What even is blogging these days anyway? I mean, who even does that. Not me. Didn't you know? Because I am the worst at it apparently.
And you know what? I don't even have a good reason. Not a one. None. Nothing. Because I'm currently laid off while I wait for the photography season to pick back up and I have all the time in the world to write blog posts. Plus, I mean, with all this time I do lots of interesting things. Like watch stupid reality trash television like Dance Moms. Betcha never saw that one coming!
But in all seriousness, I have done some cool things. I mean, I've been watching a lot of Food Network shows, so I've really stepped up my game in the kitchen. I made lamb burgers with homemade tzaziki sauce and it was amazing. Recently, I've started using my croc pot as well to cook pork shoulders and it's been fantastic.
In addition to the trash TV and the food prep, I've been doing a lot of artwork as well. I've been creating all these custom mugs for my friends and family. (If you want one, email me!) And it would be great if I could turn it into a legitimate business, but that will take a lot of time to really take off enough to support me. I'm currently drawing up designs for mugs though, for local souvenir shops - just to get my name out there. Exciting!
I'm designing a new updated logo for the business my mom works for. It's been a lot of back and fourth and nothing is finalized yet, but we are getting close I think. I've spent a few hours working on the design and revitalizing the old one. Different shapes, different fonts, abbreviations or entire business names? It's really been a big journey. Actually, the experience is phenomenal and I would love to work with other businesses for logo designs, etc. This is the nerdy stuff I live for!
But if we're to take a break from my monotonous life update (that I know you are all SO THRILLED to be reading) I would have to tell you some other things and feelings I have about stuff.
Since I graduated from high school, it has been a lot of non-stop with classmates and friends getting engaged and married and popping out kiddos. And I've mostly (mostly!) been able to stomach it without too much constant jealousy of their impeccable diamond rings. Mostly. But recently I've found myself having to work harder and harder to stuff down the green monster.
It's not that I'm super stoked out of my mind for all my friends. Really, truly, honestly, I am beyond happy that their lives are going in that direction. It makes me believe in marriage and that people really do care about committing themselves to another person for the foreseeable future and beyond. In a culture that hates on marriage so much, to have my Facebook news feed constantly bombarded with so-and-so is engaged/married to so-and-so, it's really nice.
And on the other hand, my stomach sinks a little. I wish it was me. I wish it was me. When it really hit me hard was when one of my old students got engaged. That was the toughest one to get over. Because, why. Why? I have an amazing relationship with a phenomenal man who loves me an incredible amount. We have talked a lot about marriage and the future and our plans for life. We are a wonderful team and we balance each out very well.
So maybe that's what makes it so hard. The fact that I know it's coming but I don't know when. The fact that these girls (and guys!) don't have to wait any longer and I'm over here forced into continued patience. It stings a little, down deep in my soul, to see all those others flaunting their rings all over social media, while I'm still here bare handed.
It won't be forever. My time is coming. I know that. I'm just tired of waiting. So tired of waiting. And yet, I'll keep on waiting. As long as it takes. Impatience gets you nowhere and worrying does nothing to change a situation. But sometimes ya just gotta vent, amiright?
First of all, I love hearing your life updates. Never boring. And...expect an email from me.
ReplyDeleteAbout what this post is really about...I'm not sure what to say, because six weeks ago I felt the same way and hearing from a recently engaged friend would probably just have pissed me off. I don't know Nathan at all, but my best friend Cassidy reminded me that guys usually propose right around the time the girls are beginning to get mad and "despair." Somehow it just seems to work that way. Of course, like I said, it isn't like I'm trading on insider knowledge like Cassidy was.
I am impatient for you too. I'm not gonna lie, I've felt a breath of excitement every time I see a new Natventures post for about the last YEAR; I've instantly mentally mined the title to see the "I got engaged" meaning in it before I start reading. You and Nathan are my favorite couple.
But you guys have talked about it. Like you said, you know that you don't REALLY have anything to worry about. It is only a matter of When (which I think might be even more frustrating, so >.<). And when it happens one day, you'll smile and think "Oh, it's here. It happened. I got here." Whenever I feel like I absolutely can't wait for something, I remember how when an event finally arrives, I always feel sort of silly. Time passes--it always does--at the same rate. Of COURSE I made it. It always suddenly seems funny that I struggled so much to wait for it.
I don't know if this makes any sense at all, if it's something that only works in my head and can't be translated into the real world, but...I feel you. I really, really do.
~Stephanie
yay! i love emails! (also, i don't know which email address you have for me, but if you message me on FB i'll make sure you have the current one. unless by email you meant FB message, in which case, this sentence is moot!)
Deleteand i totally get what you are saying here. and nathan has remarked that 'soon' is when he'll be popping that little question - but you know, soon could be a week or a month or something. (which was exactly his point, the stinker.) plus, writing about it totally got it (sort of) out of my system, and i was able to relax a little bit after cranking out all those feels all over my blog.
i'm stoked out of my mind for you and gem though. seriously. and if you'd have asked me about it when the two of you first started dating, i would have guessed with 100% accuracy that this is where you two would end up :) it just felt so much different for me in the way you wrote about him vs past relationships. it's exciting, these times in our lives! i'm so glad we're still on this adventure together all these years later!! :)