is it really my senior year already?

I am heading into my senior year of college - a thing that as a freshmen I never believed was possible. I started college at the ripe old age of 17, just shy of three months after I graduated high school. I was nervous and excited and a little bit scared. I wanted to be a dietitian and teach people about proper nutrition. I wanted to be completely fantastic and do all sorts of crazy things during my college years.

Everybody told me that I would love college, but you know what? I didn't love college. Oh sure, I loved being out of the house and away from my parents. I loved being able to make my own decisions and go to the grocery store at 4 in the morning just because I felt like it. I lived for chocolate muffins, fresh strawberries, and whipped cream.

I flirted with my RA. I pierced my nose. I put the moves on PC at a Halloween party. I fought with my best friend and moved out of our dorm room. I came home for a weekend and didn't tell my parents. I built lasting relationships with wonderful friends. I decided that my major sucked and I heavily reevaluated my motives for even being in school. Because let's be honest, my GPA was in the toilet and I hated basically all my classes.

And then sophomore year completely changed me. I had a new major. I had a boyfriend. I loved every single class I was in except one. I worked my butt off to pull my GPA back up where it needed to be. I felt invincible. I felt like I could take on the world. I felt like I could actually tackle this whole college thing and come out on top. My attitude did a complete 180 and I got right back on track.

My junior year? Well that was probably the worst year of my life. My classes were fine. My grades were acceptable. Emotionally, I was a derailed train wreck for a majority of both semesters. I was up one day and then down for the next week. I had to work to convince myself to get out of bed in the morning, and sometimes I just refused to listen to myself. I was my own worst enemy and I didn't listen to what other people had to say. I knew they were right. I knew I should listen, but sometimes you just have to figure things out for yourself and it has to be you that comes to the decision.

But this year is going to be different. I have friends that are going to be there for me through thick or thin whether I want them there or not. I have a new boyfriend, who is so different from PC in basically every way. It's time for me to grow up. It's time for me to take charge. I have been wallowing and weeping far too long for the wrong reasons. My life is so much more than that.

This year I am going to be the busiest I have ever been. I have five classes, a practicum assignment, a TA job, and I'm still working as a barista.

Sometimes I wish I was wittier and prettier and skinnier and funnier. Sometimes I wish I could go back and make different decisions. And then I remember that I don't need to worry about all those big things because no one can be me better than I can. I am witty and pretty and skinny and funny and a whole bunch of other awesome adjectives too.

My senior year starts on Monday. I am going to make it my best year yet, and after a year like last year, I totally deserve it.