Saturday, February 12, 2011

Wrong Baby, Wrong Baby, Wrong

To be completely honest, I really don't know what to write about. I haven't really done much worth mentioning. 

I got my hair cut a little over a week ago. 

And then the next night I went out to dinner with some girl friends.

And today, I've been hanging out in my room watching MTV reality shows online to pass the time.

I've been eating macaroni and cheese. And I want some guacamole. 

I'm down to 145 lbs, which I haven't been since senior year of high school. 

I found new music, and made a new playlist for my iPod. I went through the music that I didn't associate with Prince Charming, and I forgot how much good stuff I had! 

I started working out with a relatively new friend, and I love, love, love it. 

I'm still figuring out how to move on. I still have days where I'm miserable, but I have good days too. I guess it's all part of the process.

I miss a lot of things with Prince Charming. And I keep telling myself that this time apart from him is good for me. For him. For us. But that doesn't really make me like it anymore. I know that this is just a storm in my life, and I have to let God work.

I keep praying that God will help change my mentality towards this situation, to allow for Him to use it to help me grow, and I also pray that He is working in Prince's life. I don't know if we'll be apart from each other forever, but I know that as of right now that's something that I don't want.

I don't want to jump right back into a relationship with Prince, but at the same time I find that it's really difficult to move on. My dad doesn't want me to wallow. He was ready to come down and have a heart to heart the week after when I was still feeling crummy.

I'm not going to be over it in a week.

I really don't think I'll honestly ever be completely over it.

But someday I might feel better about it.

I just don't know. I mean, this is one of the toughest things I've gone through in life, and it used to be that when I went through tough times I had my parents around me, and then when I didn't have them anymore I had Prince. And right, I have neither. Well, I have my parents, but I don't have someone to hold me when I get upset. I have to learn to be a big girl and stand on my own two feet and help myself and rely on Jesus more than anything.

It's a period of growth for me.

But I don't think that means that maybe someday in the future Prince won't be the right guy for me. Both times we have been separated, I have been miserable. I never feel like I'm better off without him. I know Prince has said things and done things that he shouldn't have, and I know we both have a lot of growing up to do, but I think maybe someday we can make it work.

At least, I hope maybe someday we can make it work.

But as of right now I have to put it in God's hands, and I have to trust Him because He knows what's best for me. Even though right now I can't see it, and I certainly don't feel like there is anyone out there that can ever take the place of Prince, I have to figure out how to learn to relax. I have to learn to take it one day at a time. My feelings right now might not be my feelings in a month, but only time will tell.

I actually listened to the words of this song for the first time today, and I really appreciated the message, even though I don't think Prince is long gone...


  1. Wouldn't it be lovely if life was easy? But I suppose, where's the interest in that?

    I hope you feel better soon love. :)

  2. Believe me when I say you're getting there. Each time I read the things you have to say or read a Facebook status, I can see the slight change. It's slow, but it's happening. You are getting stronger, and less reliant on him.

    Keep it up!

  3. Love the new haircut! Martina McBride music rocks too!


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