41 Days

So there are 41 days left until I'm legally allowed to buy my own alcohol and consume it in public places. You know, I'm actually kind of excited about my birthday this year. Mostly because this means that if we go out to eat somewhere I could potentially get something to drink just because I want to. Although really? It probably won't happen often...and I'm not a big fan of beer. Gross.

But I have been thinking a lot about what I want for my birthday. Usually people ask me and I just hmm and haw and mumble whatever pops into my head at the time. Mainly I ask for mulah, but I have some more ideas this time. I've been keeping a list on my desktop for the last month and a half just so I would be ready when this inevitable question hit.

So, here's a list of things I would like for my birthday (which is in 41 days, butwhoscountinganyways):

1. Money. I feel this is obvious because I am broke and money is nice. And I am broke.

2. A tablet. This would be nice for my into to graphic design class I'm taking in the fall. And it would also lovingly accompany a new Macbook Pro...but $1100 is a little extreme for a birthday. (but I'd seriously love you forever if I got a new computer. Mine is seeing the beginning of the end.)

3. There's quite a few things I'd like from The Vintage Pearl and the lady bug necklace is definitely one of them (but the cup of joe necklace also has my heart in a really big way since you know, i work with coffee and all that jazz). I'm not a big jewelry person, but I honestly have been wanting a plain silver necklace or a charm bracelet for a while now. I keep hoping someone will telepathically know and then just present me with one, but so far that's been unsuccessful. So now I'm asking. Nicely. Please? (see? nice!)

4. There's this awesome art desk that I really want from Michael's. It would come in unbelievable handy for all the art I will doing. My life is going to be overrun with paintings for the next year. Yay me.

5. Anything to decorate my bedroom walls. Seriously, those things are bare. There's some awesome decals at Bed, Bath and Beyond that are absolutely beautiful and don't involve nail holes. (I like butterflies, just so you know.)

I figure five things is good enough for now. I mean, some minions and a dastardly devious plot to overtake the world wouldn't be too much to ask for though, you think? Eh, actually that might be a little more responsibility than I would be into at the moment. Or maybe an attack bear! Or a clone who will do my homework for me...yeah, nothing can go wrong there, right? Right.

Lift Me Up

I've only recently discovered this band, The Afters, and so far I can't get enough of their music. I have their Light Up The Sky album now, and I've been listening to it on a loop. My favorite song on this album so far is Life Me Up. The lyrics are powerful and they really just kind of meet me where I am on my walk with Christ right now.

There are a lot of things that aren't perfect right now, and my heart is definitely still so incredibly broken. But I do know that even though my hurt is so big, God is so much bigger and he will take care of me no matter what. It's not often that I really get preachy on my blog, and really, overly preachy blogs just kind of irritate me. But I have to tell you, I don't know where I would be or even who I would be if I didn't have a might Savior to have my back every step of the way.

Even when I'm mad at Him and even when I screw up so royally I don't know why anyone would love me, He is there. I can't always feel him, and sometimes I think He's left me, except that in reality I'm the one that moved. My journey has not been a perfect one, and although I grew up in Christian household I have still had a lot of struggles. I think really that everyone has had a lot of struggles, and I'm not really special in that way.

I'm just so tired of being hurt. Over and over again, I just let it happen. I'm not happy with my life right now, and there are so many things that I want to change about it - but some of those things are just way beyond my control. The hard part is letting Him take care of everything.

A lot of people give up on "the whole church thing" when they turn to God and still experience pain. He doesn't make everything hunky dory, nor does he promise that your walk will be easy. Christ followers still have the same struggles that people who do not "believe" have. We fail and fall short and mess up just as much as everyone else, and we all feel like we can be the biggest screw ups of all time. But we're not. We're normal. But He is always there to watch out for us, to care for us, and in our struggles He makes us stronger. He lifts us up.




You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

Waiting for the sunrise
Waiting for the day
Waiting for a sign
That I’m where you want me to be

You know my heart is heavy
And the hurt is deep
But when I feel like giving up
You’re reminding me
That we all fall down sometimes
But when I hit the ground

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

I know I’m not perfect
I know I make mistakes
I know that I have let you down
But you love me the same

And when I’m surrounded
When I lose my way
When I’m crying out and falling down
You are here to

Lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with your love
With your love
I don’t know what I can offer
In this moment I surrender to your love
To your love

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with your love

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

Small Injustices

I've been really good about not posting, huh? July has just been full of things that I don't really want to put out in cyberspace, do you know? But really, lots of things have been happening, I'm just not quite ready to talk about them.

And I haven't been really taking a lot of pictures, so I can't really fall back on a wordless post chalk full of images that do all the talking. Sorry about that, too. So, what have I been doing? Well, walking, for one. Cooking. Cleaning. Re-arranging. Hanging out with new people. Discovering new things about myself and about other people in my life.

Oh yeah, and I'm being taunted mercilessly by those people who are supposed to be, you know, my family. Do they ever just think it is absolutely hilarious to send me pictures of all the fun they get to have and all of their new toys.

It was funny at first, actually. My dad was posting pictures to Facebook of their trip to Kirkland where they were hanging out with my aunt and uncle in the middle of the woods. He talked about grilling dinner, smelling campfire smoke, and being with two of my favorite people. And. I. Hated. Every. Second. Of. It. I seriously wanted to be there so bad it hurt, but I work on Saturdays and that makes doing things over the weekend REALLY HARD. But guess what? Everybody else gets to work during the week, so their weekends are free. Cue emanating death rays of hate.

Oh, and then TheMechanic texts me about getting to eat pie. He actually sent me a picture of the stupid thing for the 4th of July - which I actually spent with PC who wouldn't even move off the couch to come outside and watch fireworks with me. Seriously, the LAMEST 4th I think I've ever had.

Then, DP texted me they were going camping. At Big Hank. Which is my favorite, just so you know. And do you know that I wake up in the morning and walk outside into the sunshine and I can just smell all of the plants and the fields and my heart just aches to go spend the night in a tent. I want to go camping SO BAD. And they never tell me when they are going so I can never plan to go with them.

And finally, TheKeeper sent me a picture of his brand spanking new Apple computer. I officially hate my entire family.

Okay, so I don't really hate them, but I'm seriously tired of everybody getting to do incredibly fun stuff and get new things and then tell me about it all while I'm stuck here in stupid Moscow too broke to go anywhere else.

The icing on the cake you ask? Even PC got asked to go camping with his friend for a weekend. My feelings couldn't have been more hurt.

Merry 4thmass

I finally have a bedroom, guys. Seriously. I even have a bed! Know what that means? No more couch surfing for this girl, that's right. I've been rearranging and putting things away and reorganizing my bookshelves since my parents delivered my furniture last Saturday.

Unfortunately though, I have no pictures to show you yet, and as I'm currently sitting at PC's house watching him play the new Uncharted 3 Mulitplayer Beta (which he is incessantly upset with, extremely) it doesn't really look like I can get you those pictures right now anyway. So you'll just have to live in good faith that I'll post them soon.

Being that it is the fourth of July today, I plan on making hamburgers for dinner and digesting copious amounts of ruffles potato chips with spicy ranch dip and drinking fruit smoothies until you have to roll me home. Because really? What's a holiday about if you don't celebrate with delicious food? That's what I thought.

As for the fireworks? I hope we can see them from the balcony tonight, because it's not the fourth of July if you don't light up the sky.

Happy Independence Day, bloggies. Let freedom ring.