bow-ties are cool

Hi.

It seems I don't know how to blog anymore. And leaving comments? Dudes, I'm so bad at it. Between student teaching and heading to Moscow to visit that one boy, it's like I don't even know what to say anymore. 

So I'll try and give you the skinny about everything. It could be long, so take a deep breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth. You know the drill. 

But first! My seester! She is the best, right? I mean, really. 

And now, the stuff. And things. 

Navigating the rough waters of student teaching is proving to not be as difficult as I had originally thought. At first I was like "all my students want to be here! yes! best semester ever!" And then I started teaching lessons. And then I started pushing students to work harder, to give it their best shot. Use the wooden pencil instead of the mechanical. Add value because this is not just a line drawing! 

And I encountered some resistance. Which at first I was like *blink*blink* lol, whut? What is this madness? I kind of wanted to cry a little bit because I felt kind of like I'd failed, and then I mentally kicked myself. I went back over to his table and tried to explain it a little differently to see if maybe I could change his mind? But then when my mentor teacher told him the same thing today that I had told him on Friday and he gave her the same attitude, I didn't feel so bad. 

I knew I was going to be blessed with these sweet moments. However, they still catch you a little off guard at first. Maybe he will like the next project? We'll see. 

Moving right along, you'll notice the walls of my room have changed color. That is because I spent a week painting. It was a long and involved process consisting of multiple trips to the paint department at Home Depot and developing a great relationship with a certain employee who was more than helpful and deserves a plethora of gold stars and awards. Phew, that was a long sentence. I'm glad you made it through. But seriously? I feel like painting took forever and I'm glad it's over. 

I might enjoy oils and watercolors, but friends, interior paint and I do not really get along all that well. I mean, let's be honest here. There's just too much to think about and it all has to be even. Although, as long as we're being honest, I did enjoy strategically placing hand prints on my sister's shirt and the fact that I still find flecks of teal paint in my hair. It's what all the cool kids are wearing, right? 

And then there's the boy. He's good. I'm good. We're good. Long distance sucks. We had to keep posing for this picture until we got it just right. It took like four or five tries. Not that I'm complaining...duhh :)

The upside to getting up early in the morning is that I get to see skies like this. I actually really enjoy being a morning person, I have so many hours in the day to do things! It's exciting! Even though it's not always easy to drag myself out of bed, I'm always glad when I do. 

Ultimately I'd like to wake up early enough to work out before I shower and get ready, but I'm not quite there yet. It would take an extra hour, so my plan is to build up to that. Well, that's the plan anyway. I mean, I have my own room now, remember? So I can totally work out in the mornings if I just find the time...which is really the only problem. Excuses, excuses. Right. 

This week is spirit week for homecoming on Saturday! What up! So I played dress up tonight with my mom's closet. I feel obligated to inform you that sadly she no longer wears this awesome 80s outfit, but she almost convinced me to wear it on Wednesday for decade day. I have opted to go with something a little more subtle than this rad red outfit with the complimentary bow-tie. Although, I make it look good. You have to admit it. 

Okay, not really. But seriously. 

Bow-ties? 

They rock my socks. 

insecurities

Guess where I am?! Sitting in my room on my bed. That's not terribly fantastic or exciting, I know. At least not to you, but dudes? It has been three months since I've had a space to call my own and I forgot how awesome it feels. No longer am I trying to remember which room did I put that in? And is that out in the shed or not? Do I need to dig through this box or that one? It is greater than sliced bread, I tell you! Sliced bread!!

My teal walls are just lovely and even though I'm back to sleeping on a twin sized mattress, I've never been happier to have my own space. The introvert inside of me died and went to heaven. I mean it too. That chick flat died.

I got home from my trip to Moscow yesterday and found my newly painted bedroom to be occupied by my absolutely adorable great aunt and her friend. I had planned to sleep on the couch downstairs for the night, but that little introvert kicked and screamed and I decided it would be a good idea to crash in the trailer. Where I promptly fell asleep before ten o'clock and everyone was shocked.

But here I am talking about my awesome new digs when what I really want to talk about is TheBoy. I just don't know how to do that and I'm covering with writing about how exciting my room is. And even though it is terribly riveting, my mind is elsewhere. I mean, I have so many questions and worries and things and stuff, but spilling it all out is...well, I mean who do I spill it all out to? And then it just rolls around in my head for days.

To put it bluntly, I wonder do I introduce him to people as my boyfriend? I mean, he never actually asked me if that's what I wanted him to be. We just gradually got closer and closer and other people started calling me his girlfriend before I knew whether or not that was what we were? If that makes sense? And also my Facebook still says I'm single.

And if we're honest, that though right there bugs me. Because, but why should Facebook even matter? Although in today's day and age making your relationship 'Facebook official' is the equivalent to getting 'pinned' back in the day. But it just causes me to wonder, you know, why do I feel the need to validate how I feel about this boy through social media?

