YEAH...SO THERE'S THAT

So, sometimes super ridiculous things happen and then I have to write 8 bajillion blog posts before I come up with one actually worth publishing. I mean, creative process and all. You can't rush art, is what. At least, I suppose that's what.

Well, to start off, I should say that a short while ago I was alerted to the fact that the school I work at was cutting the budget for the art department and going down to one full time position. They were just going to open up that position to me and the other art teacher to keep it all fair. And so then on Monday I had a really quick six question what's your vision for the future of the program kind of interview and on Wednesday I found out that they picked not-me.

So.

My brain kind of tumbled around in my head and water leaked out of my eyes for a couple days afterwards. I mean, I felt like someone had just broken up with me! This future of art works and students and grading and making that danged art room as cool as I possibly could were just shattered in about a five second span and one awful sentence, "Natalie, I'm afraid it's bad news..." Well, shoot.

I just got real mopey, and I mean look, yes, I kind of hated my job some days, so maybe it's kind of a relief that I don't have to go back next year? But then also it takes three years, three real hard years of your life to actually fall in love with teaching. I wasn't ready to give up yet. I mean, not that this necessitates giving up, but it's gonna be a lot harder for me to find another teaching job now. It would have been easier for the other teacher, since you know, more experience and all. But this is life, and since when does life do the things you want it to? Right.

Yesterday afternoon my roommate and I palled around town and I guess that was just exactly what I needed to start to feel better about this whole being jobless and without a paycheck at the end of the summer thing. We made appointments to get tattoos. Well, I'm getting my shoulder tattoo fixed and Kelsey is getting her own first tattoo and things! It's super exciting!

And then we stole delicious chocolate chip cookies from her aunt before going to the Fisherman's Market for dinner. I've never eaten at the Fisherman's Market before but Kelsey told me she'd heard the fish and chips were really good, so naturally we both ordered the same thing. Except she got salmon and I got mahi-mahi and we both got four different dipping sauces. And then we traded fish because, let me just say that we both love salmon and all but hey, salmon was not made for fish sticks, fyi.

Plus, the weather yesterday was exactly what the beginning of summertime is all about. Kelsey put a blanket down out on our porch and I just kind of laid there talking to her while she started painting a lawn ornament for her mom. It was probably the best ending to that day I could imagine. I mean, just saying.

Also, today is Friday so hooray for the weekend! And since Memorial Day is a thing, that means no school on Monday. Hello long lazy weekend made out of awesome and win and all that good stuff. So maybe even though things are kind of sucky, there is still that silver lining.

I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future and since this is real life and all, let the adventures continue. Maybe I'll go sideways or backward, but eventually I'll go forward again and really, I'm trying not to be too worried about it. There are two weeks left of school and I'm gonna enjoy the crap out of them. It's gonna be a thing.

SUNFLOWERS AND SPRING TIME AND QUESTIONS

Sweet Alana has nominated me for an award, guys. That's pretty cool stuff around here, you know. So, sunflower award...right? It's kind of like the Liebster award but without as many rules. You know the drill, 11 facts, answer the questions, nominate the bloggers you love and then ask them seven questions. It's really a fun little game, but I'm warning you in advance that I'm not nominating anyone. 

First, the people that I would nominate have already been, so. Redundancy. And second, I'm lazy. Ergo, no nominees. But I will open it up to the public - if you feel like it, then answer the (probably) random questions I'll spout off without thinking at the end of the post. Enjoy!

The Facts:

1) I'm a high school art teacher. This blows peoples' minds because I look like I'm about 17 or 18 years old myself. 

2) My favorite color is blue. (Does this even count? It's so simple...but yeah. I'm gonna make it count. It's a thing and it's about me soooo.)

3) I feel very strongly that having to come up with 11 things about myself that aren't already appearing on this blog ad nauseam is maybe harder than it should be...

4) I'm learning to hula dance with my mom and sister. Remembering the steps and getting the correct form are the biggest obstacles for me. It's been a long time since I learned a routine for anything (gymnastics) so I'm really out of practice. But this has so far been one of the funnest things I've learned to do. 

5) It's hard for me not to take it personally when someone corrects me in front of other people. Like learning to hula - when my mistakes get pointed out I get a little defensive about it and I have to remind myself that it's really alright and they're not picking on me. 

6) Personal space invasion is maybe what you would call my biggest pet peeve. Do not pop my bubble without permission or I may hurt you. Just kidding, I'll just be super tense while we're interacting and then as soon as you back up I'll relax a little bit. 

7) I lose myself every winter. It's like I can't figure out who I am anymore once the sunshine disappears. I have only noticed this recently, but I went back and read some of my old journals and whenever I find entries where I'm transitioning back into spring and summer, I always talk about how much more I feel like myself and I remember who I am. 

8) My dream job is to travel the earth and write articles about my experiences, including photos, and publish them on a travel website (so they can pay me and I can keep traveling). I'd also like to teach art at a community center or out of my house so that my students will consist of people that mostly actually want to be there, not have to be there. 

9) Sometimes I really miss being a barista. Free coffee tastes better. 

10) I have some of the worst cabin fever I think I've ever experienced. I am so beyond ready for it to be summertime that it's not even funny. So many cool things are happening this summer! I can't wait!

