So I'm still not feeling 100% normal. I don't know why. I was told that artists and writers feel things differently, and well, I guess I'm both of those. Plus I don't really think I'll feel 'better' until I get some closure. And memorial services equal closure right?
I spent today writing some poems that may or may not be read by me at the memorial service. I like the poems, I just don't feel like they're him. You know? Like they describe something just not what I want to describe. It's just weird to write about him as if he's not here. I know he's not here, but it still doesn't feel that way.
Last night Prince and LadiesMan went out for a 'guy's night' and I spent some time alone watching What Not To Wear re-runs on TLC. Not a super thrilling night and really I don't think it was a great thing for me to just be here by myself. But Zelda was home for the weekend and I really don't have any other friends here, so I managed.
But today I made it my turn to do something fun, so I drug the boys across town to a pottery shop. Its one of those places that have all these ceramics and you pick one out, paint it, they fire it in a kiln and you go back in a week to pick it up.
Super. Duper. Fun.
I painted a "Java Mug" blue with all the fruits of the spirit written on the side. On the handle I painted JFK for Gramps. I painted his initials in red.
Prince Charming painted a "Bhudda Box" but instead of painting it 'traditionally' he went with a crazy artistic interpretation and made him some sort of something-or-other with a red and black robe, chest hair and tattoos. Actually he was kinda cute looking. LadiesMan painted a snake in black and gold UI Vandal colors. Woot, woot! That's some school spirit right there, yo.
It was so much more fun than spending the day cooped up in a prison sized dorm room playing video games and surfing the web.
We got back to the dorm and found out that apparently LadiesMan's door was open the entire time we were gone. Nothing was missing, but ever since we got back he hasn't seemed fine. I wonder if the open door has anything to do with it or if he's just tired of being around Prince and me. That could very well be the case, we're around each other a lot.
A lot, a lot.
But Tuesday I'm leaving for the sudden SoCal trip and I'll get a big break from everything going on down here. Thank the good Lord too, because I really feel like I need it. I don't particularly like the reason I'm going down there, but I'm glad to get away from school. To maybe get some closure. To come back as more myself instead of this semi emotional crazy wreck I am right now.
There's a Clay Cafe in a city an hour from me, it's the same idea, you pick out something, paint it and then they put it in the kiln and you pick it up later. I love that place.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better after the memorial, and that it provides the closure you need.
I'm sorry you're not doing well. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. :/ It'll get easier with time.
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