But then how do I feel about this boy, exactly? I like him. Actually, I really like him. Which makes me nervous and I'm constantly trying to figure out if I like him too much? Maybe? I mean, I'm not sure how much he likes me and what if I like him more and is that okay? Would that scare him away? And if it would, then obviously this isn't meant to work out because if he really likes me too then it won't matter. Right? But how do you ask someone that? I have no idea how to bring this stuff up in conversation and even in the blog post that transition was anything but smooth. Don't deny it. You're just reading along to see how much crazy this post actually contains.

I think I'm starting to sound insecure, but I'm trying not to be. I'm also trying not to be vulnerable at the same time though. What if he hurts me? I'm petrified that I'm going to get my heart broken again, so I think to myself the less attached I am, the less I'll be hurt if this ends. SVI and I were so not serious that I kind of forgot what it was like to really like someone and how scary it is to trust that person with a really intimate piece of you. TheBoy could easily destroy me and that freaks me out. I don't want to let someone else be in control and if I just don't let my guard down then that can't happen, right?

At the risk of sounding needy or clingy though, I keep all this stuff inside. Seeing it all in writing is weird, like I imagine speaking it aloud would be even weirder. I wonder if it's normal to have all these questions and will people judge me if they know what goes on in my head? I tend not to speak about these kinds of things because I hate being analyzed.

I just want to be that girl who's got it all together and nothing gets under her skin. But I think that's impossible.

because you needed to know

Student teaching is amazing. I can co-teach with a very capable woman, who I am coming to appreciate more and more each day I spend with her, and I can manage the classroom and be an authority figure as well. I have to admit that it was definitely weird at first not being called Natalie but instead Miss Mylastname.

My students are fantastic. I don't have any real trouble causers, but I do have some students that require way more attention than other students. Which will definitely always be the case as long as I'm involved in any sort of classroom. And honestly? Even though it's incredibly satisfying to watch any of my students 'get it,' it's way more fulfilling when you have worked long hours with a student and you see that click. That beautiful little 'aha' moment when the gears turn in their brains and you watch them put pencil to paper or hand to clay in a way that they haven't before.

This semester is only a couple weeks long, but already it is proving to be one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had. I'm making connections with my students and getting more involved in their projects, as well as their lives. I definitely see students from a different perspective since I'm not one anymore. Well, a high school student anyway.

And while things in the academic world are going well, things in the home life aren't too shabby either. We're painting TheKeeper's old room so I can move into that and give my parents their bedroom back. We decided to go with teal, and even though that was an endeavor all it's own, it looks like that's finally getting wrapped up. After a trip to Moscow this weekend to see TheBestFriend and TheBoy I'll get to move my furniture into the freshly painted one and finally (finally!) be able to settle in to my house.

And since I mention TheBoy, can I just show you how awesome he is?

I came home from school and found these beautiful flowers on my kitchen table. I almost died. That kid makes my heart melt. I had to call TigerLily and show her because those flowers! They are the best. And I knew she was probably the only other person who would understand just how much I loved those pink oriental lilies. I mean, I practically melted into a puddle on the floor. Best surprise ever.

I'm The Student Teacher

Student teaching is an interesting experience. In all honesty, I actually really love teaching. I'm a mix of nervous and excited for the rest of the semester and I'm ready for routine to settle in. Five minute warm up drawings, different projects, different problems, different solutions. High school is so different from the other side of the fence.

It brings back a lot of memories, mostly because high school really wasn't all that long ago for me in the grand scheme of life. Four years, that's all. There are still the skinny cheerleaders, giant jocks, goths, nerds, hipsters, etc, that existed when I roamed the halls of my upper level education facility. But now I look at them through different lenses. I'm not looking to be their friend, per se. It's a fine line between being their friend and their teacher. You want to be strict, but not too much. You want to be nice, but not let them take advantage of you.

Everyone keeps telling me not to smile until midterms. Be serious. Make them understand that you respect them so they should respect you and all the rules and procedures that you have put into place. And then once you've developed that wonderful relationship, you can relax a little bit.

Truthfully this whole endeavor has just made me want my own classroom with the freedom to make my own rules and teach my own classes. But I'm not quite ready for that yet. I'm transitioning into that world - you know the one - the adult world.

Next year I could potentially be working as an art teacher at the school in which I am now currently student teaching, and if that were to happen I would be beyond happy. Not only would this be my first "big person" job (haha) but I would also have a salaried position and benefits. From a minimum wage job to one with a yearly salary? It kind of blows my mind.

Wow.

You think after you graduate high school that you are headed into the real world and nothing will ever be the same again, and while that is partly true (the things not staying the same bit) the real world doesn't really start until you graduate college. But really, it doesn't seem like it's going to be that bad of a place.

And really? I'm just kind of ready to be there already. It's really too bad you don't get paid to student teach. I like only having one job. It's nice.