Alone Time

Today I flipped my painting upside down. And then I made a business logo in Adobe Illustrator using a tape measure and the letter D for inspiration. After that someone very important picked me up from school and bought me subway because he is awesome and shall someday be introduced to blogworld (but not quite yet).

And then I came home and watched Gilmore Girls for 5 hours with my roommate.

Gilmore Girls is a show I used to watch with my mother at random times of the day whenever we would catch repeats of old shows. I loved the wittiness of the writing. I loved the bond between Lorelei and Rory. I loved the drama and the little traditions and the way their crazy town worked. I loved the characters and the stories. And Zelda owns all of the seasons, so I have been watching them with our other roommate for hours on end.

But around the end of the fifth hour of being completely engulfed in GilmoreLand, I needed a change of scenery. I have been surrounded by people all weekend and all day today. It seems as though I hardly get any alone time at all lately, and my brain was starting to melt. Plus, I've just not really been feeling like myself lately.

I disappeared from the living room for a bit, took a shower, played a card game on my phone, and laid in my bed in the dark admiring my five dollar glow in the dark skull rubber bracelet. But as I lay in the blackness of my bedroom I was overwhelmed with this crazy need to do something spontaneous. Have you ever felt that way? Like if you don't get up and move you'll just explode?

So I got dressed. In jeans. And I put on my makeup and I texted my somebody-very-important that I was about to embark on an adventure and he could come with me or forever hold his peace. Well, I decided he would hold his peace when I became impatient for him to answer me. I briefly pondered just leaving my phone in my room and taking advantage of being completely by myself, but then I decided that wouldn't be a very good idea after all.

Fifteen minutes later I found myself in the WalMart parking lot in Pullman, eight miles away from where my apartment is located. I was free to walk around and pick stuff up and stare at cheap silver jewelry for a lot longer than normal without having to worry about what anybody else was doing or thinking or what have you. And I would have bought a cheap silver piece of jewelry except that somebody-very-important told me I should hold off on that because of some person named Santa who may or may not be coming early this year.

So I wandered through various other parts of the store before contemplating this issue of food. I need to buy groceries, but I didn't bring a list since I hadn't really been anticipating shopping for the edibles. And what didn't help at all is the fact that I was starving. It's a bad idea to walk around things you consume when your stomach is making all sorts of protests about being empty.

I don't even eat oreos, but suddenly I felt compelled to purchase every box on the shelf! I quickly ran away to another aisle before the snack food could whisper anything dirty in my ear.

But after I fended off the oreos, nothing else looked good. I walked by the produce and I thought about how crazy it would be of me to buy a pumpkin. I don't know what I would do with a pumpkin this time of year. All I could think about was scooping out his insides and carving a face in whatever was left of him.

So I headed for the checkout line with my bottle of acne wash when the tank tops were calling my name. And we all know how I love me a good tank top. And woe! But these beautiful cloth creations were only three dollars a piece and tell me please just how am I supposed to say no to a three dollar tank? It just simply can't be done. I bought two and I was almost going to buy a third one when I caught myself sweet talking to a really cute black shirt with three quarter sleeves and I decided I should probably go.

A can of pringles decided that it needed to go home with me too, and what could I do? He needed a good home and my stomach was being very persuasive.

All in all I say this was a very productive adventure. And sometimes all that you need to feel better is a little alone time and some new tank tops.

Who I Am Today

Lately I have been thinking about what it was like for me when I was still a lowly little college freshmen. I remember walking up the big hill at 8:15 in the morning on my way to my first ever university class. It was English 101 with one of the funniest and most inappropriate professors I've ever had. It smelled like the first day of school - you know what I mean. Brand new backpacks, crispy lined paper, pencil shavings and lattes. The sidewalks and hallways were crowded so that one felt as though they were a salmon trying to swim upstream.

It was awesome. 

I didn't feel like I belonged there. At the ripe old age of 17, I felt as though all these people could sense that I was so naive. Fresh meat. Easy to take advantage of. I remember this overwhelming feeling of despair. I had just finished 13 years of public schooling, having been enrolled since the age of five, and I was completely unprepared to spend four more years with piles of never ending homework followed by exams I had no will power to study for. 

