going places

Today is really kind of the lamest day, if I'm being honest. The sky is grey and the ground is wet and I'm grumpy. And the library! It is the quietest, dudes. These ISAT tests, I tell you what. They kill. And it's only the second day. I have three whole weeks of this to look forward to!

The kids come in, find a computer, take a seat, and then read long passages to answer questions for 90 minutes and doesn't that just sound like the best of times? Standardized testing is probably the lamest. But still we go through it. Monotonous mouse clicking and all.

It's days like this where I miss being a college student the most. Grumpy days were meant to be spent on a couch with a blanket watching a movie. Ditching class so you didn't have to walk outside and get the bottoms of your pant legs soaked. Cuddling next to your boyfriend while the rain pelts the windows outside. I mean, that was the life, right?

I just need simple things to get me by.

Really what I wish for is summertime. To be outside. To have tanned skin. To run wild and free. Take deep breaths of fresh air. Splash in the lake. Lay on a towel. You guys, that is the life I dream of! I would love to move somewhere warm with palm trees. I would love to experience a new adventure in a different city. To have a good job that allows me to pay all my bills and travel every now and then. It's not far off, this life of mine, I can feel it.

You know, I was starting to feel trapped. I lost myself and I lost sight of how awesome life can really be. Unfortunately, I let myself get bogged down in pointless drama and anxiety over things that I really don't have any control of. I still haven't quite found myself again, you know, because I think that's a lifelong process. But I also think that I've made some progress.

The other day I was driving in my car on the way home from Moscow. This is always when I do my deep thinking, guys. I had been talking to TheBoy about the starting salary for teachers in Texas. It's so much higher than here in Idaho. And we kind of fancifully entertained the idea of moving there. I mean, that's when it hit me, you guys.

I've been saying it for a long time, but I'm just finally starting to realize it I think maybe. I can move anywhere. I can go to a different state and get a job and find an apartment and live there if I want to. There is nothing holding me back. If I want to move to California or Texas or even Italy, I could do it.

Probably I will work at the same school I'm at right now for another year before I try to transfer anywhere else. Not only will it be valuable experience and look good on a resume, but it will also let me grow in my profession with people who know me instead of having to forge relationships with new faculty right away. But then I can go wherever I feel like.

So I've been researching different job opportunities in different states. I've been looking at starting salaries. I've been scoping out apartment prices. It excites me. To know that I am qualified to do stuff and things beyond making coffee and that I am able to make a life for myself. I've always been so tied to school and assignments and goals that actual freedom was a little overwhelming. But I'm coming around. And I can do this.

You guys, I can so do this.