Friday, August 22, 2014

THE SUMMER OF MY MOUTH + A REALLY DUMB VIDEO

This has been the summer of my mouth. The summer I turned ten was the summer of camping because we went every weekend. The first summer Nathan and I were dating was the summer of Moscow because I spent all my time there. But this year, summer has been all about the inside of my mouth. Specifically my tooth number ten.

When I was little and my mouth was still growing, I lost my baby tooth number ten and then eventually the one behind it. And when my adult teeth grew in, the one behind my number ten absolved almost all of the root that was holding Number Ten inside my mouth and shoved it out of the way.

When I was 13 I got braces to correct my smile line and we brought the unrooted number ten back to its rightful place in line with my other pearly whites. My orthodontist said at the time that I'd eventually have to have a false tooth put in Ten's place once I was older but that we needed to keep my real tooth in my mouth as long as we could.

We held Ten in my mouth with a wired permanent retainer which was its own barrel of fun for ten years. I couldn't eat corn on the cob or apples whole. I wasn't supposed to eat ribs off the bone, you know, all the fun foods. And I mostly obeyed those laws most of the time.

Recently I'd noticed my little number ten had become more mobile and also that he (she?) would complain if I ate or drank something too hot or too cold. And I knew it was time to evict my poor little rootless Ten.

I had a consultation with an oral surgeon a month ago and he partnered with my dentist to get me all set up. I had X-rays and scans done and I got four cavities filled before I actually had the implant surgery the morning of Tuesday, August 19th.

That was the last day that Ten and I were together.

They sent me home with a pink silicone bandage around my gum where my tooth had been. And then Nathan bought me a huckleberry milkshake and made sure I was still breathing while I slept for something like five hours on the couch after I got home. And then I drunk dialed Joel which I only vaguely remember doing.

The dentist hooked me up with a flipper (a retainer with a false tooth on it) while we are waiting for my implant post to heal. In four months I can have a crown put in and then my smile will be fixed for good.

It sounds so silly, but until I got the flipper fixed I felt like I was probably the epitome of ugly. I had left over fever blister dry skin patch by the corner of my mouth, a couple stress induced pimples on my chin, and I was missing a tooth. To me, I looked like a hillbilly. To everyone else, apparently, I just looked like a six year old who's body was just too big. Think of it kind of like the movie Jack with Robin Williams.

I still feel a little weird with the flipper. It's difficult to eat with it in and when I talk I sound as if I'm hearing impaired. Several customers last night at work made sure to look directly at me and enunciate all of their words clearly while speaking to me. I joked that I should sign when I'm talking and just really sell it.

In order to further illustrate how my enunciation has changed, I just spent the last hour and half trying to film a stupid little video for you guys. It probably took me 100 takes and I still think I ramble too much and honestly, I'm not sure if I say anything really important but whatever. I also changed my outfit three times before I settled on this final video that I'm still not sure I'm happy with. But at least you get to hear me talk, so that's something?

Videos are dumb, but enjoy it anyway ;)


Monday, August 4, 2014

WAITING

All my life I have been waiting for the next big thing. I have heard from numerous people that waiting for saturday, or summer, or next year so my life will actually start is the wrong way to go about it, because, hello, life has already started. I'm already living it. And you know what? I always knew they were right, but I still kept waiting.

This year my word of focus has been "authentic" and when I chose that word, I wasn't quite sure what was going to happen. I sort of knew what direction I wanted to take with that, but at the same time I wasn't sure how "authenticity" was going to present itself.

I believe that being present in your moments is the best thing you can do for yourself - and yet I would still find myself waiting for something to change in order for me to be who I am. When I was a child I kept waiting to be an adult. When I was in college I kept waiting for next year, or for graduation, or for my new job to start. I kept wondering when I was actually just going to be myself and be living my life. I kept focusing on the next and not the now, and what I realized is that it makes it hard to be present in my moments. It makes it hard for me to be myself.

Last summer I had a brief epiphany while standing in the Albertson's building on the University of Idaho campus, which apparently I worded all wrong and made my dad think I was going to quit trying to be a teacher and move back to Moscow for school which wasn't really my intention at all.

And then, this year I lost my position as an art teacher due to budget cuts and there I was, feeling a little directionless and also, waiting. I was having a total identity crisis - like, who even do I think I am, if I'm not a teacher?

I'm not sure when it started to click for me, but I'm beginning to see that THIS IS MY LIFE. You guys, I'm already here. I'm already in it. I don't know how to say in more words that this is it. And I'm not upset about it. I'll find more employment. I'll continue to grow as a person, in my faith, in my relationships.

I work as a night manager at a restaurant and I do odd art jobs for people and businesses. Speaking of which, telling people that yes, I'm the artist, will probably never not be weird. And at the same time, I absolutely love it. Yes, I am the artist. I feel the most at home when I am creating something.

So, I think that authenticity word is actually coming to fruition this year. I am living more in my moments - while still maintaining a healthy dose of concern for the future. I used to live only for the weekends, but now I think it's okay that it's Monday or Tuesday. Does that make any sense?

Maybe this has something to do with the fact that it's also summer time and that helps. It's weird to not be starting to gear up for the fall, no classes to take or to teach. It's just like, here is life. Go and live it.

And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

///

I worked as an artist for a local business this past weekend. I've never done a commercial piece of art before but I have to tell you, after this experience, I definitely want to do more. So, from start to finish this was probably a good 20 hours worth of work and at the end of it my arms and upper torso were so sore and the tips of my fingers had indents in them from holding the chalk - but it was totally worth it.

concept sketch using chalk pastel on paper 


 concept sketches of sizes and colors. 



the finished product! (the in-between photos are still on my phone and i'm too lazy to pull them off)
(hashtag sorry not sorry)

and now, detail shots!





i'm particularly proud of this beet.




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