Secrets

Everyone has them. Big ones, little ones, important ones, trivial ones, ones that could shatter your world and ones that mend it. Or any variation and combination of private nothings. Some people tell you they're an open book, while others hide their insecurities tucked deep inside that large barricade they've placed around their heart.

I'd like to think I'm an open book, but there are some things you just don't tell some people. "Hi, I'm Cinderella and I like to mock people who walk passed me on the sidewalk."

Because, you know, I do. Mock people. Sometimes if they walk funny I'll imitate the weird way their body swaggers down the street. If it's their voice that's ridiculous, I mimic the inflections of their vocal chords. Sometimes it's the sheer stupidity of the words they are uttering, and it's this option I have the most fun with. Because I will embellish on their valley girl accent, the way in which they have used the word 'like' like fifteen like times like in a row like, you know? Like. And then I flick my hair dramatically as if the subject they had been discussing was the only thing that mattered in their tiny little underdeveloped world.

Prince HATES it when I do this.

Hates.

He thinks it's rude.

And maybe sometimes he's right. Maybe.

But only maybe.

Because mimicking people is something I've been doing for a long, long time. I mean, I'm practically a professional. Besides, I believe that if you are going to speak to another human being and every other morpheme that comes from your lips is 'like' then even if you aren't completely brainless, people are going to assume that you are. So then, in my totally professional nature, I'm going to mimic your verbalization because I think you are insane.

But I'm not going to let you know outright that I'm poking fun at how you're acting. I can't let on to the fact that I think you are absurd, because that would most likely offend you even though I really don't mean any harm with my actions.

Another confession?

I'm glad it's Thursday and that school is almost out for a month. I'm especially excited to be traveling to the great SoCal for the event of that all too important HOLYday of CHRISTmas. Besides, I do love me some grandparent affection and being with family that I get to see once in a blue moon.

Oh wait, you want a confession that's more serious?

Like, the fact the feel like I don't even know my grandpa? Yeah, I've talked before about how my father's father is cursed with Parkinson's disease and how I kind of feel robbed that I never truly got to know him. But this really bothers me.

He has trouble talking. He has trouble walking. He doesn't do a lot of stuff that I hear my friends talk about doing with their grandfathers. And I feel robbed of a relationship that so many other people have been allowed to indulge in.

I also feel for my Oma. He's not the same guy she married all those long years ago. And this man, the father of my father, is not the same person he was when my dad was younger. So many things have changed. So many years have gone by in a way that no one wishes they would have proceeded. But what can you do? We can't rewind time. We can't go back to the way things were or how we think they should be now. We're stuck with the hand of cards that God dealt us.

What I have to look forward to, however, is the fact that I will get to know him better when we pass from this life to the next - the one in heaven shared in the glory of knowing our Holy Father also. Every time I think about how I don't know him, how it feels like I've never known him, I just think about heaven and how everything will be right there. I feel like that's a long way off in the distance, so I don't let myself think about it very often or for very long.

So what about you? Any confessions you'd like to share?