me basically the same thing that everyone else has been saying. "It will be okay" "You're going to be fine" "It just takes time" "Go do stuff that you love!"

And everyone is right, you know. I will be okay. It is going to be fine. I just need time. But the whole doing stuff that I love to do is a hard one. Because what I love to do is be his girlfriend. I love that feeling of taking care of someone and having them take care of you. And when I go out and do fun things, I just wish that I could share all that fun with him and it makes me sad that he's not there.

Taking a month apart will be good in ways that I don't even know yet. But it will allow me to plan my life around things other than Prince Charming. It will allow me to make my own decisions and live my own life and see what God has planned for ME and just me and nobody else. And it is my sincerest wish that Prince Charming takes this month to do exactly the same thing - make his own decisions and live his own life and see what God has planned for HIM.

But as for Valentine's Day, I still don't want to see red heart shaped memorabilia in every store I walk into. Maybe that means I should just quit shopping.