Making new friends doesn't exactly come easily to me since I'm not really a people person, but I lived with my friends from high school and our hall became really close. They made it easier to bear the homework load and helped me overcome that feeling of failure when I bombed an exam. Or two. Our bonds were so strong that I'm still friends with many of the people I lived with that fateful freshmen year. 

But now, here I am, in my senior year of study. It's my last fall semester in Moscow. My life has done a 180 degree flip. I find myself flopping between emotions of impatience to be finished and longing for this to never be over. I am quickly approaching the idea of the "adult" world, and it makes me both nervous and excited although I can't honestly tell you which feeling is more prominent. 

I used to spend my nights wishing that I could be anywhere but here, and now I find myself wondering where exactly will I end up once this is all over? College has been a unique experience. I have grown up and grown out and grown in. The future is a scary mistress. She makes you wonder where you will end up and if you will still talk to your friends. She makes you question your decisions and think about what you want out of life. And that frightens me. 

Honestly, I don't know what I want in life. I'm in school to be a teacher, and while I love art and I have a passion towards working with others in a creative context, I don't think it's something I want to do for the rest of my life. 

The horror stories of those especially wonderful students makes me question whether or not this is the right profession for me. I'm not looking forward to dealing with those tough cases, but I've heard that if you crack them it's the most rewarding experience. And that is kind of exciting. Which I suppose means that I shouldn't really be too worried about this decision, but you know. It goes through my mind in cycles. 

But what I really want out of life is just to feel like I've lived it. My dad has classified me as the rebel child. I pretty much just do what I want, when I want, how I want to. My favorite song is "Wild One" by Faith Hill, because when I was little I wanted to be that girl. I have a nose piercing. I want a tattoo someday. I make mistakes. Lots and lots of mistakes. I mean to say, that I am practically a professional mistake maker. I probably deserve some kind of award even for being so fantastic at regretful decision making. 

That's not to say I don't make a plethora of good decisions though. Because I am also pretty fantastic at that as well. I just know myself, and I have to get lost a few times before I get it right. But I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though I started out this whole college journey throwing a huge temper tantrum and dragging my little feet through the mud, I'm actually glad I'm here. I'm glad it happened. I'm sad it's coming to an end, and a little part of me is definitely going to miss my college years. 

I don't think they are necessarily the best years of my life, but I know they definitely played a heavy hand in defining me as the lovely person I am today. If it weren't for all those bumps in the road along the way, I'd never fully appreciate exactly what it is I have right now. 

Spoiled

Umm, so guys?

I spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday up north with my parents and two of my three siblings. I had Zelda color my hair (suuuuper dark!) and Meg cut it and styled it for me. I got a picnic basket, a new shirt stating that I am now cleverly disguised as a responsible adult, two new pairs of jeans, a new desk and some more oil paints.

Plus, I was greeted with Garlic Jim's nutty chipotle pizza which is only the best pizza ever created in all of existence. Then on Saturday we had BBQ'd boneless pork ribs, and seriously, they were to die for. My awesome mom also whipped up one of the best rhubarb pies I've ever tasted. Heaven. Really.

And in addition to all of that great stuff, I got 100 dollars from my grandparents (DP was SO JEALOUS!) and my mom bought me a full tank of gas and a car wash, followed by my dad waxing my car all nice and shiny.

Dudes, I don't think I've ever been so spoiled in my life. This was probably one of the best birthdays I've ever had.

The Big Two One

Ladies and gentlemen, I turned twenty-one yesterday. Twenty-one doesn't feel terribly different than twenty if we're just being honest - but there is something to be said about the liberating feeling of being able to drink alcohol in public legally.

I went to dinner with my friends at a local Mexican restaurant. Missile bought my dinner, one of my friends from high school drove down from Coeur d'Alene, and the waiters made me wear a sombrero while they sang happy birthday and made me take a shot.

Today I renewed my driver's license and now I am part of the grown up world. I am no longer classified as a portrait style sort of person but I have been welcomed into the sideways world of landscape licenses! Oh the freedom!

I will celebrate with my family this weekend when I go home to drink Mike's Hard Lemonade and eat Garlic Jim's pizza like a champ. And hopefully get to open some gifts while I'm at it. You know, obligatory birthday stuff and the like.

Maybe throw in a tattoo?

Just kidding, Dad.

But maybe. ;-)