Natventures: life as i know it

It's spirit week here in high school again in preparation for a big rivalry basketball game. So far we have had Ugly Sweater Day, Toga Day (I politely declined from participating in dressing in bed sheets), Color Day (I wore blue...shocker) and Disney Day (gypsy Esmeralda!). Tomorrow is Green and Gold Day because those are our school colors. A massive pep assembly is in store, followed by the girls and boys b-ball games in the evening.

Cross your fingers that the weather doesn't interfere.

We got what I want to say is around 5 inches of snow fall last night. The roads were white on my drive to work this morning and the snow was still falling from the sky. It's grey out here in the pacific northwest - grey and gloomy and dead. TheBoy is in Puerto Rico on vacation and has been taunting me with pictures of warm sunsets and stories of snorkeling with giant sea turtles. I try not to be too jealous or miss him too much, but sometimes that can't be helped.

As I was driving through the snowy terrain this morning, I couldn't believe all the things going on in my life. I still have trouble feeling like I'm headed to work, you know? It just doesn't feel like this is my job... They actually pay me to show up everyday, and wow! I lucked out in that department.

I play volleyball during first lunch, hang out with some awesome upper class-men in second lunch and spend some quiet time in the library the rest of the day. It's nice to not have homework or tests or an impending sense of the coming semester.

Although sometimes I kind of miss all the fuss of being an actual college student. I looked at my degree audit online to see what classes I would need to take in order to graduate with BFA and it's three classes. Senior Thesis, Senior Studio and New Media. That's it. Maybe someday I'll go back and get that, but for now I'm going to try and enjoy my time just working.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately I'm not sure, I have been very goal oriented - always thinking of what's next, what happens when this is over, and where do I go from here? I've never really learned how to enjoy exactly where I am and who I am at this very moment.

To not be constantly thinking of the future is a weird and slightly uncomfortable thing for me to deal with. But there's a lot of pressure to do more, to be bigger, to take that next step. Sometimes I feel like I'm stepping and I don't know exactly where my foot is going to land. I'm holding my breath that everything will just fit into place right where I need it to. So far that has worked for me, but you never know.

And then there's this whole business of stepping off of a cliff thinking you're going to set foot in one area but you actually land in a completely different part. Like how I told myself that after I graduated I was going to take a year off. Work a mindless job. Travel. Move back to Moscow with TLily and hang out with my friends. Then the library changed that idea right around and now I'm finishing out the school year at the high school until June.

From there I don't know what will happen to me, but I'd like to move back down with TLily and be closer to TheBoy also. Long distance is the worst.