It All Comes To A Close

You know, when I was a freshman in college I wondered why I was here. What was I doing with my life? Why did I just rush off to a four year university when I had just spent 13 years in the public school system? I was crazy!

Absolutely nutso, that's for sure.

And then I did some serious soul searching, changed my major, and returned last fall with renewed motivation. I was worried that I would lose all my motivation this spring semester just like last year, but surprise, surprise I'm still here and I still love what I'm doing.

That must mean I'm in the right place, don'tcha think?

But something I know is also completely different from last year is that this semester just flew by. Flew. Right. On. By. And didn't even stop for tea and crumpets on the way out. Not that I drink tea and eat crumpets. At the same time. Well, okay, I do drink tea occasionally, but I've never had a real crumpet. I believe they are somewhat associated with biscuits and are more common in Europe than America, but don't quote me on that. I just stole the expression.

But honestly, coming back to the main subject, it's weird for me to think that next semester I will be a junior in college. I'll be that much closer to getting my degree and busting out of here to start a real job in the 'real' world. Because, you know, the world I'm in right now is fake.

No it's not.

Anyway, I'm just amazed that this year is over. In a couple days I'm headed back home and then I'll fly down to San Diego to see my oma and my cousin and when I get back I'm going to work at camp for the second year in a row.

If someone would have told me five years ago that today I would be in a healthy, steady relationship with attainable goals for my career future, I would probably have believed you.

I spent a lot of years wondering what it would be like to be a teenager. And then I turned 13 and thought "hey, this isn't all it's cracked up to be, and honestly not that different from 12." But then I got my license at 15 and I always thought high schoolers were older than they really are. I also used to believe they were more mature, and then I actually GOT to high school and let me tell you what a surprise that was.

You get into middle school and people are immature and you say "didn't we leave elementary school behind?" and then you get to high school and people are still immature and you wonder "didn't we graduate from middle school?" and then you graduate high school, move away to college and meet freshmen boys and say "didn't we leave high school behind?"

No. You didn't. It followed you. People will always be immature and I'm so tired of seeing facebook posts about how people should just grow up and act like the adults they should be. To you I say, don't hold your breath.

Anyway, here I am, 19 years old. The last of my teenage years, the ending of an era, the turning of a page and any other old cliche you can come up with. I'm in a good spot in life - but still wondering what it's like to be 20. To be 21. 22. Where will I be at 23?

Does the wondering ever stop?

Methinks I doth ponder too much.