11) Perspective is important. I get bogged down in the monotony of routine and I often forget that this is life. This is just what I do, day by day. I don't need to be in a hurry. I don't need to worry about what's happening in the next ten minutes, per se, but just to be myself in this moment that I am in now. I feel like I'm in hyperdrive or autopilot occasionally and I have to take a step back and remember that life is a lot simpler than I imagine it at times. The sun is still going to rise in the east and set in the west. Time will pass whether I'm paying attention or not and I can't just sit here and watch my life go by while I'm constantly waiting for tomorrow. Tomorrow will never come, as they say, we only have today. 

The Questions:

1)What's a musical instrument that you've always wanted to learn how to play, but haven't yet? 

I would love to the learn the drums because I seriously love how they sound. I just haven't had the means or the time to put in any effort. Plus, I always get nervous about messing up so I tend to shy away from any opportunities for fear of immanent judgement. 

2)If you could live inside the world of your favorite book, what would it be?

Well, this is probably one of the toughest questions in the history of ever. I really, really enjoy the Hunger Games but I don't think I would want to live inside Panem. I just read a book about a woman who lived in Tuscany, and that just made me want to move to Italy with all the parts of my being. So, Italy it is then? Sure. 

3) What was your favorite thing to play with when you were little?

I played a lot with my stuffed animals when I was little. I had barbies and polly pockets that I would play with too, but the stuffed animals and beanie babies were my favorite. 

4) If you could decide what the weather was like all the time, what would it be?

Sunny and about 80 degrees with some fantastic thunder and lightning storms. Easy. 

5)If you had to chose between being a wife/mother and being a career woman, what would you chose?

Speaking as a woman who doesn't necessarily feel called to be a mother, I don't feel like that's something I would choose. On the flip side of that, I don't think it means that I want to be a career woman either. I'd rather just travel around the world with Nathan and get paid for it. 

6)What's your biggest regret?

I feel like anyone who reads my blog would already know this - because I've talked about it quite a bit. I don't regret dating Matt - that experience helped show me what I wanted out of a relationship and how I needed to be treated in order to be happy with another person who shares my life. What I do regret is holding on so tight and so long after it was so blatantly over. I kept thinking that I could "fix" it, that I could make it work out how I wanted it to and that Matt would come back to me and love me forever and it took something major to make me move forward from that. But the thing of it was that I'd never broken up with anyone before - I mean, not really. So I just plain didn't know how to let someone go. I'm so glad I eventually figured it out because Nathan is so worth it, but I wish it hadn't taken me so darn long. 

7)Who is your hero and why? What could you do to make yourself more like that person?

I don't know if I could pick, but gun to my head, most likely I would choose my mom. She's pretty rad and she knows basically everything. Her and my dad make a great pair and I'm pretty lucky to have them as my parents. In order to be more like her I would just have to be the most awesome person ever. She's selfless, loving, caring, maternal, wise, and wonderful. And she raised four kids. And one of those kids was me, so.

My Questions (for those interested):

1) I love to hear new music. What's your favorite song right now? 

2) Favorite place you've ever traveled and why? 

3) Who is your favorite artist? (fine arts, modern arts, performing arts, musical arts, whatever)

4) Favorite blog that you love to read? 

5) Who was/is your favorite teacher? What about them do you love? 

6) What is the top thing on your bucket list? (I know we all have bucket lists, don't try to lie about it.)

7) If you could have any job in the world, what would it be? 

HAPPY WEEKEND

I love when new people come to Coeur d'Alene and I get to show them the cool stuff around my city. I grew up in Hayden, technically. Which is sort of like telling people you're from Seattle when you live in Kirkland. It's all the pacific northwest, but to outsiders Hayden and Coeur d'Alene are the same place - at least according to Nathan, who is apparently an authority on the subject.

Anyway, the two of us got to play tour guides of sorts for his grandparents this weekend. We took them to some great restaurants with some beautiful views - because if there's one thing Coeur d'Alene is not short on, it's them views. Lakes and mountains and pine trees and the forest is right in the middle of town - I mean, this is a dream world, people. 

Friday night we went to Dockside, which is hidden in a back corner of the resort and it over looks the marina. Nathan's grandma had never tasted huckleberries, which are basically the best berry you could ever eat in your life, so naturally that needed to be remedied. We ordered the huckleberry cobbler for dessert and it was ah-mazing.

Saturday Nathan and I drove out to a little tiny town an hour away to help celebrate my friend Joel's daughter's birthday. Joel, in all his expert communicator glory, did not relay the information that I would be in attendance so upon my arrival the kids ran out of the house and Jack jumped into my arms for the biggest hug I think you could get from a six year old. Which, that just made the whole drive out there worth it. Good gravy I love that family. Sheeeeesh. 

We met back up with the grandparents for another dinner with a gorgeous view at Tony's On The Lake. Nathan and I discovered it on a late night adventure last summer and he's basically been dying to go back ever since. And then we stood outside to take our picture with this giant bridge in the background because we are the coolest. 

And then, to round out our incredible dining experience, we hit up Le Peep (my favorite restaurant!) for lunch Sunday afternoon before we hugged and kissed goodbye. I love Le Peep, but I did not want to go. I was not ready to say adios to that Nathan kid. Sometimes these weekends with him just feel like a giant wonderful dream and then I have to wake up to a harsh reality that he lives two hours away. Sad face. 

All in all, it was a good weekend with great company and delicious food. Just come back already, Nathan. ♥

QUIET POWER

This is why I don't appreciate people telling me that I need to learn how to be more outgoing, or to be more comfortable talking to people. This is why I am an advocate for being yourself and allowing yourself to feel alright with being an introvert. The world isn't always right. The world doesn't always know what's best.

And if it weren't for both intro and extroverts, we wouldn't have Apple computers. Just let that sink in for a moment.